Practice makes perfect

Resulting form the lack of effectiveness in work while wearing shackles, I did promise Mistress to practice more at home when I have time and alone. This is what I am going to do this evening after work. Quickly put on my slave uniform (I should figure out where I could print Mistress Leyla on it) and neck collar, then secured the belly belt tightly around my waist. Put the long-chain handcuffs through the hoop of the belt and then lock my wrists tightly before putting on the pair of 8 inches chain leg irons. Indeed, it is exactly the same 'setup' when I served Mistress a few days ago. The only difference this time is I did gag myself as Mistress last time mentioned that I spent too much time on talking to Mistress rather than doing the work!

Today tasks are rather simple, basically I am going to use my home to simulate Mistress's premises and I was to clean the floor of the whole house, everywhere in the bathroom and the kitchen. In order to make sure that I am simulating the actual work procedure as in Mistress's premise, I used more or less the same tools and cleaning agents to clean my home today. The only difference was instead of using a brush, I used a hoover to clean the bathroom floor before mopping it with water and bleach (Dettol in Mistress's case).

Interestingly, it took me much less time to finish all the cleaning tasks today. In fact, it only took me 1.5 hours to do all the cleaning and get all the bedding things changed. It does prove that Mistress is correct as I spent too much time on talking last time. To be honest, I also feel surprised that how come it took me 4 hours just to clean 2 rooms and the staircase. In this sense, I would ask Mistress to gag me next time when I am doing the cleaning work so that I will not just keep talking but do nothing.

Other than this, I also experimented if it would make me to work more effectively if I don't attached my handcuffs to the belly belt. Of course, it does. I did try it when I clean the tiles of my bathroom. Without connecting the handcuffs with the belly belt, it is in fact similar to without wearing the handcuffs. Yes, it does speed up the cleaning process but at the same time it also means that wearing the cuffs becomes meaningless. The reason to wear the handcuffs is to remind my slave position and to deliberately to make me to feel awkward. Therefore, the handcuffs is essential for me as a symbol to be a slave of Mistress. Then I tried another thing which was to connect the chain of the handcuffs to my neck collar. Interestingly, it indeed make cleaning wall tiles easier but will make floor cleaning more difficult. Therefore, it is clear that there is no single position that will allow me to do all the cleaning tasks effectively. Again, this is what a slave should do, i.e. to learn how to do things effectively for Mistress in all situations.

I hope after today and further practice over the next few days and weeks, I will be able to clean the entire house for Mistress within 4 hours.

P.S. i just wanted to say that the technique to change duvet cover Mistress taught me is really useful. I can now change the cover in less than 10 mins by myself (previously will take at least 30 mins to do the same thing). Thank you Mistress ☺️.

Household Slave Experience

 Today (14/3), I had a session with Mistress Leyla and I was so happy because I have the privilege to serve Mistress at her home. It was a  one-day long (7 hours) session and the main task today was to clean Mistress's premises. I arrived 15 mins before the scheduled session time due to the train arrived early. Upon arrival, Mistress came to the front entrance to greet me. Then, I was escorted to the living room and Mistress started telling me my duties today. It was basically cleaning the bathroom, Mistress's bedroom, staircase and landing. Also, I was asked to prepare sandwiches for Mistress and myself as lunch. Before, I was led to the washroom, I met a cute friend and she is just as lovely as Mistress. 

I was then escorted to the bathroom. I changed my slave uniform and also wore the panty and stockings provided by Mistress (Thanks again!). Mistress started to detail what I need to do and how to clean the bathroom. Of course, things would not be easy when having a session with Mistress Leyla. I was asked to put on a leather belly belt, i.e. those to escort criminals in the US, and then a pair of handcuffs with a long chain (24 inches) was put through the hoop on the belt and my hands were cuffed. This means that my wrists were connecting to my waist by a long steel chain and hence, I could not extend both of my arms at the same time. Once might thought that the chain is so long and hence, it should not affect work. This is not true as the amount of restraint provided by that cuffs was unbelievable when one tried to stretch his/her arms. Nevertheless, other than the handcuffs, a pair of leg irons with a relatively short chain (8 inches) was put on my ankles and after the lock sound, I was completely locked up and I could only walk slowly. Also, my every move was monitored by Mistress as she would need to rate my performance and to decide whether I would be a good household slave...

As I am not very good in doing housework, it took me an hour just to clean the bathroom and from time to time, Mistress taught me how to do some tasks during the cleaning process (Thanks Mistress). I did learn a lot from Mistress today and I promise I will do it better next time. In fact, just after cleaning the bathroom, I have a feeling that I managed to explore a bit more of Mistress's life and at the same time, Mistress also knows me a bit more. This mutual exploration really makes me feel happy because I want to serve Mistress and what I need is to understand Mistress more so that I could adapt and work more effectively.

After cleaning the bathroom, I was taken down to the kitchen to prepare lunch for Mistress. Well, it is something that can be forgotten as my cooking skill is disastrous. It was lucky that Mistress did not suffering from food poisoning after having the sandwiches I prepared. So I was lucky enough to have a chance to have lunch with Mistress and I have the privilege to try the golden juice by Mistress. To be honest, my cock was turned to a steel rod once I drank Mistress's golden juice as I would like to try it for long. I think I was very lucky to have a chance to try it today. Of course, I hope I would have the chance to drink it again as I treat it as a reward from Mistress, i.e. I only can taste it if I am well-behaved and performed well during session.

After lunch, it was the time for Mistress to take a break. I was asked to get into a small closet. Once I was in, Mistress tape by left hand on a cupboard and another pair of handcuffs was put on my right hand with the other end anchored to my neck collar. I did tell Mistress that I had a full ball but I could not put on my chastity cage today. As a result, Mistress took some precautionary measures and taped both  of my palms seriously to become two 'duct tape balls'. This means that first of all, none of my hands could reach my cock or even I managed to reach it, I could not use my palms at all. Then I was hooded and the closet door closed. I don't know how long I was there but what I can tell is since the time Mistress tied my hands, my cock was like diamond hard and I could tell that even a single stroke by my hand will cause a serious 'volcano eruption'. Of course, Mistress did prevent such an eruption happening but it was really the most difficult few hours for me to suffer. I would like to cum but I could not serve myself. I tried to move my cuffed right hand to reach my cock but it felt like they were separated by 2 miles away. I could tell that there was a little bit of liquid came out from my cock (probably pre-cum) which did not help at all because it just made me to feel even more horny.

A few hours later, Mistress released me from the closet and Mistress asked me how did I feel. I answered honestly that it was hard but it is something that a slave must experience. This is because liquid release itself is a reward and slaves will require permission from Mistress before they can do so. The permission would only be granted in some very special circumstances. I found that I need to get use of this feeling as my cock and cum are both belonging to Mistress Leyla but not myself. I am here to serve Mistress but not to ask Mistress Leyla to let me to do whatever I want. I am here to obey Mistress and not to ask Mistress to fulfil my wants.

Afterwards, Mistress escorted me back on the second-floor to do Mistress's bedroom cleaning. I was very lucky as I was allowed to clean Mistress's bedroom and again my cock became rock hard after I saw Mistress's clothes (and also her sleep mask).  Compared to cleaning the bathroom, it was easier although I still need to practice more so that I can work faster next time. Once again, Mistress treated me so nice as she made me a cup of tea (Thanks Mistress). It took me about 40 mins to clean the bedroom and then I was asked to clean the landing and staircase. It was actually one of the hardest tasks ever. Don't forget that I was wearing a pair of short chained leg irons. In fact, it was very difficult to walk up and down the stair due to the short chain. I had to be extremely careful as one wrong step would cause me to fall down from the staircase. As a result, it took me about 30 mins just to clean the stair. I need to practice more on wearing leg irons to go up and down stairs to improve my work efficiency.

Before ending the cleaning duty, the final task was returning to Mistress's bedroom to do the bedding for Mistress. Again, it was not an easy task as I was cuffed so that I could not extend both of my arms at the same time. In fact, I could not do it properly at first and again Mistress taught me a method to do the bedding quickly. Thank you so much Mistress. I really learnt a lot of things from you today. After doing the bedding, I was asked to tidy up everything and then Mistress uncuffed both my hands and ankles and it was definitely the longest time I was in cuffs. However, I would like to be long-term cuffed by Mistress again in the future. I promise Mistress that I will improve my effectiveness next time and I will aim to do all the cleaning within 4 hours.

It was a really intense but fun session. I do understand Mistress a lot more after today and I believe it is same for Mistress. I also know a new friend and she is so cute. I will definitely come back to serve Mistress again and I hope in one day, I will have the opportunity to become an owned household slave of Mistress Leyla.

P.S. After the session, Mistress granted me permission to cum  (Thanks Mistress). To return, I decided to write this blog post first before I am going to have my volcano eruption. Of course, if Mistress would like to change her mind, please let me know and will put on my chastity cage to become a good boy again. Also, thank you so much Mistress treated me so nice today.

Submission to Mistress

I did not post anything on Mistress's Leyla blog for the last three months as I used this time to have a bit of reflection on the true meaning of slavery (in BDSM scene). This is because it was sometime unclear for me about if I am a true slave or if I just would like to find enjoyments and fun from Mistress's sessions...

After my last session with Mistress Leyla immediately before Christmas, I have started planning of my next session which was supposed to be done in late January. As usual, I sent a few emails to Mistress in January just to say hello and talked about my plans. It was strange that I did not receive any replies for a few weeks time. As a result, I kept sending Mistress emails and text messages almost every week but still did not receive any response. Then I started to worry about Mistress and kept asking myself is Mistress Leyla okay? Any chance that she is taking a break and hence, not responding my emails and texts? Or is it possible that Mistress caught COVID and currently self-isolating (touchwood, it was not the case)? Would the storm cause damages to Mistress's home so that she has no time to reply my emails/texts? I was extremely worried about Mistress at that point but luckily, I received a text message from Mistress in February. Mistress told me that she is fine but taking a break. I felt so good after reading Mistress's message and from that point onwards, I know that I would like to start a proper Mistress and slave relation with Mistress Leyla rather than just trying to get some enjoyments and fun from her sessions. I know that I do care about Mistress Leyla's wellbeing and I would like to serve Mistress to ensure that she is in good form.

I know that I may not be a good slave as I can tell I am not good in doing housework at all. In fact, I would say it would be lucky if I do not make a place even messier after I 'tidy' it up. However, as I would like to serve Mistress and to reduce her daily workload, I wrote an email to Mistress about being her housemaid for one day in order to do some housekeeping work for Mistress. I can tell that I am a lucky slave as Mistress agrees with my request and allows me to tidy up her place and to serve her a meal. I am very happy about it because I really want to serve Mistress Leyla in person which is something that I did not have a chance to do (other than providing her some foot massages) in my last few sessions with Mistress.

As I already mentioned, I am not good in housekeeping and definitely not a good chef. However, I will do my best to ensure Mistress's place is clean and tidy. In addition, I will try everything I could to ensure I cook something 'edible' for Mistress (ENO and Ambulance on standby😂). All I want to do is to serve Mistress which I think I will feel so proud and happy once I managed to do all the tasks assigned by Mistress effectively and properly. It does not matter if I will get any rewards or releases (will wear a cb to ensure no accidental release) upon completing the task. I just would like to serve Mistress and to show Mistress Leyla that probably I am a good slave to keep.

At the time when I wrote this article, I am not 'owned' by Mistress Leyla. Returning to an earlier post on ownership, for me, I do care ownership and I will work very hard to impress Mistress and hopefully she will consider myself as her owned slave. Ownership is very important to me because it is not just a fashionable thing but it is a promise for me to serve, obey and be loyal to Mistress Leyla. It is also a strong reminder of my decision to become a slave and my willingness to let Mistress Leyla to control myself by giving her all of my freedom. 

I don't know if I am able to become an owned slave of Mistress Leyla but at least this is my objective in 2022, I will try and improve myself and wait for the arrival of an opportunity to be owned.

Basic Etiquette in the Dungeon

In general

• Politeness will get you a long way in the scene. Treat other people as you'd like to be treated.
• Honesty is highly valued in the lifestyle. Lying, whether about one's experience level, marital status, risk factors, or anything else is frowned upon, and will usually be found out.
• Touching (even casually) other people or their possessions (including collars, cuffs, and apparel) without permission is unacceptable. Most people enjoy playing show-and-tell, but always get their permission beforehand.
• Following someone around ("puppy dogging") is likely to creep him or her out, and make them want to avoid you instead of getting to know you.
• No Dominant may demand anything of another person, unless the other person has consented to engage in play or a relationship. No submissive is under any obligation to serve or obey anyone whom they don't choose to obey or serve.
• There are usually Dungeon Monitors [DM's], hosts, or people in charge at most organized BDSM settings. They are there to enforce the rules, but are not psychic; if you are victimized by someone, let those in authority know. They cannot do anything for you without knowing that something is wrong, and concerns reported after-the-fact become difficult to validate or enforce.

What Female Dominants Are Really Looking For!

I would like to thank Mistress Ren for this wonderful piece.

It was just another night. There was nothing decent on the television, and I had already rented just about everything at the video store. So, I decided to pass the evening online.

As I chatted with friends and did a little research, a box appeared in the
corner of my AOL screen: an instant message. I glanced up to see an unfamiliar name, and a very familiar theme….

 "Hello Mistress. i beg of You to forgive me for this intrusion. (bowing naked before the beautiful Mistress).  i am a submissive male seeking a Mistress. i wish only to follow Your every command……i LIVE to please You. Please allow me to be Your unworthy slave. i promise i will follow Your every command. i will crawl across broken glass for You…i will shave my head in tribute to You…i will carve Your initials on my scrotum… i am Yours to use and abuse. Please, beautiful Mistress…"

On the other end of the line, my newly discovered `submissive' is longing to hear me say, "YES slave!! You are MINE!!! Grovel for me and prove your unworthiness, WORM!"

My true reaction? I sighed heavily, shook my head in disbelief, and then responded:

 "Good evening.  I am well, thank you for asking. Yes, the weather IS lovely here in Maine tonight. Would I like to chat with you a few minutes?
Yes….thank you for asking…."

At which point, the reply I usually receive is a well thought out:  "Huh?? What??"

Being a female Dominant, especially one who occasionally ventures online, is NOT an easy task. Ask any Domme you know - I'll bet they have received more than a few instant messages like the one above.

Many submissive males, especially those online, seem to believe that all female Dominants are looking for a compliant, powerless submissive who will prostrate themselves 24 hours a day. These men mistakenly feel that the only way women will be interested in accepting them, as their submissive, is if they show their submission constantly and strongly. After all, a Domme seeks a partner who will never speak unless spoken to, never show his intellect, never look her in the eyes, and never, never, never wants to be treated as her equal.

Right?

Wrong.

The Nine Degrees Of Submission

This was posted to collarncuffs.com and is meant as food for thought, as an insight to where you see your own submission. Could also be used to described your submission in Femdom to others

I have added a survey below the article to see which of the 9 degrees of submissive prevails. please take the survey, it is anonymous but will provide excellent insight!

The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms for the masochist's own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one's own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being “used” to gratify one's partner's sadism).

Pseudo-submissive non-slave

Not into even playing “slave”, but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave

Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being “used” to gratify one's partner's sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave's” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

True submissive non-slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).

True submissive PLAY slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant - but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)

Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave

Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one's Mistress/Master, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when he or she will serve.

Part-time consensual but REAL slave

Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress'/Master's “property” at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life - practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one's time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave's free time.

Full-time live-in consensual slave

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress'/Master's use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren't socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

Consensual total slave with no limits

A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

Article: Missbitch CollarNuffs.com

Which of the Nine Degrees are you?

The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist

Pseudo-submissive non-slave

Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave

True submissive non-slave

True submissive PLAY slave

Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave

Part-time consensual but REAL slave

Full-time live-in consensual slave

Consensual total slave with no limits

None of the above/ don't know

Created with PollMaker

Male submission, Evolution and Enslavement

COURTESY OF www.enslavement.org.uk/malesub

One repeated accusation levelled against the Internal Enslavement website is that we are in some way opposed to female dominance or male submission.

This is simply false.

In attempting to understand relationships of Enslavement between masters and female slaves, we have limited the scope of our work, without claiming that similar relationships do not take place between people of other genders and orientations.

When your BDSM lifestyle conflicts with your Vanilla lifestyle.

Mistress Lady Leyla

In all the time I have been a Domme, there is one issue I find I cannot easily help My submissive's with - conflict between their Vanilla & BDSM lives. Many a time I have been confided in by my submissive's  about the conflict they feel, live and anguish over. Most of my submissive's live an ordinary Vanilla lifestyle outside of sessions with Me. They are usually male, happily married and love their wife and family. But they have a secret - as 90% of my submissive's have - and that is their enjoyment of BDSM.

Preventing Domestic Violence in the Leather/BDSM/Fetish Community

A booklet on abuse within BDSM community and prevention. This is linked to my earlier post BDSM in mainstream and abuse

CLICK TO VIEW LEAFLET

CLICK TO VIEW LEAFLET

QUESTION: What is the evolutionary basis for some humans liking bondage/S&M?

ANSWERS: 

(Add your own in comments)

BDSM is a technique to allow you to achieve reproductive success. In animals, normally a dominant partner is the one to spread his or her genes, so it makes sense to be attracted to dominance as you are mating with the head of the group.

In contrast, if you are a low ranking member, one of the few ways you may be able to become attractive to someone else is to make them feel powerful and in control.

BDSM is an extreme manifestation of those urges.

Understanding Submission

Introduction

I like to understand things. I like to know what is really going on. I like to be as good as I can in what I do. To this end, being the analytical type that I am, I like to have a model, or theory, which helps me to understand what I am doing and what is going on around me.

BDSM is full of frills and window-dressing. Getting to the core of it---understanding which are the basic "components"---means looking around at what people do, looking at their feelings and extracting the common elements.

The Mother of Murdered Trans Woman: I Condemn the People Who Do Not Employ Our Daughters

We talked with Melek Okan, the mother of İrem Okan who was the victim of a transphobic hate crime in Bursa in 2010: “I still have contact with the other daughters. One of our daughters has recently undergone surgery. I hatefully condemn the people who do not employ our daughters. Remember not only İrem but also Ecem who was killed a year later.”

Melek Okan, the mother of İrem Okan [who died as a result of a transphobic hate crime in Bursa in 2010], joined the film screening of “My Child” (“Benim Çocuğum”) in Bursa. Melek Okan gave the film its name with her remarks about her child: “They could not find a place for my child to live in this big world.” We had a conversation about what she went through.

How to Interview a Dom/Master Prospect

Your prince is out there, seeking you, hungering for you, wondering where you are. But crouching between you and him are dozens of frogs and trolls. A few of these are even handsome and wellspoken. And you must wade through them, trying not to get slimed or bitten, before reaching your eventual partner.

Just how are you to discern a poser from a dependable, balanced dominant gentleman? A man with the qualities described in What to Look For ...? You can't see into the past, or read minds, so you have one method of discrimination before you take the risk of investing trust in a prospect: inquisition—you ask him a ton of questions.

It's one of the hardest chores for many submissive women. After encountering a gent she feels intrigued by, she must—although her sub side may already desire his direction—play detective.

Many single subs overlook this phase, and expose themselves to unsavory characters claiming BDSM expertise after a brief online correspondence or phone conversation. Single sub friends of mine have had bad experiences that they might have avoided had they vetted dom candidates more carefully. One was physically mistreated on a first date, another was stalked and had her car ransacked. Thankfully I don't hear such stories that often.

Here then are some tips on the art of investigation...

Be sweet but skeptical. There are relatively few quality, single, monogamous doms in the world. An awful lot of the socalled doms you're likely to turn up (especially on kink sites) are insincere and/or unsafe. Don't give a stranger the benefit of the doubt! Don't grant him more trust than he's earned.

Present your questions as expressions of interest. Your objective is information, but let him see that you're intrigued by him and want to know all about him. And proceed at a relaxed pace, making space for him to query you about things.

Start with instant messaging, from an anonymous webmail account. I like Gmail, as it keeps chat logs. IM is interactive, and you can tell something about the guy from the speed and clarity of his answers. However, plain email may work better than IM via phone, since typing on a tiny screen is slow and error prone.

Make phone calls without callerID. When ready to continue the discussion by phone, make a talk appointment, and place the call yourself, so you can hide your number. From the United States, dial *67 (*mp, think "my privacy") and then his number. Or use Google Talk, Skype, etc.

Re ask important questions a few times, over time. Many people feel comfortable lying to strangers. Liars frequently don't remember exactly how they answered questions previously, so you'll hear inconsistent responses.

Watch out for B.S. Politely disengage if the guy says any of:

• Address me as sir/master/daddy/etc. [that comes later]
• You ask too many questions to be a genuine sub.
• I'm the Dom; I'll decide what to reveal and when.
• That question has no bearing on my relationship with you.
• Well I really don't blah blah blah... [evasiveness]

Ask about relationships. The most important material you can unearth is his relationship history. Does he say good things about the girls, or does he blame them for things? Some of the topics:

What have been your most significant relationships?

For each one:

• How did you meet?
• When did it end?
• How long did it last?
• Why did it end?
• Are you still friendly, if not why?
• What did you love about that relationship?
• What about it didn't work for you?
•  What are the three most valuable things you learned from it?
• What were the three hardest moments during it?
• What were the three best moments?
• How did you wish she was different?
• How did she wish you were different?
• What were your biggest mistakes of that relationship?
• Have you ever met another girl without your partner knowing?
• What are your expectations of a partner?
• What behaviour by a partner most pleases or thrills you?
• What behaviour by a partner most upsets or frustrates you?
• What are your biggest issues/vulnerabilities in life?
• How have those surfaced in recent relationships?

Ask about kinks. You need to know if you have kinkcompatibility. Topics:

• What are your most important kinks?
• How often do you need them?
• Do you enjoy vanilla sex?
• What are the five most intense kinky things you've done?
• How did you do aftercare in those cases?
• When have you pushed a partner too far?
• How did you deal with those times?
• What are your thoughts on safewords?
• What are your hard limits?
• Have you seen a partner subdrop?
•  how did you deal with it?
• Have you made rules for a sub?
• What are some examples?
• How have you punished a sub for breaking rules?
• Have you read howto books or taken classes on BDSM?

Ask about deal breakers. Most people have relationship needs they're unwilling to compromise on. Find out what his are. And discover whether he's compatible with yours! Also don't entertain the fantasy that either of you can change the other to solve deal breaker issues.

Ask about friends and family. His relationships with people other than ex partners may be telling.

• Who are your closest friends?
• How often do you see them?
• How do you spend time with them?
• If you have siblings, are you close with them?
• How do you spend time with them?
• Do you have nieces or nephews?
• Are you close with your parents?
• What do you like/dislike about them?

Reconfirm the basics. You may think you already know the answers to these, but verify what you know.

• How old are you?
• What are your height & weight?
• Are you married/separated/divorced/single?
• Are you seeing anyone?
• Are you polyamorous?
• Do you have any children?
• Are you employed, and in what field?
• Do you live alone?
• Do you have pets?
• How often and how much do you drink?
• Do you smoke or do any drugs?
• Do you have any history with the law/courts?
• Do you own any firearms?

Make up your own questions. There's zillions of other things you'll want to know about a prospective partner, for your own reasons. Ask away!

Be patient. Take the time and care necessary to get to know someone, on many facets of his personality, before you put your wellbeing in his hands. Avoid being sucked in by D/s Gravity. Don't be afraid to back up or walk away if it doesn't feel right to you. And be persistent; don't let the frogs get you down.

http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/howtointerviewdommasterprospect.html

Power play, obedience and the sense of self for the submissive

In society, we are dependent on the systems which are in place and which sustain our lives - systems which give order to our lives. we are conditioned  and taught from an early age to be obedient to authority, be it a teacher, police officer or judge.

When we are faced with authority we have a tendency to yield easier due to conditioning. we accept we are part of a hierarchy and obedience is present within our social structures.