There are occasions when I think I become a masochist. Once in a while I will go against my better judgement just so I can tell myself 'I told you!'. My latest I told you moment concluded this evening. But it actually began a few weeks ago with the arrival of an email.
My inbox usually consists of 60% spam, 20% timewasters, 10 % genuine enquiries and 10% known submissives. One email caught my attention.
I opened it and read..... Eloquently written and surprisingly interesting - not the usual timewaster style of; " Mistress, will u ass fuck me..." crap. It was an email requesting a dinner date. My inner voice laughed and I binned it... A few days later another sensitively written email by the same person. Again, trash. On the third occasion I became quite inquisitive as to who this person might be and my curiosity getting the better of me, I responded with an acceptance along with instructions on how to proceed. All the while my little voice ringing a bell in my head.
Over several text messages I made it very clear that it was only curiosity that compelled me to accept a dinner invitation. we settled for a couple of weeks ahead on a Thursday, 8.00pm at a place I chose to meet. But it never got to that moment. I began receiving a lot of text messages: " Can I call you?" No I'm busy....."Don't you want to see what I look like?" No, I will find out when we meet.
And finally, on the afternoon prior to our so-called-date, a message which confirmed the logic of my inner voice: "You are single aren't you? Do you have children? What are you looking for?"
Yes.... What was I looking for? Obviously not a person like him. In an instant, to him, I became a submissive, a bottom. Someone who had to put in plain words their motivations, requirements and wants and needs allowing him the opportunity to judge, decide on whether I was worth the effort. In his safe little world there are two concrete parameters: Men are top, women are bottom. And within a few weeks of texting, he assumed he could put me into my worthy place within his mind and question me?
No, no my friend. My world does not work like that. I do not work like that. I am not a toy, a doll to carry around. You cannot have a checklist to compare me to. Who and what I am is quite clear to any intelligent person who may read my blog or website. But not accepting that which is written as fact, in favour of personally held beliefs and values is what makes the world a dark place. Not accepting people as they are makes the world a distrustful place. It makes a mockery of the human race.
There was only one voice laughing. My inner voice. Like it had warned me. What had I expected? I cross the threshold back into my cynical, pessimistic and distrustful world. It may sound contemptuous of me to describe my world as cynical, but that is what experience has taught me. Every now and then I will meet someone who offers a glimmer of hope that humanity is not lost to those who view everything as black and white, but alas, that is never the case.
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