paul's BDSM session: A Review

Dearest Mistress,

Thank you for our session together. I have visited a few Mistresses in the past but found there was no connection between us in terms of understanding, patience and intellect . With you, I fell I have finally found a Mistress who understands my needs and is willing to be patient. I arrived at your premises today half in excitement and half in anticipation as to whether this meeting would again be like my previous meetings with a Mistress, where I would leave feeling empty rather than complete. As I left your dungeon, I felt only satisfaction at both having made you happy and also at feeling fulfilled. Thank you. I will hope to get some time off in October and spend more time on my knees before your glorious feet. Again, thank you.

~ Paul

RSS Feed Widget

Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions

Lately I have received a few emails from people who are finding it difficult to find the correct definitions used by the LGBT community. I found this one quite useful. Courtesy of: 

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/

Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions

*This list is neither comprehensive nor inviolable, but it’s a work in progress toward those goals. With identity terms, trust the person who is using the term and their definition of it above any dictionary. These definitions are the creation of a cultural commons: emails, online discussions, and in-person chats, with the initial curation being mine, then growing into a collaboration between Meg Bolger and me at TheSafeZoneProject.com. - See more HERE 

We are constantly honing and adjusting language to — our humble goal — have the definitions resonate with at least 51 out of 100 people who use the words. Identity terms are tricky, and trying to write a description that works perfectly for everyone using that label simply isn’t possible.

Some definitions here may include words you aren’t familiar with, or have been taught a flawed or incomplete definition for; I’ve likely defined those words somewhere else in the list, but if I also missed many. This is an ever-evolving project that I do my best to check back in on every three or four months. All that said, let’s get started… alphabetically:

Advocate – (noun) (1) a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group. (verb) (2) to actively support/plea in favour of a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.

Ally – (noun) a (typically straight- or cis-identified) person who supports, and respects for members of the LGBTQ community.  While the word doesn’t necessitate action, we consider people to be active allies who take action upon this support and respect, this also indicates to others that you are an ally.

Androgyny/ous – (adj; pronounced “an-jrah-jun-ee”) (1) a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; (2) occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy

Androsexual/Androphilic – (adj) attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity

Transgression, Transcendence, and The Edge within #BDSM

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

There are people using #BDSM as a way to abuse.

"Within this lifestyle there are unfortunately many dangers, there are people out there using the BDSM lifestyle as a way to abuse or use individuals under an umbrella of acceptance. Within each situation there are warning signs that we see, unfortunately sometimes we do not see these warning signs until it is too late. There are many people that say they are a Dominant are not, instead they are users, abusers, predators, wannabees, bullies, and manipulators. This article is designed to help people understand what a warning sign or red flag is, and hopefully prevent someone from getting hurt.

Some people think that just because they have read all the books and watched all the movies that they are instant Dominants; Instant Dominant…Just Add Water, and Shake Well. Just because he or she has a few floggers doesn't mean they know how to use them or that they are a Dominant of any form. Just because someone orders you around or attempts to control your life doesn't mean they are a Dominant. Being a Dominant is a menagerie of infinite strengths and weaknesses combined together with all the normal human mediocrities. It takes a lifetime of learning and growing to be a Dominant, and those that believe otherwise may not have a true grasp of the concept. Even as one is able to claim the title of Dominant, Master, Mistress, Lord, or Lady, God or Goddess, one is still learning, the learning is a never ending road that allows us to travel into the exciting and new dimensions of this adventure called BDSM.

As a Dominant myself I have come to understand that every Dominant does things in a different manner, and that just because what they do is different from what I do, it doesn't make what they do wrong, it just makes it different. However there is a difference between just being different and being dangerous.

If someone submits to you because they fear you, then you are a bully not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you give him or her expensive presents then you are a pimp not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you threaten to leave or abandon him or her if they refuse then you are a manipulator, not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you wont leave him or her alone if they don\'t then you are a predator not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you will beat him or her if they don\'t then you are an abuser not a Dominant.

There are far too many individuals out there in today\'s society that manipulate, abuse, use, and lie to others in an effort to gain their service and respect."

Courtesy of: The Iron Gate

RSS Feed Widget

The Spiritual Dimension Of S/M

"A knight should be bold, fair, courteous and well-mannered, generous and loyal, not foolish or rash, and should speak fairly without discourtesy. A knight should be all this, and also proud and fierce to his enemies, and kind to his friends." -Durmart

The Spiritual Dimension Of S/M

COURTESY OF: ChrisM of SubBondage.net

Let's begin our discussion of SM spirituality on something of a tangent: the people you have surely met at community functions who claim to have been "trained" in some sort of "ancient order." Some say they are "old guard" which actually means something. Others claim to be "the old school" or in "Classic style" which means nothing, or, more accurately, means whatever you want it to mean. Some describe Roissy-like training academies in Europe, Japan, or other exotic locales, and often stress secrecy and exclusivity in their lengthy, impromptu descriptions.

So far as I know, none of these ancient domination training academies really exist. No historical literature, no websites, no consistency in the stories told by "graduates" are ever provided. No pictorials in "Shiny" or "Skin Two" whose lifeblood is publicizing all things fetish. None of my gay brothers, who have a longer continuous heritage than us hets, has evidence of ancient SM academies (though some do find it a hot fantasy). Its true that in recent years, SM training academies like Butchmans in Las Vegas, have opened their doors to students. And For the past ten years, GMSMA has been teaching a fifteen session tops school for its members. The training of couples have long been part of the dominitrix's trade. And there have always been, clusters and communities where sex and sado-erotic activities were shared. Pompeii has frescoes testifying to this. Even our venerable Ben Franklin was a member of London's infamous hellfire club, an exclusive SM brothel, catering to the well heeled and exotic of taste. But if Knightly Orders of SM do exist, they do a good job of pretending they do not. Still I meet two or three people a year who give varying claims of having been through them. These purported students often speak in a hodgepodge of martial arts lingo, Gor Novels, and Jedi-knighthood which itself was a 1970's hodgepodge of Tolkein, King Arthur, and John Wayne Westerns. This sense of pomp carries over into the moody elevator music like "Enigma" so ubiquitous at SM functions, and use of prenominals like "Sir" which, in times past, signified knighthood. You see it in their solemn, deportment and in the Halloween-like outfits worn without a shred of humor or irony.

ARTICLE WORTH READING: BDSM Disclosure and Stigma Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education

"While participation in the activities like bondage, domination, submission/sadism, masochism that fall under the umbrella term BDSM is widespread, stigma surrounding BDSM poses risks to practitioners who wish to disclose their interest. We examined risk factors involved with disclosure to posit how sex education might diffuse stigma and warn of risks. Semi-structured interviews asked 20 adults reporting an interest in BDSM about their disclosure experiences. Most respondents reported their BDSM interests starting before age 15, sometimes creating a phase of anxiety and shame in the absence of reassuring information. As adults, respondents often considered BDSM central to their sexuality, thus disclosure was integral to dating. Disclosure decisions in non-dating situations were often complex considerations balancing desire for appropriateness with a desire for connection and honesty. Some respondents wondered whether their interests being found out would jeopardize their jobs. Experiences with stigma varied widely."

Please also read:

The cautionary tale of Dawn......

   - who found herprivate life wasn't so private after all...

The cautionary tale of Dawn...... - who found her private life wasn't so private after all...

My custody issues came about midway through the negotiations surrounding my divorce. My ex and I had already been separated for 3 years, and our children, both under 10, were living with me. I have a boyfriend whom I met on the scene, but we do not live together.

WEB: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk 
MOB: 07426 490 214 
TWITTER: @sinfulandwicked

Safety within BDSM

BDSM health, safety, and risks

RSS Feed Widget

A few things not to say to Me:

There is no such thing as long enough or hard enough...

i'll try anything!

i have NO limits

i can take whatever You do to me

I'm a real pain slut and can take serious abuse

You want to put WHAT WHERE?

my previous Dom/me

The results are usually quite predictable. :)

RSS Feed Widget

As a newbie, I was both eager and apprehensive about seeing a Domme

Dear Mistress Leyla,

As a newbie, I was both eager and apprehensive about seeing a Domme in person. I felt that my fantasy of a Mistress would never be quite the same as visiting a real Mistress. But, after putting it off for many years, I decided to take the plunge. I spoke to quite a few other Pro Dommes' in and around the Berkshire area, none of whom quite made me feel enticed to make a booking, until I spoke to you. I am not sure if it was your sexy voice or your relaxed manner but whatever it was, I was hooked. My visit to your Chambers was as near to my fantasies as I could possible get in reality, and You were the Goddess I was seeking. Thank you - many times over. THANK YOU. I will see you soon for our next session.

~ Simon

RSS Feed Widget

bob had more than he could muster: BDSM session review

Dear Mistress Leyla,

Just a quick note to say, thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

I had such a wonderful time today that it's almost impossible to put into words. But I'm going to try. :)

I was very nervous & apprehensive, but you completely put me at ease from the start, it's funny, I felt like I was talking to an old friend while we were drinking tea.

Please thank Master Mike for that? He makes a lovely cuppa. :)

The dungeon was amazing. Actually getting dressed the same time as you felt great, it was like we were transforming at the same time from vanilla caterpillars into beautiful, kinky butterflies. :) It thrilled me that you liked my corset & boots & thank you for lacing me up. Having Mistress, dressed in her PVC finery, pull me in tight, a feeling I'll never forget. :) I usually feel awkward wearing them, but around you it felt so right. :) x

I absolutely loved the way you crafted the session, there was a bit of everything & I loved it all. I'm beginning to think I'm more kinkier than I thought! Lol!

How you switched from sadistic interrogator to friendliness was a real mind blower! :) From bashing my balls to brushing me with the feather duster & climbing up me, seductively as I was in the chair. Did I imagine it, or did you actually lick my nipples? OMG! As I say, mind blowing. :))

Who would thought that a flannel & a bottle of water could be such a terrifying instrument of torture! Lol! Shit! This was meant to be a short note! Sorry. :) It's just I find it easier to express myself better through the written word,because of the stammer.

Anyway, to conclude. :)

You are amazing! I genuinely count our meeting as one of the most exciting times of my life and my only regret is that it's my 46th birthday next week & I'm sorry I didn't try this sooner, I've lost so many years.

I'm so happy to have met you as a person & have you destroy me as a Mistress! Lol! I'll try better next time. I don't know how, but I'm going to find a way that we can meet up with you again. I have to. You were right, I got in my car & thought "Did that really happen!?" It was like stepping out of reality into a different dimension & I loved it! I didn't understand the whole Mistress/sub relationship before, the bond. I do now. Looking into your eyes as we played, it happened...

I'm gonna stop now, cos I'm getting slushy. Lol!

Hope we can chat still on twitter? :)

Again, Thank you. :)))

bob

RSS Feed Widget

An adventurous BDSM Session - REVIEW

Dear Mistress Lady Leyla

I am more than willing to fill in your questionnaire but wish to take a little time as I find the whole subject incredibly interesting. I have already written eight sides of A4 on my experience and that is only a quarter of it. Plus I am still on the boil!

  The videos capture two interesting realization points in my make up. As we discussed most of these yearnings come from childhood. At the age of 8-10 my girlfriend was a sweet petite girl called Julie. Sweet until she learnt about boys dangling sensitive bits. She then got the urge to sneak behind boys and give then a good squeeze causing then too jump and yelp! She would never do it to me though and I was too shy to ask.

  I spent many days standing in the playground legs apart waiting for a tickle! But nothing! I found my parents sex instruction book. There were pictures of girls actually enjoying sex. There was also a description of a girl pulling a man in and out by the balls during intercourse, dictating the speed from fast to slow. (This blew my mind and was a first request years later when I had a lover.)

  When I was little sex was something men ‘did’ to women, how dare she do this. And then there were some photos of a girl between a blokes legs playing with him for her amusement. The audacity of this girl, why she was even laughing! The picture that got to me the most was the one where she was pulling him towards her by his testicles. “What a slut” I thought “ what a bag, what a ……..Oh! I wish I could find a girl to do that to me!

  So to watch a video of me being controlled by the testes for a part of two hour where they were continually worked is amazing, I really can’t tell you how happy you made me, a forty year dream come true.

There’s a bit where I’m laying face down and you pull my bottom up by the lease around my balls. You did this a few times and it really made my head swim.

 It was such an undignified pose and I felt you lean over as if to inspect me and said, “I like your bollocks like this” and proceeded to tap them with your crop. It was the way you referred to my anatomy that really finished me off. Naked outdoors pulled up into an ungainly posture and having your nuts tapped at the mercy of a beautiful woman. Heaven comes in many different forms.

 The second video also hits a spot (there were thousands) . When I saw the size of your strap-on I was a little scared. I wasn’t bluffing when I said I was an anal virgin and when you stood threateningly between my legs with a dominant posture stroking your cock I knew I was in for a hard time.

 You looked magnificent and you asked if I liked your cock. STOP, I’m getting carried away here back to the point! The video –  When you told me to suck your cock I did it all the enthusiasm I could muster, I really wanted to please you. When you said suck, I sucked, Lick, I licked. You let out a delightful laugh and reamed my mouth. I tried to take as much as I could to please you and even gagged! You seemed to be pleased, I don’t know, you said “take it slow” as you knew what I was trying to do. I tried a second time and got your cock to the back of my throat.
“Good boy” you praised, you can’t imagine how wonderful a little praise from you makes you feel.

 The killer lines for me at the time were “What am I going to do with my cock?” and I said “Your going to fuck me” you let out a laugh again. I had surrendered to the inevitable. You asked if you thought it was too big? I did really but still wanted to please you and so I was easily persuaded. We know what happens next the text signifies…..

  Kneeling before you at the end I was surprised just how much significance being collared had. You took it off and asked “How I felt?” Anything I would have said to that question would have come over as trite, glib and meretricious. Right out of the blue I leant forward and kissed your thigh, I shocked myself, it was a really beautiful moment and I’ll never forget it.

   You cannot put a price on something like that, five days later and I’m still in the clouds. I really cannot thank you enough – Beautiful

  To taint such a wonderful experience, one that is up with some of my best ever (I really mean that) with the thoughts of a documentary comes over as mercenary and sordid.

 That is not the case I am so fascinated by all this that it would be a work of love and would want to help you in anyway.

 Whatever I will see you again (if you let me) and you can thrash out the details. Thanks once again for the experience of a lifetime and the videos and , and , and ……. I could go on forever!
 Sorry to go on, I'm truly shot!

RSS Feed Widget

The Novice - BDSM SESSION REVIEW

Written by phil and moved here, Mar 14 2016 

I lay naked face down on the floor as my nipple clamps were beginning to bite. I could hear a rummaging as Mistress Leyla searched out of my sight.

“I’m just looking for something for you to ride,” she muttered deliberately teasing. I remembered what I had put in my e-mail but was she really going to go through with it? Earlier I was surprised to go outside and for her to fulfill my first fantasy but surely the next thing I asked for was going beyond her remit.

It was if there was a refusal to believe that these fantasies could come true even though Mistress did nothing to hide her agenda. It wasn’t until I was struck on my buttocks for being late that I really believed I was going to be punished. It was not until I was naked outdoors did I believe that would happen, despite being on a lead indoors going through doggie commands.

The denial going through my head was absolute and even when Mistress Leyla said, “I’m looking for something for you to ride” I still didn’t believe what I was in for.

“Turn over she ordered and I obeyed the long nipple clamps catching on the floor and whipping around on release as my body turned. I lay on my back and looked up and caught sight of myself in an overhead mirror.

Yes it really was me, I had final submitted whole-heartedly to a mistress and was awaiting more torments. I was in a dream, I congratulated myself for making it to the world of my fantasies but was she really going to shaft me?

I looked to the side, still not daring to believe and I saw Mistress with a large pink tapered strap-on protruding from her crotch. I swallowed hard as she expertly rolled on a condom along its entire length. I began to worry a little; the strap-on was at least eight inches long and when a man is going to be on the receiving end of a phallus you don’t exaggerate.

Mistress strolled casually towards me stroking her cock slowly, either to tease or torture me mentally, or professionally ironing out any air bubbles. She stood upright between my legs.

“All of our strap-ons are cleaned thoroughly’ she announced, to ally any fears. I did feel better for that information but with it came the realization that I really was going to get shafted!

“First I want you to suck my cock!” she stated with relish and knelt to my side her knees in-between my arm and torso. I wondered how she was going to take me, was she going to do me missionary style where I was laying, getting me to pull my legs up so I would be in the diaper position or have me on all fours and have me doggie style? There was a bondage table waiting menacingly in the corner of the room and I thought she would take me there rather than join me on the floor.

She offered her cock to me and for the time being I would do my best to please her. I didn’t mind being humiliated, that didn’t hurt and as long as her cock was in my mouth it wasn’t going to be doing damage elsewhere.

“Suck it!” she commanded with authority and I quickly lifted my head to clamp my mouth on her strap-on.

Rethinking The Body in Pain

Michael McIntyre

Department of International Studies

(Download PDF here)

By most measures, Elaine Scarry’s The Body in Pain (1985) has been a stunning academic success story. Continuously in print for nearly thirty years, it still ranks among Amazon’s (2015) top ten sellers in literary theory and counts over six thousand academic citations (Google Scholar 2015). Reviewed upon its release by prominent public intellectuals in New Republic (Ignatieff 1985), Commonweal (Wyschogrod 1986), TLS (Byatt 1986), New York Times Book Review (Suleiman 1986), New York Review of Books (Singer 1986), and London Review of Books (Shklar 1986), it has nonetheless not been until now the subject of systematic retrospective. While it has proved unusually fertile as a source of fresh thinking, few have extensively engaged its philosophical argument, Moyn (2013) being one notable exception.

This brief paper can hardly make claim to such an extended engagement, but within its brief compass it will attempt to come to grips with the philosophical core of Scarry’s argument and critique it on home ground. That core, to recap with utmost brevity, is that the self is constructed through the linguistic cathexis between body and world. Pain destroys that cathexis and therefore destroys the self. There is a great deal to be said in favor of this core argument; no attempt will be made here to overturn it. It will be suggested, however, that Scarry makes a signal error at the very beginning of her argument when she suggests that pain is sheerly aversive (1985, p. 52). A more complicated phenomenology of pain will be suggested in its place, and some of its consequences explored.

The Argument Restated

The Battle for Self-Expression amidst #Transphobic Street Violence

Anna Kozak

RyersonUniversity

“What I Wanted to Wear”: The Battle for Self-Expression amidst Transphobic Street Violence 

( you can download PDF here)

On Sunday, July 12th, 2015 at 11:10 pm, Alok Vaid-Menon, one of the two members of the Trans South Asian poetry collective, Darkmatter, posted a picture on Facebook of themselves in a dress. The caption stated, “The story goes something like this: Every morning when I wake up and look at my closet I ask myself, ‘How much do I want to be street harassed today?’” (Vaid-Menon). Vaid-Menon, who prefers the pronoun ‘they,’ answers their own question with, “This means I usually gravitate away from the skirts and dresses and move begrudgingly toward the more conventionally ‘masculine’ clothing. I consider for a moment how peculiar it feels that I have been made to find safety and security in masculinity—this thing that has been such a site of violence and anxiety in my past.” This post was particularly salient in the social media world, receiving almost twenty-thousand likes and producing valuable dialogue on what it means to be trans and gender non-conforming in a world that demands conformity to gender binaries in exchange for physical and emotional safety. This post’s capacity for discursive production, however, was not limited to the world of social media. It also inspired a movement called “What I Wanted to Wear” on the website, Medium, which is a self-proclaimed online

“community of  readers  and  writers  offering unique  perspectives  on  ideas  large  and  small”

(“About Medium”). “What I Wanted to Wear” extends Vaid-Menon’s post into a project centred around trans and gender non-conforming subjects’ clothing selections, fixating on the disparity between what they desire to wear and what they ultimately choose to wear to avoid street harassment and life-threatening transphobic violence. Each contribution to the project follows a similar pattern: the user creates a post that contains two juxtaposing photos—one that resembles relatively cis-normative attire, representing “what I wore,” and one that reveals the individual’s authentic gender expression, representing “what I wanted to wear.” The term “authentic” in this context refers to the gender expression with which the individual most closely identifies, although the notion of authenticity is often used in dominant gender discourse to dismiss trans and gender non-conforming individuals’ identities, which will be discussed later on in this paper. Beneath each set of photographs are quotations from the trans or gender non-conforming subject that foster a discussion about the connection between clothing, gender fluidity, and transphobic violence. Each post ends with the individual’s preferred pronoun use and the statement, “Feeling deep ambivalence about how we dress is something the trans and gender non-conforming communities experience acutely, but it’s not just about us. We’d love to hear from everybody about how we navigate self presentation each day.” I use the words “trans” and “gender non-conforming” in accordance with the movement’s terminology, although many contributors have more specific identities, such as “transwoman” for Aaryn Lang or “agender trans male” for Pax Gethen. This combination of visual presentation and text depicts clothing choice as a symbol of self-expression and raises awareness about the daily struggles that gender non-conforming people endure, which are potentially life-threatening, to express a fluid gender that defies the

“two-sex model” of binary gender, “radical dimorphism, [and] biological divergence” that has dominated gender discourse since the “late eighteenth century” (Lacqueur 5-6).