Power play, obedience and the sense of self for the submissive

In society, we are dependent on the systems which are in place and which sustain our lives - systems which give order to our lives. we are conditioned  and taught from an early age to be obedient to authority, be it a teacher, police officer or judge.

When we are faced with authority we have a tendency to yield easier due to conditioning. we accept we are part of a hierarchy and obedience is present within our social structures.

Throughout time, obedience and power plays have existed. Take the example of a soldier who has surrendered to the governing authority who partakes in certain actions, ( which they may not have taken alone ) - when questioned as to why they carried out certain tasks, the reply will be; "I was ordered to".

By submitting to authority there is a sense of liberation, a freeing from responsibility. the culpability lies with the one in authority.

Looking at My submissives, I often see the same euphoric liberation. Those who come to me as submissives do not do so because they are weak, lack self worth or have low self esteem. on the contrary, they are usually, if not always, competitive, assertive, confident and power hungry in their everyday lives.

They submit because it is invigorating, freeing and liberating. Submitting makes them feel unchained from the consequences of their actions - engaging in behaviour which would normally be unthinkable when acting alone within their 'vanilla' lives becomes excusable and justifiable when acting under orders.

Submission in BDSM is intoxicatingly blinding - with obedience comes exhilarating freedom from consequences. Obedience to the authority is determined within a scene by the legitimacy of the authority figure. Mistresses are aided in this legitimacy with the aid of 'the scene' itself - whips, chains, collars, dungeon equipment and the Mistress / Dominatrix 'uniform'. The visual perception supports the submissives sense of helplessness, to yield to controlling  authority. This perception of the authority figure increases the submissives feeling of dependency and asserts the power of the Mistress over them.

Before the start of a session, I will meet and greet My submissives outside of the 'play' area. At this very moment, we are two ordinary people - power and authority are irrelevant. As soon as a sessions begins and the submissive enters the 'play' area, there is a shift in perception. Aided by the aura and contents of the dungeon, the psychological effect on the submissive is rapid and intense. there is a clear behavioural change in the submissive - a nervousness, an eagerness to please and a desperation to maintain my favour.

The longer a session  or the more sessions a submissive attends, there develops a level of  habituation - they become compliant and familiar to their role as a submissive. feelings of hopelessness and being controlled become natural and accepted. the submissive feels freed from decision making process and the responsibility of the consequences. They are free to act and partake in activities they would never normally participate in.

Post session discussions are essential. 

The impact of 'power play' can overpoweringly impact a submissives sense of self (sub-drop). At its most basic component, sub drop is the conflict between the sense of self and what a person feels they ought to be. (Our ideal self is the person we want to be. Our ought self is our understanding of what others want us to be - what we ought to be and do.) Sub drop happens when the submissive faces a cognitive dissonance (the excessive mental stress and discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values ) over their actions and experiences during the session. A negative reaction is when the submissive faces the fact that they willingly participated in something they would not normally have participated in, that they allowed themselves to be degraded, humiliated, bound, restrained and tortured - events which are conflicting with their sense of self. Their sense of self is challenged when it doesn't match up with who they think they ought to be. this can be very depressing and frightening.  It is essential to allow the submissive to re integrate within their self and break the phase of role play- and this is best done post session.

Discussing the session, the activities, the role play allows both parties to break the scene and share feelings, desires sand once again become two ordinary people.