BDSM in the mainstream and abuse.

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Exam­ples of slave humil­i­a­tion training:

• Act as objects (furniture, ashtray, footstool, art, etc.)
• Address Dom’s as Sir, Ma’am, etc. — I don’t consider this slave training humiliation only good slave behaviour
• After sex, making sub lick off own cum
• Age play
• Anal plugs under clothing — for some slave’s this is effective slave train­ing humiliation for others it is just fun or feels good.
• Ask for drink, food, cigarettes, etc. — this is natural
• Bathroom use control — this is natural
• Blindfolds — by itself I don’t consider it slave training humiliation
• Bondage that exposes body and/or places in odd positions
• Boot worship at odd moments — this can be effective slave training humiliation if used in public
• Caged in private and alone
• Carrying a doll or toy around — can be effective slave train­ing humiliation in public
• Crawl on all 4s
• Cum or urinate into their food — effec­tive humiliation for many
• Curse words (Whore, Slut, Worthless, etc.)
• Dancing/stripped tease
• Displayed in cage
• Eat from a pet dish
• Eat from floor
• Eat without utensils
• Ear­rings that don’t match
• Enema
• Eye contact restrictions
• Feed submissive from hand
• Foot worship
• Forced nudity
• Forced masturbation where MIstress chooses in public places
• Forced shopping for BDSM toys
• Forced slave auction
• Forced to go to bathroom in front of others
• Gaging
• Golden shower
• Inspection of body cavities in private / public
• Ignoring slave
• Handcuffs in public
• Handcuffed to a shopping cart while shopping
• Harem–serving with others
• Having food chosen for him
• Hav­ing cloth­ing cho­sen for him
• Hold ping pong ball or coin against wall with nose
• Hood
• Human Garbage Can
• Immobilization
• Lead on leash
• Leave bathroom door opened
• Leave note with embarrassing instructions
• Made to urinate in front of others
• Maid services
• Make sub wear underwear that you’ve urinated on
• Mask
• Nipple clamps under see thru top
• Orgasm control and/or denial
• Pet roles (act like a dog, cat, etc.)
• Presenting in private and public
• Send shopping with note and hand it to clerk
• Serve others (supervised or unsupervised)
• Shave head
• Shave pubic hair
• Slap face
• slave positions (kneel, stand, etc.)
• Spanking (public)
• Speech restriction
• Stand in corner
• Swallow urine
• Suck dildo in car, so others can see
• Take pictures or videos
• Tattoos (temporary)
• Verbal abuse
• Wear cat collar with bell on ankle in public
• Wear diapers
• Wear Masters cum on your face without wiping
• Wear no bra under see thru top
• Wear no panties under see thru clothes
• Wear collar everywhere
• Wear clothes that are ripped or mismatched.
• Wear a sign around neck or write on body (slut, slave, etc.)
• Undress in front of others
• Use as ashtray

Today’s task is to practice kneeling!

Get down on the floor and rest up on your knees. Try laying your feet flat so that the tops of your feet are on the floor and rest back on your calves. Kneel with your knees together and then with your knees spread apart. 

Practice resting your hands on your thighs, crossing them in front of your chest, or behind your back, or behind your head. How long can you hold each of these different positions. How can you make it look graceful, composed and sensual? Try to hold the following positions for 10 minutes. Do this in front of a mirror if you can.

• Kneel up so that your body is perpendicular to the floor, the most weight will be directly on your knees. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.

• Kneel down rested on your calves. Rest your feet with the tops on the floor and then bending your toes under for support. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.

• Kneel to the side. Start by kneeling and then slide you body to the left or right(your preference) to sit on your bottom. Place a hand out for support but keep your legs tucked. Try different placements of your one available hand; the one not supporting your weight.

• Sit cross legged on the floor. First try it with your feet as far under as possible, then move them so that they are more in line with your knees, perhaps even on top of one another.

Which of these, if any felt the most comfortable.

Which ones did you like? 

Write down your favourites on a sheet of paper. 

Turkish actor: ‘Gender reassignment was my choice and now I’m free’

by Joseph Patrick McCormick

25 February 2013, 3:35pm

Rüzgar Erkoçlar said he felt 'free' and that he had been 'born again' through gender reassignment (Image: Twitter)

A Turkish trans man actor has come out, discussing his decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery and his experiences prior, saying that he now feels “free” and like he has been “born again”.

Rüzgar Erkoçlar, 26 and formerly known as Nil, is relatively well-known in Turkey, and reflected in interviews on that he never identified as a woman, reports Hurriyet Daily News.

Mr Erkoçlar said that from the age of six he never felt that he could identify with his body. He said: “I was not like other girls. I didn’t play with Barbie dolls, but hung out with boys.” He went on to say that he was a boy “only physically.”

He said that he never wanted to wear dresses when he was younger, but kept that a secret, saying: “When I entered into adolescence everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I liked girls, but I had a women’s body. This was really hard for me.”

He said that he felt no connection to the way he looked before he transitioned: “I never wanted to be like that, [with a woman’s body]. I wanted to change my body and become free again.”

“I was acting the way society wanted me to all the time. I had short hair and people told me, ‘you are an actress; you should let your hair grow.’ I put in artificial hair extensions. I really wanted to do my job well, but I was always acting in controversial ways,” he continued, saying that he eventually decided to have gender reassignment surgery.

“I felt as if I was born again after the operation. Nil was dead and Rüzgar was born instead.”

Discussing hormone therapy, he said: “You feel angry [when you take hormones], and you gradually observe some changes in your mind. I feel better now.

“[The process] was very hard to endure, but I put up with all these things to get rid of the burden I had been carrying for 26 years.”

He said that he had never had a relationship with a man, but always with women, however he had to keep that a secret. He said: “I have never loved, nor had a relationship with a man. I always had affairs with women, but I had to conceal this all the time.”

“I risked everything by going through this, and I don’t expect everyone to accept me as I am. They are free to accept or refuse me. But I am a man and that is my own reality. Only my body was different. Now I have found myself.”

He concluded the interview by saying: “This is my choice, my life, my sexuality. So it doesn’t concern anyone. That’s what I think,”

A poem: I find pleasure, joy, and fulfilment from being submissive

I find pleasure, joy, and fulfilment from being submissive

to my Mistress in a loving relationship.

I am not weak or stupid. I am a strong woman,

with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life.

I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

I will look to my loving Mistress for guidance and protection, for never

will I be more complete than when She is with me.

I know that She will protect my body, my mind, and my soul

with Her strength and wisdom.

She is everything to me, as I am everything to Her.

Her touch awakens me and Her thoughts free me.

Only in serving Her do I find complete freedom and joy…

Her punishments may be harsh, but I accept them thankfully,

knowing that She has my best interests always foremost in Her mind.

If She desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to Her

and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought Her happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.

The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,

those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is Her, and if She says I am beautiful, then I am.

No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in Her eyes,

and because of that I hold my head high.

If She says I am Her precious jewel,

then I am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If She says that I am Her pet, Her slut, Her whore, then I am that..

as wanton and dirty as She wants me to be.

My mind is Her, to expand, to explore, to know only as She can.

I have no secrets from Her… for secrets are a thing that would

keep me from being more perfectly Her.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Mistress and myself…

and I do not want walls.

Her lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own,

but they are lessons She has decided that I need, and so I learn from Her.

My soul is Her, as bare to Her touch as ever my skin could be

when I kneel naked at Her feet.

Never a moment goes by when I do not feel Her presence,

be She miles away or standing over me.

If I were to ever displease Her, Her displeasure would be a blow to my soul,

worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint Her

is harder to bear than any physical anguish I feel.

I am grateful that She cares enough about me to spend

Her time and energy so freely on me.

I have the easier job, to feel, to experience,

to let myself go and abandon everything to Her.

I am Her pleasure and Her responsibility, and She takes both seriously .

I am a submissive woman.

I am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that I do not give lightly,

and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Mistress who has that strength, will I give myself fully,

because I am strong and proud.

I am a submissive man.

~Author Unknown

Therapists Argue To Replace “LGBT” With More Inclusive “GSD”

London’s Pink Therapy finds “LGBT” to be an ineffective label and suggested “GSD” — Gender and Sexual Diversities — as a more inclusive term.

Pink Therapy director Dominic Davies and fellow therapist Pamela Gawler-Wright posted a video (see below) Wednesday on their Facebook page, in which they discussed their decision to move away from the LGBT label.

“LGBT became LGBTIQQA — adding Intersex, Queer, Questioning and their Allies — which was still very limiting,” Davies says in the video. “It still excluded a lot of groups. People who might be asexual, members of the BDSM/kink commnity, people who were in  non-traditional relationships that might be polyamorous or swingers. A whole batch of people who didn’t feel able to go to mainstream counseling organizations and also wouldn’t necessarily be welcome at LGBT counseling organizations.”

Gawler-Wright notes that “this listing has a kind of innate hierarchy to it,” before concluding: “A lot of people say to me ‘why this attention to labels, do they matter? Are they useful or are they in some way confining?’ We need to name ourselves in order to say that we exist, but then once that label has taken hold that kind of puts a static container over our identity and who we are. So I think language will constantly evolve around this.’”

“I think the labels do matter,” Davis adds, “but it would be nice if one day we could all be accepting of ourselves and each other with all those differences being celebrated.”

Pink Therapy’s Facebook page further elucidates on the matter:

The point we’re trying to make is not that our community shouldn’t be called LGBT, it’s that actually our community is SO much BIGGER than simply LGBT, that there many other identities, lifestyles, orientations, and relationship models which are between consenting adults and outside the heterosexual norm of monogamy for life, sex in the missionary position once or twice per week and church on Sunday!

Our recent research shows many of these other groups/identities have very poor experiences of approaching generalist counselling agencies especially those who are publicly funded in the public sector either as charities or funded by grants from the State.

You can check out the video of Davis and Gawler-Wright’s discusson below:

COURTESY OF PINK NEWS

Characteristics of a Successful Dominant

Acceptance: 

Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants needs and desires are.. Acceptance of your limitations and those of your submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings and especially to accept your own. Accepting what being a dominant is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within,  but happy in ones mind set. 

Communication: 

 This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute necessity within a D/s one. A dominant should have the skills to communicate their needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the dominant. Once communication is open it should remain that way, and will do so provided the dominant does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (by not telling the submissive your experience and other necessities) and emotionally.

Compassion: 

 The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of their abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your submissive, support him/her during times of stress shows that you are truly a well rounded dominant. One who realizes that a dominant and a submissive are people too. Without compassion you are not a dominant only a sadist.

Courtesy: 

 This one is fairly self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. It is the ability to show proper manners, pleases and thank yous. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A dominant should show courtesy to his/her submissive and other submissives around them. Just because you are a dominant does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your peers. 

 

Grace: 

 Elegance in the manner a dominant presents themselves is an important and desirable personality trait that many submissives say they prefer. The way a dominant carries themselves, their style of play, no matter how graphic should still flow with style and grace. Their actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, the dominant should be willing to learn and grow in this area.

Dominance: 

 This is the most important trait in a dominant. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well being.

Honesty: 

 Personally I feel this shouldn't need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and truthful about what you say. Don't hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don't tell the submissive what you think he/she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And without the trust, there is no true relationship. A successful dominant is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he/she speaks. Most important is to be honest about your level of experience, to lie is to endanger the very life of a submissive.

Humility: 

 This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a dominant. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. (possibly to settle a disagreement, set limits or things of that nature) A successful dominant knows they will make mistakes, that they are no perfect. Sure they have pride in their abilities but they also know that everyone grows constantly and they are secure enough within themselves not to need to be the centre of attention at all times. This allows the dominant to be open to learning new things and not have a know it all attitude. This brings into play bullying. Bullying is using your status as a dominant to push around submissives without any thought for their well being at all. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A dominant who consistently bullies will turn submissives away from them and lose the respect of their peers. It shows a lack of humility and can also mask a poor sense of self esteem or a possible abusive person using the lifestyle to hide their abusive nature.

Intelligence: 

 By intelligence I don't mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful dominant intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys inherent in the lifestyle before using them on a person. The willingness and ability to research and learn about the lifestyle itself. The ability to make informed decisions about what their needs are and how to attain them and just how far their domination goes. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn him/her as the person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases their submissive and remember those things. The dominant should not only take the time and intelligence to know the physical tools, but also the psychological tools of dominance. Along with some basic psychological aspects of their submissive. (Knowledge should grow as people change constantly) There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill

Loyalty: 

 This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honour and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the agreement be one of monogamy or whatever. Fickleness is very unattractive in a dominant and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissives who serve you.

Patience: 

 A good dominant has patience. The ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating and not being dominant. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the intricacies of serving you and have the patience to teach the submissive what you prefer.

Pride: 

 This is the ability to know your capacities and realize you are not only a good person but a good dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas. Nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing, arrogance or false pride are deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive.

Respect: 

 A successful dominant will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive  proves he/she is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful dominant does not earn the respect of his/her peers or the submissives around them. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.

Responsibility

 A good dominant should have a sense of responsibility and be aware that they are the ones who are in control of a scene. They should take this responsibility seriously and act in such a manner that will keep themselves and their submissive as safe as possible. A good dominant should take responsibility for his/her own actions, even so far as admitting a mistake when one is made and not push the blame onto someone else. A good dominant should use this sense of responsibility to learn before acting. 

Self Control

 A good dominant must be in control of themselves first before they can even hope to control another safely. A good dominant is not one who is prone to fits of out of control behaviour  raging fits and other actions which show a lack of self control. A dominant should be able to keep his physical needs in check in order to maintain a scene safely for the submissive. A good dom should also have the self control needed to stick to his/her guns when they are faced with a begging sub for something new that they know is dangerous and that they know they have no experience in. 

Self Respect: 

  A good dominant values themselves, and respects their own limits. A bully does not thrill a submissive. A solid sense of self worth is a necessity for a dominant or they can cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. This does not mean act like you are the universe's gift to domination.

Service: 

 This is applicable to dominants but not in the same way as a submissive. A dominant serves their submissive by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. The dominant will therefore cherish that gift, and do their best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an exchange of power relationship. 

COURTESY OF: Raven Shadowborne © 1997