Basic Etiquette in the Dungeon

In general

• Politeness will get you a long way in the scene. Treat other people as you'd like to be treated.
• Honesty is highly valued in the lifestyle. Lying, whether about one's experience level, marital status, risk factors, or anything else is frowned upon, and will usually be found out.
• Touching (even casually) other people or their possessions (including collars, cuffs, and apparel) without permission is unacceptable. Most people enjoy playing show-and-tell, but always get their permission beforehand.
• Following someone around ("puppy dogging") is likely to creep him or her out, and make them want to avoid you instead of getting to know you.
• No Dominant may demand anything of another person, unless the other person has consented to engage in play or a relationship. No submissive is under any obligation to serve or obey anyone whom they don't choose to obey or serve.
• There are usually Dungeon Monitors [DM's], hosts, or people in charge at most organized BDSM settings. They are there to enforce the rules, but are not psychic; if you are victimized by someone, let those in authority know. They cannot do anything for you without knowing that something is wrong, and concerns reported after-the-fact become difficult to validate or enforce.

What is the Reality & what is the fantasy?

Having a conversation with a friend one day, she asked me a question:

 'Are you really the one in control with your clients? I mean, since you are a Professional Dom, aren't your clients really in control?'

The question has rolled around in my head for weeks. I have argued with myself the different answers, the theory, the philosophy.. I came to the conclusion that she is correct. In actual fact, I am not the 'Top'. I am at their mercy. They are the ones in control, not me.

I can hear Dom's shouting in disgust and disbelief. I can hear them saying; 'We are Dom's, we are the dominant power exchangers. We have slaves, subs. they kneel before us and weep.' Yes, they may well kneel and weep in front of us during a session, but, if you dissect the situation to it's core, WE are their slaves.

You may ask how I came to this conclusion.

Fantasy, fetish and the red shoe

Hilary Davidson explores the colourful history of footwear in fairy tales and folklore

The most magical fictional shoes are those that lift their wearers highest above the earth:

flying, dancing, running or transported to divine realms. As well as being physical, the

elevation can be social or spiritual — above the quotidian. Shoes in fairy tales punish and reward,

elevate and entrap, speed and hinder. They are motifs for childhood innocence and protection — yet

certain footwear also has potent erotic connotations. None more so than when the shoes are red.

Hans Christian Andersen makes his first pair of “red shoes” out of a girl’s feet, rubbed raw by

wooden shoes that are too fine for her peasant origins. For the 19th-century Danish author, clogs,

pattens and other such shoes are poor, cheap, always unmagical footwear, signifying gross rustics

who never rise beyond their earthbound positions.

Can a Dominatrix be Compassionate?

Many people look at a dominatrix as less than a real person. She is someone who is so strong and powerful that she must be beyond emotion.  This is simply not true. In fact, as a Dominatrix, I have to be even more in touch with my emotions and thoughts. I'm not only taking care of myself within a scene / session, but my submissive as well.

In the wrong hands, Domination can have devastating and have dangerous consequences, therefore, the role of a Dominatrix requires some very important qualities, one of which is COMPASSION!

Sinful&Wicked

A Dominatrix needs to understand and feel the needs of her Submissive - A  D/S relationship requires mutual understanding, respect, wants and desires.

Compassion allows the Dominatrix to better connect with her  Submissive - by understanding and accommodating the feelings, needs and wants of her Submissive - by caring about him, the bond between D/S is stronger, healthier and will grow.

A dominatrix is not only with a submissive in order to dominate him - to have her whims and needs met, but also to help her submissive grow as a person and guide him along the path needed for that growth - an understanding and respect of the submissive's needs (emotional, mental, spiritual, physical) are essential.

Compassion. An essential element.