Panel addresses BDSM myths

BY CATHERINE DINH

CONTRIBUTING REPORTER

Three panellists convened on Wednesday to dispel what they deemed myths surrounding a controversial sexual practice known as bondage and domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM).

Roughly 40 people filled a room in Linsly-Chittenden Hall to hear clinical sexologist Charley Ferrer and two representatives of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Judy Guerin and Richard Cunningham, discuss issues relating to BDSM, including safe practices and attributes of what they called the BDSM community. The panellists said people often consider BDSM to be illegal, violent and impersonal, but argued that these are misconceptions and that BDSM can be part of a healthy relationship.

Ferrer, who has written several books on sex, explained that’d is about people exploring their bodies and personal preferences — not just about sex. She said many people in the BDSM community do not interact sexually, adding that dominance and submission can be seen as normal components of relationships.

“It is not domestic violence,” Ferrer said. “In [BDSM] you are sharing yourself with someone else and they care about you.”

Guerin, a former executive director of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom — a group that advocates for adult privacy rights— said BDSM is about “comfort with your own body.” Cunningham, the group’s legal consultant said BDSM is not a hidden practice and that the community is open to everyone.

The panellists stressed the importance of practicing BDSM safely and maximizing communication between participants. BDSM practitioners use “safe words,” Cunningham explained, using the word “red” for “stop” and “yellow” for “slow down.”

Cunningham said the BDSM community values consensually, and Ferrer added that BDSM is “a lot about respect.”

Exploring BDSM can help people become more open to alternative types of sexuality and sex practices, the panellists said.

“If you have any reluctance to embrace diversity, spend some time with a member of BDSM,” Cunningham said.

The panellists said the BDSM community is small and that people within it gain reputations for their individual practices. Ferrer said BDSM members often refer to people outside the group as “vanilla,” adding that those who have not tried BDSM have not explored the full possibilities of sexual experience. Ferrer and Guerin advised those interested in trying BDSM total to people in the community.

“If you don’t like it, you can stop,” Ferrer said. “It’s like if you don’t like something on TV, you can change the channel.”

Cunningham cautioned that people practicing BDSM must be able to distinguish fantasy from reality and Guerin said to “keep it light-hearted.”

The discussion also briefly addressed how homosexuality has sometimes been stigmatized as a mental illness, drawing parallels with BDSM’s evolving public image. Ferrer defended BDSM by saying that people are “all kinky in some way.”

As the discussion wrapped up, the panellists answered questions from audience members.

In response to a question on the legal status of BDSM, Cunningham explained that BDSM is not criminal so long as no one is injured. If people are hurt, it is then considered assault, he said, adding that people need to understand boundaries.

The panel was co-sponsored by the LGBTQ Co-op at Yale.

The Amnesty Sex Work Argument, Broken Down

VICE: by Frankie Mullin / @frankiemullin

"You might have noticed a shit-storm around sex work in your newsfeed this week: Amnesty was accused of being onside with pimps, there were lots of open letters and there were even more opinions. Lena Dunham got involved.

The beef is based on Amnesty's proposal that sex work should be fully decriminalised, as the charity believes this will make things safer for sex workers. Some people disagree; most conspicuously some of Hollywood's leading ladies including Lena Dunham, Anne Hathaway, Carey Mulligan and Kate Winslet. According to those in opposition, Amnesty has climbed into bed with a bunch of pimps. Others think that decriminalisation is the way forward for sex workers. Managed to miss the whole thing? Here's a breakdown of what happened.

First up, what did Amnesty actually propose?

On the 7th of July, Amnesty issued a draft policy proposal, suggesting that the criminalisation of sex work harms those most in need of protection, i.e. sex workers themselves. The proposal follows a two-year consultation and is backed up by numerous studies from organisations like the Human Rights Council, United Nation Convention Against Transnational Organized Crime, the Commission on Human Rights and UNAIDS. On a global scale, Amnesty argues that decriminalisation offers sex workers better legal protections and makes them less vulnerable to exploitation from third parties.

Then came the letters...

Giving the #Tories a majority = ANTI PORN , ANTI HUMAN RIGHTS, ANTI EXTREMISM, ANTI TOLERANCE, PRO SNOOPERS CHARTER, PRO ATVOD CENSORSHIP.

Want to know more about these issues and more??

*  The Daily Mail's favourite 'go to' politician for censorial sound bites appointed as the government's chief censor

*  A Conservative government has been in power for less than a week, and already our fundamental human rights are under threat

*  Anti-terror: the perversion of tolerance

*  Government's anti-extremism plans will have chilling effect on free speech

*  Theresa May's plans are a threat to British values

*  Hacking away safeguards from mass surveillance...: British Government sneakily enacts legislation to exempt the security services from laws against hacking

*  Should You Be Worried About The Snoopers' Charter?...

*  First victims of new Tory internet censorship rules... ATVOD internet censors act against BDSM material on two VoD websites

*  Mistress R'eal appeals against ATVOD censorship

*  Fun game makes light of the UK's repressive porn laws

READ BELOW

UK Government Watch

David Cameron really, really has not the faintest what he is talking about when it comes to the internet.

David Cameron really, really has not the faintest what he is talking about when it comes to the internet.

Earlier this week, I asked a simple question of his latest pronouncements on online porn, child abuse, internet filtering and related stuff: is he an internet ignoramus – or a master manipulator?

Today, I think the answer is clear: like far too many of our legislators, his grasp of matters internet is fleeting at best, leading him over and over to an excess of soundbite over substance.

Let’s start with two simple propositions, both of which his press office readily agreed to:

1) David Cameron is in favour of companies such as Google adopting filters to filter out online porn, and will bring in regulation to ensure this happens if they fail to act voluntarily.

And 2) he is definitely not in favour of regulators intervening to block or ban page 3.

A DVD you would wish your wife or servants to view? Drake Blaize, Michael Peacock trial and the law

Now that the obscenity trial against Michael Peacock is over, what have we learned? (Apart from the fact that there are still people who get their porn from DVDs rather than the internet?)

Rather wonderfully, the jury came back with a verdict of Not Guilty, unanimously, on all counts after about a tea-break’s worth of deliberation.

It’s that perhaps we are finally beginning to become comfortable with the idea of consent, the notion that one does not have to practice a particular sexual kink or orientation to not condemn it, and that people who approach an escort who goes by the handle “Sleazy Michael” and rent or buy DVDs from him are possibly, just possibly, not being blindsided by the nature of their content.

Which is probably a great relief to my publisher, given that I’ve written about more than a few of these so-called “obscene” acts (in chick-lit bestsellers no less). The law used to bring the charges against Michael, the Obscene Publications Act 1959, was the very same invoked in the Lady Chatterley’s Lover trial.

Making a Fist of It: The Law and Obscenity: We have not heard the last of R v Peacock

On Friday 6 January 2012, a historic case came to a conclusion in Courtroom 7 of Southwark Crown Court. Michael Peacock was unanimously acquitted, after a four-day trial that saw the outdated obscenity law of England and Wales in the dock.

Peacock had been charged under the Obscene Publications Act 1959 for allegedly distributing ‘obscene’ ‘gay’ DVDs, which featured fisting, urolagnia (‘watersports’) and BDSM.

Peacock had advertised the DVDs through Craigslist, his own website (which also promoted his services as a male escort), and in a magazine. The Human Exploitation and Organised Crime Command (SCD9) or London’s Metropolitan Police — which encompasses the former Obscene Publications Squad — saw the advert and began an investigation.

They contacted Peacock, arranging to call around at his Brixton flat and purchase the five most popular fisting DVDs, which they did; then, after examining the DVDs, returned to the flat to arrest Peacock. Peacock also sold DVDs on his website, sleazymichael.com, and in the London-based gay magazine, Boyz. ‘Gay, straight, bi and trans’ DVDs were available (the word ‘porn’ was not used in the adverts) for prices starting at £8.50. No lesbian, underage, ‘K9’, bareback, brown or blood DVDs were available, but a total of 2,247 DVDs were catalogued and Peacock estimated he made a modest £70 a week from their sale.

Defining Subordination & feminist perspectives. Porn & BDSM

"Clare Phillipson suggests trenchantly, in defending the prohibition: ‘We do not need research to prove that the creation and distribution of material which depicts women being tortured for sexual pleasure … is anything other than harmful"

But this moderately plausible assertion is not enough to condemn extreme pornography without further evidence.

Defining Subordination

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk MOB: 07426 490 214 TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

SEX in Britain 2015 - The Study Results

•  Academic compiles fascinating overview of the nation's sexual habits

•  Study is most comprehensive review ever into UK's bedroom behaviour

•  Stats show over the average adult has less sex than three decades ago

•  Those aged 16 to 34 less likely to have sex than many older couples

Could there be a more universally fascinating topic than sex? Are you having too much? Not enough? With the right person? Did you start early, or late? Are you normal?

There can be few of us who haven’t wondered how our sexual experiences compare with everyone else’s. But it’s not as if we’re short on theories. Every day, it seems, surveys are released promising new insights into our sex lives.

But what can we really believe? What’s true and what’s nothing more than an old wives’ — or online magazine readers’ — tale?

SEX in Britain 2015 Part One: The most in-depth study ever

• Academic compiles fascinating overview of the nation's sexual habits
• Study is most comprehensive review ever into UK's bedroom behaviour
• Stats show over the average adult has less sex than three decades ago
• Those aged 16 to 34 less likely to have sex than many older couples

Could there be a more universally fascinating topic than sex? Are you having too much? Not enough? With the right person? Did you start early, or late? Are you normal?
There can be few of us who haven’t wondered how our sexual experiences compare with everyone else’s. But it’s not as if we’re short on theories. Every day, it seems, surveys are released promising new insights into our sex lives.
But what can we really believe? What’s true and what’s nothing more than an old wives’ — or online magazine readers’ — tale?

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk
MOB: 07426 490 214
TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

The Only Truly Compliant, Submissive Citizen In A Police State Is A Dead One - A vanilla submissive?

A very interesting view of the American vanilla population and how they are, possibly, subject to the same compliance and submission expected of BDSM submissives. Could it be? Below is John W. Whitehead's views -  www.rutherford.org

“Do exactly what I say, and we'll get along fine. Do not question me or talk back in any way. You do not have the right to object to anything I may say or ask you to do, or ask for clarification if my demands are unclear or contradictory. You must obey me under all circumstances without hesitation, no matter how arbitrary, unreasonable, discriminatory, or blatantly racist my commands may be. Anything other than immediate perfect servile compliance will be labeled as resisting arrest, and expose you to the possibility of a violent reaction from me. That reaction could cause you severe injury or even death. And I will suffer no consequences. It's your choice: Comply, or die.”— “‘Comply or Die’ policing must stop,” Daily KOS

Americans as young as 4 years old are being leg shackled, handcuffed, tasered and held at gun point for not being quiet, not being orderly and just being childlike—i.e., not being compliant enough.

Americans as old as 95 are being beaten, shot and killed for questioning an order, hesitating in the face of a directive, and mistaking a policeman crashing through their door for a criminal breaking into their home—i.e., not being submissive enough.

And Americans of every age and skin color are being taught the painful lesson that the only truly compliant, submissive and obedient citizen in a police state is a dead one.

To buy or not to buy. BDSM & the law

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk MOB: 07426 490 214 TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

From India and Turkey to Oxford, we live in a perpetual state of war against women

On some days I don’t need to read the news. I know it already. It is basically a list of the women and girls who are the latest to be abused and killed. If it is nearer to us – a teenager murdered and dismembered – we are saddened, while consuming every detail. The dead girl’s face will watch us for a while. And just when it feels too much, her face will soon be replaced by another.

We fixate on individual loss as we feel our way for clues that might help us escape our already dark imaginings. And in the night we wonder where our children are, and who they are with, and what they are doing; we walk ourselves through scenarios in which somehow these awful things would not happen to our children. Or to us. Or to anyone we know. This is the collective secret of motherhood. Let it be someone else’s.

Now, though, we are at one of the recurring stages in the news cycle where, unless we switch off altogether, some things become impossible to ignore – although of course they have been ignored deliberately for a long time. The abuse of young girls? Now it is Oxford – nice Oxford, where in fact a quarter of children live below the poverty line. As with Rotherham and Rochdale, the stories of ongoing abuse and rape finally emerge. If this is all about Pakistani grooming gangs, indeed let’s investigate it fully. But such gangs can operate only in an environment in which the adults who come into contact with these girls do not appear to value them or see them as children. Even when they are turning up with their crotches soaked in blood they are seen to have consented to relationships with much older men, or memorably described as “unrapeable”. Consent only exists for the right class of women.

The right class of women are certainly not to be found in Yarl’s Wood, where asylum seekers are detained. As with the child-abuse stories, all those who work with refugees have been talking about the sexual harassment and self-harming that has been going on there for a long time. This is not a sudden revelation, but now the evidence is there: Serco, the private company running the centre, may have to answer some serious questions. The abuse is systemic.

After years of silence, Turkey’s women are going into battle against oppression  ~ Elif Shafak

In Turkey, women have been out on the streets because of a rising tide of sexual and domestic violence. Since Özgecan Aslan, a 20-year-old student, was murdered after an attempted rape and her burned body found by a riverbed, women have been vocal about the rolling back of their rights by the AK party, with many of its supporters saying that the murdered woman was to blame for seeking “sexual freedom”.

In India, politicians want to ban India’s Daughter, Leslee Udwin’s important documentary about the gang rape of Jyoti Singh. In this film, one sees the attitudes of the rapists and the defence lawyers. It is hard to say which are the most disgusting. Over and over, they state that basically she deserved it for being out with her boyfriend, and that if she had not fought back she might still be alive.

The response of the Indian political class at the time of the attack was appalling, many talking about “adventurous spirit” leading to inevitable rape. Singh was flown out for medical treatment in Singapore, so horrific were her internal injuries, and when she died there her body was brought back not to her village, but cremated at night to avoid more protests. Television at the time – I was there – was suddenly full of middle-class women from Delhi also saying they did not feel safe.

So sexual autonomy and freedom from violence remain an impossibility for most of the world’s women.

In this country, we move from one abuse story to another, not wanting to make the necessary connections. Rape is now recognised as a war crime. What isn’t recognised is that we live in a perpetual state of war. Here comes the obligatory qualifier: terrible things happen to men and boys too. Not all men and boys are terrible, but we operate in a system in which half of us live in fear. According to our level of privilege, we can mute that fear or we can insulate ourselves by focussing on ever-smaller issues. Thus we have feminism as a series of lifestyle choices: can I be a feminist and wear frills/join Isis/not like the new Madonna album?

Sure, that’s easier than trying to dismantle a system that operates very well for some, the world over. When David Cameron says he is going to do something about child abuse, one wonders how he will admit its scale, or admit that the lives of working-class girls are not important to him and, even if they were, that this is beyond the scope of his rudderless government. The make-believe election we are having will always be more of a priority for those who run things.

The war against women is waged routinely and globally. Equality of the most basic kind cannot exist when a woman’s life and her words are always worth less than a man’s. But in the darkness of the night, what haunts us are not broken systems but the faces of the broken girls. So, so many. All the time.

ORIGINAL SOURCE: GUARDIAN: Suzanne Moore


WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk MOB: 07426 490 214 TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

Turkey’s first women’s daily aims to make women’s voices heard

Turkey’s first ever women’s daily newspaper continues to be published in the southern province of Mersin, where 20-year-old university student Özgecan Aslan was brutally murdered last month.

“Mersin Kadın Gazetesi,” (Mersin Women’s Daily) which only employees women staff, has been appearing for five years and aims to end violence against women and amplify their voices.

It recently published a special edition for March 8 International Women’s Day, printed on a purple background, using photographs of the killed Aslan and many other women who shared the same fate on its front page. Some 5,000 copies were printed and distributed free of charge.

Zeliha Akkuş, the daily’s grant holder and a retired teacher, said they do not cover topics that other newspapers use to catch women’s interest.

“We do not cover topics such as cellulitis, hair care, or how to chat up man. Rather, we cover violence against women and women’s rights stories,” said Akkuş.

She added that the daily’s op-eds are generally written by housewives writing about their daily life experiences.

“In their pieces, women write about their experiences as if they are chatting with their neighbors,” said Akkuş, adding that they often get positive reactions from men as well.

She also explained the meaning of the daily’s logo and the message it gives to readers.

“In the logo, we have a high-heeled shoe and a butterfly. The shoe means that we, women, are coming with our footsteps. The butterfly symbolizes a call that even though the life of women is short, they should participate in solidarity acts and events,” said Akkuş.

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk MOB: 07426 490 214 TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

Fifty Shades of Grey: what BDSM enthusiasts think.

How well does EL James know the BDSM world? Is Christian Grey a psychopath? Would a real-life Anastasia submit so quickly? Our trio of experts give their verdict on Fifty Shades of Grey?

‘Real sex has spit and sweat’

Emily Sarah.Photograph: Felix Clay

Emily Sarah, 26, is a fetish model and performer who runs BDSM Healing, a business that combines techniques like reiki with sensory deprivation, bondage and spankings to deal with “the cathartic aspects of BDSM”. She discovered the fetish scene while at university in London.

I was shocked by how awful the film was. Ridiculous, really. The sex scenes were so vanilla. It didn’t look particularly kinky to me. There was a lot of beautiful equipment, but not much going on in terms of actual BDSM: it was just about Christian tying Anastasia up. In real BDSM relationships, there’s a lot more connection, a lot more talking, a lot more ritual. The play he did with her wasn’t hard play; it was sensation stuff. I switch between dominant and submissive, so I can see how she’d enjoy the scenes in the Red Room – but it didn’t show an authentic side to BDSM. It was more him stroking her for a bit with a whip, then lots of sex. That was it.

What went on at the #pornProtest

We Went to Today's Pro-BDSM Facesitting Protest in Westminster | VICE | United Kingdom


WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk
MOB: 07426 490 214
TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

Below is the new R18 section from The official BBFC Guidelines: 

By the way.... A child of 12 can go into a bookshop and BUY the 50 shades of Gray BOOK! 

The R18 category is a special and legally-restricted classification primarily for explicit works of consenting sex or strong fetish material involving adults. Films may only be shown to adults in specially licensed cinemas, and video works may be supplied to adults only in licensed sex shops. R18 video works may not be supplied by mail order.

The following content is not acceptable:

• material which is in breach of the criminal law, including material judged to be obscene under the

current interpretation of the Obscene Publications Act 1959 (see Annexe)

• material (including dialogue) likely to encourage an interest in sexually abusive activity which may include adults role-playing as non-adults

• the portrayal of sexual activity which involves real or apparent lack of consent. Any form of hysical restraint which prevents participants from indicating a withdrawal of consent

• the infliction of pain or acts which may cause lasting physical harm, whether real or (in a sexual context) simulated. Some allowance may be made for moderate, non-abusive, consensual activity

• penetration by any object associated with violence or likely to cause physical harm

• sexual threats, humiliation or abuse which do not form part of a clearly consenting role-playing  game. Strong physical or verbal abuse, even if consensual, is unlikely to be acceptable These Guidelines will be applied to the same standard regardless of sexual orientation of the activity portrayed.

British porn quietly censored......

Pornography produced in the UK was quietly censored today through an amendment to the 2003 Communications Act, and the measures appear to take aim at female pleasure.

The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 requires that video-on-demand (VoD) online porn now adhere to the same guidelines laid out for DVD sex shop-type porn by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC).

Seemingly arbitrarily deciding what is nice sex and what is not nice sex, the board's ruling on 'content that is not acceptable' (p.23) effectively bans the following acts from being depicted by British pornography producers:

Female spree-killing, sex, and celebrity: The case of Joanna Dennehy

Enjoy reading.......Come visit me at: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk

AUTHOR: Author & academic; critical thinker; curmudgeon.

Posted on February 24, 2014

Knowing that my latest book is about murder and gender – or, more specifically, about a particular narrative of modern identity and individuality that has made possible the figure of the Western “recreational murderer” – lots of people have drawn my attention to the recent case of Joanna Dennehy.

Dennehy is a 32-year-old British woman who enlisted her apparently enthralled male lovers, Gary Stretch and Leslie Layton, to be her accomplices in the murders of three men, Lukasz Slaboszewski, Kevin Lee, and John Chapman. (See here.) Dennehy’s documented taste for sadomasochistic sexual practices (see here) has added to the frenzied media interest in the case, and has led to the production of some dubious psychiatric diagnoses, which I plan to write about elsewhere. Dennehy is both statistically unusual and discursively rare in being described as a female recreational killer whose apparent motives for committing her crimes were sexual sadism and thrill-seeking.

10 Shades of Stupid: Cosmo’s Worst BDSM Tips

I knew this was coming when the cashier in Barnes and Nobles saw me looking at Fifty Shades of Grey and stage-whispered: "I bought that for my mom, and now I'm just terrified that I'm going to go home and find my dad. In a cage. Bleeding or dead." BDSM is like soccer and socialized medicine; fascinating, but hard for a lot of Americans to understand. Cosmo's trying to help with their August issue, which features a twist on their usual bouquet of sex tips: this time, all their tips are inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey.

How A Country Dies - Is the world we know dying?

Originally posted at Economic Noise blog,

A country dies slowly.

Those living during the decline of Rome were likely unaware that anything was happening. The decline happened over a couple of hundred years. Anyone living during the decline only saw a small part of what was happening and likely never noticed it as anything other than ordinary.

Countries don’t have genetically determined life spans. Nor do they die quickly, unless the cataclysm of some great war does them in. Even in such extreme cases, there are usually warning signs, which are more obvious in hindsight than at the time.

Why Does BDSM Need Activism?

[Content Note: Discussions of rape and sexual assault. Assume that all links have the same content warning.]

ORIGINAL ARTICLE: LINK

You may have noticed that I have called myself a “BDSM activist” in the past but, to some, it may not be immediately clear exactly why BDSM needs activism. The foundation of BDSM activism is sexual freedom and autonomy: defending the ability of consenting adults in private to engage in (and view) whatever activities they like.