What do you think can interrupt your pain processing ability?
If you’ve experienced anything like I have, there are moments where you just
can’t change the pain response to anything beyond pain. What normally feels
really good is just not. There are a number of things that can block your
ability to translate the pain using techniques talked about earlier.
Let’s think about the things that we need to actively
process pain and make play enjoyable for both parties. You need focus, trust,
little to no distraction, appropriate mood, and a healthy and rested body. Any of
these things can fall out of balance and then you may have issues processing
pain.
Mood
Mood is separated in two parts. Your emotional state and the
environmental mood set up by the scene.
If you are in a bad mood you won’t respond to pain well. You
may fight the pain or store it up without a release mechanism. A negative
mindset can also make pain seem more intense and bring you to your edge a lot
faster and with less positive benefits. Did you have a bad day at work and are
still angry? What about your household chores; does seeing the dishes
incomplete make you frustrated? You’ll want to work on your mood before you
play.
Bad moods aren’t typically a good time to play for the Top
either, so if you notice that your Top is in a bad mood it might be a good time
to postpone and decide to play later on.
The mood that was established for the scene can also hinder
your pain processing. If the music is unpleasant, the room is too warm or too
cool or there’s just too much clutter you may lose the ability to focus on the
pain and use your processing techniques correctly. Mixing different play types
can be distressing to you as well. Take for example, if your Top starts out
with a light-hearted sensation scene and then it shifts to an intense pain
scene your body may not be able to translate that change in the way you need
to. Working with the Top to learn better transitions in play would be a benefit
for your management.
Focus
If you cannot focus you will not be able to control the way
you manage the pain. Any kind of distractions can do it; from financial
worries, incomplete tasks, family strife to the simple paper cut bothering you
can knock you off your game. Losing your focus on what’s going on also inhibits
your responses, so you are actually robbing your Top of their enjoyment. If you
are unable to focus, take a break and perhaps play another time.
If you just focus on the pain without any pain management it
will make it more intense. Some novice submissives think that if they focus
directly on the pain that they will get through the session faster and with
guts of steel. Sure, if you make the pain more intense and don’t try any of the
management techniques talked about previously, you are going to have to end the
scene faster because you will reach your edge long before your Top wants you
to. Also, toughing it out and acting macho could get your hurt; and not in a
good way. If you find yourself unable to do anything but grit your teeth through
the pain it would be best if you stop play and try another time. (Caveat:
Punishment for wrong doing you can’t usually ask for a rain check just because
you can’t get past the pain.)
Fear/Anxiety
Fear and anxiety will make pain feel more intense. Intense
pain will add to your fear and anxiety. It’s a circle of distrust that can be
temporary or permanent. There is no doubt that some of the activities we do can
cause fear and anxiety, but if there’s a foundation of trust with your partner
this fear will be temporary. This is a
positive form of fear.
If however, this fear and anxiety is a negative result of things and the trust is broken for
other reasons, then the pain you experience will be so intense that it will
drive your fear higher and could lead to panic.
Terror/Panic
Beyond fear is terror and beyond anxiety is panic. These are
similar to fear and anxiety but to a much greater degree. When you
experience these emotions it’s
practically impossible to be able to process pain in any way. Your mind has
superseded your pain processing with these other emotions. Terror and panic
make it impossible to focus.
Most people can’t safely maintain a state of terror or panic
for very long. The body tends to shut down and exhaustion sets in.
The next time you prepare for pain play of any sort, see
where your mind is at. Are you prepared for the active processing you will need
to do or is your focus on something that will only make the experience more
difficult for you?
Tomorrow I’m going to talk about the false edge. This is the
limit we impose on ourselves as far as pain tolerance, but isn’t where our
actual pain tolerance lies. Together, we’ll work on trying to break free of the
false edge and soar into heightened pleasures with pain.