Reading MUNCH

Courtesy of http://www.readingmunch.org.uk/

1: Where does the word munch come from?

The very first one, called a "Burger munch" because it was held at a burger place, was arranged by STella in Palo Alto, California in 1992. The idea was for people who read alt.sex.bondage (the precursor to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm) to get together in person to meet one another, eat and chat. Now it is shortened to munch, a cross between a meet and lunch.

2: What is a munch?

A munch is a get together of like minded people in a non threatening environment. It is usually held in a pub, cafe or bar. You can come and go as you like within the times posted.

3: What a munch isn't.

It isn't a secret society; you don't have to be a member to get in; you don't have to join, so it doesn't cost you any money; it isn't held behind closed doors; there is no secret password to remember in order to get in; you can leave any time you like (no closed doors, remember); there are no forms to fill in or sign; you don't have to report to anyone, or make a speech, or stand up and introduce yourselves. (thank you Master Curian for this description) I will add a few more of my own : it's not a personals club or a how-to demonstration; it's not a play party, and it's not a place to come and pick people up for sex or play.

4: How will I know who the other munch goers are?

Most munch organisers will provide full details of the venue on request. The usual sign of a munch is a local A-Z prominently displayed. People will be in this designated area which may or may not be away from the general public. Most munch organisers will introduce you to some of the regulars, so you aren't left to stand or sit on your own.

5: What do I wear?

You wear whatever you feel comfortable in, and would normally go to the pub in is what i normally tell people. It isn't a fashion show, and fetish wear isn't encouraged, in fact it is not acceptable at a vanilla munch. A lot of munches will state street clothes as the acceptable norm. You must remember there will be other non scene people using the same venue, and you don't want to draw attention to yourself, or make them feel uncomfortable. Collars that are worn as part of an M/s or D/s relationship in everyday life (ie not removed when a scene is over) should not be objected to, but it is best to check with the munch organiser.

6: Is a munch a place to find a partner?

This is a question that comes up time and time again. Primarily a munch is a social event in which to to meet likeminded people of all genders and sexualities with the common interest of one aspect of BDSM. I usually tell new people not to expect to find a partner, but to just come along and get to know people. Don't go to a munch with the expectation of finding the person of your dreams, then you won't be disappointed. However go with the thought of making new friends and i am sure you will find this will happen.

7: What happens if I go to a munch and my boss/neighbour/friend is there?

This i think is quite a worry for everyone, the thought of bumping into someone you know at a munch. Well, the simple answer is that if they are at a munch they are there for the exact same reason as you are! They will be just as suprised as you are, but i think you will find once you both get over the suprise you will both benfit from knowing yet another like minded person.

8: Am I too old/young to go to a munch?

If you are old enough to go to a pub legally ie 18 or over then you are old enough to attend a munch. The nice thing about a munch is there are no age restrictions (other than the legal ones of course). It's not all young people, far from it. All ages will be represented at most munches. You are never too old to attend your first munch.

9: How many people usually attend?

This varies from munch to munch. It can be as few as 6 to a hundred. Usually the Liverpool munches have between 20-30 people there.

10: Do people use their real names or nicknames?

This again is entirely up to the person, and how comfortable they feel, and how much personal info they want to give about themselves. The main thing is that it is your choice entirely. No pressure will be placed on you to give out information you don't feel happy with others knowing. It's best not to give both real name and nick though as it does lead to confusion, so try and decide before you get there which it is to be.

11: What is a meet and greet policy?

Many munches now offer this service. It means that the munch organisers will be standing/sitting near to the entrance and will be watching out for people. They will say hello, explain about the set up of the particular munch ie where to order food, times it is served, where the toilets are etc and introduce you to other people. Thus ensuring you aren't left alone to nervously make the first move to talk to people. Most who offer this service are quite happy to correspond beforehand to answer questions and put you at ease.

12: I don't have a partner can i come alone?

Yes, there tend to be more single people than couples attend a munch, so you won't feel the odd one out if you come alone.

13: I've heard more men got to munches than females?

Yes, at most munches there is a bigger male to female ratio. I am not sure why this happens, although at one Manchester munch there was a 3:1 female to male ratio, so its not always true. Hopefully now more munches are being organised with meet and greet policies it will make it easier for new females to attend.

14: I am completely new to all of this, will I feel out of place?

Not at all. There are all levels of experience from total newbies through to those who have lived all of their adult years in the lifestyle. In some ways that's what makes munches a great place to socialise. You can ask questions, and usually someone will have an answer for you. No-one is going to make you feel stupid or intimidated for not knowing. We all remember we were all new at one time, and unless you ask, you will never know. The main thing is to try to relax and be yourself.

15: How do i approach the munch, what do i say when i get there?

The usual "is this the munch" is acceptable. If you have mistakingly approached the wrong group of people they will look blankly at you and you will know its not them. Then you can just apologise and walk away without embarassment and ask at the next group.

16: What do people talk about?

The easy answer to this is just about anything under the sun! In my years of going to munches and organising them myself i think there is no standard reply to this one. Things like computers, events, politics, religion, food, alcohol and anything and everything in between. Just be yourself, and join in with a conversation you feel comfortable with. Mingle and talk to as many as you can. You are bound to find several people that you are on the same wavelength as.

17: Will i be hit on by someone at the munch?

Certainly at the Liverpool munch we do stress to people it isn't a pick up joint, and that everyone should be treated with equal respect. If a single female sub attends i try to ensure she is introduced to some of the regulars so that she is safe from any predatory dominants, who see her as fair game. If you are at a munch and feel uncomfortable about someone who you feel is making a nuisance of themselves, please say something to the munch organiser at the time, and let them handle it. Its better to sort it out than go away with a feeling that you never want to go back ever again.

18: Will there be toys being shown or scening happening at the munch?

The whole idea of a munch is that it should be a place anyone can attend without fear of being outed, embarrassed, or put in a position they weren't expecting. So, in theory no toys shouldn't be on display, or passed around, or be used at the munch. Sceneing also is usually banned. However i do know that not all munch organisers do have the same standards as we do at Liverpool, and i have heard of munches where toys are shown and passed around to be inspected. If you are planning on going to a munch, mail the organisers and ask them what their policy is on this. This is one reason for choosing a non scene pub/bar/cafe, so that this type of behaviour isn't encouraged.