We talked with Melek Okan, the mother of İrem Okan who was
the victim of a transphobic hate crime in Bursa in 2010: “I still have contact
with the other daughters. One of our daughters has recently undergone surgery.
I hatefully condemn the people who do not employ our daughters. Remember not
only İrem but also Ecem who was killed a year later.”
Melek Okan, the mother of İrem Okan [who died as a result of
a transphobic hate crime in Bursa in 2010], joined the film screening of “My
Child” (“Benim Çocuğum”) in Bursa. Melek Okan gave the film its name with her
remarks about her child: “They could not find a place for my child to live in
this big world.” We had a conversation about what she went through.
First, she said that she liked the documentary very much.
She remembered İrem and added: “This film is such a great thing. It made me
wish my child was alive to see it. But I am really happy for the other
daughters.”
“I want the killer to live through what my daughter lived through”
Stating that the lawsuit process is going very well, Melek
Okan still has not found what she expected. Her anguish is still alive. During
the conversation she often recalled that
her daughter died in pain: “But that murderer still breathes. I want the killer
to live through what my child lived through.”
Okan emphasizes that the mothers from LISTAG were always
with her after İrem was murdered. She insistently added: “Other daughters were
also with me. They stood by me. They welcomed me into their homes. They shared
everything with me.”
“I talk with the other daughters; one of our daughters is sewing a costume for me”
Melek Okan says that she still keeps in touch with İrem’s
friends. She says that one of her friends recently underwent sex-reassignment
surgery: “One of our daughters underwent surgery. I stayed with her. I took her
to Bandırma. We went to Umrah (the holy pilgrimage to Mecca). I saved money for
her to go to Umrah. I have included that daughter in gatherings with my
friends. She is taking a sewing course; I brought her customers and she sews
costumes for me. I also talk with the other daughters. I would like them to
come here but… they do not want to be revealed.”
During our conversation, mother Melek asked me this:
“Yıldız, do you get along well with your mother? Do you see each other? Moms
always love their children. They sometimes make you upset, though; do not
forget this, my child, will you?”
Regarding the question about the current situation Okan
says: “We have reached a great point now; I think we will go further for the
better. If I had chance, I would like to join the movement. But I do not have
physical and financial means. If I had, I would pour my fortune into this
cause. I would buy a house for each girl.”“I hatefully condemn the people who do not employ our daughters”
We talked about the employment problem of trans people.
Melek Okan is very angry. She hatefully condemns those who do not employ trans
people. She reminds me of the story of Dilara, another friend of İrem: “This
daughter started to work in a dowry atelier through her own effort; but she
worked in a cold, segregated corner, facing away from everyone as if they were
punishing a child. She made so many ornaments each day. But she could only work
for 20 days. Her boss preferred someone else even though they did not work as
much as her. I got very upset about her. She could not find a job. She was
contented with working in that situation. The money she earns is 100 liras a
week; she does not want insurance or lunch.”
“Ecem was also killed; do not forget”
I remind Melek Okan that at the beginning and the end of the
“My Child” documentary were her remarks. She said that she loved it. But she
has a heavy heart: “I loved it when I saw the sentences because they did not
forget. There was also Ecem. They murdered Ecem as well, one year after Irem.
But she just disappeared because her family did not stand by her. However, my
child will always live in my memories. Remember Ecem as well, will you not you,
Yıldız? Just make a little note [of her].”
“I always see my child in my dreams as her trans self”
We turn off the recorder. I say I do not want to remind her
of her pain. Wiping her tears she says, “I live my pain everyday; turn on the
recorder, I will say a few more things.”
The last words of Melek Okan are that she sees İrem in her
dreams. She says that she sees İrem in her dreams with her physically
reassigned look: “I was not going to come here; I did not want to relive my
pain. I saw her in my dreams for two nights. I saw her in Istanbul. “Mom, I am
not dead. I am far away,” she said. I saw her as a trans woman. I always see
her like that in my dreams.”
Source: Yıldız Tar, “Öldürülen Transın Annesi: Kızlarımıza İş Vermeyenleri Kınıyorum” (“The Mother of Murdered Trans Woman: I Condemn the People Who Do Not Employ Our Daughters”), Kaos GL http://kaosgl.org/sayfa.php?id=15540
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