Morally problematic, socially divisive, and legally suspect:
devotees of BDSM
[Bondage-Discipline, Domination-Submission, or Sadism-Masochism]
are often treated as the problem children of sexual ethics. This essay is my
apology, or defense, for BDSM, which I shall argue can satisfy criteria for
mutually respectful erotic interaction but also provokes legitimate ethical
concerns within a diverse, complex world. I do not presume to offer a
comprehensive discussion of BDSM, to address every ethical issue related to its
practice, or to speak for the experience or position of every BDSM identity.
Several aspects of my intellectual, social, and personal background–including
my transcendental idealism, my feminism, and my BDSM orientation–inform and
motivate my account.
As a transcendental idealist, whose philosophy is influenced
by J. G. Fichte, I claim that mutually respectful erotic interactions provide a
natural milieu–wherein human beings cultivate their ability for reciprocal
influence by expressing desires guided by both feeling and reason–that
facilitates social, and ult imately moral, consciousness. As a socially and
politically conscious woman, whose ethics is colored by the second and third
waves of feminism, I think that social and political justice entails advocating
women’s efforts to determine, improve, and value their gendered existence,
including their diverse,
1 In this
essay, I presume the truth of various particulars about BDSM, which my
individual experience, other subjective reports, and empirical study support,
but I am open to discussion and dispute of these particulars insofar as BDSM
has been mostly excluded from theoretical, empirical, and literary discourse.
The attached bibliography (which was distributed to participants in the “Good
Sex, Bad Sex” conference ) includes some literature that has influenced (but
not determined) my account and that offers a starting place for readers
interested in BDSM.
2 In this
essay, I presuppose the legitimacy of my intellectual, ethical, and personal
positions, but I am open to discussion and dispute of these positions insofar
as I am always in the process of developing and refining my views. The attached
bibliography includes some literature that underpins my perspectives on sexual
ethics as a philosopher, woman, and individual. unique sexual experiences. As an individual,
whose erotic identity is inseparable from BDSM, I believe that BDSM activity is
integral to my personal and human welfare. Section One: Misconceptions and
Conceptions of BDSM
I would like to offer a rudimentary conception–and counter
some basic misconceptions–of BDSM. BDSM encompasses a multipl icity of erotic
inclinations, interests, and behaviors, which may include: corporal or
behavioral restraints (e.g. bondage and discipline); bodily or emotional
control (e.g. domination and submission); physical or mental pain (e.g. sadism
and masochism). Erotic partners may engage in topping [relatively giving,
active] roles or in bottoming [relatively receiving, passive] roles within
particular erotic interactions. These interactions may be fantastical,
theatrical, visual, or aural, or they may be concrete, actual, tactile, or
corporeal, but in either case, they elicit a gamut of diverse feelings that
vary widely in intensity.
BDSM interactions do not typically entail males harming
females, adults molesting youngsters, or culturally central, socially powerful
individuals exploiting culturally marginal, socially powerless individuals.
Participants are generally consenting adults of similar cultural and social
background. Tops and bottoms may be hetero-males, hetero-females, gays,
lesbians, bisexuals, or transsexuals. Tops are not usually socially
domineering, psychologically sadistic personalities and bottoms are not usually
socially submissive, psychologically masochistic personalities. Outside of
specific erotic contexts, few BDSM participants enjoy inflicting or enduring
restraint, control, or pain. Relative to the range of actual sexual practice,
participants rarely experience extraordinary sexually-related emotional
distress, psycho-social dysfunction, or ethical conflict.
Section Two: Reciprocal Consent, Concern, and Desire
Reciprocal consent, concern, and desire are criteria for
mutually respectful sexual interaction, which BDSM can meet. Mutual respect
requires that sexual partners give explicit, or at least implicit, expression
of their voluntary participation in a particular interaction. Additionally, it
demands that each exhibits concern for the other’s human and personal interests
within that interaction. Finally, it compels that both show erotic desire for
the other within that interaction.