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Showing posts with label PERSONAL MUSINGS OF A MISTRESS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PERSONAL MUSINGS OF A MISTRESS. Show all posts

26 Nov 2014

NO EXCUSES: There is a list for every budget.

AMAZON WISHLIST: NO EXCUSES: There is a list for every budget!

Oh of course I love presents. Who doesn't? A delightful session is by far a super gift, but, if you would like to supplement your physical servitude with additional offerings (which makes a good first impression) please do so. For those of you wishing to bring an additional gift when visiting me, here are a few ideas.I must stress that these gifts are absolutely non-compulsory. NO EXCUSES: There is a list for every budget!






WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk
MOB: 07426 490 214
TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

Prudery and Feminism

I feel very strongly about this topic: Feminists who think they know what is best for me know nothing.


There's a New Prudery in Feminism and I Hate It | VICE | United Kingdom




WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk
MOB: 07426 490 214
TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

23 Oct 2014

When you know better and you still do it - becoming a cynical masochist.




There are occasions when I think I become a masochist. Once in a while I will go against my better judgement just so I can tell myself 'I told you!'. My latest I told you moment concluded this evening. But it actually began a few weeks ago with the arrival of an email.

My inbox usually consists of 60% spam, 20% timewasters, 10 % genuine enquiries and 10% known submissives. One email caught my attention.

30 Jun 2014

Donate your hard earned cash to a worthy cause!

I am perfectly aware that there are submissives out there whose wallets stay firmly shut and hidden away. Voyeurs, fakes, timewasters, the ones who think it is owed them, those who cannot afford even a £10 tribute. I have written a few articles on the 'Poor me' type subs before HERE and HERE.

So, since there are many unworthy subs out there who do not wish to tribute a Dominatrix, I am asking those subs who do not feel they should have to contribute to DONATE THEIR HARD EARNED CASH to a worthy cause. And, if those subs feel that even a worthy donation is beyond them....FUCK OFF and never ever return HERE!

Of course, to those WORTHY subs and slaves, who always try to please and help, then a donation to today's charity of choice from me, would be appreciated.


THE RSPCA

This is a unique animal welfare charity and the oldest welfare charity around.

The RSPCA were the first to introduce a law to protect animals and works hard to ensure that all animals can live a life free from pain and suffering. Through their campaigns they raise standards of care and awareness of issues for the animals who have no voice, push for laws to be changed, improving the welfare of animals on farms, in research labs, in the wild, in paddocks or in our homes and stand up to those who deliberately harm animals to send out a clear message - we will not tolerate animal abuse.



So, if you do nothing today, BE COUNTED by donating to a worthy cause. For those cheap subs and slaves out there, £2.00 is better than £0.00.


Donate to charity online - Online charity donation - RSPCA Donations - rspca.org.uk

12 Jun 2014

#Dommes, The irony...... Negative punishment and its effects by UNICEF

I was flicking through the internet when I came across a serious document by UNICEF on punishment titled POSITIVE DISCIPLINE - Negative punishment and its effects. 
( BELOW IS THE FULL ARTICLE )

I absolutely understood why it was produced and how important it is for our children to experience a positive environment, positive reinforcement and positive discipline in schools and from their parents.

On the other hand, as I read through the examples of negative punishment I couldn't help smiling at the thought of My submissives.

How wonderful that We as Dommes can and do sometimes use Negative punishment. Here is some examples:

Forced acts that are physically painful or damaging (holding a weight for a long time, kneeling on stones, standing or sitting in a contorted position). CHECK!!

Confinement, being tied up or being forced to remain in one place for an extended period of time. CHECK!!


Verbal assaults, humiliation, ridicule and assaults on dignity, intended to reduce a child’s confidence, self esteem or dignity.

It is worth reading the full article with the submissive in mind....

30 Jan 2014

#Mistresses, #2013, #Essex girls, #slaves & #subs - A discussion






Our annual New year get together





Every year demands an end of year party, traditionally in December. Those of us who work from The fetish Studio will get together and share some wine, laugh and mull over our profession.


Over some good wine (served to us by Slave Dan), a super meal (prepared and served by our own domestic chef and sissy maid Isabel) we shared the ups and downs of 2013.

Master Desda shared the hilarious yet sobering and thought provoking instance of Anna (name changed). Anna contacted Master Dresda hoping to get training to become a ProDomme. Nothing unusual there, but what made this a hilarious subject matter was Anna herself and her need to be a Pro Domme. Here is the conversations they had over the phone (which he had recorded and I transcribe)

1 Jan 2014

Goodbye 2013 - Hello 2014

So, another year has come and gone. Do we mourn it's passing? 2013 saw me fail in most of my New Years Resolutions. I did however manage to complete a few - Stop smoking in the house, drink more water and walk more. But a 20% achievement is not really success. However, I shouldn't despair as, according to Jessica Lamb-Shapiro, New Years Resolutions are bad for us... Very bad.

"For a better idea, look to the ancient Babylonians

 Everyone has a mental list of habits they would like to change, and the New Year seems like a perfect time to start. “New Year, new you” is a phrase you will see repeated in print. But this is just singsong rhetoric. Just because it sounds right to your ear does not mean that it contains any meaningful truth. The year will certainly change, but you will likely be the same person on Jan. 1, 2014, that you were on Dec. 31, 2013.

 The statistics are bleak: only 8% of people who make New Year’s resolutions stick to them, and those who don’t usually abandon them after just one week. Unrealistic resolutions are fated to fail. And it is unrealistic to think that you can immediately overcome a habit you have spent years establishing. But is this necessarily harmful? There’s a good chance that it is. If your New Year’s resolution is to eat less, but you have no plan in place — or even if you do have a plan and you fail — you will do damage to your sense of self-worth. If you already have a complicated relationship with food, your likely coping mechanism for failure is eating more food. Thus the New Year’s resolution to eat less can actually result in your eating more. Ditto drinking, drug use, smoking, finding a mate, exercising, etc.

 The practice of making resolutions itself dates back to ancient Babylon, who made promises to their gods for the New Year, often having to do with concrete, easily achievable tasks like vowing to return borrowed farm equipment. Now promises are made to ourselves and are primarily psychological in nature. With the threat of godly repercussion removed and more complex problems to solve, the odds of success are significantly reduced.

 
When you tie your behavioral change to a specific date, you rob yourself of an opportunity to fail and recover, to “fail better.” If you believe that you can only change on the New Year — the inherent message of New Year’s resolutions — you will have to wait a whole year before you get another shot.

 Just the act of making a resolution can make you feel temporarily better, enough that it obviates further action. Steve Salerno, author of Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless, says, “Do we all not know people who make the same resolutions year after year? Or maybe we are that person. My concern is that the resolution takes the place of the action, as is also true with so many millions of people who sign up for an endless succession of self-help programs: They think some magic words, some avowed promise, will magically transform their lives, when we all know that the real transformational work is tough, grueling, and usually involves sacrifice and unpleasant choices.”

 A further danger is that an addiction or chronic problem can be transferred to the pursuit of self-help. Salerno explains, “We are a culture that is addicted to resolutions and affirmation and rosy rhetoric … and meanwhile nothing actually changes. The addiction to resolutions and affirmations replaces the original addiction or chronic problem.”

 Here’s a better idea. Instead of listing an abstract goal like “lose weight,” think of specific small steps you can take, every day, that will have the same result. If you fail at any of these small steps — which you inevitably will — brush it off, and realize that failure and recovery is part of any process. Don’t tie your list to any specific date, and don’t wait a year to start again when you slip up. Or do as Puritan American theologian Jonathan Edwards did and compile a list of 70 resolutions, to be reviewed every week. (Preferably ones that include exceptions: “Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except that I have some particular good call for it.”) And if any of you have borrowed farm equipment this year, you’ve got an easy place to start."

For this year, I have decided to make my list short - very short and practical.
Here it is:

Read more - I have chosen 5 books I must read:







Travel more: Every year I make a list of places I really want to visit, every year something cums up and I postpone it.... I will try again this year!

3 places I want to visit: 

South Africa

United States of America


Italy

Work More: Well, it's not like I don't work a lot, but I would love to expand and work in other dungeons, with other Dommes and possibly in other Countries....

Socialise more: Yes, I'm a real bore sometimes and I've noticed over the years that sitting on the sofa watching tv has become a prefered pastime - this has to stop! I must get a social life. 2014 is the year I hope I will go out and socialise more.

And that's all folks...Guaranteed I will only manage 1 or 2 of these, but, it's better than 0!

Good luck with your resolutions! You are more than welcome to add yours here and come back in 365 days to see how you did.





10 Dec 2013

The Helen Syndrome: The Curse Of Beauty

Good looks, great brain: an irresistible mixture. Pretty, bright, young things have got lucky. Doors open wide, the job offers come flooding in, relationships are a synch.. Even Aristotle declared: ‘Beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of introduction.’

But think of the most sensational trouble-makers of history: all intelligent lookers. Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Boudicaa, Anne Boleyn - these are women we’ve loved to hate. They are too hot to handle, their beauty self-destructs. In poems, plays, paintings and comment pages we celebrate their sticky ends. There’s more prejudice than preference. Deep down, we want the beauteous to be bad: we want them to come a cropper.

It's not that beautiful women aren’t taken seriously, but that they are taken too seriously – their looks arouse suspicion. After fifteen years researching a book about Helen of Troy, famously The Most Beautiful Woman In the World, and exploring centuries-worth of material I realised that Helen would be better labelled The Most Dreadful Woman in The World. For 2,700 years men have been petrified of this clever Bronze Age princess, dubbed across time a stunning man-eater.

But surely the curse of beauty is a phenomenon of the past? We’re sufficiently grown up to realise that external appearance is not an indicator of some kind of malicious trickery or moral turpitude. Aren’t we?

I won a scholarship to Oxford based on a series of essays and fiendishly difficult medieval Latin translations. Years later one of my dons admitted that when I appeared for an interview there was a frisson in the room. Could someone so brainy also be presentable? Was there skulduggery afoot?

Terri Duhon is the founder of B&B Structured Finance, a highly specialised (highly successful) derivatives consultancy in the city. She also happens to be ‘blessed with good genes’. Laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation she tells the story of being recommended as an expert witness in a complicated financial case. It was not to be. The knee-jerk reaction was that having her front of house was a big risk. If you’re female, gravitas comes with grey hair, not with experience.

Gillian Tett, remembers that when she was Bureau Chief for the Financial Times in Tokyo, a Japanese diplomat advised her to keep her gender quiet – to sign herself Dr. Tett. Being an attractive woman in her cut-throat business would have done her no favours. As it was, when this super-bright, blonde journalist turned up to do interviews she was frequently asked if she was the translator. Tett, now Capital Markets Editor says it is malaise discernible throughout the city. ‘Talk to city women and they will tell you it is a liability to be too attractive. I once did a photo-shoot with a striking, uber-financier. Far from revelling in the experience she was very anti the pictures, worried in case they compromised her standing.’

Esther McVey, founder of Winning Women has had similar experiences. Because she stands as a Tory candidate for West Wirral and has great business nous she is often invited in to prestigious events as a guest speaker. Recently, presuming she was someone’s PA – she was asked by the MD of the event to deal with a brolly and briefcase. Again, McVey thinks this is hilarious, but it has reinforced her conviction to advise female business clients continually to emphasise that their ‘content is as important as their packaging’.

Vanessa Collingridge, BAFTA award winning TV presenter remembers being brushed off by a senior commissioning editor at the BBC ‘She’s too young and attractive to have enough credibility as a presenter’ Collingridge, approaching 40, has a first-class degree from Oxbridge and yet, by her own admission, ‘If it is down to two people for a job it’ll be the under-qualified 50 year old guy in the leather jacket who gets the gig.’ Collingridge’s latest book is a new biography of Queen Boudicaa. The one thing we remember about Boudicaa is the fine figure she cuts on the battle-field. Flame-hair streaming, breasts heaving. The red hair appears in just one source – a certain Cassius Dio who was writing 150 years after the event. This single reference created a perfect stereotype. Romans, and storytellers ever since, have wanted to remember her as frightful, ergo beautiful.

This is Helen Syndrome at work. For 3,500 years men have loved to hate women they perceive as beautiful and influential. The history books are scattered with morality tales about Femme Fatales. The suspicion starts early. In the 7th century BC the first ever woman was given no name by the Greek author Hesiod but was called simply the ‘kalon-kakon’, the beautiful-evil thing. In men outward beauty was thought to be a sign of an inward perfection of spirit – the Greeks had a word for it, kalokagatha – joint nobility in appearance and mind. But a woman’s beauty was something different, the deceptive gauze covering a festering wound. A hundred years later Semonides penned a charming little rant that starts:

‘Yes women are the greatest evil Zeus has ever made.’

Semonides’ point was that women tricked men into falling in love with them. In a way he was right. Scientists now realise that in the first flush of a romance the circulation of chemicals dupes us into believing we are in love. The problem of course is that throughout history this biological issue has been laid firmly at the woman’s door. And so, the orthodoxy down the centuries has been that attractive women are schemers, up to no good.

Paris, the Trojan prince stole Helen away from Sparta to Troy but it is Helen who is ‘the bitch-whore’ the ‘nasty scheming little bitch’ the ‘dog-bitch of three husbands’ – ‘Helen of the luscious tresses who brought about the death of the Age of Heroes’. Even Jeffrey Toobin, speaking of more recent events associates scandal with the female philanderer not the male.’ As is demonstrated by the history of scandal from Helen of Troy, to Monica of Beverly Hills, sex has a way of befogging the higher intellectual faculties.’

And so beauty is still considered an inveigling-device. There is a fabulous caricature by the 17th century artist Gaspard Isaac that shows Helen, Lucretia and Cleopatra as they have become in old age. Helen’s nose drips, Lucretia has dangling dugs and orange-peel teeth, and Cleopatra has become jowelly with two tiny breasts like amaretti poking out of her staid, matronly garb. The caption underneath reads;



Rome would not have suffered the scourge of Tarquin

Nor Egypt buried Anthony and his empire

Nor Priam watched the flames reduce Troy to ashes

If, in your youth, you had such ugly mugs.

One might apportion some blame to Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar when they shacked up with Cleopatra but for Roman Authors it is the Egyptian Queen who is the ‘Fury’. A brilliant re-assessment of Cleopatra’s character via unpublished Arabic texts shows she was, in her day, renowned for her philosophy and scientific treatises, not her good looks. But Cleopatra almost brought Rome down – historians needed her to be, not an operator, but a sensational, sex-crazed harridan.

The mediaeval super-potentate Eleanor of Aquitaine was a ‘femina incomparabilis’ a woman without compare - yet in the judgement of the chronicler Matthew Parris ‘ by reason of her excessive beauty she destroyed or injured nations.’ At her most potent she was heaped with opprobrium: ‘a common whore, a woman possessed of the devil’. Anne Boleyn doubtless had less to say in national affairs than her husband Henry and yet in the Judgement of ‘The Great Whore’ by the Abbot of Whitby: ‘The King’s Grace is ruled by one common, stewed whore, Anne Boleyn, who makes all spirituality to be beggared, and the temporality also.’

Rudyard Kipling memorably established that ‘the female of the species is more deadly than the male’. The message reads loud and clear. Good looking women have been put on earth to beguile men, to trick them, to bring them low.

But the plot thickens. Helen of Troy was not in fact famed through the ancient world for her beauty – more for the fact she had the gift of ‘charis’ grace – in Helen’s case ‘a grace which ignites sexual desire’. The ancients didn’t particularly care what she looked like – they were much more interested in how she made people feel, what she made them do. And so she was berated not for her golden locks but for being that dangerous thing, a woman who left her mark on the world. Her beauty was described by Homer as ‘a terrible beauty, beauty like that of a goddess.’ No compliment; look on a goddess’ face and dreadful things happen to you; you are turned to stone, torn to pieces by hunting hounds, or worse. Helen represents something very, very scary.

Now I’m not naïve. We are all interested in what people look like. Consciously and sub-consciously we continually check each other out. Cleopatra bedazzled her hair, Eleanor dressed as a scarlet woman, the Bronze Age Helen wore a dress cut away to her waist and was smothered in perfumed oils. Influential women are, by definition, on show – and in our visually saturated culture they are on show a great deal. TV is a visual medium so it would be perverse if today’s commentators ( like those ancient chroniclers) didn’t write about on-screen appearance. The warped logic comes when a description of someone’s exterior segues seamlessly into suspicion of their intellect.

I’ve had my own share of faceism. On the one hand my latest book has been described by academics and critics as ‘exceptional’, ‘brilliant’, ‘dazzling’. Yet one reviewer unleashed an intemperate rant describing the subsequent TV programme as stupid television for stupid people, ‘gimmicky’ ‘disastrous’ – the starting point for this bile was that Helen was presented by ‘a lady in tight jeans’. I fondly imagine that by translating Bronze Age Hittite Cuneiform tablets, prime-time on Saturday night, I’m striking a blow for brainy TV. The odd, bitter voice rages that with my legs apparent and long dark hair I am single-handedly responsible for the death of thinking television.

The reaction reminds me of those mediaeval monks who used to write over-heated, diatribes about Helen, denouncing her wiley female ways: and loving every minute of it. Some accounts were positively pornographic. One character, Joseph of Exeter, around 1184 devotes an entire epic poem to the description of Helen’s physical attributes – and how evil they were. The poem is explicit to say the least:

‘Lying on him [Paris] with her whole body, she [Helen] opens her legs, presses him with her mouth and robs him of his semen. And as his ardour abates the purple bedlinen that was privy to their sins bears witness to his unseen dew. What evil!’

One can imagine his monkish colleagues sucking in their breath with horror ‘ohhh isn’t that terrible…do tell me more’.

In Euripides’ drama, Helen, the eponymous heroine wails ‘I wish I had been wiped clean like a painting and made plain instead of beautiful’. But no one can clamber out of their own skin – nor should they need to. Come the 21st century I thought we might have passed the point where pebble-specs equalled intellectual rigour. Please tell me we don’t feel the need to perpetuate the millennia long misogyny of faceist attitudes.


So my plea is - move on guys, move on. The fact that a woman has charisma, means she is charismatic, not dangerous. In the past, female beauty was fearful because it was thought to have demonic origins. Speaking to gorgeous and successful women who operate today there is a marked whiff of defiance. Comfortable with – and frankly uninterested in - their god-given gifts they cry ‘blue-stocking us if you dare!’ A combative Helen, from a 1937 poem, can have the last word. Helen Syndrome or no, you’ll find it hard to keep a feisty (good-looking) girl down.

8 Dec 2013

Beauty: A Blessing and a Curse?

You may have looked at the title of this article and gotten a bit confused. For goodness sake, is there a woman in the world who would not give her right arm to be beautiful; to get that extra bit of attention that those radiant women seem to get so easily; those stares that those women who seem to glitter as they walk by seem to get just by being; that extra bit of attention at stores, at work, and certainly from the opposite sex?

Well, let me tell you sisters: Beauty is in fact a blessing and a curse. Yes, you get a lot of male attention from all sorts of sources and it's not always easy to decipher if it's attention that you want or don't want. Yes, your car may get extra attention at the car wash, but maybe you are in a rush and really don't have that extra time. Yep, the guy at the dry cleaner's may get your stuff ready by the next day but at a price, darlings. He expects you to spend a little time interacting with him. And you just might have other things on your mind. And indeed the beautiful women may make poor choices when picking partners because men don't come with signs indicating the quality of their character and just because we have the gift of beauty doesn't mean we also have the gift of good judgment. The guy who you may easily size up as a potential soul-lacking partner may seduce the beautiful women into thinking that only he really understands us. Beauty and good judgment do NOT come as a package.

Next time you find yourself in the cubicle at work next to a visually delightful looking woman or even at a party or any other event or meeting place, I ask that you have a bit of special empathy for the "beauty." Her visual charm does not mean that she is immune from pain and suffering. It doesn't mean that she won't be delighted if you ask her how she is doing or whether or not she, too, might like a cup of coffee. And she may not be feeling so beautiful internally. Please don't make any assumptions about her life. Yep, she may have her share of dates, but she may be very lonely. Your simple bit of attention may just make her day.

Another thing that this group of glittery women would like you to know is that their beauty often comes at a high cost both time wise and financially. That woman does not roll out of bed with glitter on her eyelids and with that totally hip outfit on. She usually works at it. She's likely working hard to maintain those looks that simply required a bar of soap, some jeans and a hooded sweatshirt at age 15. Now, she is likely spending hours getting facials, fighting wrinkles, exercising, eating in a healthy fashion and praying that she has a good set of genes that will see her through the later years of her life with her beauty intact.


I say give this woman a break, look into her eyes, and see if she might need a bit of attention that is not based on her appearance. You will have done a good deed.



ADAM'S CURSE ~ William Butler Yeats.

We sat together at one summer's end,
That beautiful mild woman, your close friend,
And you and I, and talked of poetry.
I said, 'A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught.
Better go down upon your marrow-bones
And scrub a kitchen pavement, or break stones
Like an old pauper, in all kinds of weather;
For to articulate sweet sounds together
Is to work harder than all these, and yet
Be thought an idler by the noisy set
Of bankers, schoolmasters, and clergymen
The martyrs call the world.'
. . . . . . . . . And thereupon
That beautiful mild woman for whose sake
There's many a one shall find out all heartache
On finding that her voice is sweet and low
Replied, 'To be born woman is to know-
Although they do not talk of it at school-
That we must labour to be beautiful.'
I said, 'It's certain there is no fine thing

There have been lovers who thought love should be
So much compounded of high courtesy
That they would sigh and quote with learned looks
Precedents out of beautiful old books;
Yet now it seems an idle trade enough.'
We sat grown quiet at the name of love;
We saw the last embers of daylight die,
And in the trembling blue-green of the sky
A moon, worn as if it had been a shell
Washed by time's waters as they rose and fell
About the stars and broke in days and years.
I had a thought for no one's but your ears:
That you were beautiful, and that I strove
To love you in the old high way of love;
That it had all seemed happy, and yet we'd grown
As weary-hearted as that hollow moon

4 Nov 2013

How much is too much when it comes to tributing a Domme?

How much is too much when it comes to tributing a Domme? Recently I have found many many would be submissives attempt to negotiate tributes, reduce tributes and even out rightly denounce having to pay a tribute.

We understand that times are difficult for all, and I mean ALL - Including ProDommes. I would never try to haggle the price of a cab fair or a visit to the dentist - they are services I choose to use and therefore pay for the privilege. But it seems some would-be subs do not agree.

So, how much is too much? And what are submissives actually paying for?

Let's look at this from the perspective of a visit to the dentist. I value my oral health and wish to keep my own teeth for as long as possible. When it came to choosing a dentist, I did some research. I looked at qualifications, premises, reputation and, most of all, I vetted my dentist personally for his personality - how good was he at interacting with me, reassuring me and being honest about what I required during my visits and, lastly, price. Looking at those credentials, price came at the bottom of my list - as long as he understood me, had the correct qualifications, manner and personality - the price for finding a dentist I could trust, communicate with and feel safe in their hands was worth it.

20 Oct 2013

Bias against Pro Dommes within #FETLIFE

Wow... For the first time in a long time I feel pity. Real pity, confusion, disbelief and surprise. 

I see myself as an very open minded free spirit  I have for many year advocated for the equal rights of ALL - not just black, white, trans, gay....Even those opposed to BDSM have a voice and I will listen. I have never discriminated between ANY group, respect both professional and life style Dommes and subs.We all have a voice - what we choose to shout about is OUR choice.

It saddens me to think that there are still people out there in the world who cannot be open minded enough to accept the choices people make. 

I travel to Istanbul often - I spent most of my summers as a youngster there. What I miss most when I visit, is like minded individuals to share a coffee with or maybe chat over dinner. I have never hidden who I am. On this basis, I decided to join some groups on FETLIFE based in Istanbul, hoping to enjoy the company of like minded people when I visit. What I got in return threw me. 

I started a discussion -  or should I say - I introduced myself to one group:

Merhaba ( Hi in Turkish)
I'm excited about this..I am often in Istanbul (Bostanci) and would love to join a munch...

Below are the replies:


I questioned whether I was being over sensitive..... As you can see... I wasn't. 
Being a 'Pro Domme' was an issue - a big one. 

I looked through "DECEASED"s Bio...and picked out ONE line:
"If you have your own ideas that does not follow any taboo and if you are an open-minded person without any obsession, just drop a line so that we can start a conversation..."

Obviously Deceased is NOT open minded or anti taboo himself. He view Pro Dommes as 'cheap sluts' not as professionals. Just because I am not a 'Lifestyle Domme' and CHOOSE to make what I enjoy My work, My job, My profession does not make Me less deserving of respect as a human being. 

But, Mr Deceased, Master, I have a few reminders for you of what it means to be a TRUE Lifestyle / Pro / anything in between Master:



  • A good Master respects Himself and others. He strives to always project herself in the best possible light, and expects the same from His submissive(s).

  • A good dominant does not have to blow His own trumpet – he just “IS”.

  • A good Master has qualities such as kindness and consideration, empathy and sympathy, politeness and respect of others, honesty and ethics.

  • A good Dominant is respectful of others, both submissive and dominant.

Just to end this, I have decided to add an article on Bias within the BDSM scene in relation to Pro Dommes..... Which I unfeignedly hope, DECEASED reads....

***************************************


Leather Bear Tails: The Invisible Woman: In Defence of Pro Dommes

Posted on Jun 3, 2011

When I first heard of the discrimination Pro Dommes faced when they enter into the BDSM, leather, and kink community, I thought, “This can’t be.” And even though I was told that this type of treatment is very wide spread I still felt that maybe these incidents were isolated. So I set about interviewing a group of Pro Dommes individually to try to round out my own understanding of what was happening. What I found surprised me, sometimes confused me with contradictions, and quite frankly completely challenged what I thought I knew and understood about this branch of the BDSM world and the women who exist within it. I realized many of my own biases. Upon reflection I realized that although I have never believed choosing to become a sex worker or a Pro Domme should be illegal, I have noticed that when I found myself in conflict with someone in the past who happened to be a sex worker or Pro Domme, I found it easier to look down on or dismiss them. Through these interviews I have begun to deal with my own sense of self-righteousness, and although I am not all the way there, I find that I am beginning to unpack my own attitudes on this topic and towards the people who classify themselves as sex workers and/or Pro Dommes.


I conducted interviews with numerous Dommes along the spectrum. Some were completely out and had websites and contact information readily available, others were very discreet. Some had spouses and children; others were single with no children. Some had clients that went back between 10 and 20 years and dealt only with a set client base; others had newer as well as older clients and continued to expand their client base. Some openly ran events, held titles, and taught classes while others refrained from engaging with the BDSM community at all due to prior experiences of outright aggression and hostility from its members. Some included sex with their clients, others did not.


While each Pro Domme had her preference of how to run her business, what revealed itself during these conversations were four commonalities on which they all agreed.


Every Pro Domme I interviewed agreed that the two most prevalent misconceptions about Pro Dommes are 1) they have sex all the time, and 2) they have no BDSM skills. To address the first misconception, what I found is that quite simply, some Pro Dommes choose to include sex with their clients and some do not. Some possess a strong sex drive in their private lives and some do not. And just because a woman is a Pro Domme does not automatically mean that sex comes with the package. Also, every interviewee agreed these misconceptions stem from the shift that occurred when sex workers of all types started picking up whips without knowing how to control and use them safely– the result being they would sometimes hurt their clients in unintended ways. Unfortunately, the reputation of Pro Dommes was injured as well. As stories seeped out about inexperienced and uneducated sex workers hurting clients, it became widely believed that any sex worker or Pro Domme simply possessed no BDSM skills and was a danger or threat. In short, instead of looking at these as two different parts of sex work, as the highly skilled and unskilled, it became easier to lump everyone together.


Many of the Dommes I talked with were told either outright or through the grape vine that they could not possibly know anything about the lifestyle or BDSM because they did it for money, and that their very presence was a scourge and tarnished our leather and kink society.


So, let us take these attitudes apart.


I ask you, do people assume that I know nothing about my job because I do it for money? Let’s not forget here. Being a Pro Domme is a JOB. A job where quite frankly these women have more autonomy, higher pay and more flexible hours than many of us will ever know. They have a skill, a knowledge base and an ability that keeps their clients happy and coming back for years. Don’t you expect to get paid for your job? Sex workers compartmentalize their job the way we all do, we all have a professional self and a home self. Pro Dommes are no different.


As far as tarnishing our leather and kink community, I found that quite to the contrary, Pro Dommes by their very ability, are able to reach out to a section of the population that people in the lifestyle will never be able to know. There are many who will not become part of the public kink or leather community for their own reasons but still long for connection and a chance to safely explore. For these people, Pro Dommes help expand understanding of self, desire, BDSM, leather, and kink in ways that others simply cannot.


If you have a boil on your butt do you go down to the local carwash and ask for a wax and a lance? No, you go to a doctor. When you are being sued do you go down to the 24-hour drive through and order a burger and a consult with the head cook? No, you go to a lawyer. When you have deep seated psychological issues that get in the way of your daily function in life do you go to the guy who sells burritos out of the back of his van? No, you see a therapist. And when you need understanding, release, and privacy to expand on your own fantasies or desires that you yourself may not fully understand, and you have no one you trust to explore with, and due to your job, your life, or your family you cannot be seen in public you see a Pro Domme.


What is most revealing here and what we need to pay close attention to is that every woman named the same two misconceptions and cited the same root for these misconceptions. And in addition, every woman I spoke with identified with and practiced BDSM, leather, and kink in their private lives, and they all agreed that part of the discrimination against Pro Dommes stemmed from the conflicting attitudes regarding sexually empowered women in our culture. Also cited as a part of this discrimination was the social hierarchy that we are not immune to in the leather, kink, and BDSM culture. Some people are simply considered more “respectable” then others.

I would like to take this moment to say thank you to all the Pro Dommes out there. Thank you for fulfilling a need in our society, for touching a section of our society that many of us, myself included, cannot and are not qualified to do. Your work is both important and very real.




1 Sept 2013

Why I despise Liz Jones attempts at journalism - The Daily Mail



I must profess at not liking The Daily Mail, I find it full of personal opinions rather than journalistic integrity. But, I do occasionally find a copy lying around and to satisfy my own curiosity and to prove myself correct, I do read it.

Last week I discovered an copy in my dentists waiting room. it was the Sunday edition (August 24th 2013 to be precise.) Flicking through the usual 'blame game' pages, my eyes came upon an article about Cheryl Cole's new - very large and bright- tattoo.

I'm guessing that the author Liz Jones' intention in her article was to dissuade young girls from having such large tattoos without considering all the consequences beforehand. Admirable advice. if that was her intention. But alas, the article was a tirade of abuse, stereo type and distain at those who carry tattoos.

5 Aug 2013

The £10 top-up #Twitter request & proving my pessimistic self correct

Here is my view of some of #Twitters #subs and #slaves, and some of those that #follow Me. They are 'substandard'! Associated with this bunch of substandard #submissive are the words "i want." A true #submissive offer their services to #Dommes with respect, without wanting anything in return. The act of giving a gift, serving is honour enough. But substandards pretend - pretend to wish to serve, pretend to wish to give - but they always want something first or in return. They place themselves above the D/s relationship - they are orgasm seekers, topping from the bottom.

Practice makes perfect

Resulting form the lack of effectiveness in work while wearing shackles, I did promise Mistress to practice more at home when I have time an...