What makes a GREAT mistress?

Here is some questions I ask myself on a regular basis: Am I understanding my clients needs? Am I just and fair? Am I a good Mistress? Yes, AM I A Good Mistress? Because If I am not, then I may be doing more damage than good. To me, being a mistress is more than just a job title. It's a profession like any other. I have to be on top of my game.

I often make a list of the basic qualities of a good mistress in my mind and check through them. By basic qualities, I refer to a common list of qualities which every Mistress should possess.

Control
Above all, a good Mistress is always in control of herself. She does not rant or rave, and never punishes when angry. A mistress MUST have control of her emotions.

Creative
A good Mistress puts time, energy and creativity in her scenes. She is not satisfied playing the same games over and over, and goes the extra length to come up with new and different ideas.

Human
The best Mistress knows she is human. She realises she will make mistakes, and is quick to apologize when she does. On the flip side, she realises that others will make mistakes also.

The Slave's Duties

The slave's Duties include but are not limited to:

1.  Self-Awareness & Personal Growth.

2.  Service.

3.  Obedience.

4.  Attitude & Respect.

5.  Acceptance of Discipline.

6.  Sexuality.

We will deal with these aspects of the slaves guidelines individually.

1.  Self-Awareness & Personal Growth:

My first duty is to myself.   Without a healthy amount of self-respect and a firm belief in the validity of my choices, I can be of no use to anyone, particularly my Mistress.  I will remember that slavery is not about low self-esteem or self-deprecation.   It’s not about avoiding life’s responsibilities at another’s expense.   It’s not about being or becoming a less intelligent person; rather it is about putting those qualities to Her best use.   

I must do my best to preserve and expand my emotional health, maintain my sense of clarity and purpose, and uphold my willingness to carry on despite mistakes. I must be aware of my strengths and talents, and must gladly offer them to my Mistress for Her own purposes.  From the most exhilarating sexual experience to the most mundane task, whatever I do should be geared toward the growth of the relationship and my personal growth within it.   

The Path of Pain: Spiritual BDSM

The Path of Pain: Spiritual BDSM

Kal Cobalt

"Pain, when pushed and endured long enough, brings to the surface the uninhibited, raw soul of human beings. When two people can experience this together, it is like meeting on another plane." --FifthAngel

Kink. Sadomasochism. Bondage. Dominance and submission. In mainstream society, these things are often associated with a kind of wink-wink nudge-nudge secret sexuality, uncharted territory that surely lies just beyond the fuzzy pink handcuffs and nurses'-uniform lingerie. Within the world of spiritual BDSM practitioners, however, these activities are far from a novelty.

Basic Etiquette in the Dungeon

In general

• Politeness will get you a long way in the scene. Treat other people as you'd like to be treated.
• Honesty is highly valued in the lifestyle. Lying, whether about one's experience level, marital status, risk factors, or anything else is frowned upon, and will usually be found out.
• Touching (even casually) other people or their possessions (including collars, cuffs, and apparel) without permission is unacceptable. Most people enjoy playing show-and-tell, but always get their permission beforehand.
• Following someone around ("puppy dogging") is likely to creep him or her out, and make them want to avoid you instead of getting to know you.
• No Dominant may demand anything of another person, unless the other person has consented to engage in play or a relationship. No submissive is under any obligation to serve or obey anyone whom they don't choose to obey or serve.
• There are usually Dungeon Monitors [DM's], hosts, or people in charge at most organized BDSM settings. They are there to enforce the rules, but are not psychic; if you are victimized by someone, let those in authority know. They cannot do anything for you without knowing that something is wrong, and concerns reported after-the-fact become difficult to validate or enforce.

What is the Reality & what is the fantasy?

Having a conversation with a friend one day, she asked me a question:

 'Are you really the one in control with your clients? I mean, since you are a Professional Dom, aren't your clients really in control?'

The question has rolled around in my head for weeks. I have argued with myself the different answers, the theory, the philosophy.. I came to the conclusion that she is correct. In actual fact, I am not the 'Top'. I am at their mercy. They are the ones in control, not me.

I can hear Dom's shouting in disgust and disbelief. I can hear them saying; 'We are Dom's, we are the dominant power exchangers. We have slaves, subs. they kneel before us and weep.' Yes, they may well kneel and weep in front of us during a session, but, if you dissect the situation to it's core, WE are their slaves.

You may ask how I came to this conclusion.

Fantasy, fetish and the red shoe

Hilary Davidson explores the colourful history of footwear in fairy tales and folklore

The most magical fictional shoes are those that lift their wearers highest above the earth:

flying, dancing, running or transported to divine realms. As well as being physical, the

elevation can be social or spiritual — above the quotidian. Shoes in fairy tales punish and reward,

elevate and entrap, speed and hinder. They are motifs for childhood innocence and protection — yet

certain footwear also has potent erotic connotations. None more so than when the shoes are red.

Hans Christian Andersen makes his first pair of “red shoes” out of a girl’s feet, rubbed raw by

wooden shoes that are too fine for her peasant origins. For the 19th-century Danish author, clogs,

pattens and other such shoes are poor, cheap, always unmagical footwear, signifying gross rustics

who never rise beyond their earthbound positions.

Can a Dominatrix be Compassionate?

Many people look at a dominatrix as less than a real person. She is someone who is so strong and powerful that she must be beyond emotion.  This is simply not true. In fact, as a Dominatrix, I have to be even more in touch with my emotions and thoughts. I'm not only taking care of myself within a scene / session, but my submissive as well.

In the wrong hands, Domination can have devastating and have dangerous consequences, therefore, the role of a Dominatrix requires some very important qualities, one of which is COMPASSION!

Sinful&Wicked

A Dominatrix needs to understand and feel the needs of her Submissive - A  D/S relationship requires mutual understanding, respect, wants and desires.

Compassion allows the Dominatrix to better connect with her  Submissive - by understanding and accommodating the feelings, needs and wants of her Submissive - by caring about him, the bond between D/S is stronger, healthier and will grow.

A dominatrix is not only with a submissive in order to dominate him - to have her whims and needs met, but also to help her submissive grow as a person and guide him along the path needed for that growth - an understanding and respect of the submissive's needs (emotional, mental, spiritual, physical) are essential.

Compassion. An essential element.