Is the BDSM Lifestyle a Healing Experience for Submissives or Dominants Recovering from Trauma?

One of the most pervasive questions asked by those wanting to join the BDSM lifestyle and some of the people already in the lifestyle for a limited time, is whether BDSM actually is beneficial when it comes to healing emotional and psychological trauma. People want to know whether this will help them to overcome a rape or childhood abuse. I believe that it can and does help in conjunction with therapy. I would not stop seeing the therapist and I definitely would not stop taking medication if I had been taking it.
This leads to another question of course. Are there more people in the lifestyle with abuse in their pasts than elsewhere? Statistics indicate that the incidence of this in the lifestyle is no higher than in any other community. Yes, I know many who have been abused, but I also know a big group of people who seem to have had a lovely childhood and still have parents who support them in everything they do.

Keeping this in mind, let us take the case of a 20-year-old submissive that was raped when she was 18 by a group of men. She went through the disturbing process of reporting it and the police have never been able to find the culprits. She is afraid most of the time, cowers when she is surrounded by men and feels the need to have sex with as many men as she can to prove that it will not hurt her. She also subconsciously is trying to prove that she deserved to be raped by being such a whore. She eats a lot in order to make herself look less attractive. Men don't rape fatter women, do they? She has no self-confidence and she cries a lot.

She meets a dominant man in her travels around the town and he does not take her sexually. He takes her close to it, but keeps her in suspense. He does not allow her to move on either as his power and kindness keeps her attracted to him. He throws out all the frumpy cover-ups she has taken to buying and promptly puts her on a diet. He compensates for this by allowing her to bring all her thoughts and emotions to him even when they are to scream and shout rage at him, even though he only represents the men that have done this to her by virtue of being male. He takes her to the therapist and sits outside, waiting for her until she is done every week and makes sure that she takes her medication, on pain of punishment should she not.

They talk about recreating the scene and reclaiming it for her with the therapist. The therapist helps here by giving his or her opinion on what aspects they should be careful of in this fantasy. All of this is taken into account in the planning. The submissive is now 20 pounds lighter and wears attractive clothing. Her self-confidence is soaring because she is treated like a cherished woman even though she still struggles to be open when they are sexual. Little by little her dominant coaxes her out of her shell of fear and gets her to initiate an intimate love making session at last. Sex has now become different again. There is no drive to prove something and she does not feel like an object that should only be used anymore.

All of this could have been accomplished in a vanilla relationship too of course, but the next step is where most vanilla men would never go. The dominant actually organizes for a group of his friends to use his submissive for their pleasure sexually. He does not do this until his control is clearly established and he has made sure that she is emotionally ready. He does not do so before he is reasonably convinced that she will be able to get through this and find it to be erotic instead of threatening. It happens and she flies through it. Her enjoyment increases as the scene unfolds and she revels in the power she has in this scene as opposed to feeling helpless in the rape. In the rape she was forced. During this scene she gives her consent and she finds that she can be whole even when her nightmare scenario plays itself out. She might have some bad moments, but the scene is either slowed down or stopped if this should happen, so she feels much safer.

A new experience is established with the same scenario being played out. She no longer feels threatened and cheap, but loved and appreciated. Healing comes about in this scenario. This is also only an example on how something can be reclaimed. Many other things come to mind such as verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual harassment etc.

This article basically claims that traumatic events can be reclaimed and healing brought about by participating in BDSM. I do not feel like serious mental disorders could be treated in this lifestyle. I do not see this as the perfect solution for someone who is bipolar or severely depressed. Therapy is the answer there. When any situation is being reclaimed though, both parties must make sure that it is done responsibly, safely and sanely.

COURTESY OF Bea Amor