Male Submission – The Worm
By ted_subby on February 26, 2013
As the first in a series of articles focusing on male submission,
this article presents thoughts about one of the archetypes of male submission,
the “worm.”
Men and women are different, of course, and in some cases
that goes beyond the obvious physical characteristics. Almost all of the
articles on The Submissive Guide are valid regardless of gender, but there are
sometimes subtle differences in application of advice even in the emotional and
mental aspects of submission.
One common archetype of submissive men is the worm, a man
who wants to be humiliated, degraded, and tormented as much as possible by most
any and every dominant woman he encounters. Depending upon the male sub’s
orientation, he may want to be treated this way by only dominant women, only
dominant men, or regardless of gender. There are submissive women who fit the
worm mindset but I believe that it is a much more common desire with submissive
men. It is such a common mindset for some sub men that it is a stereotype
within the BDSM community that almost all sub men are worms, which is not at
all true. Also, the worm type of sub men is sometimes not respected by others
even within the BDSM community, which is unfortunate because we should all be
allowed to be who we want to be, as long as it is Safe, Sane, and Consensual
(SSC).
Not all submissive men are worms. In fact, I believe that
only a small percentage of submissive men are worms. It is not at all
reasonable to believe that just because a man is submissive, that makes him a
worm. Every individual is unique and has his own needs and desires, which often
have nothing to do with being a worm.
What is a worm?
Even that varies by individual and many who enjoy this type
of submission may not even classify themselves with the term “worm.” The term
“worm” is offensive to some sub men who do not identify as a worm.
In general, a worm enjoys when a dominant, who fits his
gender orientation or desire, treats him as a lowly sub-human who must never
stand, must never use furniture, must never eat human food, must never make eye
contact, must serve as a human toilet, must never be temporarily free from
suffering of some sort, and so on. Often, worms enjoy being dominated by a
group, though this is not always the case.
Many subs who are not worms enjoy many of these mindsets and
even when some of these mindsets are in place 24/7 that does not necessarily
make a specific submissive a worm. A worm is mainly the overall mindset of
being treated as a sub-human to most every dominant as often as possible. In
some cases being a worm is a fantasy where the reality is being a worm part of
the time or being only partially a worm, or even being a worm only in the
imagination. Note that the term “worm” does not refer to acting like an
earthworm, it is a slang term.
There are subs who might be offended that I list an activity
they enjoy, such as not being allowed to use the furniture, and categorize that
as being a worm. For clarification, the term worm is subjective and it is not
the specific activities which classify a worm. For example, if a sub is openly
loved and cherished by a dominant and part of that love is manifested in the
dominant’s requirement that the sub do not use the furniture, then that is
likely not a worm dynamic. By contrast, if the dominant and other dominants
think of the sub with disdain (whether real or in role-play) and sometimes kick
the sub who is on the floor, then that may be a worm they are kicking.
As with most every sub, a worm has limits. For clarification,
breaking an arm is a limit for all BDSM subs, but it’s a limit nonetheless.
Many worms would not consent to particular activities, even ones which are
commonly associated with worms. For example, a sub man may be a worm but not
consent to being involved in anything in the bathroom. Also, many worms only
want to be a worm some of the time or to only be treated as a worm by one
dominant or by a select few. All worms are unique.
Many worms want to be treated online as a worm by everyone
who contacts them, even from the first message. The idea of a dominant sending
a message such as “Hi, I saw your profile and you seem interesting” may break
the fantasy of some worms who might prefer a message such as “You are a
disgusting pig and I demand that you send me a reverential e-mail in return!”
However, and this is very important, it is inappropriate to
send someone an initial message containing non-consensual domination such as in
my “disgusting pig” example. If a user’s profile explicitly indicates permission
to send a domination type message, then that constitutes consent but otherwise
there is no consent until the sub provides consent. Unless domination consent
is given, an initial message should be polite and neutral, without any
domination in it.
Similarly, it is inappropriate for a sub to send an initial
message of submission, unless the dominant’s profile specifically provides
consent for that. Many dominant women on FetLife receive frequent messages out
of the blue from sub men such as “Mistress, I worship you and want to submit to
you spitting on me and anything else you want!” This is completely
inappropriate as an unsolicited initial message unless the woman’s profile
specifically indicates something like “You must always address me as Mistress
and grovel at my feet so do not send me a message unless you are worshipping
me.” Otherwise, if you are a sub male sending an initial message to a dominant
woman, please be polite such as commenting on something non-sexual you like in
their profile or on a group message board comment they posted, and if she wants
you to submit to her then that can happen later once she gives you consent, not
in the initial unsolicited message.
Why would a submissive man want to be a worm?
The worm dynamic may seem very undesirable to many subs. The
answer to why is unique to the individual. Why do any of us want to be the type
of subs we are? As long as it is safe, sane, and consensual, then a worm should
be free to explore his identity and desires. We should all recognize that there
are many different submissive mindsets within BDSM and just because we may not
like specific mindsets, that does not make those mindsets any less valid to
others.
Is it safe and sane to submit to sub-human treatment by
every dominant? That depends upon the situation. For example, if attending a
BDSM party by a trusted host in which it is known that attending worms will be
free to be worms, and if there is some sort of screening process such as only
invited guests are attending, then yes it can be safe and sane. Just as with
any sub, a worm should judge the situation for safety.
Difficulties of Worms
There are difficulties which are somewhat unique to worms.
From what I have read on FetLife and other web sites, dominant women generally
do not want a worm as a long term partner and instead often want a strong man
who submits. If the worm is a strong man, there may still be great
compatibility if the dominant woman enjoys treating the sub as a worm a certain
amount of the time. However, I have seen comments from many dominant women that
they do not enjoy the worm dynamic at all, so as with everything else it is up
to the individual. Finding a long term compatible partner is difficult for most
everyone, not just worms.
Another difficulty for worms is that it seems to me that
there are a whole lot more submissive men who are worms of some sort than there
are dominant women who enjoy the male worm dynamic. I have seen comments and
profiles of dominant women who do enjoy the worm dynamic, but I have also noticed
that many of those dominant women who enjoy the worm dynamic are also Pro
Dommes and/or Financial Dominants. Consequently, many submissive men who are
worms often feel the need or, in cases of an enjoyment of Financial Domination,
the desire to pay money to be treated as the worm they enjoy being. In some
cases paying money fits the worm dynamic, but there are also many worms who do
not want to be financially dominated.
Is it too much to ask to find a long term partner who is a
dominant woman but does not need money to change hands early in the
relationship? It is not too much to ask, but as with any compatibility it is
not easy finding the right match.
How does a man know when a dominant woman requires money? If
a dominant requires money, then usually there is a reference to money in the
her profile such as “I enjoy Financial Domination,” “I love being spoiled,”
being a member of Financial Dominant groups, or being a Pro Dominant.
References such as those do not necessarily mean that they require money but it
is often an indicator that they do. As usual, it is recommended to read the
entire profile. This is actually a common issue with sub men who are looking
for a dominant woman, especially sub men who are worms, in trying to ascertain
whether a particular dominant woman who enjoys the worm dynamic would require
money to change hands.
Doesn’t being treated as a worm mean that the man just does
not want a loving relationship at all? As with everything, that depends upon
the individual. Many worms do want a loving relationship with the display of
love sometimes, though generally not always, being through the worm dynamic,
despite how contradictory that seems. I know one FetLife user whose loving
dominant wife treats him as a very low worm literally crawling in the mud of
their backyard and being intermittently chained and beaten in his own muck for
an entire weekend, and as a much less worm-type BDSM slave the rest of the
time.
In fact, even for submissive men who are not worms, many of
them enjoy when their partner is “mean” to them in some of the worm-like ways
or in different ways. And there should not really be any quotes around the word
“mean,” many subs desire or need truly mean treatment from their dominants. It
is a paradox: “I want you to do to me things I don’t want you to do.” There are
informational web sites for dominant women on how to be mean to their man, and
many Femdom fictional stories are about a woman being intentionally mean to the
man they love. Being loving and mean at the same time is a talent. And the
usual caveat applies, not all sub men enjoy when their dominant is mean to
them, it is completely up to individual preferences and it is not reasonable to
assume that a man being a sub implies that he enjoys anyone being mean to him.
Personally, I enjoy the worm dynamic from a fantasy
standpoint but the reality of more than just a taste of it from my dominant
wife, even in a safe environment, would be difficult for me at best. Fantasy
versus reality will be the subject of my next article on male submission.
So if you meet a worm, then please treat him with respect
because everyone deserves the right to be who they want to be. Or … if you and
he both consent, then feel free to treat him with the lack of respect he
deserves.
1 comment:
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