Acceptance:
Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants
needs and desires are.. Acceptance of your limitations and those of your
submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are,
including their shortcomings and especially to accept your own. Accepting what
being a dominant is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by
the needs within, but happy in ones mind
set.
Communication:
This is the ability
to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an
absolute necessity within a D/s one. A dominant should have the skills to
communicate their needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits or whatever
else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and
truthfulness of the dominant. Once communication is open it should remain that
way, and will do so provided the dominant does not stop communicating honestly.
To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (by not telling the
submissive your experience and other necessities) and emotionally.
Compassion:
The ability to see
and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive's
psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality
that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally and mentally. To be able
to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life
that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of their abilities.
Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your submissive, support him/her
during times of stress shows that you are truly a well rounded dominant. One
who realizes that a dominant and a submissive are people too. Without compassion
you are not a dominant only a sadist.
Courtesy:
This one is fairly
self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. It is
the ability to show proper manners, pleases and thank yous. To address someone
with a respectful tone of voice. A dominant should show courtesy to his/her
submissive and other submissives around them. Just because you are a dominant
does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your
peers.
Grace:
Elegance in the manner
a dominant presents themselves is an important and desirable personality trait
that many submissives say they prefer. The way a dominant carries themselves,
their style of play, no matter how graphic should still flow with style and
grace. Their actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted or confused. If
this is lacking as an inherent ability, the dominant should be willing to learn
and grow in this area.
Dominance:
This is the most
important trait in a dominant. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To
exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of
character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange
relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well being.
Honesty:
Personally I feel
this shouldn't need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack
honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and
truthful about what you say. Don't hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies,
ideas and thoughts. Don't tell the submissive what you think he/she wants to
hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And without
the trust, there is no true relationship. A successful dominant is an honest
one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when
he/she speaks. Most important is to be honest about your level of experience,
to lie is to endanger the very life of a submissive.
Humility:
This is basically the
ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a
dominant. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the
better of the relationship. (possibly to settle a disagreement, set limits or
things of that nature) A successful dominant knows they will make mistakes,
that they are no perfect. Sure they have pride in their abilities but they also
know that everyone grows constantly and they are secure enough within
themselves not to need to be the centre of attention at all times. This allows
the dominant to be open to learning new things and not have a know it all
attitude. This brings into play bullying. Bullying is using your status as a
dominant to push around submissives without any thought for their well being at
all. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A dominant who consistently
bullies will turn submissives away from them and lose the respect of their
peers. It shows a lack of humility and can also mask a poor sense of self
esteem or a possible abusive person using the lifestyle to hide their abusive
nature.
Intelligence:
By intelligence I
don't mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations
or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful dominant
intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys
inherent in the lifestyle before using them on a person. The willingness and
ability to research and learn about the lifestyle itself. The ability to make
informed decisions about what their needs are and how to attain them and just
how far their domination goes. The ability to take the time to learn their
partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn him/her as the
person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases
their submissive and remember those things. The dominant should not only take
the time and intelligence to know the physical tools, but also the
psychological tools of dominance. Along with some basic psychological aspects
of their submissive. (Knowledge should grow as people change constantly) There
is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use humiliation as
a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity,
intelligence, and skill
Loyalty:
This is a very
important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honour and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the
agreement be one of monogamy or whatever. Fickleness is very unattractive in a
dominant and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissives who serve
you.
Patience:
A good dominant has
patience. The ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating and not
being dominant. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the
proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait
for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within
yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the
intricacies of serving you and have the patience to teach the submissive what
you prefer.
Pride:
This is the ability
to know your capacities and realize you are not only a good person but a good
dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you
should be closed minded to new ideas. Nor does it mean you should be unaware of
your faults or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful
thing, arrogance or false pride are deadly. False pride usually masks
insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive.
Respect:
A successful dominant
will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive proves he/she is unworthy of such respect. A
disrespectful dominant does not earn the respect of his/her peers or the
submissives around them. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.
Responsibility
Self Control
Self Respect:
A good dominant
values themselves, and respects their own limits. A bully does not thrill a
submissive. A solid sense of self worth is a necessity for a dominant or they
can cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. This does not mean act
like you are the universe's gift to domination.
Service:
This is applicable to
dominants but not in the same way as a submissive. A dominant serves their submissive
by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant
nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the
dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that
without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive
the submission of a person is a gift. The dominant will therefore cherish that
gift, and do their best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an
exchange of power relationship.
COURTESY OF: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
81 comments:
We're from the United States. My girlfriend is my sub. We're both straight. Your comments on this website are most interesting. We're in the process of opening a dungeon. We've been taking applicatins from dominatrixes, running background checks, checking references. It's terribly difficult to find credible people. We won't hire prostitutes or drug addicts. We prefer women who have some kind of day job, but legitimate full-time people are being considered. We've reached the auditioning stage with three applicants so far. //
During auditions, I play sub. My girlfriend is there to observe. We need to see how good these women are at dominating men. Normally, I am gagged, but not blindfolded. I give the applicant broad discretion, with a few limits. My girlfriend doesn't interfere, but she has the authority to stop the session. It's been interesting. We provide equipment, although the applicant can bring items as well. The "worst" was this enema dominatrix. I was made to expel an enema with my hands cuffed behind me, while she and my girlfriend watched. Then I was whipped with a basic leather belt. How a dominatrix talks during a session is very important.
Outfitting the dungeon space has been a lot of work. We may rent space to freelancers, but we're not sure yet. Applicants who reach the auditioning stage are paid $50 (US) an hour for their time. We're going to require CPR certification for anyone who has client contact. We haven't set a schedule of fees yet, but the dominatrix will receive half of what the client pays. For legal reasons, there will be limits on certain activities. Freelancing and prostitution will be grounds for immediate termination. We are trying hard to set up a clean business. Unrelated to us, a local woman charges $50 / hr for "cuddling" services. Strange, but true. Her business is doing well, we're told. //
My girlfriend (who will work as receptionist) is resolutely sub, but she's gotten a certain kick out of seeing me dominated during auditions. At home, she likes to joke about it. She says that it's a turn-on to watch, something she never expected to feel.
(Continuation of previous two posts.) Our latest ads have targeted college girls (or college-educated) 5-foot-8 or taller, athletic, and with some kind of real work history (other than prostitute). The presence of my girlfriend at all auditions is a helpful reminder that hanky-panky isn't on the menu!! Now that we have legal counsel we have dialed in what will be permitted in terms of services and what will not. Our latest auditioner required some direction. She is an amateur dom (just as I am) with no professional experience. 26, 5'11", a former basketball player, she can hit quite hard with floggers and leather straps. My girlfriend was joking about my red rear end when we got home. A focus on healthy-looking athletic women is helping to weed out the drug addicts!
Wow, sounds good
Hello and well done on taking the plunge. If I can help at all, please let me know. It is difficult to find a good if not great Domme these days - there are many who seem to think it's easy money. To be honest, height is not a problem (I'm only 5ft4) it presence, demeanour and attitude. How well can they gauge their client, understand what's in their head, Knowledge of their specialist area, safety, how adaptable they are (things during a scene change direction) - To be honest I could go on and on - which is probably not what you'd want...But if ever - Skype is good. lol
Thank you so much for your comment - and if you ever need 'An English Mistress' let me know - I would love to have the chance to visit USA...
Dear Ms. Leyla: Thank you for your comments and your offer of an English mistress. If and when we get the operation up to speed, well, anything is possible. Please understand that I do not discount shorter women as dominatrixes, as there is someone for everyone. In Oregon, one Jessica Dolin did a good business at only four-foot-nine, until she offed herself due to Bipolar Disorder (see Willamette Week newspaper, "Death of a Goddess.") Larger, stronger women are, however, preferred by many, and are more likely to be able to handle trouble (although other security measures will be in place.) I have never been a dominatrix client myself (I only play sub for these auditions) and I am also not aware as to what out client base is going to be looking for. Locally, the authorities are not overly aggressive at pursuing "massage parlors" and spend most of their efforts on the street prostitution scene and on Craigslist "services." It is my observation that "prostitutes are a breed" and so our focus is on hiring women of good character. The dungeon trade in the Unites States is not as well developed or as respectable as in the U.K. and there are a lot of very seedy "lingerie modeling" outfits operating. State laws on prostitution or S&M are also widely variable, as is the law on entrapment. The dungeon will ultimately retain counsel and there will be ongoing legal education for all employees.
Me again! Your comment on adaptability during a session gave me another idea: I am planning to have each applicant write an essay as well. That will be one of the topics required to be addressed. The auditions so far have been informal, relaxed sessions of one or two hours. After I am restrained and nude, the applicant "discusses" proposed activities with my girlfriend and me. Once some parameters are established, in part based on the applicant's expertise, I am gagged. The applicant is encouraged to continue to "discuss" ideas with my girlfriend, who mostly sits in a chair and watches. My girlfriend has been setting the tone for some things, as she doesn't like having me verbally humiliated, nor is any kind of feminization on the menu. She admits that she now gets a kick out of seeing me take pain (from someone else), and she likes watching a dominatrix who is forceful and direct in that aspect. Obviously, her and my tastes will not represent those of many clients. The enema being the most humiliating episode so far, my girlfriend was in agreement with that dominatrix, as long as I was treated respectfully. The dominatrix gave a short speech about how she preferred a "clean" cleint (she wiped by butt afterward as well), and during the toilet portion she commented that I was "unable to keep [my] shit together" and that having "to lose [my] shit in front of two women" would keep me from getting too "uppity." The girlfriend was okay with this as it was done in a tone of good humor.
Dear Ms. Leyla: (Me again, from the U.S.) I finally took the time to review much of the rest of your excellent website. Your reference to an article on nerve damage from rope will be useful for many people. In our dungeon, only anatomically safe leather cuffs will be used. When I play with my girlfriend at home this is also the rule. I was so happy to see also that someone was holding a book burning party for Fifty Shades of Crap. I have been working on BDSM fiction for some time myself (since 2009).
We completed the audition process with our "Enema Dominatrix," the most experienced applicant we interviewed. She is a true fetishist, and not just in it for the money. In our second session, I was cuffed in back (wrists and elbows), gagged, and bent over for two large warm-water enemas in short succession. I was then strapped to a bondage bench face down and the gag was removed. The Enema Dominatrix "discussed" my humiliation politely with the girlfriend and me. I was then blindfolded and gagged, and subjected to half an hour of more-or-less continuous nipple clams and whipping/flogging on my rear end. Afterward, I was left strapped down, blindfold and gag removed. The dominatrix again led a polite discussion, during which she asked me questions about my pain experience. My girlfriend mostly sat, giggling, as she has a tendency to do. Though she is naturally very passive, at home that night she took more initiative, applying lotion to my rear end (which had mostly recovered) and playing with my asshole using her fingertip. She said that she was mildly jealous that another woman had stuck me back there (even though she understood the purpose). We will probably audition the five-foot-eleven woman once more, then she will be hired as well, as an assistant. She hits much harder, but is not as comfortable with fetishes. I expect that she will improve with training.
(Continued from last post.) As an amateur Dom and (now, with some luck) dungeon operator, this was my first real experience with "submitting" - if that's what you call it. Psychologically, real submitting would be very different, I'm sure, than conducting auditions. At amateur events, a lot of women have told me that they "don't like topping men" and that they "wouldn't be able to respect a man" after having dominated him. My girlfriend and I discussed these issues beforehand, and she does not feel any different about me after watching me being dominated - although she has never been involved with organized S&M clubs or anything. After yesterday evening's session with the "Enema Dominatrix" we all three did some reflecting on the difference between "topping" and "dominating," a concept my girlfriend wasn't familiar with. I am able to handle pain, and so doing these auditions has not been overly taxing. I could have had the girlfriend play sub, but I felt that I needed to experience this for myself, and more important, to test the integrity of our restraint systems. (My girlfriend is not very strong physically.)
The biggest turn-ons for her turned out to be (1) watching me struggle against the restraints, followed by seeing me expel an enema (2nd place), and the force and grace of the dominatrix (3rd). We will probably see the "Tall Girl" this weekend.
(Continued from previous.) Yes, tonight, we're on with the Tall Girl. My girlfriend clarified her opinion - watching me get smacked and struggle is the big turn-on - it makes her hot to screw at home and to have me spank her. The enema business she finds merely hilariously funny - she can't stop giggling about it. Tonight, I'm going to have our Tall Girl direct a one-hour session with me from start to finish, with the ever-jealous girlfriend to watch. Tall Girl feels that she is basically a sadist, but hasn't found her niche exactly. When her hire is definite, she will get to meet her coworker for the first time. Enema Dominatrix has clients whom she used to work with at her last place, and she may be able to bring some of them over. For now, it looks like we'll have one dominatrix and one assistant. Out of character, both have been most reasonable, without unpleasant "attitude." We all understand that this is about making money.
(Continued from last post.) Your article on "suspicious" deaths involving kinky stuff and spy agencies was most thought provoking. In the U.S., we don't hear as much about this as is apparently the case in England. The death of actor David Carradine in Thailand however fit this model.
Anyway, back to the dungeon. The second audition of our Tall Girl went decently, with my being strapped face down and subjected to an hour and twenty minutes of whipping and nipple clamps. Per my instructions, the clamps were cycled on and off every ten minutes or so, with my gag being removed briefly every twenty. I was not blindfolded, but the room lights were dimmed. Our gags are breathable for safety, and Tall Girl knows enough to watch for signs of genuine distress. During the session she was permitted to handle my nipples and genitals as well as to spread me apart for a look. I "pulled rank" on the girlfriend in this matter, but she does seem to be getting the jealously under control. I definitely reached an endorphin high after some forty minutes.
All three of us went out for dinner afterward and I brought up the concept of a "dominant masochist." Except that Tall Girl appears to be a submissive sadist. She admitted that she likes taking orders AND giving pain. She doesn't like to talk much, which is one of the reasons she'll be working as an assistant.
Tall Girl got into S&M through a submissive boyfriend, but grew tied of him for being wimpy. (I explained your description of the submissive "worm" and she understood this concept.) Tall Girl is attracted to masculine men, and likes to handle cock.
The girlfriend seems to be accepting her, and began giggling over dinner. She then brought up the enema business. She said that at first she was shocked, and then extremely amused. Tall Girl admitted that she wasn't ready to see someone "lose it all" in a toilet, and so the freaky shit will have to fall on her coworker.
Thank you Sir...enjoying reading your auditions.
Wow, you really seem to be enjoying this - eye opener too. I had no idea the US was so, how shall I put it...reserved? I always thought it was a very open society....My bubbles a little popped now.
How will you make your final choices? Maybe the tall girl could work as a 'switch'??
Dear Ms. Leyla: I can't speak for the whole United States, and I certainly can't speak for the U.K. but the prevalence of Internet dominatrix sites in your country, combined with the laws in many states (against sodomy, i.e. anal insertion of anything) and other restrictions on S&M (the assault theory of S&M, Massachusetts, New Jersey - Arizona defining a dominatrix as a prostitute - entrapment laws in California) mean that yes, I don't think that the U.S. has accepted S&M in the samw was as Australia or England. The general economic turndown has hit the S&M industry where we are hard, but the legal climate is pretty good.
As to selection, Enema Dominatrix and Tall Girl are already considered hired. I don't think that Tall Girl wants to switch professionally, but she's hinted that she'd like to participate (domme, switch, or sub) with my girlfriend and me privately. The girlfriend seems okay with her, surprisingly. Perhaps the good stability of our relationship combined with the fact that I like shorter women (girlfriend is five-foot-three) has put her at ease. The third woman we auditioned seems acceptable, if and when business picks up. She's a verbal humiliation specialist, but overall not quite as experienced as Enema Dominatrix, who's quite vell versed in all of the basics.
(Continued) You will please forgive my typos, as keyboard action on this website is somewhat balky. - I have printed about twenty pages from your blog in text format and will add these materials to the employee manual. They will not be otherwise republished.
We're a small operation and we're going after a discreet upscale clientele. (Good outfits are expensive!!) If there is demand for sub/switch women, we will consider this, but it's not on the menu yet.
Tall Girl has a day job, several actually, lifeguard, girl's basketball/volleyball coach, but nothing pays terribly well. Enema Dominatrix (who says that she doesn't have a specialty - I'm simply the first person to use that as her nickname) will have to be the backbone of the business. Tall Girl opens up and talks more with people with whom she becomes familiar - over dinner she questioned me about some discomfort I was evidencing when sitting down or getting up. She admitted to us that she was pleased to have made her "mark" on me (or marks). She also asked if enemas hurt, to which I was able to reply "not exactly," although I confessed that the two-quart filling "really got my attention." I reported how Enema Dominatrix lifted my chin and ordered me to make eye contact during expulsion, and then asked several rhetorical questions while I was unable to talk. Tall Girl asked if I felt "verbally humiliated" at that point and I had to answer, "no, not verbally." The girlfriend giggled again as I explained that perhaps she (Tall Girl) should have Enema Dominatrix "do" her when she is indroduced.
(Continued) Tall Girl reflected for a moment and replied that "if someone puts a tube up my butt in a sexual setting, I'd rather it be a man" - although she said she'd prefer a female nurse in a hospital. I suggested that Enema Dominatrix could lecture all of us on proper technique, and perhaps we could go from there. Tall Girl asked who would be the test subject for a class demonstration, upon which my girlfriend (predictably) nominated me. So, Tall Girl asked: "He's your Dom, but you still like seeing him humiliated?"
Girlfriend replied cryptically that "yes, at home, he's the Dom, but this dungeon stuff has more aspects to it than I imagined." Tall Girl reflected that yes, her opinions were changing on certain things, but that "having a man think about me every time he sits down for the next week" was still her biggest satisfaction, except maybe for a really good screwing.
And, back to legal (so dour and depressing), the first defense against getting busted is a good understanding of entrapment law, because unlike many crimes, where the district attorney's office is involved from the start, the police are almost always the ones who "set you up." There's the theory of "consideration" for services, what constitutes agreement, and the grammatical parsing of statements regarding what one has agreed to. Phone calls are especially dangerous.
(Continued from previous.) Dear Ms. Leyla: Just read your post "Time is money .. and the player who wastes it." So reminiscent of my experiences as a real estate investor selling my own properties. I'd say it's even worse, as I doubt if even 20% of callers had any ability to buy anything, and so many were trying to run some sort of scam.
The situation with the dungeon is this: I own the building which has been so outfitted. Enema Dominatrix, hereafter "Enema Bitch" or "EB" (her choice - she continues to deny this being a specialty, and merely insists that I have a nice rear) has proposed (over the phone) that she lease the building from me on a month-to-month (to start) and that she act as sole proprietor(ess). This would have the advantage of shielding me from liability connected to the operation of the dungeon. She proposes that she have the facilities five days a week, with the remaining two where I would have access for cleaning and maintenance. (She says if she doesn't enforce two days off for herself, that she will end up killing someone.)
Our third auditioner, Verbal Humiliation, hereafter "VH" also called regarding my plans with hiring. I informed VH of EB's proposal, and invited her to submit one of her own. At this point, neither Tall Girl "TG" EB or VH have met one another.
We (me and GF "girlfriend") made a social call to TG. Should EB's proposal or something similar be accepted, TG would be able to work for us one evening a week doing cleaning (and likely paddling my butt while GF watches of tidies up). TG would be free to apply to whomever is running the dungeon as an assistant. TG admits that she doesn't have the competence to run a dungeon. EB and/or VH would need to raise a little money for a first and last, and a percentage-of-gross lease is also on the table.
Sunday night GF and I got to bed early, where she explored my nipples (experiencing heightened sensitivity from the clamp treatment) and applied lotion to my butt. Overnight, she slept in one of her favorite bondage harnesses and I spanked her from time to time.
(Continued) No kinky action for a couple of days. GF and I went restraint shopping Monday & Tuesday. A couple of phone conversations with Tall Girl. She and I are about the same size. We're going to get together form some exploration of restraint technique. (She wants to get the feel of stuff for herself.) Girlfriend will get some voyeristic thrills, for sure.
When I began this business three months ago (still do not have doors open for business) I quickly discovered that every street hooker in America who's put a john in handcuffs thinks she's qualified to be a dominatrix. The three women who auditioned were the best out of at least a hundred.
Verbal Humiliation wants to get a cage she can lock clients in. Her style is very different from what I'd imagined a dominatrix to be - Enema Bitch was much closer to my preconceptions. It's going to be a few weeks probably before a deal can be hammered out. I need to run credit checks on anyone I'm going to lease the facility to. EB and VH passed a quick criminal recod check, but I need to know if they have major uncollected debts or anything.
The bullshot I heard from posers and flakes during the telephone interview process would make a book in itself.
(Continued.) GF seems to have accepted TG. TG wants to learn as much as possible before deciding if this is a career for her in any sense. When she has me bound up, she likes using her fingers for exploration a bit more than might be proper for a paying client. During our last business-related call, the ever-humourous Enema Bitch suggested that when we all meet up, that she could show TG how to clean me out, and then put a smooth metal speculum up my butt, to get a better look. "I asked: "Does this hurt?" She replied, no, that I just need to relax. I asked: "How far are we talking about?" She replied: "Three inches, about as far as I'd check you out with lubricated gloved fingers to start." Interesting concept, but Tall Girl doesn't seem that kinky - she's more interested in the physical aspects of domination.
(Continued) Tall Girl and I plan to play tie-up games this evening in the dungeon, while GF watches. Maybe dinner after. Enema Bitch is out looking for financing. My lawyer has suggested some addenda to a lease agreement for a sex business. When a lease is signed, I will turn over his legal research materials on dungeon issues. Verbal Humiliation is thinking it over. Right now, I'm thinking lease, but that could change next week.
On the phone, TG laughed over EB's proposal to get a better look up my butt. TG says she'll watch. I pointed out that EB's willingness to get her hands dirty is essential in a well-rounded dominatrix.
(Continued) Yesterday, I bound Tall Girl with leather restraints in a face-down, hog-tied position on a cot in the dungeon. Also bought her her own gag. Practiced smacking her with leather floggers, paddles, belts and straps. I'd show her each one, then smack her with it. Relatively light striking implements at high speed give a better effect. Many kinds of leather belts from second-hand stores are cheap and very effective. Rolled her on her side, and put the nipple clamps on. She bit down and struggled. After, the three of us went for dinner. TG is envious that GF and I have a relationship with naturally defined roles, as TG has decided that she doesn't like submissive men. TG is certain she doesn't want to switch in a dungeon. She speculated that if she and I were dating, that we'd have to have a coin toss or a game to determine who was going to be dominant that evening!
Tall Girl is much more "ethnic" looking than any of the rest of us. Her immigration papers said "Croatia," although she says she may have ancestry from further south. She's very dark, hair and eyes also, like one sees with some Sicilians and Calabrians. I suggested that her ability to hit hard may be a byproduct of communism.
(Continued) Since I own the dungeon space, I'm still not in a great rush to get the doors open. I gave Verbal Humiliation's phone number to Enema Bitch. They're welcome to make me a joint proposal. I want the space closed for business one day a week. Now that Tall Girl has a better idea of the feel of various implements, we're going to do a session this weekend of some sort. GF is getting the giggling more under control - S&M is serious business after all! GF is not exhibitionist at all - except that she gets exposed plenty at home. Tall Girl has no difficulty getting naked in front of those she considers friends. Her next idea is to play dominatrix in the nude.
(Continued) Girlfriend remains afraid (or in awe) of heavier aspects of S&M. Which is okay. She gets tied up daily, spanked every other day. The realy crazy shit that goes on in some dungeons (like when a sub is mummified in a rubber suit) is beyond her comprehension. Actually, Tall Girl and I don't relate very well to that stuff either. Tall Girl says she might be able to verbally humiliate someone locked in a cage - if someone else wrote her a script!
TG and I are planning to do something this weekend - not sure what. GF asks when I'm going to be getting another enema. Not sure about that either - Enema Bitch would no doubt oblige, time permitting. I'm thinking about giving the Girlfriend one at home. She's not afraid of the idea, after watching me get them. Tall Girl could learn a few more domination tricks/methods from me - her ex-boyfriend and she were total novices when they started, and she admits that they didn't progress very far. If EB or VH should hire TG, she'll need to learn dungeon protocols - which is different than playing with friends.
(Continued) It's evening here in the U.S., last day of the month! Just got off the phone with Tall Girl. We're on again for later, in about two hours. She asked: "What does Enema Bitch have going for her?" EB is in her thirties, pleasant looking, but not striking or imposing physically. Once she gets into character, however, EB commands obedience. She's also enthusiastic about what she does, but not overenthusiastic. Granted, we'd agreed upon some limits and parameters to begin with, but if you don't obey EB, somehow, you feel like an idiot. Now, I'd never been to a dominatrix before, and she was auditioning as an employee, so things were diffierent, I'm sure, but there's never the sense that you need to tell her what to do. Tall Girl admits to preferring to take direction, at least at this early point in her career. Tonight, I'm going to provide her with more information about my sensitive spots (nipples, for one) which should enable her to take me further out of my head.
(Continued) Endured a good hour-long beating from Tall Girl yesterday evening. We experimented with a tighter restraint position. Tall Girl, working naked, took the liberty to bend over and expose herself to me several times during the session. Otherwise, I was making eye contact with the girlfriend. At home, girlfriend rubbed lotion on my rear end and gave me a back massage. Tall Girl is doing referee work today (girl's basketball). I'm going to either collect rent or serve an eviction notice today at a residential property.
Tall Girl, GF and I will be socializing later this evening. Play may or may not be on the menu, but dinner will. I'm going to be showing her our library of S&M books. "Different Loving" is a good one for starters. I've got a lot of pics and websites from dominatrixes downloaded on this laptop. I'm trying to get her up to speed so she can handle the transition to dungeon work, if that's where she's going. By phone, VH and EB have contacted me to float several proposals across my desk. I'm not going to rush to anything.
Tall Girl doesn't work tomorrow, so there's going to be time for exploration, if everyone's up to it. Next will probably be some experimentation with tighter bondage positions. Had to take GF to check in with her parole officer. (She's a really bad girl, let me tell you.) Tall Girl barely even has a speeding ticket on her record. (The youth athletic stuff she does checks criminal records very carefully.) She's concerned if some dungeon job were to become known to her other employers, that she could be fired. She has a point - an Assistant Attorney General (New York) was fired for doing legal S&M in her spare time. Since she won't be head dominatrix, there are steps she can take to limit her visibility. Honestly, I think she can make $50 / hour easy. She's got the "look," and when she gets into a real costume with all the lace-up shit, she's going to be absolutely mind-blowing.
(Continued) Now, all of you are wondering what the girlfriend is doing on parole. Well, she dropped out of high school when she was 16 or something. Then, she hung around with people. Shortly after becoming an adult, she got into pills. This led her to a circle of "friends" who were doing rather illegal things to obtain prescription narcotics. These included entering people's parents' houses, stealing checks, forging them, and stuff.
Check fraud is a very common crime committed by young women, who are usually the ones sent to the bank. We know other young women, more innocent looking than she, who went up on much more serious charges, believe me. Unfortunately, her record has rendered her almost unemployable. Employers will often overlook drug crimes, if the person is getting treatment, but felony property crimes are very unpopular. Today, the GF doesn't associate with people any more.
Last night's session with Tall Girl went well. We have come up with some dialog ideas which she's making use of. In these, she is "training" me to be a better lover for the GF. TG explains to GF what she is about to do (flogging, nipple clamps, blindfold, etc.). She'll sometimes ask GF what she thinks. Of course, I have to lay there with a gag stuck in my mouth. Still the endorphin rush is getting pretty good.
Tall Girl admits that, without having had that submissive "worm" boyfriend, she likely never would have stumbled into this "lifestyle." A woman who was incarcerated with GF, and is still incarcerated, sometimes calls us. She's an example of the seamy side of the sex industry in America - stripping, prostitution, heroin. If she thinks she has the discipline and self-control necessary to succeed as a dominatrix, she's crazy. Basically, she's a psychopathic manipulator. GF is just somewhat immature, with impulse-control issues. Stripper Girl "SG" is however a skilled and practiced liar, something GF lacks the talent to master. SG has an attraction for real crazy stuff: needles, cutting, drinking blood, drinking pee. She might be able to hook up with right kind of kinky sugar daddy, but once the heroin resumes, things are going to go downhill pretty fast, I'm sure.
(Continued) In other news, legal opinion over here is that Amanda Knox will be extradited back to Italy if the high court allows her conviction to stand for the murder of a British student. There does not appear to any physical evidence directly linking Knox to the crime scene, all of which pointed to the African convicted in the case. Still, she didn't do herself any favors when she misled investigators. Reportedly, her "autobiography" has sold a paltry 36,000 copies. Personally, I think Knox should have remained in the U.S. (or perhaps traveled to England) where she could have made a tour of dungeons and S&M clubs. A few years back, some idiot in Italy managed to strangle a woman while doing a threesome with Shibari bondage. They were all high or something.
No news on opening the dungeon yet. I did give the girlfriend an enema (two actually) last night. She was in her harness and gagged. It all went well. Afterward, I commented on what a dirty, kinky slut she was, especially with her prison background. I have come to prefer that anyway, as I was tired of dating those stuck-up college girls.
We'll both speak with Tall Girl tonight on the phone, I'm sure. She's coaching this afternoon.
Wow, it seems things are going well. It must have been very interesting being in the shoes of a sub for a while. Dungeon seems ready to go, although timing is up to you as to when you open the doors
I see the seedy side of the sex industry a lot - girls owned by pimps, drugs etc - I'm sure its the same worldwide, although within the BDSM scene there seems to be a very definite upper and lower levels. - http://mistressladyleyla.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/mistresses-2013-essex-girls-slaves-subs.html
Dear Mistress Leyla: Yes, doors opening is a question of financing and business plan. Should I finance Enema Birch and/or VH, with a promissory note, I'll need some estimates on what business is going to be. That option is on the table as well.
Funny, as to being in the "shoes of a sub," while situationally that was true, it hasn't quite felt that way - perhaps because I've more or less been in the position of an employer during these encounters, under the watchful eye of GF.
Getting an enema was the most beneficial experience, as I've found that I like giving them to GF. As I've explained, we're more of a bondage couple than true S&M. Part of this is the fact that I have some inhibitions when it comes to giving pain (girlfriend's ass gets moderately red, not much more), and I seem to be better at taking it. Tall Girl is easy to work with, as she pretty much does exactly what you tell her to. The turn-on is the suspense. For example, the pain from nipple clamps is very sensitive to how they are placed. When TG puts them on me, she doesn't know exactly how much it's going to hurt! Similarly, I've instructed her to use flogging/whipping devices more or less at random, and to vary the number of strokes. Next time, she's going to play sub to me. We've been keeping notes on the effects of various pain devices, and we're going to use a video camera to try and determine striking speed. Until later!
(Continued) Tall Girl, as it turns out, is more complex than she appears. She admits to some rather wild, submissive exhibitionist fantasies. Last night, the three of us did dinner, but no S&M. After I showed her some attractive models in leather straitjackets, she developed a fascination for being put in one. After I explained (more ore less) how private S&M clubs worked, she got the idea to accompany us to a night event with S&M displays (there is a local "dungeon" space that rents out to clubs). She'd like to be straitjacketed, wearing a hood (mouth and eyes uncovered) and nude below the waist (except maybe for a strap). She asked if this were possible, and I said that I'm sure it was. I asked her why this was so appealing, and she said that she'd feel safe with me and GF as bodyguards, and she could talk to people, and they'd not know who she was but they'd want to fuck her. Since they couldn't, she would feel powerful. I suggested that she try stripping, but she was quick to point out that that would likely be the end of her coaching career. Point taken.
You see, a couple of years back, some "dyke" she worked with got involved with a player. The player was 18, so there was no criminal investigation, but the "dyke" got fired. TG says she thanks to God every day that she's straight and would not be tempted by a female student. She's not attracted to young boys either. I asked what if one of her students' fathers came in to a dungeon and she were ordered to whip him by the dominatrix. She said that she'd hope he'd keep his mouth shut, for both of their sakes - 'cause she certainly would.
(Continued) I added that if you Google "soccer coach arrested" it's all about sex with underage players. If you Google "roofing contractor arrested" then it's fraud, fraud, fraud. Tall Girl and I admitted to each other that we were both switches, though GF remains sub. When we play, we're considering games in which we use a coin toss to decide who does what, or drawing cards out of a box to see what the activity is. GF confessed to TG to getting an enema from me. GF said, yeah, it's real funny until you get one yourself!
Tall Girl still would rather be domme in a dungeon, or maybe 75% of the time in private. In public, like at a club event, she'd rather be sub. She wants to present a feminine image in public for one thing. If she quits coaching, which she might do in a few years, she'll be able to make herself somewhat more visible without fear of suspicions of "immoral conduct."
(Continued) Saw an article published last year (Psychology Today I think) where it said that in BDSM women were 8% domme, 16% switch, 76% sub. Men were 48% dom, 18% switch, 34% sub. Not sure where those numbers came from, although the low percentage of domme women certainly is believable - it's why dominatrixes make money! Tall Girl explained that she wouldn't want to date a publicly sub man, or lead a man around on a leash at a BDSM club, unless she were being paid. Obviously, she herself would have no problem playing sub at such a function, but she wants to wear a straitjacket or a lot of cool hardware! She's not trying to steal my girlfriend (whom I'm very happy with) but Tall Girl estimates that if we were dating, that I'd be getting 60 to 75 percent of the beatings at home!
(Continued) On the phone I explained to Tall Girl that the low percentage of dominant women, combined with a probable 3:1 or 4:1 ratio of men to women in BDSM might be artificially driving the ratio of dominant men higher. I explained that there also seemed to be a segment of extremely submissive men looking for severe degradation which might not have a female counterpart. The gay male subculture certainly has this, and a lot of the dominatrix industry seems to be geared to straight male degradation. Tall Girl speculated that any decent-looking guy with social skills should be able to find a girlfriend to paddle his ass with a leather belt for free, which I think is probably true, but finding a regular girlfriend willing to do extreme degradation would be unlikely.
(Continued) Yesterday, GF and I went shopping for enema bags. In the evening, I gave her an enema with coffee. Actually two, an hour apart. That's what Enema Bitch recommends. I mixed the hot coffee with room-temperature distilled drinking water before filling the bag. We've been reading up on enemas for health. Tonight, I'm going to put Tall Girl in some upper-body restraints, chains, a collar, and padlocks. Just like she'd like to appear at a BDSM club. We don't have any straitjackets yet. I'm also going to give her an enema - we bought a bag just for her. She agreed that if she were to accompany us as our "slave" to such a function, naked, that she'd want to be cleaned out. We're not planning on any S&M tonight - just enemas and bondage!
Tall Girl is very conflicted about the domination/submission thing. She's still sorting it out in her head. Still, she likes giving beatings, as long as she's "ordered" to do it.
Enema Bitch (she has me call her that - she's offered to stick me pretty much any time I want, for free) estimates that she can probably generate $400 - $600 per day gross, 12 days a month. Rent + utilities will run about $2000 per month. I pay property taxes and building upkeep. That leaves her with about $4000 per month gross profit. She's confident in that as a low number. The facility is really only big enough to handle one client at a time. She might be able to book more clients, or with an employee, book more hours.
(Continued) Verbal Humiliation is taking a "wait and see" attitude. She might work as EB's associate.
Tall Girl says she'd like her first enema to be coffee. She wants to get used to being in a bunch of upper-body shit for an hour or two - maybe overnight! Obviously, I'll be cleaning her butt. She says that she feels totally uninhibited around us. We've been looking for local clubs whild hold events, so me and GF will try to check them out - could be a while to find the right group.
(Continued) As planned, I got Tall Girl dolled up in an upper-body harness and a bunch of leather restraints, padlocks, and shiny chain. As might be expected, GF giggled as I gave her two coffee enemas about thirty minutes apart. TG wore a ball gag part of the time, but no blindfold. For the bondage, I had her arms folded in front, just below her breasts. After, I bought them both dinner.
Tall Girl's contract with the basketball league indeed has a "moral turpitude" clause. The adorably dumb GF was unsure of the difference between "turpitude" and "turpentine," as she was between "putative" and "punitive." No, she's not retarded, she performed adequately through the ninth grade, and there's certainly nothing physically wrong with her, but she's not entirely all there - although all the psych experts agreed that she was competent to stand trial or to enter a plea. Tall Girl majored in English, which she admitted was a no-brainer major for her - but it gave her a lot of time to do sports.
(Continued) From last post, a clarification - that was Tall Girl who got the enemas - not GF. Girlfriend still doesn't like being nude in front of anyone she's not being intimate with. She's most comfortable being exposed to me when she's fully restrained and blindfolded. The following evening (Saturday), Tall Girl played domme for a routine pain session with me. With GF's permission, TG gave me a kiss on the lips before she put the gag in. TG worked in the nude, exposing herself to me repeatedly, and handling my genitals some. GF enjoys watching her - she thinks TG is hot - but she insists she's not having lesbian fantasies or anything.
VH called on Sunday - she's come off the sidelines because she might know an "older gentleman" who might be willing to finance her to open the dungeon - to the tune of $10,000 or more. If true, I assume this "gentleman" likes to be verbally humiliated. Enema Bitch is still reviewing her own financing options.
(Continued) Tall Girl is backing away from dungeon involvement - I said that while I believe that the risk of an arrest for prostitution is very low, I can't guarantee that it's zero. I said that the risk of an arrest at a private club is zero - and she's still very interested in exploring the exhibitionist aspects. She says that right now, she wants to serve us in any manner I wish as a domme/slave. GF seems to have no objection, as long as she gets to watch and has the final say on anything sexual going on.
(Continued) I suggested to Tall Girl that she might have other options in a dungeon - other than dominatrix or submissive - such as pooping for clients. Still, she has not met EB or VH, but you see VH could have a client locked in a cage, and TG could poop for him on a plate. She asked, what, an enema? I said that glycerine suppositories were most commonly used. She'd need to eat a lot of fiber 12 to 24 hours before. And then what, she asked? Well, I pointed out that VH might take the plate of poop and push it in his face. She accused me of joking, of pulling her leg - so I asked her if it looked like I was joking. Tall Girl has this old-world quality - a peculiar mixture of openess and naivete.
(Continued) Had to reassure girlfriend about her importance in my life: she's cute, dumber than a bag of hammers, curvy in all the right places, thin arms, sturdy legs, great butt, smells good ... well Tall Girl's pretty enough, but more of the fashion-model figure I'm not that attracted to. Our last discussion was on "Is S&M really sexual?"
Obviously it is, but how sexual? For GF bondage and spanking is a major turn-on, it gets her about halfway to orgasm right there, especially when her ankles are spread out enough to generate tension in her thighs. For me, I don't actually get aroused taking pain from TG - it's still just the endorphin rush and the suspense from not being in control. The fact that TG is very enthusiastic and takes her clothes off and enjoys herself is a big plus as well. TG admits to being more turned on giving pain than receiving so far - but she's open to more experimentation. Next time I tie her down, she'll be getting an orgasm with a vibrator after I redden her ass a bit. Until next time.
(Continued) Enema Bitch and Verbal Humiliation report that they are cooperating on financing. They may form an LLC or something. The LLC won't protect them from tort liability, but it may protect them from indebtedness to creditors. I'm strongly leaning toward a "landlord" role as opposed to the "dungeon owner" I had originally envisioned.
Tall Girl plans to sit on the sidelines until a business is in place, and then she'll go have a word about employment. She's been reading over the materials I gave her on entrapment law, prostitution, and so on. EB and VH seem to have a pretty good grasp of legalities, but I emphasized to Tall Girl the need to "lawyer up" should anything start to look like a police investigation. Should she pursue anything of this sort, I told her she'd be better off in a limited position in which she doesn't ever "speak for the dungeon."
(Continued) On Tuesday, TG, GF, and I visited some shoppes. Bought TG a corset and a pair of lace-up boots. It's one of the fringe benefits of associating with us - free dinners and kinky stuff. Wearing the new items, but nothing else, TG gave me a good half-hour beating with a new leather thingy. It looks like Verbal Humiliation has a line on major hardware to stock a dungeon with, courtesy of the "gentleman friend." He's going to finance her with a personal loan, and I may likewise finance Enema Bitch. The plan is that my two bondage benches will come home with me. EB and VH look like they're willing to run the place together, and I'll just be collecting rent. Predictably GF wants a new corset of her own. TG didn't feel any more intimidating wearing her new stuff - but she looked more the part.
(Continued) Tuesday, over dinner, TG wore her new corset under her dress, which she'd slipped over her new boots. (She wore no panties.) We discussed coffee enemas and the value of a low-odor vegetarian diet. She's also afraid that she could be beating a client, and he could have a heart attack. "Did I contribute to his death?" she asks. She asked how many jobs she could get as a "poop girl." I said that I was certain that VH and EB weren't going to be taking their panties off to poop - so, may be. She'd just have to be booked for special clients - I said that most of what was likely to take place would be booked in advance. Certainly, there will be some place for TG in dungeon work - she just needs to figure it out. Later on, at night, the girlfriend played with my nipples made more sensitive by TG's use of the clamps.
(Continued) Tall Girl's concerns are not entirely far fetched. In January, 2006, as reported in the Boston Globe online, a dominatrix was acquitted of manslaughter after being charged on the theory that a client had died of a heart attack, and that she and her boyfriend had subsequently disposed of the body. The boyfriend, an Argentine national, fled to his home country. No physical evidence could be presented at trial.
Bought the GF a cute little ruby-and-diamond heart-and-arrow pendant. No kinky play for several days. TG is single, so we may meet tonight, otherwise it will be me and GF at home. Giving enemas to attractive women is fun! (Thank you Enema Bitch for a proper initiation.) I'll be doing GF once or twice a week, and Tall Girl maybe every other week.
(Continued) Enema Bitch, VH, and I continue to discuss proposals to open the dungeon. Girlfriend and I spent Valentine's Day at home. Saturday, I got Tall Girl restrained in more bondage gear (arms in back this time) and gave her a coffee enema, followed by plain warm water. GF watched and giggled. TG likes feeling like a slut. Bondage and S&M give her the freedom to do this, which the rest of her life doesn't. She'd like to try a suppository next time, to poop on a plate. After that, I'll give her an enema to be sure she's all clear before we go to dinner. She's been reading all the dominatrix material I've managed to download.
(Continued) Okay, a word on coffee enemas. Coffee contains caffeine (duh!) and other stimulants. These will have the same effect in the lower part of the digestive system that they do when drunk (maybe more). Six to eight ounces of filtered black coffee mixed with a quart of warm water, or room-temperature water, is sufficient for any cleansing benefits. An enema of strong undiluted coffee is not a good idea. Room temperature water is fine for enemas, even though it feels a little cool. No one should be giving enemas without doing proper research on enema safety.
(Continued) Tall Girl has today off, so I got a good beating from her yesterday evening. We used a different nipple clamp which has plastic tips and grips the base of the nipple fairly precisely. They're painful enough, but with little or no effect on circulation. Back when I was thinking about putting together a dungeon space, I'd fantasized about a six-foot-two to six-foot-four blonde, blue-eyed dominatrix. Sort of the opposite of the girlfriend - who's five-three with has brown hair and hazel eyes. I told TG about this and she offered to change her hair color. I said that that wasn't necessary - that she looked good as-is. Besides, today I'd much rather be beaten by one of my friends than some random dominatrix!
(Continued) Over dinner, Tall Girl asked me more about my blonde dominatrix fantasy. She asked where I would have met such a person. I said that that detail was hazy, and that I didn't run ads to open a dungeon with such a person in mind, althought I would have been happy if such a person had applied for a job. I'm guessing that this would be more some scenario in which I'd be picked up, like in a bar. We'd go the her place, and she'd announce what she was in to doing. She'd be a little stocky, but not heavy, long hair, curvy, bigger butt, pleasant, soft features, confident, assertive maybe, but not overly aggressive. She'd suggest that she'd like to tie me up, and then I'd go for it. After I was tied up, I'd be gagged, and all control would be taken away from me. We would have forgotten to include a safe word or signal. TG asked: "What then?" I said that I'd be given about as much pain as I could stand, for at least an hour. Somehow she'd know what was "too much." TG asked what girlfriend would think. I noted that when this fantasy first appeared, more than three years ago, I wasn't dating the GF. "Would you have sex?" TG asked. In some versions, yes. In some versions, I'd be kept in some kind of harness or restraint, and she'd fuck me. In other versions, she'd release me, and ask me to fuck her. In another spin on the idea, I'd be kept restrained overnight, and we'd make out, but we wouldn't have intercourse. TG asked about the first version - in which she fucked me. Was this a rape fantasy, she asked?
(Continued) How old was this woman? TG asked. I said 25-35. So, she asked, the rape fantasy? I said that that was a hard one. She'd be making me penetrate her, we're talking normal intercourse here, but under circumstances under which I'd have basically no control, either because she got me so turned on, or because she got on top and rode me or something. She asked if I'd be afraid of that, and I replied: "Only of getting her pregnant - or of a disease!" The scary part would be the pain - and that I'd not want to wimp out.
(Continued) TG asked, in our sessions, how close had she come to my pain limit. I said maybe seventy percent - whatever that means. I said that the turn-on from such a fantasy would be the fear part - from the pain. I'd be in some strange woman's apartment, and I'd not know how hard or how long the pain would go on. "Hmm," she noted. I asked if she'd pick someone up and do that to them. No, she replied. She only wanted to dominate someone under circumstances in which things were agreed on beforehand, or with someone she knew, like a boyfriend or something. Otherwise, there's no telling what could happen.
(Continued) TG asked how GF and I got together. We met when she was just released from a local jail. Then, she got in more trouble, actually new charges from an older incident. Anyway, it came up that she had fantasies about being spanked. So, it went downhill from there. She was sentenced to 15 months in state prison. We kept in contact, and began dating seriously right when she was released.
(Continued) Tall Girl wanted to explore the "big blonde" fantasy in more depth. She asked, "Why a blonde?" I said that I seemed to have some preference for blondes in larger women. Also, many Nordics and Russians have good upper-body strength - I want someone who's still feminine, and not like they did steroids or someone obese. I'm talking maybe someone fifty pounds heavier than she is and four inches taller. Maybe a competitive swimmer or something.
And so, she asks, why's that? I said that this fantasy was based on a woman who actually had a chance of winning a wrestling match against me. Tall Girl admitted that she wouldn't win in that kind of contest. Except that I wouldn't actually make this woman prove that she could win - because I'd give in before that.
So, TG asked, would this take place on a bed, or what? I said, yeah, I guess, unless she had elaborate equipment, but I'm talking about someone who's still an amateur S&M-er, maybe she has at least some good leather shit.
TG asked if anyone ever wanted to tie me up before the dungeon auditions. I said, yeah, a couple of women who admitted they were kidding, and one for real. The one who was for real was overweight, very stocky, and kind of abrasive. So, I didn't go for it.
TG asked if I'd ever have gone for her - like a pickup in a bar. I said yes, that she was pretty enough, but she would have surprised me had she came on with an S&M pickup line - like maybe I'd have had trouble believing it. She admitted that her personality wasn't that strong to attempt something like a bar pickup anyway.
(Continued) With GF looking on, giggling, TG asked, in regard to the fantasy, "What if the big blonde gave you an enema?" I said that I'd have known at that point that she was either a nurse, or much more advanced at S&M. I'd hope that she'd at least explain the purpose of the enema - because back then, when I first came up with this fantasy, I wasn't that sophisticated. I think another appeal would be such a woman in the nude, sitting on me, such that it would be even harder to move.
And then, TG asks, what then? Would I have wanted to see her again, this blonde? I replied that were I single, I'm sure I would, assuming that she had a pleasant personality. If she were a bitch, however, I'd probably want to see her occassionally, just for a good beating!
TG laughed, implying that I was suggesting that she was a bitch. I said no, this circumstance is different, given that I'm not single. She seemed reassured that I considered her to be "datable," even if not stocky or blonde.
(Continued) Verbal Humiliation says she's nearing a financing agreement with her "gentleman" friend. I'll do some kind of financing deal with Enema Bitch when VH has the money and equipment ready. I've agreed to keep the space available for another month for them to get ready.
Yesterday evening (Saturday) I was strapped down on my knees and chest with my arms in back and my rear end raised. Aside from EB's enema, this was the most exposed I've felt so far. With prior understanding of GF, TG kissed my genitals from behind, while I was blindfolded and gagged. No nipple clamps this time. The session lasted about forty minutes and I was whipped with a flogger. The strands of the flogger caught my balls a few times, not causing any major pain, but adding to the sensation. Tall Girl was naked and talking with the GF. After the session I was left with my arms cuffed but released from the other restraints. With the blindfold and gag removed, TG sat me down and did a "show" for me, exposing herself. She said that this was the sluttiest she's felt so far, doing shit to some other woman's boyfriend with her watching. After I was uncuffed we all went to dinner. Even GF admits that this play has made our private sex life better, as I've been more motivated to play with her.
(Continued) Aside from the dominatrix/slut role, TG admits to a growing interest in enemas and poop (with her doing the pooping). Something about the lower part of her digestive system being especially erotically sensitive. GF thinks enemas are okay, but they're just another way to poop (you gotta do it one way or another she says). TG also would like to pee on a paying dungeon client who's securely locked in a metal cage. She says she'd like to climb up on the cage, squat, and pee. There is a shower/drain area in the dungeon that would work for this. She doesn't want to pee on me, however. (Which is good.) She doesn't want to pee on one of her friends, but she'd like to have the head dominatrix order her to do it to some client. She says she'd probably do it for twenty bucks - the pay being basically symbolic. And, no, she emphasizes, she'd never, ever be a prostitute.
(Continued) Yes, TG wants to use S&M to give herself freedom to be a "slut" without any of the usual "downside." Having a guy all tied up and licking his balls from behind while his girlfriend watched definitely worked for her. The fact that she had me totally shut up and really helpless gave her more courage to explore me with her tongue - she said. Of course, she's not going to lick a dungeon client's balls. But peeing on him through the bars of a cage - yes! She's still paranoid about the "heart attack" thing - beating a dungeon client and having something go terribly wrong. She feels pee to be safe, as would be pooping for him onto a plate.
(Continued) I asked her about pooping on a client. She says she'd have to think about that one. The dominatrix ordering her to do it would help. She asked me about getting my balls licked - I said yes, that was nice, I was still a little nervous about my assole being that exposed. She said - oh, like if I put on a glove and gave you a rectal exam?
(Continued) Tall Girl says there's little danger of my getting a rectal exam from her - unless I want one! Then she'll oblige, if I give her some gloves and lubricant. She's more interested in her ass being played with - especially enemas and poop - if it's one of her friends doing it. She asked if a girl might ever be given an enema to shit all over a dungeon client. I said, yeah, I suspect a few places would do that - for a fee - as that would be the most extreme case of a "brown shower." She's still more at the level of peeing on a guy locked in a cage - but she's not ruling anything out! Could she wear a mask to conceal her identity, she asks. I said, yeah, if Enema Bitch or VH hires her, she can set her own terms. I mean, a "shit girl" in her twenties with an attractive figure gets to call some of the shots. What's appealing about TG is that once you get to know her, she really is quite nutty!
(Continued) At home, giggling, GF asked if I'm going to have TG do a rectal exam on me. I asked if that would bother her - she says no, not at all - TG can give me friendly kiss, play with my balls, or my ass, but that she's the only one who gets to have intercourse with me or full-on oral sex. So, fair enough. BTW, we've found a club which holds more-or-less monthly events at which TG could come all dolled up in a restraint harness with us. We're checking their schedule and entrace requirements.
(Continued) With GF watching (of course), I was beaten by a new applicant Tuesday evening (actually late afternoon). I'll call her "Thrower." She even looked like a thrower. I mean discus, javelin, shot put. Girls' track. A community-college graduate, she's working as a salesgirl. Pleasant looking but a little on the stocky side. Not nearly as pretty or as edgy as Tall Girl. Needed a lot of direction - seemed rather novice. She beat me for free for an hour with different implements I laid out for her. No nipple clamps. I was ungagged every ten minutes to give her my opinion. I explained the dungeon situation, that I would pass on a recommendation to whomever takes over the operation for her to be trained as an assistant. She seemed nice enough - probably easy to train. I discussed bizarre fetishes with her - things she will encounter if she enters the business. Her view of a dominatrix was more that of a Hollywood movie - superficial.
(Continued) TG learned of Thrower's existence. TG asked if Thrower would become part of our social circle too. I said no, that she (TG) was enough. I did, however, provide Thrower with my legal research materials on how not to get arrested for prostitutuion. I also directed her to websites which deal with the real kinky shit. And, now my ass is sore. Too many beatings in the last three weeks. Thrower put me over the limit. TG says okay, she'd like to get dolled up and have me give her an enema instead. So we'll do that a couple of times.
(Continued) Thrower called to apologize - for not doing a good enough job. I replied that everyone had to start learning somewhere. She confessed that her interest in this began after her boyfriend had tied her up a few times - and now she wants to tie him up. Except that he won't go for it. Problem is, after her session with me, now she REALLY wants to do it. I said that the introduction of S&M can change the underlying dynamic of relationships, and not always for the better.
Thrower asked if anything of the sort had happened between the girlfriend and me. I replied no, that she was very submissive from the get-go, and that I had enough experience playing dominant before that. Thrower asked if girlfriend was bothered by any of the stuff in the dungeon, like jealousy issues because of other women being involved. I said that we'd reached an agreement on all that stuff, and besides, she likes to watch.
Thrower would like to do another session with me, so I said we could do something in a week or so. I emphasized that amateur S&M was a totally different animal from professional S&M, so if she wants to pursue this as a career, she will need a lot of training, either from EB or VH, or from some other dungeon.
(Continued) I asked Thrower, given her experience so far, if she considers herself dominant or switch. She says she's thinking dominant. I said that her current relationship could be in trouble. She says it is, and for more reasons than that. I asked if she thought she could handle the really dirty kinky shit, and she thinks she can handle a lot. She's considering nursing as a profession, but it's another four years in school. I said nursing is good, from an economic standpoint.
(Continued) I've prepared Thrower a reading list, the same one I gave to TG. I asked her about experience with nipple or genital clamps, and she has none. I said that her next session with me would include nipple clamps. She said that the opportunity to play with me was fun, but that it didn't have the emotional resonance that an opportunity to dominate her boyfriend would have. I told her what little I knew about TG's "worm" boyfriend, and she admitted that that didn't sound particularly satisfying either. I suggested that if she became single, that going to amateur events and becoming a "player" might give her the outlet she needed. TG, I mentioned, seems to be getting the outlet she desires with us.
(Continued) I warned Thrower that Internet-based whores, together with the economy, have put the brakes on the legitimate dungeon business, compared with ten-fifteen years ago. GF and I are getting together with Tall Girl tomorrow. Looks like we'll be playing at home tonight. I do something with her on most nights - she's guaranteed an orgasm a day - maybe I'll use a spreader bar suspended from the ceiling.
(Continued) First post in March! GF and I played with Tall Girl this weekend. Nothing major; I gave her an enema or two and we tried on some restraints before going to dinner. Spoke with Thrower on the phone several times; she's busy with trying to extricate herself from her present relationship. I've been educating her about what I know about S&M. GF likes Tall Girl much better for some reason - I guess she's just more refined than Thrower in general. I think Thrower has a place in professional S&M - if she wants to work at it. GF likes Tall Girl also because she's very compliant and not bossy - and her figure's pretty cute. Thrower's figure is kind of boxy. I know that GF has "checked out" TG's private parts visually, although she insists she's still entirely straight. TG is, of course, all too happy to show off to her friends.
VH is getting closer to financing, and I'm willing to work with EB. I hope to have the dungeon leased to them before the end of March.
(Continued) GF and I met with Tall Girl last weekend. Thrower is dealing with "issues." Responses to our old ads for dominatrixes continue to tricke in. Most are from unsuitable individuals, but we agreed to meet with one this week. I explained the situation with the dungeon - and she said that she might apply for something part-time or on call, but that she considered herself an amateur. Early 40s, five-foot-nine, larger framed but pleasant looking, and an RN. She has two daughters of college age. Okay, yes, she gives enemas. She claimed only limited domination experience with two boyfriends. The girlfriend spoke to her briefly and thought she sounded nice. GF also said that she'd have a giggle fit if she saw me put in a bondage harness and get another enema. So, we're going to do a session with "Nurse." Nurse would like to learn more about restraints. She's been divorced about ten years (sexless marriage). Once she discovered light S&M, she says, her sex life perked up. Keep you all posted.
(Continued) Yesterday evening we did our first session with Nurse. Nurse admitted that she wasn't experienced at higher level play. She was, however, experienced with enemas (duh!), just not erotic ones. I was strapped into my harness, wrists and elbows, blindfolded, gagged, and administered a weak saline enema. Nurse exited the bathroom. Girlfriend asked if I was okay, since the door was closed. Nurse said it was force of habit, that patients be left alone to expel their enemas. After five minutes, Nurse checked on me. After cleaning, my second enema went to a quart and a half. Nurse asked if I was doing okay, then exited the bathroom again. Nurse said to girlfriend that "this was a first." GF asked "an enema?" God, no, Nurse replied, she'd given hundreds of enemas, maybe thousands. The bondage shit was the "first." Nurse returned, and gave me a third filling. Outside the room, GF again asked Nurse if I was okay. Oh, yes, Nurse replied, and "he won't need to shit for a while."
Once I was cleaned, Nurse led me out by a leash and collar (she brought her own). I was strapped down on a bench (still gagged) and administered a hand spanking (with my butt in the air). Nurse complimented GF on what an obedient boyfriend she had. GF explained that the dominatrix stuff was relatively new for me, and that she was the sub. Well, cool, nurse replied. Somewhat abruptly, Nurse packed up her stuff and got ready to leave. "Is something wrong?" GF asked. "No," nurse replied, "I'll do a session again, soon, if you want." "You can release your boyfriend, right?" As nurse left, GF locked the door behind her. GF returned, announcing, "this is too tempting." GF gently stroked my asshole, then, holding a towel over my cock, she masturbated me with her other hand. It took me five minutes to orgasm. After that, she cleaned me off and released me.
(Continued) We met with tall girl last night. Although the girlfriend took care of me as far as an orgasm goes, I was left a little frustrated by Nurse as to the amount of pain received in our short session. I had Tall Girl take care of that, but we didn't mention our encounter with Nurse to her. Tall Girl insisted on being submissive for our next session, however.
Today, Nurse called to apologize. She explained that she got a text message during our session and that needed her attention. She asked about the enema. I replied that she gives a very good enema. She asked about Enema Bitch. I said that the experience with EB was rather different, as she was trying to humiliate me, whereas being left alone in that bathroom gave much more of a sense of anticipation, since I couldn't talk, see, or use my arms, while she and girlfriend chatted outside.
The planned "closed day" for the dungeon is Monday, and Nurse asked if mornings were okay, should we want to see her again. (She works mostly swing.) I said sure, that was good for us. Nurse liked me with my ass in the air because of the view she had and the access. She wants to learn more about pain devices. I reminded her not to neglect the enema, however! Nurse has no interest in becoming a pro-domme, but she's going to look for a better outfit for herself.
(Continued) Nurse says that she doesn't do very many enemas today - she's maybe done ten in the last year. Some years back, it was as many as three or four a day. Her profession, she thinks, desensitized her to the erotic aspects of enemas. (When we spoke, early on, I was the one who suggested that our session begin that way.) She was most impressed with our restraint harnesses. I had to reassure her that I prefer playing with other amateurs (like Tall Girl) and the fact that she has no professional aspirations is good with me. She said that she might be willing to take off her clothes to do a session, after she gets to know us better.
(Continued) As usual, when there's been a new kind of session, girlfriend and I had a talk. She asked what I liked about Nurse. Nurse, I replied, is bossy, not over-the-top bossy, but certainly bossy compared with girlfriend or Tall Girl. Sometimes, bossy is good. I think that Nurse has reservations about giving very much pain, however. Which is okay, because Tall Girl's good at it. Nurse isn't intentionally bossy, in the sense of Enema Bitch. Enema Bitch is more of an actress, whereas Nurse is naturally bossy. (I wouldn't want to be married to Nurse, but for a session once in a while, she'd likely be refreshingly different.)
The dungeon should be opening the first week of April; EB and VH will run it. I will simply collect rent and have use of the facilities one day a week for manitenance or whatever.
Girlfriend can get bitchy or bossy at home (she made it to prison, after all) but she's constitutionally unsuited to being aggressive in bed. That can be hard to predict from someone's "street" persona: a few yeas ago I dated a physically small, meek-acting, outwardly submissive woman, "Debbie," who was very agressive sexually. Debbie had tended to attract an abusive boyfriend or two, and she had a penchant for cheating in relationships. (I was usually someone she saw when her primary relationships failed.) Debbie was/is four years older than I am, and I did learn some sexual stuff from her. She liked to climb on top and ride me. At five-foot/100 lbs, that worked.
(Continued) The dungeon has opened, following some eleventh-hour negotiations. Enema Bitch and Verbal Humiliation are listed as equal owners. VH is gradually getting her equipment moved in, and EB is handling advertising and marketing. Tall Girl has not yet gotten up the nerve to apply. We're going out with her socially tonight - to an S&M club! I have access to the facility on Mondays for inspection and maintenance. Have not heard back from Thrower. Nurse called - she'd like to give me an enema next week.
(Continued) With the dungeon up and running, VH and EB are not doing any hiring yet. They've also chosen to close on Mondays and Tuesdays. There is barely enough traffic for the two of them as it is. Such is to be expected for a new operation, although each of them was able to contact some former clients. This morning I was given an enema by Nurse. We experimented with some larger enema tips, or rather she did. We also used a new restraint harness. Nurse remained in the bathroom with me for both of my emptyings, while GF remained outside, giggling. Afterwards, I got paddled, and Nurse used a flogger on me. Tall Girl has been a big hit at two BDSM clubs we attended. She likes playing submissive in public, wearing her hooded mask. Other than her upper-body restraints, she's been going nude. We have a robe for her to wear from the car to the entrance.
(Continued) The dungeon is bringing in rent! They're averaging between one and two clients per day. EB and VH still have no plans to hire anyone. Tall Girl has been busy, but we may take her to an event this weekend.
Got together with Nurse yesterday (and GF of course). No S&M per se, except the bondage harness I was put in. Nurse's latest interest is therapeutic cleansing enemas. Three times, I was given nearly two quarts of warm 1/2 normal saline solution. As usual, she left me by myself, blindfolded and gagged, to expel. After I was clean, Nurse departed, leaving me in the upper body harness with GF. Seated on the couch together, Girlfriend took a few minutes playing with my asshole with her fingertip, before she released me.
(continued) Girlfriend got UAed yesterday. Her parole officer called her in. No problems with probation and parole yet (fingers crossed). She continues giggling about my enema experiences, usually until I give her one. Dungeon business is reported as slow. They expect to make rent with no problem, however. We're going to see Tall Girl tonight, not sure what we'll do. There is an S&M club event, we might go take a look. TG likes some events better than others.
(continued) TG, GF, and I had fun at our outing. I got TG dolled up in chains and handcuffs (upper body only). Her arms were wrapped around her in front, and I led her around with a collar. We did a spanking demonstration, and I used a flogger on her for the other guests.
Hello!! I haven't blogged since 1 Jun 2014. Enema Bitch will run the dungeon by herself next year. She bought out VH, who has found other employment, and will work for Enema Bitch part time, as needed. So, EB and I renegotiated the lease at the dungeon on Monday. Afterward, I was restrained and subject to three quart-plus cleansing enemas. EB then gave me a basic pain session while GF watched, before releasing me. After that, GF and I called Tall Girl (as soon as GF stopped giggling). /// Tall Girl was availabe to spend the night with us, as she does several times a month. Monday night, I slept blindfolded in a full bondage harness. Both TG and GF had access to me. Being bound for ten hours is a test of patience!
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