READERS

26 May 2015

DOMINATRIX

spawn-of-kane


Broadmindedness - @crueldama

https://twitter.com/crueldama
There are many complaints about how BDSM is being distorting by attitudes and behaviors of people who start.

Well, I can say I'm old school and I like protocol, for example, but I don't agree in condemning those who do things in a different way from mine.

How quickly we forget that we too were novices once! Or that we don't all need to do the same things...

I admit that I am very picky about my slaves, but that's the difference, I am picky with mine, what the rest of the world do is not my problem.

It would be good to recall that the purpose of all is to enjoy and to be happy in our way. Is that Dominatrix-X does things that you would never do? Well, probably Dominatrix-X really enjoys doing all those things you criticize. There are no dogmas of faith and each does or does not do what each one want.

There will always be newbies, besides haters and wannabies. But not only in BDSM.

I like to live in this world, with all its diversity. I'm tolerant, and my friends are not limited to those who think exactly like me or those that do the same things.


First of all, I like people who dare to be.

#BDSM 101 - End of Semester examination paper -How well would you do?

COURTESY OF A KIND DOM

If you would like to have a go at this perhaps you might like to copy it into the comments section or onto your own blog. I would be very pleased to have responses emailed to me (at beaudejournee@yahoo.co.uk please.) I will try to reply to any that I receive (with assessment and grading of course!)

Good luck


BDSM 101
End of Semester examination paper
Answer all questions

Time allowed: 90 minutes

Section A

1. RACK or SSC?
a) What do these acronyms mean? Explain in detail.b) Why are they important?c) What are the advantages and disadvantages, strengths and weaknesses of each?d) Which do you adhere to? Justify your decision.


2. Trust is key to any BDSM relationship. Give an example from your own experience of where trust has broken down and describe the consequences.

3. Overheard at a munch. "In the end it is all about sex isn't it?" What do you think he meant? Was he right?

4. Sarah and James were in a close BDSM relationship for 5 years. Sarah suffered from bipolar disorder which was mostly controlled through medication. Before meeting James, Sarah used to self-harm, often through cutting herself. Whilst in the BDSM relationship with James she no longer felt a need to do this. Their BDSM play was somewhat extreme. It involved needle play, stress bondage positions and heavy beatings including use of a whip. Eventually the relationship broke down. Some months later Sarah went to a police station with her lawyer. She claimed she had been restrained, whipped and beaten by James and although she acquiesced at the time, that because of her mental condition she was unable to give informed consent. She showed photographs of scars on her back and breasts. How should the police respond?

Section B

1. Write a haiku about pain.

2. Complete this paragraph, "I am a submissive/switch/dominant (delete as appropriate) because ... The final paragraph should contain EXACTLY 100 words.


3. Write a short story or poem that illustrates the sensuality of submission.



Sex workers rights: The feminist criticism of the industry has sparked an aggressive debate

Thank you to: Pandora Blake and Niki Adams - www.politics.co.uk

Last week the New Statesman organised a debate on "buying and selling sex" at Conway Hall, in collaboration with London Thinks. Here, Niki Adams of the English Collective of Prostitutes and Pandora Blake of the Sex Worker's Open University, who were both on the panel, address some of the accusations which emerged during the discussion.

Contrary to what chair Samira Ahmed seemed to feel, this debate was not about sex workers with different experiences trying to find common ground. It was not about propping up a flawed binary between 'happy hooker' and 'helpless victim' (categories that are both used to silence sex workers who speak up). And it wasn't a stimulating academic conversation exploring ideological difference. Sex work is a survival strategy used by real people. We are further marginalised and made vulnerable to violence when any aspect of sex work is criminalised.

Misogynists are losing it. Mad Max: Fury Road angers "Men's Rights Activists"

via giphy.com
To be honest, these little boys have not learned their place. They are hiding behind the glass shield of men's rights, which will do them no good - in the end. 

Thank you to: David Futrelle - www.wehuntedthemammoth.com

"So you may have heard vague rumours that there’s a new Mad Max film coming out. You also may have heard that it stars Charlize Theron as a shaven-headed post apocalyptical badass named Furiosa alongside Tom Hardy as Mr. Max.

Well, the manly men of the Manospshere are having none of it. On the always terrible Return of Kings, the most-trafficked blog in the Manosphere, YouTube bloviator Aaron Clarey issues a clarion call to his fellow right-thinking men, urging them to

Not only REFUSE to see the movie, but spread the word to as many men as possible. … Because if [men] sheepishly attend and Fury Road is a blockbuster, then you, me, and all the other men (and real women) in the world will never be able to see a real action movie ever again that doesn’t contain some damn political lecture or moray about feminism, SJW-ing, and socialism.

Er, “moray?”


25 May 2015

6 Ways to Not Be a Terrible Trans Ally - Tips for LGBT organizations and activists

Tips for LGBT organizations and activists BY BRYNN TANNEHILL
Originally featured in Advocate.com

When our oldest daughter was 2 years old and in day care, she had a habit of taste-testing everything. Thankfully, nothing in the day care room was toxic, but we found ourselves dispensing oddly specific advice in the morning like, “Please don’t eat the green Play-doh today.”

OH DEAR! Anti-Porn Feminists are at it again

"BDSM is abuse and rape culture, The Sixth Siren joined Fetlife to prove it"

Oh dear...did they prove it?


I find the views of some of these ill informed feminist ‘types’ quite insulting. The other day, surfing the web, I came across an article about the BDSM as abuse and BDSM inciting a rape culture written by the “Anti-porn feminists”. The whole thing made my blood boil – literally. ( I will post link and article later) The article cites its EVIDENCE as FETLIFE – how one feminist infiltrated Fetlife and noted all the goings on.
This whole joining Fetlife and writing about it would be fine IF she had written about the whole picture – But alas, no. She chose to write ONLY topics & conversations out of context.

Below are a few points I’d like to make regarding her article:

21 May 2015

What do you think of this statement: BDSM is Violence Against Women - Share your views




Here is a quote taken from the Liberation Collective:

"The existence of male submissives in BDSM practice does nothing to excuse, nullify, or disprove the fact that BDSM is violence against women. We know that liberated sexuality does not follow the patriarchal model of dominance and submission, and that BDSM is the normalization of domestic violence."

What do you think???

Erotic power and pain. Sexuality & BDSM. A therapists point of view

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I'm a Trans Man Who Doesn't 'Pass' — And You Shouldn't Either. Trans people aren't 'passing' as men or women. We're being.

Janet Mock

I'm a Trans Man Who Doesn't 'Pass' - And You Shouldn't Either

Out of all the words in the transgender lexicon, “passing” is the one I hate most. And that’s no small feat.


In our rapidly evolving digital world, language is changing faster than ever. Words that seemed to be standard terminology as little as four years ago are now out of fashion, or even taboo. When I began my gender transition in 2011, for example, I called myself a “transsexual,” a word I no longer use because of its implied connection between gender identity and sexuality. Yet as words like “tranny” slink out of circulation, “passing” remains frustratingly well-used, even among the trans* community.


The term “passing,” when applied to transgender people, means being perceived as cisgender while presenting as one’s authentic gender identity. There’s a lot of power in that. When people meet me and assume that I am a cisgender man, I am afforded the privilege of choosing whether I disclose my transgender identity, and when. Many trans* folks pursue this power through clothing choices, hormones, surgery, voice training, or even etiquette lessons, and I’m all for that.


For many of us, the goal of transition is equally balanced between feeling comfortable in our own skin and showing the world who we really are. The problem is that when trans* people use the word “passing” for what we’ve achieved, it diminishes everything that we’re fighting for.


To “pass” for something immediately connotes deception and untruth. Think of plagiarists passing off someone else’s work as their own, a look-alike cousin who could easily pass for his relative, or the mocking lines of Shakespeare’s Portia in Merchant of Venice: “God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.”


To look at trans* people expressing their authentic selves and say that they “pass” for men or women is to diminish their identity by implying that it’s an act. Telling a trans* woman that she “passes” is like saying “You’re not a real woman, but good job faking it.”


If that sounds like a slap in the face, well — it is. Yet both transgender people and their allies continue to use this term, despite prominent advocates like Janet Mock speaking out against it. Even articles that call out the term for being controversial and negative will turn around and use it throughout. The problem is that despite the terrible word we use for it, the concept of “passing” is very real, and creates a hierarchy of privilege that can’t be ignored.


We have to talk about the divide between trans* people who have the privilege of choosing disclosure and those who don’t. It’s a divide as stark as any racial barrier, and erasing the conversation about that difference would be a step backward. But we need to change the words that we use, because the term “passing” perpetuates harmful stereotypes that cast trans* people as imposters.


The idea that transgender people are inherently deceptive is not only insulting, it’s dangerous. Perhaps the most famous example of this danger is the case of Gwen Araujo, who was killed after men who had consensual sexual relations with her discovered that she had “male” genitalia. The murderers mounted the “trans panic” defense in court, claiming that this “crime of passion ... did not merit a charge of first degree murder.” And it worked. The men were convicted only of second-degree murder. Although Araujo’s case may be the most famous, it’s far from the only instance of trans* women being attacked by cisgender men who claim they were deceived.


This leaves trans* people stuck in the middle of an impossible divide: If we are easily, visibly identifiable as transgender, we may be insulted, ridiculed, denied jobs or housing, harassed, attacked, or killed. But if we are not so easily picked out of the crowd, we risk an even more vitriolic reaction if we are “discovered” — now we’re not only trans*, we’re liars too.


At the heart of this problem is the word “passing” itself. Language has power. When people tell us — or worse, when we tell ourselves — that we’re only “passing” as men or women, that our identities are a sham or a mask meant to trick the rest of the world, the narrative of deception takes hold. “Trans panic” murders are the most horrifying consequence of this narrative, but it also seeps into everyday life in subtle ways.


This narrative of deception remains a part of public policy, even though transgender people are gaining acceptance and visibility like never before. I came face-to-face with this stereotype the last time I donated blood through the American Red Cross. The volunteers themselves were very kind and helpful, but when I explained that I am transgender, the Red Cross computer system forced the volunteers to go through the entire blood donation questionnaire with me out loud, in person. Normally these questions would be completed by the donor alone, through the computer, which both increases privacy and allows the volunteers to take donations more efficiently.


My volunteer was flummoxed. “I’ve never seen this before,” she told me apologetically. “I don’t know why it’s making you answer all of this out loud!”


I knew why. “Because trans* people are inherently deceptive,” I said with heavy irony. It was humiliating to be treated that way — as if my gender identity, which I had just voluntarily disclosed, meant that I couldn’t be trusted to answer the questions honestly.


The volunteer missed my ironic tone. She turned to me with a concerned, albeit hesitant look. “Oh ... Is that true?”


If I’d answered yes, I’m sure she would have believed me.


This is the stigma that we’re fighting. Transgender people and our allies must not buy into the idea that we are liars, that we’re putting one over on the world, that we can’t be trusted. To paraphrase Janet Mock, we’re not “passing.” We’re being.


Trans* people need a new word to replace “passing.” I prefer "being recognized."


When I’m recognized as male, it means that the people around me can see who I truly am — thanks in part to the hormones, clothing, name, and pronouns I’ve chosen. Being recognized still acknowledges that work on my part and the changes I’ve made to align my gender presentation with my internal gender identity, but it also leaves the power to define that identity in my own hands. I have always been male, even before I knew it myself. When others correctly recognize my gender, they’re not being misled. They are respecting the person I am and the way I choose to show myself to the world.



Transgender people, please: Stop “passing.” Leave the outdated, insulting, and dangerous terminology behind, and let the world recognize your authentic, courageous lives.

TERF - their campaign against trans people - #TERF quotes to make your blood boil.

The TERF movement is particularly effective in their campaigns against trans people and trans equality as they consistently couch their actions as political/feminist/lesbian/radical/womanist critiques of gender and are therefore welcomed in spaces that would reject the same rhetoric from right wing organizations. TERFs routinely enjoy acceptance in progressive environments such as academia and radical left-wing organizations.

So, when these radical criticisers of gender, speak out against trans individuals, our ears burn...and burn...

(LINK TO BELOW: theterfs.com )

Bev Jo: They expect we’ll be shocked to see statistics about them being killed, and don’t realize, some of us wish they would ALL be dead.

Luckynkl: SCAMs (Surgically and Chemically Altered Males) are nothing more than MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) in dresses.


20 May 2015

Giving the #Tories a majority = ANTI PORN , ANTI HUMAN RIGHTS, ANTI EXTREMISM, ANTI TOLERANCE, PRO SNOOPERS CHARTER, PRO ATVOD CENSORSHIP.

Want to know more about these issues and more??

*  The Daily Mail's favourite 'go to' politician for censorial sound bites appointed as the government's chief censor

*  A Conservative government has been in power for less than a week, and already our fundamental human rights are under threat

*  Anti-terror: the perversion of tolerance

*  Government's anti-extremism plans will have chilling effect on free speech

*  Theresa May's plans are a threat to British values

*  Hacking away safeguards from mass surveillance...: British Government sneakily enacts legislation to exempt the security services from laws against hacking

*  Should You Be Worried About The Snoopers' Charter?...

*  First victims of new Tory internet censorship rules... ATVOD internet censors act against BDSM material on two VoD websites

*  Mistress R'eal appeals against ATVOD censorship

*  Fun game makes light of the UK's repressive porn laws


READ BELOW



UK Government Watch

Spanking, according to Tumblr, is the same as rape

Spanking, according to Tumblr, is the same as rape

Spanking, according to Tumblr, is the same as rape - READ THE COMMENTS

Who are these 'TERF's and why do they want to hurt?

I do believe in the advocacy of women's rights and equality, which makes me a feminist, even if, I do not agree with ALL the issues surrounding feminist perspectives. Anytime stereotyping, objectification (hmm not sure here ), infringements of human rights, or gender- or sexuality-based oppression occurs, it's a feminist issue. But, there are branches of the feminist movement which I totally abhor - the biggest being TERFs.

For those who do not know what TERFism is, let me enlighten you below, but firstly a point of note: IF ( and this applies to the views of TERFs), gender- or sexuality-based oppression is a serious issue for feminists, then TERFism itself is oppression based on gender or sexuality - that of the trans individuals and community.

I understand that some feminists like to separate 'sexuality' from 'gender' (sexuality is set, what you were born with - based on anatomy and gender is interchangeable - personal identification of one's own gender based on an internal awareness ) BUT I do not agree with this view. I feel that one is not a 'woman' because one is born with a vagina - it is far more than just simply sexuality. It is about 'WHO' one is.

Nevertheless, I shall let you make your own minds up.

Back to what and who TERFs are, Kelsie Brynn Jones explains: 

19 May 2015

Homicide numbers of trans and gender diverse people worldwide should shame us all. A WORLD MAP SHOWING THE REALITY

Transgender Europe’s Trans Murder Monitoring (TMM) project – initiated in April 2009 in order to systematically monitor, collect and analyse reports of homicides of trans and gender diverse people worldwide – launches an update for IDAHOT 2015 so as to assist activists worldwide in raising public awareness of hate violence against trans and gender diverse people. The infographic summarizes data from the update.

THIS INFOGRAPHIC SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO SHOW HOW PROGRESS HAS BEEN SLOW AND THAT MUCH MUCH MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE TO ADDRESS THESE ISSUES





THE RIGHTS OF TRANS COMMUNITIES AND THE LAWS PROTECTING THEIR FREEDOMS - WORLDWIDE







Number of Murders - WORLDWIDE




TGEU Senior Researcher Carsten Balzer/Carla LaGata is available for interviews and questions and can be reached at: carla@tgeu.org.

18 May 2015

Turkey Sees Rash of Transphobic Violence: THIS MUST STOP

THANK YOU TO: BY MITCH KELLAWAYMAY - advocate.com

A composite image of Turkish trans women for Transgender Day of Remembrance.
A composite image of Turkish trans women for Transgender Day of Remembrance.


Two Trans Women in Critical Condition as Turkey Sees Rash of Transphobic Violence.

1 May 2015

BDSM safety for dominants - Keeping clients safe



I have just started this entry as it occurred to me that I should share my knowledge. But I feel it needs to be developed and added to. It is still a 'rough' draft of what I was hoping to produce. So, I am hoping that readers comment, add to it and discuss.

BDSM safety for dominants




There are many things that can go wrong during a BDSM session. As a dominant, one must plan for every possible outcome when it comes to safety. Below are a few things I feel are essential.

As a lifestyle or professional dominant , minimising risk of any injury to clients should always be foremost in planning any session. A well planned session should reduce the risks as much as is 'reasonably practicable'. As the 'top', you are responsible for the health and safety of your client. We may all occasionally laugh at the 'health and safety gone mad' attitude of businesses, but, there are some basics which, as dominants, we should implement. Many safety aspects I know we all naturally do while playing, but there are some outcomes which you may not have predicted or planned for. What would happen if a client feints while being restrained or suspended? Or a client has an unexpected seizure while hooded, gagged and in a body bag?

We all hope that these examples never happens during a session, but if it did - would you be prepared? Will you be able to provide first aid? How quickly can you release them from their binds? What happens if they

We cannot prepare for everything, but we can envisage the possible risks and minimise trauma, both to ourselves and to our play partners.

Plan your session. Know which equipment you will be using and in what context they will be used.

Know your tools and equipment. If you do not know how something works - don't use it.

Know basics of: Electric play - safe zones, power etc. Bondage: Know pressure points, circulation, no go areas. In fact, whatever you do, be it whips and paddles, KNOW YOUR STUFF. Don't just guess. For example: coloured candles burn at a higher rate than white/standard candles. Knowing this fact will save a burning.

Know how to quickly release someone from binds, bondage, gags, hoods, cages - in fact anything. Time is essential in preventing damage and even death.

DO NOT use padlocks on gags, hoods, collars if you put the keys somewhere out of emergency reach, or as one Mistress did once, padlock a clients without making sure there is a key.

Never leave your client unsupervised in situations where if you are not there to release them, they may choke/fall/etc.

Know first aid - go on a course. This is essential. Don't rely on luck or hope it never happens.

Don't expect clients to TELL THE TRUTH. They may not have disclosed all their medical issues - possibly due to not wishing to be turned away or refused an activity. Some do lie. You need to be prepared to KNOW WHAT TO DO.

  • Always do a risk assessment on your session.
  • Always ask: What would happen if .......
  • Always think: Can I release my submissive INSTANTLY if needed.
  • Can I perform first aid?
  • If I need help from someone else, how fast can they get to me?





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Practice makes perfect

Resulting form the lack of effectiveness in work while wearing shackles, I did promise Mistress to practice more at home when I have time an...