Can a Dominatrix be Compassionate?

Many people look at a dominatrix as less than a real person. She is someone who is so strong and powerful that she must be beyond emotion.  This is simply not true. In fact, as a Dominatrix, I have to be even more in touch with my emotions and thoughts. I'm not only taking care of myself within a scene / session, but my submissive as well.

In the wrong hands, Domination can have devastating and have dangerous consequences, therefore, the role of a Dominatrix requires some very important qualities, one of which is COMPASSION!

Sinful&Wicked

A Dominatrix needs to understand and feel the needs of her Submissive - A  D/S relationship requires mutual understanding, respect, wants and desires.

Compassion allows the Dominatrix to better connect with her  Submissive - by understanding and accommodating the feelings, needs and wants of her Submissive - by caring about him, the bond between D/S is stronger, healthier and will grow.

A dominatrix is not only with a submissive in order to dominate him - to have her whims and needs met, but also to help her submissive grow as a person and guide him along the path needed for that growth - an understanding and respect of the submissive's needs (emotional, mental, spiritual, physical) are essential.

Compassion. An essential element.

Top Ten Tips for Long-Term Male Chastity Device Wear

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32 things a sub should never do!

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The key difference between S&M and ABUSE

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What is Foot Worship?

Many of us think of our feet as just being appendages of our bodies that take us from one place to the next. That is true for a great many of us. For people who worship the feet, these parts of our bodies can become scared. The practice of foot worship goes far back into our past when a person would lower their entire body on the ground so as to pay homage to a person of higher stature.

    In this context the phrase “kiss the ground that you walk on” literally means that. Here a subordinate person will show their adoration of the higher ranked person by kissing the ground that they walked on. They show they place a high importance on foot worship by acknowledging that even the feet of such a high individual is far superior to them.

    In the olden days slaves were made not only to prostrate themselves before their conquerors but they were forced to lick and kiss the parts of the floor that the “superior” race had walked on. This method of foot worship showed they understood their status.

    Foot worship can also be associated with foot fetish. Here items of the feet like socks, shoes, toenail rings and others become objects of sacred interest. These items cause the individual to venerate and worship the objects. The objects in this case will take the place of an actual person’s presence and the foot worship can take place at anytime that it is desired.

    There are other ways of foot worship. These are of an erotic nature as they stimulate sexual desires. In this type of foot worship the foot of a female or a male is kissed and the toes are sucked upon. Also burying one’s head in the soles of another person seems to indicate the subservient nature of that person and the superiority of the other.

Supposedly lowering the entire body and showing adulation to the feet of another person who is of a higher rank by foot worship is a way of saying that one person is unworthy of being in the presence of the other and their worship of the feet acknowledge this. Individuals who perform this type of foot worship will also allow themselves to be walked on, stomped upon and they will even let other people of “higher” ranks trample them without any protest.

    I am sure that there are people who think this sort of behaviour is either weird or erotic. I personally would rather perform foot worship by massaging my feet with soothing creams and lotions. Pamper them by soaking them in a bath of Epsom salts. Finally I would just relax my feet by keeping up on the sofa. This would be my version of foot worship.

Written by: Ajith Guptha

Nipple Clamps 101

Everyone usually have a pair of nipples and they can be the gateway to BDSM heaven if treated in a certain way. An activity that can be carried out with this in mind, is what is commonly known as Tit Torture or Nipple Torture.

Nipples are sensitive and a perfect area of the body use for pain and pleasure. Nipple torture can be carried out quite easily by biting on them, licking and pinching them. Keep in mind that it’s highly individual how nipple torture is processed, but with an escalating practice most people can turn the nipple torture into something very enjoyable. Nipples are in other words quite versatile.

You can also get a pair of nipple clamps or a good old-fashioned clothing pin if you are on a budget, I prefer the wooden ones, mostly for aesthetic reasons. The downside with regular clothing pins is that is impossible to control the pressure they apply on the nipple – And this is where a pair of nipple clamps comes into the picture, because they give you a greater level of control.

So if you want to have more control when applying the pain to the nipples, then you have a couple of choices as nipple clamps come in all sorts. I am going to sort out the differences between the basic ones as they all open up for new possibilities..

Before you start playing with nipple torture, there are some basic guidelines that are always good to follow:

The majority of nipple torture involves cutting off circulation to the nipples, the general rule is that nipple clamps shouldn’t be used for more than 10-15 minutes in order to prevent permanent damage to nerve ends among other thing.

Always try the clamps on yourself to get a sense of what you are subjecting your submissive to.

If you are using a pair of wooden clothing pins, be sure to use them on something else a couple of times to take the “bite” out of them.

If you or your submissive haven’t done nipple torture before, then don’t go for the meanest ones – Start slowly and work your way up for a longer period of time.

The line between pleasure and pain when using nipple clamps are very thin. Be sure to stay below that line in order to get maximum pleasure out of your nipple torture.

The nipples can get hypersensitive, even for days, afterwards.
 

Clover clamps

Clover clamps are also known as Japanese clamps as they have appeared in a lot of Japanese style porn movies. The clover clamp have smaller points, compared to other clamps, that are rubberised. The rubber helps to create a firm grip around the nipple which is necessary as clover clamps have a twist to them.

The more you pull on a clover clamp the harder it grabs hold of the nipple. This means that if you have a chain between a pair of clover clamps, then you can hang weights on the chain in order to increase the pressure on the nipple. Clover clamps have an initial nasty bite to them and are considered only to be used on submissive that are experienced in using nipple clamps.

Clover clamps are best applied a little bit behind the actual nipple as the points of pressure are small – If they are applied in such a way that they just grab hold of half of the nipple, then the bite is turned into a pinch which can make anyone pass out. The clover clamps should be applied gently and slowly as any mistake can be too painful.

Bull nosed clamps

Bull nosed clamps have blunt ends covered in rubber or latex and a screw in the middle which allows you to control the pressure they apply on the nipple. These clamps offer the same comfort as Tweezer clamps, the pressure on the nipple is fairly moderate even when they are tightened as far as they can be.

The pressure area is also fairly large in comparison with the clover clamps, which also makes these clamps to be considered as “nice” ones that are suitable for the aspiring beginner in the art of nipple torture.

Applying the bull nosed clamps can be a little bit of a hassle as you need to have a firm grip of the nipple between tip of your index finger and thumb to make it stick out. While holding that grip you need to guide the clamp in place and screw on it in order to make it grab hold of the nipple. As you understand from reading this – It is a troublesome task.

One solution is that the submissive grab hold of the nipple while the dominant concentrate on guiding the clamp and tightening the grip. This is of course  hard if your submissive is tied up.

Tweezer clamps

Tweezer clamps are graceful looking and very aesthetically pleasing. The pressure they apply on the nipple is regulated by a small metal ring that is moved up or down along the tweezer. The pressure that applied on the nipple by a tweezer clamp is minimal as the tweezer itself is very thin and the metal tend to budge. The rubber tips also helps to avoid a harsh pain when using tweezer clamps.

The grip of the tweezer clamp makes it unsuitable to sustain weights and if you pull on them they usually lose their grip. When applying these clamps, then you have the same problem as when you apply the bull nose clamps – You need to keep a grip on the nipple while guiding the clamp and adjusting the pressure ring. These clamps are also very hard to use on someone with small nipples and they are best applied straight on a stiff nipple.

The metal also gets weakened after extensive use, so you have to buy new ones now and then – On the other hand, they are fairly inexpensive.

No rubber protection

When you get more experienced with the tweezer clamps then you can remove the rubber tips and that reveals a pair of metal teeth which will make the clamp dig into the nipple, this is more for hardcore play and it might break some skin as well. If you decide to use the clamps without the rubber tips, then be sure the clean them carefully before and after use in a suitable disinfectant. An infection in your nipple is not something that you would want and it can actually affect your ability to breast feed later in life.

My personal opinion is that tweezer clamps are mostly for show as the tactile sensation is minimal – But if you have a low threshold when it comes to pain while having your nipples stimulated then these clamps are a very good start.

Tweezer clamps was actually my first pair of clamps that I bought and I find them very useful when I am in the start of nipple training a submissive as they are very soft.

C-clamps

C-clamps require that you can invoke a fairly large nipple erection to make the clamp grab hold of the nipple. The big flat surface creates a evenly distributed pressure across the nipple.

My experience is that you have to tighten these clamps fairly hard to make them they stay in place. The smaller nipple you have, the smaller surface for the C-clamp to grab hold of. The area between the two metal rods is usually small, which makes it virtually impossible to apply the clamp behind the nipple.

Applying these clamps involves the same problem as with tweezer clamps and bull nosed clamps – You wish you had three hands when trying to put these on a submissive. These are actually the hardest ones to put on as you only have the nipple to work with, so you have to be very delicate in your grip while trying to move the nipple into the clamp.

The psychological enjoyment of nipple clamps

As I mentioned before, nipple clamps constricts or even cuts of circulation to the nipples. There is some pressure/pain involved when applying the clamps onto the nipples, but that pain will usually dissipate as the body gets used to the sensation and produces endorphins. This is also why the dominant should keep track of the time that the clamps stays on, as the submissive might not feel any pain at all after a couple of minutes.

There is a psychological twist with nipple clamps that is quite enjoyable – They hurt even more when you remove them.

As you constrict the blood flow to the nipples you also make them numb. As the blood rushes back into the area that has been constricted, the feeling also returns creating an overload at the nerve ends. This means that the submissive will in most cases feel a very sharp and intense, uncontrollable, pain when the clamps are removed.

This can be used in favour of the dominant – Remove one clamp and let the submissive ride through the pain. Then you remind the sub that there is one clamp left and that you have to remove that as well. The longer you let the clamps stay one, the more excruciating the pain will be when you remove them and that can be enough to send someone into subspace. Be sure to keep the basic rule; Don’t leave the clamps on no longer than 10-15 minutes to avoid permanent damage to the nerve ends.

Happy clamping everyone and feel free to write about your experiences with nipple clamps as comments to this post.

A list of online resources for transgender people and their family and friends

A list of online resources for transgender people and their family and friends

Culture and community

TransUnite

www.transunite.co.uk

The site is run by volunteers and a not for profit organisation We are the most up to date resource for the UK and online based support groups; users can find a local group and even message them directly from our site using the "Contact Group" button. We don't store any details and the site is secured by SSL.

We're verifying and adding groups on an ongoing basis with our next focus being online groups with Discord Servers, Telegram and Facebook groups becoming increasingly popular to compliment those that meet up in person.

The Angels

angelsforum.co.uk

Forum 'supporting the TG community'.

Club Wotever

woteverworld.com

A London bar space for trans, queer, LGBT people and their friends, with an emphasis on queer/trans performance.

Deep Stealth Productions

deepstealth.com

Founded by Calpernia Addams and Andrea James, Deep Stealth strives for positive media representation of trans people.

Gendered Intelligence

genderedintelligence.co.uk

Creative workshops, arts programmes, conferences and youth group sessions.

Meta

pocketmags.com

'A unique digital magazine which brings you the very best of trans and genderqueer news, advice and entertainment'.

Sparkle

sparkle.org.uk

The 'national transgender celebration' which takes place in Manchester every year.

Trans Media Watch

transmediawatch.org

Aims to combat prejudiced or sensationalist media reporting of trans issues, and offer advice to people or organisations.

Transfabulous

transfabulous.co.uk

Former London-based organisation devoted to transgender performance art, with an interesting archive.

Transfriendly

transfriendly.co.uk

Online forum for the trans community.

Female-to-male (FtM)

FTM International

ftmi.org

A comprehensive website for the female-to-male community, offering information about healthcare, law, events and family support.

FTM Network

ftm.org.uk

A British-based site acting as a friendship/support group for FtM transgender and transsexual people.

FTM Resource Guide

ftmguide.org

For trans men and friends, with tips on hormones, grooming, clothing, surgery and more.

FtM UK

ftmuk.net

UK-based FtM lifestyle forum.

Original Plumbing

originalplumbing.com

US magazine 'dedicated to the sexuality and culture of FtM trans guys'.

TransGuys

transguys.com

'The internet's magazine for transgender men'.

History and politics

The Empire Strikes Back

actlab.utexas.edu

Trans woman Sandy Stone's spirited rebuttal of Janice Raymond's book The Transsexual Empire (1979). This essay is one of the key texts of the 90s trans rights movement.

Genderqueer Revolution

genderqueerrevolution.org

For people beyond gender binaries.

Gender Variance Who's Who

zagria.blogspot.co.uk

'Essays on trans, intersex, cis and other persons and topics from a trans perspective'. Includes plenty of further reading, with a list of international trans resources.

Intersex UK

intersexuk.org

Committed to human rights for intersex people.

Just Plain Sense – The Trans Tapes

blog.plain-sense.co.uk

Interviews by Christine Burns with a variety of trans people.

Press For Change

pfc.org.uk

Political lobbying and educational organisation campaigning for equality and human rights for British trans people through legislation and social change. The original website is archived here.

Sylvia Rivera Law Project

srlp.org

US-based organisation seeking to raise the voices of marginalised trans people.

Trans London

translondon.org.uk

London discussion group.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

gender.org

Observed every 20 November to commemorate victims of transphobic violence.

Women Born Transsexual

womenborntranssexual.com

'For people who recognise transsexualism as an innate condition rather than a gender identity disorder'.

Medical services and healthcare

Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic online support group uk.groups.yahoo.com

A discussion group for those who have used the Gender Identity Clinic at Charing Cross.

Mind OUT

lgbtmind.com

Service for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people with mental health concerns.

National archives – Gender Identity

webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Department of Health documents relating to gender identity.

NHS Choices

nhs.uk

The NHS page on gender dysphoria, covering terminology, symptoms and treatment.

Trans Health

trans-health.com

Magazine covering health and fitness issues.

Transhealth UK

transhealth.co.uk

The London Gender Clinic, the UK's largest private service.

World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH)

wpath.org

Professional organisation devoted to 'the understanding and treatment of gender identity disorders'. Originally named after pioneering physician Harry Benjamin, WPATH produces the ethical guidelines and standards of care for professionals working with patients with gender identity issues.

Support groups and information

The Beaumont Society

beaumontsociety.org.uk

National self-help body run by and for those who cross-dress or are transsexual, and for their partners.

Clare Project

clareproject.org.uk

Brighton-based support group 'open to anyone wishing to explore issues around gender identity'.

Depend

depend.org.uk

Support group for families and friends of transsexual people in the UK.

Gender Identity Research and Education Society (GIRES)

gires.org.uk

Information for trans people, their families and medical professionals.

Gender Trust

gendertrust.wordpress.com

Organisation which supports adults whose lives are affected by gender identity issues, as well as families and employers of transsexual or transgender people.

Mermaids

mermaidsuk.org.uk

Family and individual support for teenagers and children with gender identity issues.

Scottish Transgender Alliance

scottishtrans.org

Support for trans people, equality organisations, policymakers and employers in Scotland.

Susan's Place

susans.org

A comprehensive collection of online transgender resources, allowing people to add links/information themselves.

Trans Resource & Empowerment Centre

transcentre.org.uk

Based in Manchester, with monthly meetings, talks and workshops.

Transgender Zone

transgenderzone.com

Comprehensive website including medical information, a guide to venues and opinion about transgender representation in the media for both MtFs and FtMs.

Transsexual Road Map

tsroadmap.com

An excellent free guide to process of transitioning, and the social issues around it.

Courtesy of Juliet Jacques guardian.co.uk, Thursday 29 November 2012 

Panel addresses BDSM myths

BY CATHERINE DINH

CONTRIBUTING REPORTER

Three panellists convened on Wednesday to dispel what they deemed myths surrounding a controversial sexual practice known as bondage and domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM).

Roughly 40 people filled a room in Linsly-Chittenden Hall to hear clinical sexologist Charley Ferrer and two representatives of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Judy Guerin and Richard Cunningham, discuss issues relating to BDSM, including safe practices and attributes of what they called the BDSM community. The panellists said people often consider BDSM to be illegal, violent and impersonal, but argued that these are misconceptions and that BDSM can be part of a healthy relationship.

Ferrer, who has written several books on sex, explained that’d is about people exploring their bodies and personal preferences — not just about sex. She said many people in the BDSM community do not interact sexually, adding that dominance and submission can be seen as normal components of relationships.

“It is not domestic violence,” Ferrer said. “In [BDSM] you are sharing yourself with someone else and they care about you.”

Guerin, a former executive director of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom — a group that advocates for adult privacy rights— said BDSM is about “comfort with your own body.” Cunningham, the group’s legal consultant said BDSM is not a hidden practice and that the community is open to everyone.

The panellists stressed the importance of practicing BDSM safely and maximizing communication between participants. BDSM practitioners use “safe words,” Cunningham explained, using the word “red” for “stop” and “yellow” for “slow down.”

Cunningham said the BDSM community values consensually, and Ferrer added that BDSM is “a lot about respect.”

Exploring BDSM can help people become more open to alternative types of sexuality and sex practices, the panellists said.

“If you have any reluctance to embrace diversity, spend some time with a member of BDSM,” Cunningham said.

The panellists said the BDSM community is small and that people within it gain reputations for their individual practices. Ferrer said BDSM members often refer to people outside the group as “vanilla,” adding that those who have not tried BDSM have not explored the full possibilities of sexual experience. Ferrer and Guerin advised those interested in trying BDSM total to people in the community.

“If you don’t like it, you can stop,” Ferrer said. “It’s like if you don’t like something on TV, you can change the channel.”

Cunningham cautioned that people practicing BDSM must be able to distinguish fantasy from reality and Guerin said to “keep it light-hearted.”

The discussion also briefly addressed how homosexuality has sometimes been stigmatized as a mental illness, drawing parallels with BDSM’s evolving public image. Ferrer defended BDSM by saying that people are “all kinky in some way.”

As the discussion wrapped up, the panellists answered questions from audience members.

In response to a question on the legal status of BDSM, Cunningham explained that BDSM is not criminal so long as no one is injured. If people are hurt, it is then considered assault, he said, adding that people need to understand boundaries.

The panel was co-sponsored by the LGBTQ Co-op at Yale.

The Spiritual Dimension Of S/M

A wonderful article by ChrisM  - Original HERE

"A knight should be bold, fair, courteous and well-mannered, generous and loyal, not foolish or rash, and should speak fairly without discourtesy. A knight should be all this, and also proud and fierce to his enemies, and kind to his friends." -Durmart

Let's begin our discussion of SM spirituality on something of a tangent: the people you have surely met at community functions who claim to have been "trained" in some sort of "ancient order." Some say they are "old guard" which actually means something. Others claim to be "the old school" or in "Classic style" which means nothing, or, more accurately, means whatever you want it to mean. Some describe Roissy-like training academies in Europe, Japan, or other exotic locales, and often stress secrecy and exclusivity in their lengthy, impromptu descriptions.

So far as I know, none of these ancient domination training academies really exist. No historical literature, no websites, no consistency in the stories told by "graduates" are ever provided. No pictorials in "Shiny" or "Skin Two" whose lifeblood is publicizing all things fetish. None of my gay brothers, who have a longer continuous heritage than us hets, has evidence of ancient SM academies (though some do find it a hot fantasy). Its true that in recent years, SM training academies like Butchmans in Las Vegas, have opened their doors to students. And For the past ten years, GMSMA has been teaching a fifteen session tops school for its members. The training of couples have long been part of the dominitrix's trade. And there have always been, clusters and communities where sex and sado-erotic activities were shared. Pompeii has frescoes testifying to this. Even our venerable Ben Franklin was a member of London's infamous hellfire club, an exclusive SM brothel, catering to the well heeled and exotic of taste. But if Knightly Orders of SM do exist, they do a good job of pretending they do not. Still I meet two or three people a year who give varying claims of having been through them. These purported students often speak in a hodgepodge of martial arts lingo, Gor Novels, and Jedi-knighthood which itself was a 1970's hodgepodge of Tolkein, King Arthur, and John Wayne Westerns. This sense of pomp carries over into the moody elevator music like "Enigma" so ubiquitous at SM functions, and use of prenominals like "Sir" which, in times past, signified knighthood. You see it in their solemn, deportment and in the Halloween-like outfits worn without a shred of humor or irony.

What Female Dominants Are Really Looking For!

I would like to thank Mistress Ren for this wonderful piece.

It was just another night. There was nothing decent on the television, and I had already rented just about everything at the video store. So, I decided to pass the evening online.

As I chatted with friends and did a little research, a box appeared in the
corner of my AOL screen: an instant message. I glanced up to see an unfamiliar name, and a very familiar theme….

 "Hello Mistress. i beg of You to forgive me for this intrusion. (bowing naked before the beautiful Mistress).  i am a submissive male seeking a Mistress. i wish only to follow Your every command……i LIVE to please You. Please allow me to be Your unworthy slave. i promise i will follow Your every command. i will crawl across broken glass for You…i will shave my head in tribute to You…i will carve Your initials on my scrotum… i am Yours to use and abuse. Please, beautiful Mistress…"

On the other end of the line, my newly discovered `submissive' is longing to hear me say, "YES slave!! You are MINE!!! Grovel for me and prove your unworthiness, WORM!"

My true reaction? I sighed heavily, shook my head in disbelief, and then responded:

 "Good evening.  I am well, thank you for asking. Yes, the weather IS lovely here in Maine tonight. Would I like to chat with you a few minutes?
Yes….thank you for asking…."

At which point, the reply I usually receive is a well thought out:  "Huh?? What??"

Being a female Dominant, especially one who occasionally ventures online, is NOT an easy task. Ask any Domme you know - I'll bet they have received more than a few instant messages like the one above.

Many submissive males, especially those online, seem to believe that all female Dominants are looking for a compliant, powerless submissive who will prostrate themselves 24 hours a day. These men mistakenly feel that the only way women will be interested in accepting them, as their submissive, is if they show their submission constantly and strongly. After all, a Domme seeks a partner who will never speak unless spoken to, never show his intellect, never look her in the eyes, and never, never, never wants to be treated as her equal.

Right?

Wrong.