By
Troy Orleans 08.23.05
"Normally, I love my job. I've been a journalist, an editor,
a marketing associate, even a radio DJ, but I've never been more
intellectually, emotionally and physically stimulated by a job as I have since
becoming a professional Dominatrix.
While I could easily rattle off my favourite things about
Domming, the heat's got me -- and most Dommes -- pretty cranky. Every day I get
an IM from a Mistress friend bitching about how it's too hot to play. How their
leather whips are moldering in the humidity. How even if they wanted to play,
business is so slow they've had to resort to playing power games with the
unwitting guy at the bodega.
Myself, I keep hearing the line from that Siouxsie and the
Banshees song, "At 92 degrees, people just get irritable!" Though the
Dominatrix stereotype is a screaming shrew with a whip, most of us don't play
that game. I'm a sadist, but I'm not a bitch. Since I've got a rep to protect,
though, rather than take my frustrations out on my clients, here's a little
vent about the five things I hate the most about being a Domme in the
summertime.
#1. Whose schedule am I on?
Dommes are glorified freelancers. We may be control freaks,
but we're still, when it comes right down to it, in the service industry. So
when summer rolls around, we're at the mercy, more so than usual, of our
clients' summer schedules. In the battle between golf games, vacations, weekend
getaways, traffic jams, half-day Fridays, company outings, kids' summer camp
and interleague softball, and the Dominatrix, sad to say, but life usually
wins. Your average dungeon is like a ghost town on Saturdays in August.
So what's a Domme to do? Go somewhere she won't be taken for
granted. We look for the under served cities that don't get a lot of Domme
traffic. You wanna hear kinky? My summer travel plans have included such
glamorous vacation hot spots as Cleveland, Detroit, Houston, Las Vegas and New
Orleans. New-freakin'-Orleans. In AUGUST! How perverted is THAT?
#2. Even masochists take a break.
Just before Memorial Day, it starts. "Mistress, I'm
going to the beach next weekend, so I can't take any marks." By July, even
my hardcore maso clients are so prissy about the possibility of getting a mark,
I'm "torturing" them with ice cubes. In the last couple of months,
I've gotten some really great corporal gear -- a rubber cane, a couple of cool
whips -- but I've yet to have a good workout with any of them.
On the bright side, the "no marks" rule does
inspire some creative torments. Wrapping him in head to toe with medical
bandages, like a mummy … then turning off the A/C. Finding unusual, discreet
places to insert needles and other sharp objects. Using a bigger dildo. Forcing
him to masturbate with Icy Hot. And my personal favourite: Figging (shoving a
large knuckle of peeled ginger where the sun don't shine). Ouch!
#3. Skunky sweat.
While I have, on occasion, treated a good boy to a
smothering under my stinky armpit or sweaty ass, it is an entirely different
torture when a client comes in bathed in eau de funk. I don't know what it is
about male pervs, but almost all of them seem to sweat WAY more than is normal.
I'm this close to telling one of my favourite clients to stay away from me until
the temperature goes under 70 because he sweats so profusely, I can't stand to
touch him.
Even worse are the genuinely smelly ones. It's odd how certain
seemingly deep-pocketed clients apparently can't afford to buy soap or
deodorant. Or maybe he just thinks that since he's paying me, it shouldn't
matter what he smells like. Fortunately, we Mistresses have recourse. A little
iced latte-and-asparagus piss shower makes a rather declarative statement --
without leaving any visible marks! And, no, you may not shower afterwards,
smelly pants piss-slut.
#4. Wearing any kind of fetish gear is out of the question.
When the thermostat's set to "Hell," there is no
fucking way I'm putting on any latex. Or leather. Or even my super sexy, custom
fitted PVC catsuit (which arrived in May and is STILL unworn). Normally I get
all bent out of shape when a new client asks me to wear lingerie in session.
"If you want scantily clad domination, why don't you go see a
stripper?" is my usual retort. "She can tease you, give you blue
balls and take all your money."
But when it's Africa-hot like it has been for the last few
weeks, I have no problem playing in my bra and panties as long as my skin stays
away from yours. Except when I'm kicking you in the balls.
#5. The sweat fetishists.
The sweaty clients are pretty gross. Even worse are the
clients who get off on sweaty Dommes. Summertime brings out the sweat
fetishists, pervy callers who ask if they can lick the sweat off my body. I can
barely stand to be touched when I'm hot. So the LEAST erotic thing in the world
is having someone run their hot, pasty tongue all over my skin. I don't care
how devourably sexy he is.
And if a guy can take his hand off his dick long enough to
think about it, would you really want to lick a Mistress who caters to sweat
fetishists? Me, I'm just thinking about how many tongues might have booked
before me. Gross!"
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