The Answer isn't Classified

I like to muse on life's little quirks and one thing which always amazes me is how our species play the dating game. To that end I sometimes browse the classifieds groups on Fetlife - there are so many to choose from - purely out of a vague sense of curiosity you understand, and I’ve noticed something which I believe requires further research. But I’m too lazy to do any proper research such as would stand up to peer review, so I’ve flicked across a few pages and clicked here and there then gone to get a beer (and that’s the basis of male research in a nutshell). Here’s what I’ve made up… er, I mean discovered through diligent and painstaking work:

A female posts an advert looking for a man, woman, dog, cat, new fridge, whatever – hundreds of comments and I’d expect PMs running into the thousands.

A man posts an advert looking for anything he can get... tumbleweed… no, wait, one or two get a reply! Oh, it’s only a bump by the OP or a “good luck with that” comment by another male adrift on a sea of desperation.

A week later:

The female’s advert has changed to read “delete please” or “got what I wanted thanks”. A quick perusal of their profile shows they’re owned and collared, possibly even married by now.

The male’s advert has likely sunk without trace, now thirteen pages back with a big fat zero indicating the number of comments. A quick perusal of their profile shows either no change or they’ve joined a monastery having fallen into a pit of morose despair and hope God will at least return the occasional call.

Based on the somewhat sketchy evidence, it seems all men are desperately looking for anything vaguely humanoid, upright and possibly with some form of cavity in there. Not so. They're actually slaves to instinct. They feel the biological urge to procreate but have no clue as to how to go about it. We should feel sorry for them. 

In fact the conclusion I've reached is you ladies are missing out here. You could have your pick of all those men but no, you went with the most persistent and annoying one, the one - if we were in the avian world - with the biggest and brightest feathers, and left the good ones, the reliable ones, the "I might have dull plumage but listen to my song" ones, out in the cold. Shame on you. Next time please take the trouble to respond to those adverts, take the time to message the poor guys who are beholden to a genetic imperative and don’t have the sense or wit to do anything about it except place an advert and then lose all hope in the deafening silence that is sure to follow. You might even be surprised. After all, the world needs its brown feathered friends too. 

© TawnyTrickster (All posts are original work unless stated otherwise)