A rather lovely quote - trans infighting

"All of us, "trans" or not, are on a journey - to find our authentic selves and find courage to live the lives we want. The word "transition," normally used to denote the transition from one gender role to another, ought to instead refer to a continuous process where one keeps finding, and implementing, one's true, self-identified identity, away from prevailing social expectations."

http://destrantalk.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/transgender-infighting.html

The first TV/CD Support night presented by Support U.

Welcome to the first TV/CD Support night presented by Support U.

This evening is aimed at those wishing to explore the fem-side of their gender expression in a safe and inclusive environment. Come along, meet others in a similar(ish) situation, get some helpful hints and tips from people that can help you out and enjoy some tea and biscuits.

We have space for you to change here if you wish, or come as you are. Partners and supportive allies welcome if you want to bring them along. Don't feel that you have to dress up, coming drab is completely fine.

DATE: 17th December 2015

TIME: 19:00 - 22:00

WHERE: Support U - Resource service for LGBT in Thames Valley

ADDRESS: 15 Castle Street, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 7SB.

MORE INFO: SUPPORT U TV/CD NIGHT

I received a letter today......

Dear Mistress Leyla

I hope that you will find my email both respectful and full of admiration for a Lady I most certainly perceive to be a true Alpha female.

I like to think that I am not the stereotypical male driven purely by physical beauty, however I most certainly appreciate  the undeniable fact that you are to say the very least a  divinely beautiful Lady.

However after reading your words, via your very elegant website ,as well as some of the exerts on your twitter account, you physical beauty is clearly a projection of the beautiful person, you most surely are.

You are a Lady that clearly should be worshiped and adored by others, as you are one of those rare and real Women of true Supremacy in mind body and soul. With out question , you enrich those you deem worthy of your time and or presence. Possible even giving some a true direction to follow , as well as the joy that can come with higher meanings, and purpose.

I am sure you are fully aware of the force of nature you are , and how others will's bend at your whim , being as with out question once you enter another's mind they could not possible be the same again, nor would they wish to be.

I noticed your  enjoyment of chastity , which if I am honest , perked my interest , being as it  can be a deep and meaningful expression of devotion and surrender to another. After all where the mind goes the body surely will follow.  And chastity is most certainly a pure type of surrender, in both a mental and physical sense.  And of course any Dominant that can and does make a submissive wear such a device is surely a Dominant who both revels in, having a true understanding of the true mental aspect of BDSM and the course and effects.

I am not a weak willed male lost at sea as it were , in fact I like to think I am the complete polar opposite to most, and have always tended to walk my own path . However in saying that , I understanding that all males worlds revolve around Females, to some extent. I most certainly have come to appreciate , admire and wish to adore those rare few such as yourself that truly understand the undeniable  power you wheeled.

In conclusion , I do hope that you will not find my message too random or , pointless even, I tend not to sit and compose such messages that often . But after coming across your site , I found that at the very least I wished to express , what I hope comes across as genuine admiration for a Lady that simply was meant to own others, and I admit I do envy those you do own.

yours with respect
Adrian

Help defend #BDSM, #LGBTQ, sex work, privacy and free speech.

Help the first UK solicitor to crowd-fund his pro bono work to defend BDSM, LGBTQ, sex work, privacy and free speech.

If you are reading this and you are in the UK, you may one day need a lawyer to defend you and yours against the government’s anti-sexual freedom laws.

Even if you are not in the UK, you may enjoy reading or viewing material produced there, so this affects you too.

“I am the only lawyer in the UK who specialises in obscenity law and sexual freedoms”

Myles Jackman is the lawyer who specialises in this work and he devotes a lot of his time to working pro bono – i.e. for free. Help Myles do this important work by pledging a small monthly sum.

Help defend BDSM, LGBTQ and free speech * Hush-Hush

Myths and Misconceptions About #Kink

Benny Vimes — February 1, 2013

Our culture is full of myths, misconceptions, and confusion about kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We’re going to address 10 of them here; 5 in this article and another coming soon. For each of the misconceptions there will be two answers: one from Benny and one from Cheyenne. That way you can get two different perspectives, but it is also worth saying that like any other identity we can’t speak for everyone who identifies as kinky. The kink world is incredibly diverse!

Also, this post may contain too much sexual content for some readers. If that bothers you, don’t read it.

1) Kink is inherently incompatible with feminism/reifies patriarchy.

Benny – One of the most important tenets of feminism is that people have the right to decide for themselves what the structures of their relationships look like, and what kind of sex they want to have, or not have. Patriarchy tells us there are limited roles people can take in relationships, and that the kinds of sex we can have and the situations in which we have it are limited. A feminist

perspective can open up those options, saying that women, and indeed people of all genders, have the right to make those decisions without consulting a patriarchal society. We have the right to make sexual decisions for ourselves, and we even have the right to define pleasure for ourselves.

When we see a man beating a woman in a BDSM scene, it can look a lot like abuse. It makes sense to question the act of hitting a woman when we live in a society full of non-consensual violence. Without knowing the context of the scene, no wonder people assume it is not okay! However, if that woman ASKED for that scene, specifically requested it, negotiated with the man hitting her, and set limits around what that scene would include, the situation is quite different from the kind of violence that feminism fights against.

Types Of Control in #BDSM

Since the different varieties of BDSM overlap, a mutually exclusive and exhaustive classification system is not very useful. Instead an overview of different types of control allows you to express your wants and needs (and meh’s and do-not-want’s) more clearly with your partner.

Physical Control. 

Bondage is the most obvious form of physical control because it restrains the bottom, thus limiting their physical freedom. Of course, physical control is not only about restraining limbs. It can involve confinement, such as keeping someone prisoner in a dungeon or locking a person on a human-size birdcage. It can involve physically overpowering someone without restraints and instead pinning them down with your forearms or using your body weight to keep them off balance. It may involve having a third person stand guard at the doorway in case the bottom flees.

The essence of physical control is that the bottom is not necessarily playing along with the scenario. He or she can resist. The bottom may struggle against restraints, or try to flee the cage, or fight back in a simulated abduction all as part of the escapist arousal process that lends to the sensation of being overpowered by a stronger force—but not necessarily outsmarted by a superior intellect.

Processing Pain in Play: What Can Interrupt or Block Pain Processing?

 By lunaKM Submissive Guide 

What do you think can interrupt your pain processing ability? If you’ve experienced anything like I have, there are moments where you just can’t change the pain response to anything beyond pain. What normally feels really good is just not. There are a number of things that can block your ability to translate the pain using techniques talked about earlier.

Let’s think about the things that we need to actively process pain and make play enjoyable for both parties. You need focus, trust, little to no distraction, appropriate mood, and a healthy and rested body. Any of these things can fall out of balance and then you may have issues processing pain.

Mood

Mood is separated in two parts. Your emotional state and the environmental mood set up by the scene.

Adventures in Depression Part 2

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys. Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler.

I didn't understand why it was fun for me, it just was.

Adventures in Depression

Recently, as I was casually surfing the widest web, I came across a blog which caught my attention. The blog had nothing to do with BDSM, or fetish or any of my usual reads, in fact, it was a blog which hit a soft, delicate part of myself - and will anyone who has ever suffered from depression or is currently suffering from depression. Or as I put it - lives with the disease on a daily basis and will do so forever, because it is who we are.

I would like to thank the author... Allie... You have summed it up perfectly.

There are two parts to this topic, the first you will find below and the second will be posted soon.

Here is the actual address of Hyperbole and a half

Some people have a legitimate reason to feel depressed, but not me. I just woke up one day feeling sad and helpless for absolutely no reason.

Alan Groont! We don't want fake #submissives like you!!

Yet again, another story of a submissive who entered into a BDSM relationship with a Mistress and still doesn't realise he is a worthless little pig.. A silly dog who thinks BDSM IS all about 'topping from the bottom'. I call this FAKERY and it should have a punishment all of it's own. Here is what he said:

"There are plenty of real dominants out there who know how to do things the right way, the way I like them.”

THE WAY you LIKE IT??? Read the article here, and if anyone knows his twitter.....

There are several stupid types of submissive, read them here on My blog.

Submissive Alan Groont, 53, says he was shocked and alarmed when his relationship with Mistress Mandy Martin, 28, took a “violent and dramatic turn” after he was caught masturbating in the shower.

A list of roles within BDSM from #FetLife

Discovered this list of general roles within BDSM on Fetlife today - Worth a look.

Dominant: A person who seeks to exercise power, authority, or control; usually over a submissive in a D/s dynamic.

Domme: A person who seeks to exercise power, authority, or control; usually female or feminine-presenting and usually over a submissive in a D/s dynamic.

Switch: A person who enjoys participating in either side of a sexual/kink dynamic depending on mood, partner, or situation.

submissive: A person who seeks to submit or give up control; usually to a Dominant or Domme in a D/s dynamic.

Master: A person who seeks to exercise power, authority, or control; usually over a slave in an M/s dynamic.

Mistress: A person who exercises control as an owner or dominant over someone else; usually female or feminine-presenting and usually over a slave in an M/s dynamic.

What I did today....The Lady of the manor and her ponyboy

I received an email from Eric today... He wanted to play a game. A role-play game. Eric's character was going to be called 'Alex', a junior stable boy under the employment of Lady Leyla.

Alex has secrets. Alex loves to dress in women's clothing. It is Alex's day off and he has snuck into the woods on the manor houses grounds in his feminine clothes and is enjoying his favorite pass time of playing with his ass. He gets caught by the Lady of the Manor.

Today, I am the Lady of the manor

Reading this little scenario gave me ideas. It wasn't going to be a simple '"Bad boy alex, what are you doing? You will be punished!" Oh no! Alex was really going to get it.

Satirical Illustrations Reveal How World Leaders See Justice

Satirical Illustrations Reveal How World Leaders See Justice

Op-ed: Trans Men Experience Far More Violence Than Most People Assume | Advocate.com

Op-ed: Trans Men Experience Far More Violence Than Most People Assume | Advocate.com

Dominant. submissive. Or both?

Crossdreamers: Felix Conrad Talks about Transgender Research, Crossdreaming and Beach Clubbing

Crossdreamers: Felix Conrad Talks about Transgender Research, Crossdreaming and Beach Clubbing

The Amnesty Sex Work Argument, Broken Down

VICE: by Frankie Mullin / @frankiemullin

"You might have noticed a shit-storm around sex work in your newsfeed this week: Amnesty was accused of being onside with pimps, there were lots of open letters and there were even more opinions. Lena Dunham got involved.

The beef is based on Amnesty's proposal that sex work should be fully decriminalised, as the charity believes this will make things safer for sex workers. Some people disagree; most conspicuously some of Hollywood's leading ladies including Lena Dunham, Anne Hathaway, Carey Mulligan and Kate Winslet. According to those in opposition, Amnesty has climbed into bed with a bunch of pimps. Others think that decriminalisation is the way forward for sex workers. Managed to miss the whole thing? Here's a breakdown of what happened.

First up, what did Amnesty actually propose?

On the 7th of July, Amnesty issued a draft policy proposal, suggesting that the criminalisation of sex work harms those most in need of protection, i.e. sex workers themselves. The proposal follows a two-year consultation and is backed up by numerous studies from organisations like the Human Rights Council, United Nation Convention Against Transnational Organized Crime, the Commission on Human Rights and UNAIDS. On a global scale, Amnesty argues that decriminalisation offers sex workers better legal protections and makes them less vulnerable to exploitation from third parties.

Then came the letters...

Coming Out transgender at work.

Guardian readers and Charlotte Seager

"I got a standing ovation – it was the most amazing day of my life

I worked for the City of Los Angeles and transitioned near the end of my career. I told my HR chief, who brought together a team of managers and we spent a year planning my transition.

When the day came for the announcement, we brought together every manager in the department along with my staff and I got up to tell my story. My colleagues listened, transfixed, and when I got to the end they gave me a standing ovation. It was one of the most amazing days of my life.

I didn’t come to work en femme for about a week, but when I did I got lots of compliments and support. Many people expressed admiration for what I did and called it courageous. I called it necessary. A couple of gay and lesbian co-workers said that I served as an example, and gave them courage for their own coming out. For me, that is the best result of all. – boots4me

A customer shouted: ‘I’m not having my kids exposed to this!’While working in retail it became noticeable that my assistant manager didn’t agree with, as she called it, “my lifestyle”. Things became more awkward when, during Bristol pride, another co-worker said that they didn’t believe “those people” should share equal rights.It wasn’t just my co-workers. Once, while working on the tills, a large gentleman and his family became aggressive. He leaned down to look at my face, gave me an ugly stare and shouted: “Are you a woman?” I looked up, startled. He continued: “Are you a man dressed as one? Are you a man?”

I was stunned. He was incredibly loud and caught me off guard. I replied quietly: “I’m female transgender”.

“For fuck’s sake! Do you see this?’’. He flung his arm in the air and motioned aggressively at my co-workers. “I’m not having my kids exposed to this!’’

What followed was a blur of obscenities and shouting, the customer argued with my manager and it was difficult to get him to leave. He was moved to the next till but continued to spout abuse.

A few months later I was let go. It was clear the decision was partly based on the fact that I’m LGBTQ [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer]. I didn’t fight it, the workplace was unpleasant. I hope that no one in future has to experience anything like this. – Abigail WardI am proud to be the first person to change gender in the RAFWhile working in the RAF for 18 years I had to keep my gender identity a closely guarded secret. It was a personal battle I struggled with all my life, but in 1998 I made the decision to live my own life, not someone else’s.

It took a year to get everything in place before I told the RAF I was transitioning. No one had been allowed to remain in the service as an openly transgender person before, so I expected the worst. Fortunately the people I told were amazingly supportive and I was allowed to stay. I became the first transgender woman to serve openly in the RAF.

We worked everything out together. I moved to a headquarters staff team to transition and adjust to my new military life. To be fully accepted I knew I had to prove I was more capable of doing my job than ever, so I asked to rejoin a frontline squadron. I became highly valued at my job and an atmosphere of respect and support grew with me. Throughout 16 years of service as a trans woman I always felt I was part of a tremendous team, I had their backs and they had mine. Transgender issues in the workplace

 It is the people around you who make or break you. I knew I had a big part to play to earn their respect, and by achieving that I paved a pathway for other transgender people to follow in my footsteps. I have just retired from the RAF and I am proud of my achievements – but I am prouder still of the people I worked with. – CarolineRP

To get a job, I had to give in and apply as a fake male

After coming to terms with being transgender, I applied for hundreds of jobs, and got zero call-backs. I had to throw my hands up in the air, give in, and apply as a fake male. If I was only responsible for myself I wouldn’t have done this, but I take care of my disabled mother so I had to think of her.

I applied for a job to become a teacher for adults with developmental disabilities, and wouldn’t you know it, the first job I applied for as a male, I got. I am now hesitant to come out, because as part of my current role we provide personal care to people, and there are students who have gender preferences. I am scared that being transgender may become an issue with my students – and if they have a problem (or their families do) what is to happen to me? – Aileen Everlast

My opinion at work now counts for a fraction of what it once didI changed gender fine at work, but since transitioning things have altered. I work in a male environment and my opinion counts for a fraction of what it once did. I am routinely excluded from discussions, not informed of meetings and denied equal training. Despite requests, I have been given nothing but unrewarding and unpopular tasks since I transitioned, while new starters are assigned high-profile work.

I don’t know if this is discrimination, but it feels like it. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m trans or a woman. I have no idea what to do about it. Despite this, transitioning is still the best thing I have done in my life. I now have a future. –AnnaKays"

Coming out & being transgender at work.Real life experiences

For transgender men and women, coming out at work can be a nerve-racking experience. So, as cities around the world host LGBT pride events this summer, we want to hear your stories of being transgender at work. Whether you had a supportive workplace or faced intrusive questions, share your experiences.

Transgender child

Part 1: Transgender in Cincinnati

A WEBSITE WORTH READING

Crossdreamers

What Caitlyn Jenner's Story Means for MTF Crossdressers, Crossdreamers and Transgender

Crossdreamers

Countries with most transphobic murders

Examples of Transphobia.....

Being transgender in a transphobic society

Being transgender in a transphobic society leads to moments of sheer desperation

Meredith Talusan

"Imagine that, after having taken the most difficult step of deciding to live as your authentic gender, you find yourself losing the support of family members and friends just as you’re trying to adjust to a new social role. Then you walk out on the street and are discriminated against in various ways, from being referred to as the wrong gender, to being prevented from entering bathrooms or dressing rooms, to being verbally and even physically attacked.

Even if you’re fortunate enough to “pass” so that people can’t tell you’re transgender – which few trans people do early in transition – you must reveal your assigned gender when you present identification, and then deal with people’s often extreme reactions when they feel like you’ve “fooled” them simply for being who you are. If you try to change your name, let alone your gender marker on your ID, you’re told that you can’t do the former without a court order or the latter without surgery. But you can’t have surgery without money, and you don’t have money without family support, especially when people won’t hire you because you’re trans. You can easily find yourself homeless when you have neither a job or a support system, even as the shelter system also discriminates against trans people.

Germaine Greer is not on my list of positive feminists. In Fact, I dislike most of her speeches and most of her views. Why? She is a TERF. Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist - a loosely-organized collective with a message of hate and exclusion against transgender women in particular, and transgender people as a whole. They have attached themselves to radical feminism as a means to attempt to deny trans women basic access to health care, women's groups, restroom facilities, and anywhere that may be considered women's space.

My article about TERFism can be read here