People With Fetishes Are Ashamed

It's no wonder. Our society labels anything sexually different as deviant or perverted. These labels hurt deeply to those whose sexual makeup is out of the norm. Fetishists feel weird, ashamed and guilty for their desires. While the fetish provides pleasure and relief, all these people have feelings of shame about being sexually different.

Fetishists are afraid of sharing their secret with a lover. They fear rejection, ridicule or abandonment. Unfortunately, their fears are not unfounded. Oftentimes, people who disclose to their wives or husbands wish they hadn't. Their partners react with shock or embarrassment promoting even more feels of shame and regret.

The general public is uneducated about sexuality out of the norm. Most people (even in this day and age) resort to perfunctory sex. We are not schooled in the joys of playing and acting out fantasies. Fetishes often require special costuming, effects, verbiage and creativity. We are not trained to indulge in sexual desires. We just don't understand.

People with a fetish generally think they are the only one. It's a secret that they carry to the grave or possibly a paid professional (prostitute or Dominatrix). Sexual fetish is a misunderstood confusing topic. Why can't my partner or I just enjoy and experience sex in the moment? Is it abnormal to have strong sexual feelings or thoughts, which I can't control? Is there a 'cure' for fetish? Is it OK to act on the fetish?

Where Does The Fetish Come From?

There's no definitive answer as to why someone is or isn't precluded to having a fetish. Most remember having some kind of early childhood memory connected to the fetish.

Fear, excitement, curiosity, pleasure are powerful emotions that are felt in the body. The body remembers the charge physiologically and for some of us those moments become eroticized on a subconscious level. Even scary childhood moments. We protected ourselves by sexualizing the powerful feelings. Generally the feelings lay dormant until we become sexually active. Then out of nowhere, we connect our original moment of excitement and experience to a powerful erotic charge. This feeling is so strong that our sexuality is linked to that early sexual/excitement/fear moment.

For example, someone who likes spanking might have heard someone else get a spanked or they were spanked themselves. While the event wasn't necessarily enjoyable at the time, it made great impact. It was charged moment that later became sexualized. How does that happen? Spanking is done behind closed doors, undergarments are taken down and there is a certain degree of intimacy about the act. Hence, powerful emotions are evoked.

These powerful emotions linked to the fetish are stored in the subconscious mind. They are connected to a part of our brain that produces sexual stimulation. When puberty strikes these thoughts and feelings may re-emerge. Before we realize what's happening we are associating our childhood fear/excitement to adult sexual feelings.

Do You Have A Sexual Fetish?

Chances are good that if you were attracted to this article you have a sexual fetish or a penchant for sexuality out of the norm. You may or may not have told anyone or acted upon it. Perhaps you have see professional women who specialize in exotic forms of adult entertainment. The visits to these adult workers are satisfying in the moment but ultimately leave you feeling alone and ashamed.

You may have shared your secret desire with your significant other only to be shunned and rejected. People who have sexual fetishes are often left feeling very alone. It's just not something we feel comfortable bringing up with a friend over lunch. It's even hard to tell a therapist we've seen for ages.

BDSM,Kink,Fetish

There is plenty of information out there about BDSM, Kink and Fetishes so I'm not including general information here.  You can go to my "Helpful Links" page to find some links to get more information. The information I want to give here has to do with some of the ways that counselling can be helpful to people who are interested in or involved in BDSM, Kink and/or Fetishes.

Some reasons why would you come for counselling:

• You feel ashamed of your desires and think that something must be wrong with you;
• You want to feel more accepting of yourself, your attractions and desires;
• You feel alone, unable to talk with friends or family about your attractions and desires;
• You and your partner need help negotiating boundaries;
• You would like to be in a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship while your partner wants to keep the D/s for the bedroom;
• You have been seeing a dominatrix without your partner knowing and feel guilty and ashamed about that;
• You are questioning whether you are still submissive and the impact that has on your relationship and your place in your community.

When done with love, consideration, and mutual respect, a BDSM relationship/lifestyle can be very rewarding for those who find it appealing. 

Get help if you need it.

http://www.lifecyclecounselling.co.uk/

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk 
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