Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a
scene, both physical changes in the submissive's body and mental and emotional
results of the scene on the submissives mind. While the physical effects
usually occur shortly after the scene, the mental and emotional drop may take
days to manifest and thus are often not thought of as a result of the scene.
It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad
scene or lack of enjoyment. Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very
intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and
a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance
for sub drop of either kind.
Aftercare and attention to small signs can help identify sub
drop quickly. Simply noticing different behaviour patterns or actions can make
dealing with it much easier when caught in earlier stages. This is another
reason why knowing your play partner is important.
Physical Sub Drop
Physical sub drop comes from two sources, sometimes mixed
together, in some people they suffer one but not the other. Both are the result
of the strenuous ordeal of a scene on the submissives body. While it may seem
they just stand there and take it, in fact there is much going on and much
energy being spent during a scene on the submissives part.
The first form of physical sub drop is a lowering of body
temperature in the extremities, stiffness, numbness, and an over all tingling
sensation. This is caused by a centralization of the bodies blood supply. The
body sees the scene as a form of trauma and one of the first defence mechanisms
for this in the human anatomy is to suck the blood supply into the main torso
to protect the vital organs and brain.
The result of this action by the body is decreased blood
flow to the arms and legs. This often results in very cold limbs after a scene
and lack of sensations. When a submissives limbs are inordinately cold after a
scene or when they complain of tingling, numbness, lack of sensation,
stiffness, aches, or muscle cramps, these are often from lack of blood flow. A
vigorous rubbing of the limbs will help to restore blood flow quickly.
Often this will leave a submissive wobbly after a scene and
unsure of their grasp on items. If a submissive feels this way after a scene
then it is best to have them sit down, legs extended and arms at their side
while you rub the limbs to restore control. Crossing the legs or folding the
arms can impede the return of blood flow and should be avoided. Laying down
flat is a better way for this but is hard to do at play parties and such.
When rubbing the arms and legs, apply gentle pressure and
release as you rub, this helps open the passages up to allow a greater blood
flow. Cramps can be dealt with by applying a point of pressure to the direct
area cramping, pushing in very gently and then releasing. This causes a fast
flow of blood to sweep away the built up acids causing the cramp.
Understand that these physical manifestations are completely
natural and not a weakness on the submissives part. Stretching out before a
scene or after can also help lessen these effects somewhat but don't push too
hard, a submissive can actually damage themselves by doing too much when their
limbs lack full sensation. The basics work best, better to do small repetitive
stretches rather then one big one.
Important Note: If the submissive is not in shape and used
to stretching, do not expect her/him to suddenly be doing intense stretching
before or after a scene. Stretching can tear muscles and stress tendons very
easily.
The second form physical drop can take is the result of
substances and chemicals in your body; namely, sugar, adrenaline, and
endorphins. These naturally occurring substances interplay with one another to
bring a gambit of results much akin to the after effects of a strenuous
workout.
Eating a light high protein, low carbohydrate meal an hour
or so before the scene can help alleviate a lot of symptoms, just make sure to
have enough digestive time before you play and make sure not to over eat and be
stuffed Lots of vegetables will also add nutrients that can help the submissive
recover from a strenuous scene and of course, plenty of water before and after
the scene will help as well.
When a submissive is scened often their body uses a great
amount of energy. After the scene is over they will feel an intense craving for
sweets. This is not bad, this is their body craving sugar to replace the energy
lost during the scene. Sometimes this craving is accompanied by a shaky
feeling. Sugar crashes can also bring about mood swings, grumpiness,
irritability, and sadness in some cases.
The best rule of thumb to follow with this is: The simpler
the sugar, the faster the results. Fructose, sugar found naturally in fruits,
is easy for the body to metabolize and use fast. Apple juice, grape juice, any
sort of natural fruit juice will help to restore the blood sugar level fast.
Soda and processed sugar take longer to produce the same results but will
eventually get the job done.
Adrenaline is often released during moments of pain and
stress. It creates a feeling of energy and strength, often allowing a
submissive to take more in a scene or to play longer then normal. When the
adrenaline rush is over though, often it will bring about a feeling of
weakness, shakes, and irritability.
Adrenaline is sort of like an octane booster in our bodies.
It boosts the octane there already and causes the body to burn through the
sugar in the system faster. Usually adrenaline crashes and sugar crashes occur
together, once the body is no longer in overdrive, it has burned up a lot of
energy and needs to replace it, fast.
Endorphins are released during periods of heavy muscular
exertion or pain. Not surprisingly, they are often released during a good scene
and tend to bring a very euphoric feeling to the submissive. When the effect
passes though, the feeling of euphoria can crash into a feeling of melancholy.
Imagine feeling no pain and just as blissful as can be and suddenly that is
gone. You don't feel bad, but you don't feel as good any more either. By itself
this crash will not often affect the submissive much but, in conjunction with
the sugar and adrenaline crashes, it can enhance their results.
It should also be noted that replacing lost hydration
(drinking a lot of water), replacing salts (drinking Gatorade) can also help
with these things as well. Muscular cramps can be caused also by a loss of
potassium in the system during play, eating a banana or drinking Gatorade will
help restore this quickly. Think of the physical aftercare like that of an
athlete after a tough competition. The submissives body will often crave the
same care and refuelling as an athlete's would after a great exertion of
effort.
After a scene and aftercare, it is common for submissives to
feel hungry. Eating nothing but junk food can cause a very tired and weighty
feeling. Remember, the body has used a lot of nutrients in the scene and needs
those replaced. Proteins (meats, cheeses, nuts) will help the body recover but
may be too heavy for immediately after a scene.
There is nothing wrong with craving sugary treats after a
scene as long as you balance it out with a good meal as well later on. The
results of eating only junk food can be a very bloated feeling later that night
or the next day which can trigger aspects of mental sub drop (feeling
unattractive, bloated, depressed). Eating a good light meal of proteins and
lots of veggies will replenish the body of the nutrients lost during a scene.
It is
advisable to do this when the submissive has recovered
sufficiently from the scene later that same day.
If the submissive does eat treats directly after, balance
that with intake of water to help flush the system as well to avoid a tired
feeling. Fresh fruit is always a good thing to have on hand after a scene as it
can satisfy the sweet craving, provide simple sugars, and will not leave the
system bogged down with junk food.
Mental Sub Drop
This form of Sub Drop is much harder to typify. It varies in
such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt,
anxiety, melancholy, depression, and or agitation. While this may happen
immediately or within a few hours accompanying physical sub drop, it may also
take several days to occur. It is not unheard of for it to happen a week or so
after a hard scene.
Several factors may affect mental sub drop and should be
discussed before play begins. Things such as mood altering medications, mental
conditions, ongoing therapy, or recent events in the submissives life. It is
the responsibility of both parties to share this information before a scene to
avoid surprise results. That is not saying that sub drop is caused by mental
instability...mental sub drop happens with or without these factors, they just
may contribute and thus should be known beforehand.
While there are mental aspects which coincide with the
physical sub drop, the term Mental Sub Drop is most often used with a period
after a scene when the submissive is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt,
isolation, and/or depression. This can happen days afterwards and can happen
with a new play partner or someone you have played with a dozen or more times.
It is not indicative of a bad scene and should not be taken as regret. It is
quite simply the last effect of the intensity of a scene . . . the final burn
out on the emotions.
Submissives often will have a carefree feeling after a good
scene, a lessening of stress and worries. When this feeling fades it can be
replaced by other, less then desirable emotions. The gambit of negative
emotions is so wide as to be nearly impossible to list here but the root cause
is the same. It is coming down off an emotional high. It's that simple.
Imagine riding a roller coaster, all the dips and spins and
drops and climbing higher and higher. It's a very exciting ride. Now imagine
going from that directly into a 12 hour wait in a doctors office, with no
magazines or TV. Imagine going from that much stimulation to nothing so quick
and then imagine the effect of that on your mind. This is a very crude example
but it can help you understand where some of the mental sub drop comes from.
Sub drop can also be brought about by a feeling of
disconnection. During the scene a feeling of intense intimacy can be created
for the submissive (and dominant too BTW) and if that contact is not maintained
in some way, a feeling of loss can set in. A feeling of isolation and
disconnection is created in the void left behind. During a scene a submissive
looks to the dominant for a feeling of safety, allowing themselves to feel
vulnerable and exposed. That feeling of vulnerability can lead to a feeling of
desertion if
there is no continued contact with the submissive. They can
feel used and left behind or cast aside.
Guilt and shame are also very common feelings experienced
during sub drop. Sometimes these feelings are brought about by social stigmas
given to BDSM play and sexual activity, sometimes they are from social stigmas
about gender roles (this is especially prevalent with male submissives),
sometimes they are the result of the feelings of loneliness and isolation, but
most often they are a combination of all of these factors.
Many times, especially for new submissives, social
perceptions of sexual roles and acceptable practices can cause confusion in the
days following a scene. Society tends to look upon "kink" in a very
unfavourable light and drums that into people's heads through the media,
religion, and social arch types we are encouraged to look up to. It can be
traumatic when you first venture outside what is considered the normal sexual
activities and left alone, some people will have a deep seated feeling of guilt
or shame set in based upon these social ideals.
Mental sub drop can have long lasting effects as well. A
very bad occurrence with no care given can damage or destroy a relationship,
the bond of trust being severed between the two. As with all emotional things,
sub drop can influence future reactions to scenes as well. It is important that
every effort is made to make sure that a scening experience ends as a positive
thing and not a bad experience.
The best way to deal with mental sub drop is simple, ACE:
A after care directly after the scene. C contact in the days
following the scene E expression of positive reinforcement to the submissive
Aftercare should be more then just making sure the
submissive is OK physically. It should also be a period of positive
reinforcement, reassurance, and connection. The submissive is especially
vulnerable in the period directly after a scene before they have regained their
wits, they need to feel safe, valued, and cared for during this period so that
the whole scene experience is a positive one.
Contact is essential to making sure the experience remains
positive for the submissive. Not just casual contact either, be prepared to
really listen and allow the submissive to express what they are feeling. Many
times deep emotions come up during this period and providing a receptive outlet
for them, you can help the submissive explore all the things conjured up by the
scene.
Positive reinforcement is one of the most crucial aspects of
aftercare. With a few kind words you can allow the submissive to feel pride in
themselves. Don't butter them up or blow sunshine up their ass . . . express
honest thoughts and emotions to them. Compliment them on how they did and what
they did well. This single aspect of after care will have the greatest affect
on avoiding severe mental sub drop. Making it a positive experience can help
dispel any guilt or shame felt later.
