Part 1:
Occasionally, very occasionally I wonder if my chosen profession
is a good one. The thoughts usually come from self doubt, ideas instilled in my
mind from youth and a general quietness on the business front.
I question the reasons for my career choice, whether I am a
good dominatrix, if I am too hard or too soft. Sometimes I have to remind myself
that, for whatever reason I have chosen this path, it is, like every other
profession, a job - albeit, with sadistic differences - it pays the bills.
In my years as a professional domme, I have met many
Mistresses and Masters. Some 'live' the life 24/7, some pretend to live the
life, some see it as a means to an end and don't enjoy their work. Others, like
myself, don't live a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle, yet enjoy and relish their work.
I chose not to like a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle because I am not wholly
one character or personality. In private, I am quite shy, enjoy my own company
and would rather spend a Sunday afternoon tending to my plants in my garden or
rescuing insects, bugs and other creatures from natural disasters. I find the
company of animals far more satisfying than the company of humans - I don't
have a high regard for the human race. That doesn't mean I'm with Greenpeace or
wear open toed sandals with my socks either. This is just part of who I am - a
complex individual - one who enjoys solitude, philosophy, politics, educating
the mind and meditation.
But, there is the side of me which is sadistic, wicked
and controlling. When I was very young, my family used to laugh at my two
distinct characteristics - the gentle and the wicked - blaming it on generations of "Anatolian
warrior blood" from my mother's side. Maybe so..who knows. That is why I
am comfortable with who I am in the dungeon, relish it and feed off it - but
choose solitude at home.
Part 2: ..... soon