BDSM 101 - an Introductory Guide to Humiliation Play for Consenting Adults

Humiliation, according to Wikipedia, is an abasement of pride or mortification. It is the state of being reduced to lowliness or submission. An example of humiliation is: "You are such a dirty little bitch."

Degradation, according to the same source, is the reduction of rank, character or reputation of a person. An example of degradation is: "If you were any fatter, we would have to get rid of your worthless ass."

See the difference?

In play though, there are various ways of humiliating a submissive. First you can have the submissive beg for the privilege of being humiliated. Make them aware that you are doing them a favor by doing it for them. You can use the dirty, sexy, kinky words we all generally do not use like the word "whore". Then you can have them do humiliating things like drinking water from a bowl with no hands or parading them on a leash in front of other people. It all depends on the submissive. Even having them display themselves in a way that they would never even consider could be extremely humiliating. Puppy play and infantilism has some definite elements of humiliation as well. Both of these role play situations clearly show the need to balance care and love with the humiliation. Some submissives need far less to become mortified or ashamed. As it is a lot of submissives are ashamed of being submissive in the first place and having them ask for what shames them, is a great way of putting a submissive right back into his or her place.

When it comes to the use of words like "useless", "worthless" and "fat", please think before you use those words, as it is a trigger to many and you could cause emotional distress. You need to assure your submissive that this is play and that they are still your cherished girl or boy before you commence. You also need to make sure that you constantly monitor their reactions. One word can cause trauma sometimes. I know I had a trigger with the word "useless". Once you become aware that the submissive has withdrawn or is hurt, stop the play or tell them how much they are loved before you go on. This type of play has been known to help people reclaim words like "useless" by making it a word associated with erotic fun.

Degradation play is a form of edge play and can be a really rewarding experience if both parties have negotiated the limits and stick to the rules. Being vulnerable will help a submissive get through the worst in a scene like this and also communicating honestly after the scene, will help enhance the experience for both players. The top or dominant can help a person to break down barriers as well and use this as shock treatment. Make sure that the bottom or submissive knows implicitly that nothing that is being said or done has any bearing on their character and make sure that they do not hurt themselves as a result. Also make sure that these words do not become a self-fulfilling prophecy for the bottom or submissive.

Next time you hear the words: "Whose little whore are you?" from your dominant or kinky partner, remember that this is a form of humiliation. It is not that easy to dismiss that type of play out of hand then, is it? You never know, you might have been addicted to this type of play without even knowing that you have been playing for a very long time?

COURTESY OF: BEA AMOR