The key difference between S&M and ABUSE

The key difference between S&M and Abuse, is "consent".

Consent = Is an agreed approval of what is done and/or proposed by another.

Abuse = to use so as to injure or damage: MALTREATMENT

  • Is based on the safe, sane, 
  • consensual theory
  • S&M is a controlled environment
  • S&M has safe words to stop the scene
  • In a S&M scene the dominant looks 
  • out for the well being of the submissive
  • S&M can be an erotic sexual encounter
  • In S&M both partners are enjoying themselves
  • in S&M the dominant respects limits
  • In S&M there is mutual respect
  • In S&M the relationship is fulfilling
  • In S&M both parties feel they contribute towards the relationships
  • In S&M one can ask their partner 
  • to "play"
  • In S&M relationship there is trust
  • In S&M a submissive voluntarily 
  • serves the dominant
  • S&M is about building trust
  • S&M builds self esteem
  • S&M builds the spirit of a submissive

  • Abuse is not negotiated                           
  • Abuse is an out of control environment                                   
  • Abuse does not have safe words
  • An abuser does not give a damn about the victim
  • Abuse is always one sided
  • Abuse is never negotiated.
  • In abuse, no one is enjoying the results
  • The abuser is into non consensual violence
  • The victim has no respect towards the abuser
  • In abuse the victim is harmed
  • In abuse both parties are left unfulfilled
  • The abuser always feel they are superior
  • A person does not ask for abuse
  • In an abusive relationship there is no trust
  • The abuser does not care for consent
  • Abuse has no trust
  • Abuse destroys self esteem
  • An abuser destroys the spirit of the victim

Don't be abused...Recognize the Signs

Physical abuse is all of the following:

  • Hit, choke, slap, threaten or hurt you outside the scene content.
  • The abuser will force sexual acts upon you, even if you are not in the mood
  • Will rarely respect your physical limits

Mental/emotional abuse consist of:

  • Isolating you from your friends, family or others
  • Putting you constantly into a confused state
  • Constantly being criticized
  • Making you financially depended upon them
  • They are constantly draining you of your finances
  • You constantly have to watch what you say around them
  • Making you feel worthless
  • Blames you for all misfortunes
  • Extreme jealousy on their part
  • You being constantly afraid to speak to your partner
  • Never listening to your concerns
  • Constantly asking you for financial support
  • You living constantly in the state of "Walking on Egg shells"

In case of Abuse:.

  •  Contact National Domestic Violence Hotline  0808 2000 247 (UK)
  •  Leave the relationship
  •  Contact your family or friends
  •  Contact your religious leaders
  •  Call your local police department
  •  Get Local Counseling.