Spank me silly: sadomasochism and the modern woman

Courtesy of: The Conversation & Lauren Rosewarne (Senior Lecturer at University of Melbourne)

"The poster for Secretary is up on my wall at work. I actually paid to see A Dangerous Method purely for Jung’s novel approach to therapy (and God do I hate period films.) While I probably won’t read all of Fifty Shades of Grey, I’ve certainly read the dirty bits.

No surprises: spanking has long been on my mind.

Journalist Katie Roiphe recently offered her take, writing in Newsweek about an apparent surge of reddened rears in pop culture. Roiphe proposes that while the spanked-into-subordination fantasy is nothing new, its contemporary popularity reflects women’s burgeoning power. Power in the workplace, power in the bedroom. Apparently we ladies are a little nostalgically misty for those heydays of patriarchy so we’re reminiscing through bedroom oppression.

While many sex-positive feminists have criticised Roiphe for overlooking women’s own sexual agency and for peddling an unsubstantiated thesis about women’s dissatisfaction with power, I kinda think she makes some valid points.

How Many People Engage in SM?

Thank you to: 

https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/education-outreach/what-is-sm/item/364-what-is-sm-how-many-people-engage-in-sm?.html

A handful of significant sociological studies have been done to determine percentage of the population engages in SM activities.

The 1990 Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex reports:

Global Sex Survey

"Researchers estimate that 5-10 percent of the U.S. population engages in sadomasochism for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis, with most incidents being either mild or stage activities involving no real pain or violence. Most often it is the receiver (the masochist), not the giver (the sadist), who sets and controls the exact type and extent of the couple's activities. It might also interest you to know that in many such heterosexual relationships, the so-called traditional sex roles are reversed -- with men playing the submissive or masochistic role. Sadomasochistic activities can also occur between homosexual couples."

June M. Reinisch, Ph.D. with Ruth Beasley, M.L.S (1990). Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex, St. Martin's Press: pg. 162-163.

A new Playboy poll by Dr. Marty Klein appeared in November, 1998, p. 81:

• 18% of the men and 20% of the women have used a blindfold during sex.
• 30% of the men and 32% of the women have tied someone up or have been tied up during sex.



News.com.au

• 49% of the men and 38% of the women have spanked or have been spanked as part of sex.

 A survey by Hunt (1974) of 2,026 respondents found that:

• 4.8% of men and
• 2.1% percent of women had obtained sexual pleasure from inflicting pain and
• 2.5% of the men and
• 4.6% of the women obtained sexual pleasure from receiving pain.

These numbers are probably underestimates, because the erotic response to "pain" is only one aspect of SM. (M. Hunt, Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, Chicago: Playboy Press.)

A mid-1970s independent research organization poll funded by Playboy surveyed 3,700 randomly selected students from 20 colleges found that 12% women and 18% of the men had indicated a willingness to try bondage or master-slave role-playing. (Playboy, "What's Really Happening on Campus", October 1976.)

A survey by E. Hariton (1972) found that up to 49% of women fantasize about submissive scenarios during sexual intercourse with 14% doing so frequently. (E. Hariton, "Women's Fantasies During Sexual Intercourse with their Husbands: A Normative Study with Tests of Personality and Theoretical Models'" unpublished doctoral dissertation, City University of New York.)

Paul H. Gebhard, is an anthropologist and was the executive director of the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University from 1956 to 1983. Gebhard noted in Fetishism and Sadomasochism (Dynamics of Deviant Sexuality, 1969, pg. 79.) that "consciously recognized sexual arousal from sadomasochistic stimuli are not rare." The Institute for Sex Research found that one in eight females and one in five males were aroused by sadomasochistic stories.

In 1929, Hamilton's marriage habits survey reported that 28% of men and 29% of women admitted they derived "pleasant thrills" from having some form of "pain" inflicted in them. (G.V. Hamilton, A Research in Marriage, Boni, New York.)

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From “SSC” and “RACK” to the “4Cs”: Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation

Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 17, July 5, 2014

www.ejhs.org

D J Williams, PhD: Center for Positive Sexuality (Los Angeles) and Idaho State University

Jeremy N. Thomas, PhD: Idaho State University

Emily E. Prior, MA: Center for Positive Sexuality (Los Angeles) and College of the Canyons

M. Candace Christensen, PhD: University of Texas at San Antonio

************* 

Abstract

The BDSM (consensual sadomasochism) community has commonly utilized Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC), or more recently Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) as basic frameworks to help structure the negotiation of BDSM participation. While these approaches have been useful, particularly for educating new participants concerning parameters of play, both approaches appear to have significant practical and conceptual limitations. In this paper we introduce an alternative framework for BDSM negotiation, Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution (4Cs), and discuss its potential advantages.

Background and Introduction

From the time of Richard von Krafft-Ebing’s (1886/1978) text Psychopathia Sexualis, BDSM has commonly been assumed to be motivated by an underlying psychopathology. Although biases and misinterpretations among professionals still remain (see Hoff & Sprott, 2009; Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2007; Wright, 2009), researchers have consistently shown that BDSM cannot be explained by psychopathology (i.e., Connelly, 2006; Cross & Matheson, 2006; Powls & Davies, 2012; Richters, de Visser, Rissel, Grulich, & Smith, 2008; Weinberg, 2006). Some scholars have recognized that not only is BDSM participation not associated with psychopathology, but that it may be associated with desirable psychological states that are often associated with healthy leisure experience (Newmahr, 2010; Taylor & Ussher, 2001; Williams, 2006, 2009; Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013). Indeed, a widespread shift in understanding seems to be occurring wherein consensual BDSM participation is believed to be an acceptable expression of sexuality and/or leisure.

In light of this shift and in combination with the development of community-based research as a methodological strategy across the social sciences generally, an exciting recent development is the formal collaboration between scholars and communities of people with alternative sexual identities, including BDSM. The Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities (CARAS) was formed in 2005 and combines the knowledge and strengths of scholars and community members to produce high-quality knowledge that can directly benefit the community (Sprott & Bienvenu II, 2007). We welcome this development, and it is in the spirit of mutual benefit that we write the present paper. In fact, we are both scholars and also members of the BDSM community. Hopefully, our discussion here will generate insights among both academics and nonacademics.

In this paper, we summarize the popular BDSM community mottos of Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) and Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) before proposing what we think is an improved approach, which we call the Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution (4Cs) framework. Since each framework explicitly includes the precise concept of consent, we will discuss a few of the thorny issues surrounding the notion of consent within the 4Cs model a little bit later in the paper, rather than in our summary of SSC and RACK. We do this simply as a matter of retaining a consistent overall structure for readers.

Gender and BDSM revisited: Reflections on a decade of researching kink communities

ORIGINAL SOURCE: The British Psychological Society

In defence of paying for a Dominatrix

"As a professional dominatrix, I'm often drenched by two firehoses of moral invective. One torrent comes from some fellow kinksters, saying that ours is an art to be practised for love, not money; moralists, who say that sex and fetish are unimportant and vulgar, point the other. I feel it is time to speak up about my work's necessity, and about its joy and beauty. Sex is a human need, and kink can be a meaningful part of the sexual spectrum. We sex workers turn the erotic into a humane and powerful art.

What went on at the #pornProtest

We Went to Today's Pro-BDSM Facesitting Protest in Westminster | VICE | United Kingdom


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Mass ‘face-sitting’ planned to protest UK porn laws: #PornProtest

I WILL BE ATTENDING, SO, IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO JOIN ME, GET IN TOUCH

That’s one way to get your government to shut up.

A mass “face-sitting” demonstration is being planned in London to protest a new set of porn laws in the UK.

Hundreds are expected to gather on Friday outside Parliament, where demonstrators will simulate sex acts with each other and sing along to Monty Python’s “Sit On My Face.”

The #PornProtest is a response to a new set of restrictions placed on pornography filmed and produced inside the UK. (The laws do not affect what programming UK citizens choose to watch.)

As of Dec. 1, strangulation, whipping and face-sitting were banned on the grounds that they were “potentially life-threatening.”

Charlotte Rose, the protest organizer and Britain’s 2013 Sex Worker of the Year, told Buzzfeed that the restrictions are outrageous. “How is it perfectly okay for a man to choke a woman with his penis in her mouth, yet we can’t enjoy cunnilingus through face-sitting?”

A host of other sex acts, including urination (or “water sports”) and spanking, were also banned.

The law appears to censor specifically the BDSM genre, and has been criticized for being sexist. “Personal liberty is what we are fighting for on Friday,” Rose told London 24.

The protest will include serious speeches from various organizations, with the face-sitting taking place at the end. “It’s just a bit of ridiculous fun to show the ridiculousness of these laws,” Rose told the Telegraph.

In order to calm concerns that face-sitting is “life-threatening,” Rose joked on the protest’s Facebook page that there will be “facial color charts for health and safety to ensure no one is being suffocated.”

Protest outside parliament against sexist porn law! - old palace yard | Facebook



FRIDAY 12TH DECEMBER @12 NOON - OLD PALACE YARD, HOUSES OF PARLIMENT.

View Larger Map  |  Get Directions  |  View Bird's Eye

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Anti-SM and pro-sex Feminism - What do you think?

Below is an extract from Emma Turley's BDSM psychology and sexuality thesis submitted to the University of Huddersfield - FULL THESIS HERE 

It describes very well the views of both 'anti-s&m feminists' and the 'pro-sex feminists'. Both sides make interesting points, although I do not agree with some or even understand how they came to their conclusions. This extract is a good place to start before moving on to what the 'anti-S&M feminists' actually feel regarding S&M.

Below is the new R18 section from The official BBFC Guidelines: 

By the way.... A child of 12 can go into a bookshop and BUY the 50 shades of Gray BOOK! 

The R18 category is a special and legally-restricted classification primarily for explicit works of consenting sex or strong fetish material involving adults. Films may only be shown to adults in specially licensed cinemas, and video works may be supplied to adults only in licensed sex shops. R18 video works may not be supplied by mail order.

The following content is not acceptable:

• material which is in breach of the criminal law, including material judged to be obscene under the

current interpretation of the Obscene Publications Act 1959 (see Annexe)

• material (including dialogue) likely to encourage an interest in sexually abusive activity which may include adults role-playing as non-adults

• the portrayal of sexual activity which involves real or apparent lack of consent. Any form of hysical restraint which prevents participants from indicating a withdrawal of consent

• the infliction of pain or acts which may cause lasting physical harm, whether real or (in a sexual context) simulated. Some allowance may be made for moderate, non-abusive, consensual activity

• penetration by any object associated with violence or likely to cause physical harm

• sexual threats, humiliation or abuse which do not form part of a clearly consenting role-playing  game. Strong physical or verbal abuse, even if consensual, is unlikely to be acceptable These Guidelines will be applied to the same standard regardless of sexual orientation of the activity portrayed.

British porn quietly censored......

Pornography produced in the UK was quietly censored today through an amendment to the 2003 Communications Act, and the measures appear to take aim at female pleasure.

The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 requires that video-on-demand (VoD) online porn now adhere to the same guidelines laid out for DVD sex shop-type porn by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC).

Seemingly arbitrarily deciding what is nice sex and what is not nice sex, the board's ruling on 'content that is not acceptable' (p.23) effectively bans the following acts from being depicted by British pornography producers:

A practical system of reality checks within S&M. What it means to have Safety, Sanity & Consent.

Many times I have encountered clients / submissives who come to me damaged and fearful. One may assume that the submissive has been damaged by personal experiences, social outcasting, relationship failure or an aspect separate to the BDSM lifestyle. Your assumptions would be incorrect. Most, if not all of my damaged submissives are those damaged by a Top/ Dominant. Usually a Mistress with little practical experience, learned and practiced skills, no understanding of the psychology of BDSM and definitely no understanding of safe, sane & consensual.

1. SM practitioners must strive to make their SM Safe
2. SM practitioners must strive to make their living sane.
3. Obtain consent, and respect the limits and of others.

Most know the basic 3 rules of SSC within S&M. But within these rules are subtle difficulties. Definitions, clarity and a true understanding of what SSC actually means is needed to make these rules work.

Anyone wishing to enter the BDSM realm, whether as a submissive or a Dominant, should make themselves familiar with the proposal below, which outlines a more indepth understanding of what Safe, Sane & Consensual ACTUALLY should mean. 

Below is a proposed definition of SSC (courtesy of LeatherRoses) which ALL tops should read, understand and practice within their S&M.

The economics of consent: Why BDSM and consumer capitalism are closer than you think

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