What is an opinion and how does this affect religious views on sexuality?

I would like to begin this blog entry firstly by defining what an opinion ( or having an opinion ) actually means. Having established this, I would like to move onto how opinions of ‘moral reasoning’ effect religious groups and their ‘opinion’ on sexuality.

I felt that an examination of religiously endorsed ‘moral views’ was needed after such an ill informed and bias argument against BDSM practioners was outlined in a blog post i discovered. (Please view my original post regards the topic here) AND also 'Dealing with ignorance within BDSM' by Krafted Khaos - @KraftedKhaos.

What is an opinion? It has been agreed since the time of Plato, that there is a difference between ‘an opinion’ AKA ‘common belief’ and ‘certain knowledge’. The two are very different in the terms of public discourse.An opinion has a degree of uncertainty, a subjectivity to it – an example can be an enthusiastic amateur disagreeing with the top scientists on carbon emissions and it’s affect on our planet.

Are we all entitled to ‘our opinions’?

There are two ways at looking into our right to an opinion. Let’s answer that question by examining an example:

“All gay people have red hair!”

1) No one can stop you saying “All gay people have red hair!”, no matter how many times that view has been disproved. Does having an opinion mean you can say whatever you want, whenever? Thinking and saying whatever you feel like?

or

2) Do your opinions need to be serious candidates for the truth?

The logical and accepted norm is, of course, number 2.

In the realm of accepted public discourse, you are NOT simply entitled to your opinion – based solely on what you think without the ‘science’.

You can only argue for what you can defend with hard facts. Constructing and defending an argument based on accepted facts (all the facts), entitles you to an opinion. An opinion which must then be taken as a serious candidate for the truth.

Far too often ‘I’m entitled to my opinion’ feeds and defends beliefs which should have been abandoned long ago.

Humanity has come a long way since the days of burning witches. But, no matter how much time has passed, there is one thing Christian groups – sorry – Religious groups can use to justify their actions: ‘It’s not the sinner we hate, it’s the SIN!’  It’s the SIN which offends – not the sinner, it’s the actions which are immoral.

Such is the view of BDSM.

As I noted earlier, an opinion needs to be based on ‘facts’. When the issue is of public ethics and acceptability, beliefs or opinions grounded on religious  faith  simply isn’t enough (on it’s own,) to forge an accepted public discourse on whether BDSM is morally repugnant.

I also find it shallow when religious groups refer to BDSM as a ‘lifestyle’.  To me, this implies that BDSM is seen as an inessential add-on to a person rather than a core defining feature of that person. It also implies that religious groups who view BDSM’ers as ‘mentally ill’ or ‘morally corrupt’ cannot see the inner lives, concerns, passions and core beliefs of BDSM’ers as being as morally significant as their own.

My final paragraphs: I do not in any way see religion as a ‘lifestyle’. It is a core belief, I support the free exercise of one’s religion. I do not deny the moral depth of religious people.

Being Christian does not affect job performance. Being gay does not affect job performance. Practicing BDSM does not affect job performance.

Being religious does not impede or increase moral reasoning or principles, nor does being gay, being into BDSM or kink. Let us view others as no less worthy of our regard on the basis of such differences as sexuality and religion.

Arguments that cannot be used to call #BDSM morally acceptable. WTF??

In a blog entry I recently discovered, written by a single Christian girl ( who claims to want to understand the" objective truth") I discovered an entry regarding BDSM, it's morality and acceptability.

Quick reminder that this is the 21st century.

I found this 'persons' viewpoint of BDSM offensive. Totally uninformed, erroneous, clueless, nescient, uneducated, ignorant, agnostical, naive, lacking in factual evidence...I could go on, but I think I'll spare her any more of my linguistic revilements, for now.

Below is the article to which I am referring to. 

I suggest reading it. 

I suggest commenting on it. 

I suggest informing the writer of her erroneous ways and here is the link to the article if you so wish to comment on her Blog.

Arguments that cannot be used to call BDSM morally acceptable

Is there anything good about BDSM?: Arguments that cannot be used to call BDSM morally acceptable

May 17, 2013 at 7:44 pm

I have previously argued that BDSM, (SEE BOTTOM OF THIS ARTICLE) whatever the participants want to say of it, is morally reprehensible.

 Here I will argue how my opposition could – and could not – defend their view if they disagree.

Arguments that cannot be used to call BDSM morally acceptable

1) “What you described is abuse, not BDSM:”

Here is a definition of domestic abuse:

“Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological, physical, sexual, financial, emotional. Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour. Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”

BDSM often include “physical and other forms of violence”. (Participants in this sexual kink may not like the word violence, but per definition it fits.) It is no surprise that it does, because sadism is part of the name of BDSM, and thus a component that may or may not be part of such a relationship. It includes many types of “acts to make a partner subordinate”, it often include bondage which obviously “deprive”, for the time of bondage, “of the means for independence, resistance and escape”. Dominance often amounts to “regulating the sub’s everyday behaviour”. Much of BDSM include acts to “punish”, and many subs describe feeling fear (being “frightened”) during scenes.

Some warning signs of abusers include: Controlling behaviour, “playful” use of force in sex, verbal abuse; rigid sex roles (man above, woman lower); a sense of entitlement (many doms say they “deserve” the treatment the sub gives them); and hierarchical self-esteem (needing to be “better” than another to feel good about himself). Most of these warning signs of potential abuse are present in what I hear of almost every BDSM relationship.

As such, BDSM and abuse are not mutually exclusive.

I can imagine a relationship with no bondage ( no “depriving of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape”); with discipline or punishments that cannot be called “violent” at all and does not amount to “control” by the dom because the sub has to ask to get it; no dominance that controls the behavior of a partner – but the partner in “submission”  by wanting to generally please and be loyal without there being control; no sadism (violence) or masochism (taking of violence to fulfill needs). But will such a relationship, deprived of anything that counts as abuse, still be a BDSM relationship?

2) Sub: “But I do not see it as abuse”:

Many abuse victims do not know they are being abused. Their communities or the abusers tell them that it is not abuse, that they should be thankful for what they have, etc. To quote one abused woman:

Sometimes it takes time away from “normal” to see that it is indeed not normal after all. After 3 months of separation from my husband, I have new insight as to what normal is. When you are in a mentally or emotionally abusive marriage, sometimes you don’t know that your normal is not normal after all.

3) “It is consensual”:

Consent is not enough to make something right. Many employees, for example, choose to keep their jobs even though the boss is a bully, thereby consenting to be treated the way the boss treats them. Treating your workers badly is still not morally right. (And many child molesters get the child to “consent”- but the consent do not count as the child is too young.)

However, I agree that doing something to another without consent would normally be immoral. Consent is probably part of the utter minimum of decent behavior under most circumstances. If BDSM is consensual it avoids one type of very immoral behavior, but so does “we don’t rob money during scenes.”

But even with such a small yardstick, BDSM is ambigious. BDSM acts may exploit and worsen the kind of personality flaw that makes someone consent to things that is not good for him or her.

4) “But my relationship is not like that”:

This blog post is not about your relationship. It is about BDSM. For example, one sub could say:

He is very concerned when I have a backache … he likes to cane me during scenes.”

Concern during backaches is not BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Domination/ Submission, or Sadism/ Masochism). Caning during scenes, however, is one of the many things that counts as a BDSM practice.

If there are BDSM aspects to your relationship that are morally positive, you are welcome to describe those, so I can add to my understanding. But mentioning the non-BDSM aspects of your relationship to defend BDSM is like saying “He is opposed to stealing TVs and hi-fis” to defend someone who steals computers.

What is more, I have never spoken to a BDSM participant who – if (s)he gives any evidence to study the truth of his claims by – actually speak the truth about their relationships. They will say things like “we have a mutually respectful relationship” – and when I go to their blogs, one of the most recent entries has him calling her a [semen receptacle], and her crying bitterly because she wants to be loved, not a mere [semen receptacle] – and she really believes this is his actual view of her, that she is nothing more to him. If your partner sees you as an object, you are not in a mutually respectful relationship.

Or they will testify things like: “he will never hurt a fly” with the next sentence “he likes to induce pain on me, but I like it” and somewhat further in the conversation “I get punishment beatings which I do not like, and they hurt more than what I like.” If he induces pain, he hurts you. If there are pain in your relationship that you do not like, it is not wholly true that you like the pain he brings into your relationship.

5) “But I like it/ crave it”:

1) Desiring something does not make it good. For example, selling heroin is not morally good, even though addicts crave it. It is not morally good, because it destroys the one who gives in to the craving.

2) It is often not true that the sub enjoys BDSM – for example, a punishment to discipline the sub will probably be enjoyed by either only the dominant, or neither of them. Many subs speak of experiencing negative emotions like fear during scenes, and actually likes the feeling of relief from getting out of these negative situations afterwards. None of them actually enjoy pain or will, for example, butt their head against walls for fun.

3) Subs often “want” the opposite of what they want: They actually want kindness, tenderness and reassuring words of encouragement and praise like everyone else, but they feel they will be in a better position to enjoy having these needs met if they start with rough treatment and negative messages. The rough treatment – degradation, insults, etc., is what they “want” but the opposite of what they really want. A man who gives them the bad treatment could certainly make them unhappier. They take that risk, in the hope that a scene, where they live themselves into the bad, will end with the good. When the dom is not good at providing the good part, he can say he did only things the sub “allowed” and even “craved.” But he did not give her what she really enjoys, and he probably did harm her psychologically.

One dom testify that every sub he ever met was conflicted over her wants, with a part of her that finds her BDSM desires deviant. Which make sense, really: Obviously in any sane person, there will be a part that dislike these things. Between those two conflicting and opposite desires of the sub, the dom chooses to give the deviant one. I suggest that this says a lot about the character of the dominant partner.

6) “I don’t feel like this is something bad”:

I will quote CS. Lewis on this:

When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse, he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. This is common sense, really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not while you are sleeping. You can see mistakes in arithmetic when your mind is working properly: while you are making them you cannot see them. You can understand the nature of drunkenness when you are sober, not when you are drunk. Good people know about both bad and evil: bad people do not know about either.

Perhaps you do not regard something as morally bad, because your soul has become used to the badness in BDSM. If you disagree, show me what positive moral values is encouraged by BDSM.

7) But this is safe and sane!:

Safe is free from the possibility of getting harmed or hurt. If you want me to believe that BDSM is safe, you have to convince me that bondage, discipline, domination/ submission, and sadism/ masochism does no damage or pain of any kind to the self image, the body, the interpersonal relationships, the mind, or the acknowledgement of real moral values, of the submissive, or the dominant, or the reader of BDSM blogs and websites.

If you want to tell me it is sane, you have to convince me that there is nothing insane about wanting bondage instead of freedom, domination instead of you and others each getting their will, or pain (I don’t just mean physical pain, but also the mental pain of being degraded and treated as less than) -in yourself or your partner – instead wanting a healthy, non-hurting, autonomous body. mind and heart.

And sane things could still be unethical. I can think of several reasons why a sane man would want to rob a bank, but that does not make bank robbery morally right.

————–

So please: If you think you have evidence to suggest BDSM is morally better that I give credit for on this blog, please give it. Bring up some actual moral standard, for example kindness or justice, and explain how BDSM, or some aspect of it, is kind or just or whatever moral standard you admitted.

_____________________________________________________

Why BDSM should not be seen as acceptable by mainstream culture

November 10, 2012 at 5:46 am 

When can you call yourself a good person? The usual secular answer goes something like this:

I don’t hurt anyone. I do not want to hurt anyone. So I am a good person.

I previously argued that this approach to moral goodness is less than adequate, but that is not today’s topic. Point is, someone who does not want to hurt others – physically, emotionally, economically, etc. is regarded, by almost any set of values including the purely secular, as superior to those who want to hurt others. And that simple baseline idea of morality: “Do not hurt others” is a fairly good start for a moral conscience. Per extention, hurting others on purpose is the baseline standard of moral evil.

Where does that put people who like sadistic or masochistic acts? (Warning: Violent sexual graphics in link.)

Are people who condone this as moral as those who oppose this?

A sadist hurts people. A masochist finds sadistic behavior – hurting others – acceptable, something (s)he encourages and defends in a partner. This hurting could be physical pain, or it could be humiliation , insults and degradation.

The BDSM community may say that their standard of morality is “safe, sane and consensual.” In my opinion, that is automatically a lower standard than not hurting people:

>    To safely hurt people – in other words, hurting them emotionally and physically, but not to such an extent that their life or health is in danger – is a lower moral standard than not hurting them. It is also nonsensical. Part of the definition of “safe” is “free from hurt” and “protected from being hurt”. As such, anything or anyone that causes hurt is, per definition, unsafe.

>    To sanely hurt people – hurting them while staying in control of your emotions, while doing nothing that the BDSM community will regard as crazy, is a lower standard than not wanting to hurt people. It is also a contradiction in terms. Mental health professionals regards both sexual sadism and sexual masochism as mental disorders.*

>    To hurt consensual people is a lower standard of morality than not hurting people. A similar example will be selling cocaine only to consensual buyers – of course, that is morally worse than not selling cocaine at all. But the similarities goes further: Drug sellers not only want to sell to consensual people, but they do what they can to enslave their customers further, so they can sell more drugs and make more money. Likewise, sadists encourage their consensual submissives to consent to worse pain and worse humiliation than before. And both drug sellers and the BDSM community push their product because they want to enslave new customers.

Anyone who is involved in BDSM (I am not speaking about the ropes and blindfolds part here, but pain and humiliation) have rejected the simplest basic human value of “it is wrong to hurt people.” Can you reject this value, and still be a good and trustworthy member of society, safe for those around you to be with? I do not think so. I believe this will spill over into the other human interactions of the BDSM participant.

I do not expect to make any BDSM participant en ex-participant with this post. I want to tell “vanilla” (non-BDSM) people to not regard these people as normal people who just have different sexual needs. This is not in the same class as, say, a fetish for high heels or even a preference for your own gender. This is a direct rejection of the most basic value of how to treat humans. To the degree you start to  find sadism/ masochism in pornography and literature acceptable, you reject the most basic moral standard that is written on normal human hearts. To the degree you watch that kind of pornography, you encourage and even fund cruelty.

(Edit, added about 12 hours after this post first appearing: I should have asked this before, but please do not link to BDSM/DD web sites or blogs in the comments, including the place where you optionally fill in your blog name after your name and e-mail address. Thank you)

——————

Note*

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders regards both sexual masochism and sexual sadism as mental disorders. Because of, among others, pressure from the BDSM community, consensual masochism or sadism is only regarded as a mental disorder nowadays if it causes “clinically significant distress or impairment in important areas of functioning.” It appears humiliation and degradation is prone to cause significant distress for the person subjected to it, and I expressed the opinion that letting go of the “hurting people is wrong” standard will dause impairment in social functioning.

Even when all sadism and masochism was considered mental disorders, BDSM people already called “sane” one of their values.

Should college networks ban porn?

 
Cherwell is the independent student newspaper of Oxford University, England. Founded in 1920 by students Cecil Binney and George Edinger, it has continued as a weekly publication during term-time to this day.Cherwell is named after a

BuzzNet Tags: bdsm porn

local river in Oxford and is published on Friday mornings when 3,000 copies of each issue are distributed around Oxford's colleges, the Oxford Union and some local cafes. The staff of Cherwell, including the Editors, changes every term.


Jennifer Brown, Anna Cooban on Monday 6th May 2013
 

Jennifer Brown and Anna Cooban go head to head.

YES

Jennifer Brown

The St Anne's Feminist Discussion Group this week mused putting a motion before their JCR to ban the use of pornography on the college network.

There are, of course, cases for the proposal. The most widely used argument is that porn is degrading to women and therefore, in allowing students to watch it, colleges are inadvertently allowing male (and female) students to be exposed to the objectification of women.

As I’m sure you will agree, using the words ‘slut’, ‘whore’ or ‘bitch’ to describe females is hardly progressive. Nor is the idea that a woman will submit to anything her male partner demands. And whilst some may argue that this is reality, that this is how some people behave during sex, it does not mean that such behaviour is right. For if that is the case, it is not just college rules which need to change but society’s perception of women also.

Furthermore, I am sure few will argue that porn which depicts women being raped, put into cages or performing oral sex on a dog, is really ‘suitable’ late night viewing.

And, yes, you may think bringing this up is all a little over the top for a matter solely concerned with students who are not generally associated with sexual abuse. . The majority of students at Oxford and indeed across the country will not delve into ‘violent’ porn like this. At least I hope not.

But the fact remains that it is available on the internet should a student wish to find it. Banning porn from its college network may seem a ridiculous idea, yet if acts such are these are socially unacceptable in some places, any desire to prevent association with them does become a little easier to digest.

The negative effects of porn do not end here. Porn engenders unrealistic physical standards for the majority. One only has to look at statistics for cosmetic surgery within the UK: 9,843 cases for ‘boob jobs’ are recorded for 2013 alone. Clearly presenting ideal archetypes has a detrimental affect on the self-esteem of individuals.

And as increased expectations not only affect notions of physical appearance, but sexual performance too, it is hardly surprising that individuals take issue with the concept of porn even prior to any discussion of college imposed bans.

Evidently, what people have failed to realise is that banning porn in colleges would be a good thing. Banning porn would be sending out the message that we wish to disassociate ourselves from porn’s link to sexual discrimination, the promotion of anti-social behaviour and out of proportion expectations.

Considering the collegiate system and heavy workload, many people in Oxford often find meeting a potential love interest a challenging task. Thus, they regress to the confines of their room, safe in the knowledge that porn will always provide an adequate alternative to social interaction and indeed, sex.

If St Anne’s adopts the potential JCR motion, then it could become the the leading light of Oxford as porn addicts come out of the woodwork and prepare themselves to find someone real rather than sitting behind their desks (where they work and eat) fixating over videos of people they’ll never meet.
 

NO

Anna Cooban
Banning porn is far too moralistic. If watching porn does provide issues for college internet connectivity then any ban on pornography hits no theoretical or moral brick wall, only a practical one.

Porn, in this context, is watched privately by adults in their rooms. What such a ban hints at is an objection to the personal use of pornographic websites, a prudish revulsion to the masturbatory indulgences of – let’s be frank – a predominantly male demographic.

Perhaps it makes some slightly queasy to know that somewhere in college a student may just be reaching their moment of ecstasy while the rest of us are poring over our textbooks.

However, the issues surrounding porn are clearly much bigger than this – it would be foolish to deny that the birth and subsequent boom of the porn industry has not in some way damaged society. The impossible scenarios depicted in these videos warp expectations of an individual’s own sexual experiences. Watching porn would make anyone feel that they had to climax within seconds and possess E-cup (and yet suspiciously perky) breasts, or a ten-inch penis that is perhaps better suited to a travelling circus than symbolising ‘true’ masculinity.

Porn is a feminist issue and to suggest otherwise is to deny the role it plays in objectifying women. Yet I find it hard to imagine that the proponents of this motion would have the same distaste for pornography if it was a widely accepted fact that men and women enjoyed watching porn to the same extent.

Porn is arguably just as much a male as a feminist issue; from increasingly younger ages, boys are pressured into following this ‘norm’ just as girls are taught to play with Barbie dolls, such that for one boy to buck this trend is an act of defiance rather than an uncontroversial personal choice.

Such a ban would be based on well-founded concerns and a debate that aims to raise awareness of porn-related issues is invaluable. However, forcing through the motion is little more than nannying.

The entire basis of modern capitalism is designed to make us all feel inadequate, encouraging us to yearn for something we do not have. To ban porn on these grounds would be to also ban any women’s fashion magazine that holds airbrushed supermodels as standards of acceptable beauty, music videos that depict pin-thin 20-somethings grinding on their 40-year-old rap overlords.

Men’s fitness magazines promote body builders as the pinnacle of masculinity, yet with hearts so fatty that the irony of the word ‘fitness’ appearing next to these specimens is inescapable.
We are constantly bombarded with reminders of the person we are supposed to be. Any student-led revolt against the porn industry is going to fall on deaf ears when it challenges a problem that is ingrained in our culture.

Porn is a destructive force of modern culture and a result of the 1960s sexual revolution that has, ironically, come full circle to produce a new kind of entrapment. Yet to restrict the personal use of pornography outright is to argue for the banning of any medium which produces the same destructive effect.

---

"Porn is not inherently misogynistic"

Simone Webb counters the arguments in last week's porn debate from Cherwell’s “Should college networks ban porn?”

Simone Webb on Thursday 9th May 2013

Photograph: Cherwell

The debate by Anna Cooban and Jennifer Brown in Cherwell on whether colleges should ban internet porn from their networks was badly argued, written and informed. Both pieces rested on dubious assumptions and a naïve approach to pornography: Brown’s article misused statistics astoundingly, while Cooban’s ignored some of the most important arguments in opposition to colleges banning porn.

Firstly, Brown showed a complete failure to differentiate ethically between consensual and non-consensual scenarios. For instance, the line “I am sure few will argue that porn which depicts women being raped, put into cages or performing oral sex on a dog, is really ‘suitable’ late night viewing” did not distinguish between the two acts which are both non-consensual and illegal (rape and bestiality) which are therefore already not permitted and require no further regulation, and an act which may well be fully consensual and part of a BDSM scenario (being put into a cage). Similarly, she states that it is not right for a woman to submit to her male partner during sex, which again erases the experiences of women who enjoy consensual BDSM activities (and assuming, as is often the way, that all BDSM involves female submission and male dominance).

Secondly, I want to touch briefly on Brown’s failure to demonstrate a causal link between the viewing of porn and cosmetic surgery: the argument essentially ran: “Porn! 9843 ‘boob jobs’ in the UK this year! Therefore porn bad!” One data point is not enough even for me to warn against assuming that correlation is causation; Brown did not even demonstrate correlation, or look at all at the break-down of that statistic.

Thirdly, Cooban’s argument against banning porn brings up, rightly, the way in which it is not just porn which affects self-image, behaviour, etc. However, she ignores two significant arguments against the banning of porn by college networks. The first is the way in which it affects students who may also choose to be sex workers, cutting off valuable sources of income. I quote from an email sent to me by a sex worker and Oxford alumna, Violet Rose: 

“Student sex workers might face loss of earnings if fewer people could view their sites and … purposely causing loss of earnings for other students seems like a wilful lack of worker solidarity between students, which may not have been apparent to more privileged (non-working) students”. (As requested, a link to her website. Largely safe for work.)

The second is just as significant: porn filters frequently block not just pornography and erotica, but also sexual health resources, particularly those for LGBTQ people: I would suggest that it would be negligent and harmful for colleges to put porn filters in place with this in mind. LGBTQ young people who require sexual information or even just wish to explore their sexuality using porn or erotica may be negatively affected.

Finally, I need to address the assumptions made by Cooban and Brown about porn. Porn is very much a feminist issue, but I take issue with the pessimism Cooban and Brown display. Much of the porn industry is misogynistic and aimed at men. But there is a burgeoning effort by many to produce ethical porn, porn which treats women as sexual agents and is female focused, queer porn (which treats transgender people with the respect often denied them by the mainstream porn industry) and feminist porn. T

here is erotica, for instance, like the Hysterical Literature video series (to be found on YouTube) which focus on women’s pleasure for its own sake, as opposed to more overtly performative displays of the female orgasm. For a college to institute porn filters banning ethically produced, non misogynistically presented and overtly consensual porn means that the filters boil down to preventing – or trying to prevent – adults making an informed decision to watch other adults engage in sexual acts, which is frankly bizarre. Porn is not inherently misogynistic and dangerous.

SOURCES: http://www.cherwell.org

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Andrew Robertson, University of Phoenix

Dr. Lori Travis

April 3, 2008

Abstract

There is a long, dark history of the psychiatric community's bias against the BDSM community and their practices. Starting with the DSM-II, Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were classified as paraphilia's, most likely due to the historical writings of authors such as Freud and Krafft-Ebing. Oddly enough, for a practice that is so based in research and the scientific method, there is no research to date that proves these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state, or that they are indicative of pathology. Therapist's bias can be very harmful to the mental health of their patients; at best a therapist's negative bias can make clients distrust the therapist and the psychiatric community. In some cases, it can damage their self esteem, and can cause other issues as well. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware. This article aims to add to that positive information to assist in education to prevent continuing this harmful trend of negative therapist bias towards people who engage in BDSM activities.

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Imagine, if you will, that your therapist might look at you badly because of the way you choose to have sex; especially the foreplay that leads up to it. Suppose they said you would need to stop articipating in that kind of sexual activity as a condition of further therapy. Suppose that no matter what the reason was that you decided to go to therapy, your therapist decides to focus on your sexual activities and treat that aspect of your life simply because they believe that the types of sexual activities you participate in is wrong. How would this make you feel?

It is surprising and disturbing just how much a therapist's bias can interfere with their ability to provide effective service to their clients; in some cases this bias can hurt the client. In just the last few decades, homosexuality has been removed as a paraphilia and more often therapists are providing objective and effective therapy for this group, thanks to the efforts of the Division 44 Committee on Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns Joint Task Force, who established the Guidelines for Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients (APA, 2000). Sadly, there is another group of people who practice sexual activities that are also not considered normal by societies standards, and therapists tend to have the same bias towards this group that they used to have for the gay and lesbian communities not too long ago: practitioners of Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism, also known as BDSM. Through the course of this paper, we shall strive to educate on what BDSM is and the practices of it's participants, the general views on the psychiatric community, the damage that can be done by a therapist's bias and what can be done to help prevent this from being an on-going problem.

Kinky sexual activity falls under many varied terms and acronyms, including, but not limited to, Sadism and Masochism (SM), Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (D/s) and Master or Mistress and Slave (M/s). There are many other terms used to describe the kinky acts that people in this community engage in, however, for the purpose of this paper, we will use the term BDSM as an umbrella term.

In his landmark book SM101, Jay Wiseman defined BDSM as the “knowing use of psychological dominance and submission, and/or physical bondage, and/or pain, and/or related practices in a safe, legal, consensual manner in order for the participants to experience erotic arousal and/or personal growth” ( p. 10, 1996). This is an intentionally broad description of what BDSM is to those who participate in kinky sexual or sexually oriented activities. The reason for engaging in these activities varies from person to person, but can include spiritual growth, enhanced sexual arousal and even to bring one closer to one's chosen partner or partners. It is generally agreed upon that most people who engage in BDSM activities do not do so for the pain specifically; rather, they choose to use pain to increase their awareness, their spiritual growth or their sexual arousal, or even just to feel the sensation. These are the same reasons that people considered normal by the standards of society engage in what is generally considered to be normal sexual behaviour, or, as BDSM participants call it, vanilla sex.

Some individuals prefer to engage in what they call scenes, where the BDSM activities are limited to the duration of the scene only. These scenes can be very physically and emotionally gratifying to a large number of people, and normally one individual takes on a dominant role and one or more individual take on a submissive role. These scenes are considered Erotic Power Exchange, or EPE, where one individual has more power over the other for the duration of the exchange. There are, however, a number of individuals interested in long-term scenarios called 24/7, meaning 24 hours a day, seven days a week, where they choose to live their entire life in such a relationship dynamic. These individuals so closely identify with the dynamic of power imbalance that they feel more gratification from a relationship structured entirely around this dynamic. This 24/7 relationship is called Total Power Exchange, or TPE, and one person has more power over the other on-going, and is not limited to any particular time frame (Dancer, 2006).

Therapist's bias has often caused therapists to treat patients improperly and for problems that the patient truly does not have. Nichols writes,

“Unfortunately, the prevailing psychiatric view of BDSM remains a negative one: These sexual practices are usually considered paraphilia, i.e., de facto evidence “of pathology”(Nichols, p. 281, 2006). Further, Nichols writes that:

“Certain “paraphilic” preferences are statistically abnormal but pathologically “neutral”; i.e., no more inherently healthy or unhealthy than mainstream sexual practices. Psychiatry has a rather shameful history of collusion with institutions of political power to marginalize certain subgroups of the population, particularly women and sexual minorities. Most psychological theories are unconsciously biased towards the preservation of prevalent social mores. Therefore, it is particularly critical, when evaluating behaviour that has controversial social meaning, to base judgments of pathology strictly on factual evidence. At this time, the data do [SIC] not exist to support the idea that BDSM activities are, by themselves, evidence of psychopathology, nor that their practitioners are more likely to be psychologically disturbed than the rest of the population” (Nichols, p. 282, 2006)

Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were first listed in the American Psychological Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Revision Two, or DSM-II, as sexually deviant behaviours and were classified as paraphilias in 1968. This listing may have been due to historical psychological literature of authors Freud and Krafft-Ebing. In the DSM-II, these paraphilias were given provisional categories of Sadistic Personality Disorder and Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder. Although the definitions of these have changed throughout the revisions of the DSM, which is currently in Revision Four, this historical negative outlook has seriously biased much of the psychiatric community of past and present (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006). In the DSM-IV, these have been declassified as paraphilias unless the practice thereof interferes with one's ability to function in normal society. Unfortunately, the damage has been done, and BDSM practitioners have been persecuted in much the same ways that homosexuals used to be, and to some extent still are. Until the majority of the psychiatric community accepts BDSM as a non-paraphilia, this will continue.

As with most issues in our society, there is no easy solution to changing prevailing negative views in the psychiatric community about people who engage in BDSM activities. Education is going to be an important factor in changing these views, and is essential in creating a large network safe psychological environments where BDSM practitioners will not feel embarrassed to discuss their sexuality or lifestyle with their therapist. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware.

Consequently, there is a long road ahead of BDSM practitioners before they will be accepted as a sexual minority rather than as sexual deviants with psychological issues. A therapist's bias against BDSM can damage their client's outlook on their self esteem as well as their willingness to acquire further psychiatric care from that or any other therapist. BDSM is used by participants for mutual gratification and often for spiritual growth using emotionally and sexually charged themes and activities to do so, and there is no research to prove that these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state. Alas, it all boils down to knowledge and tolerance; therapists need to educate themselves on what occurs in a BDSM setting and relationship and practice tolerance of other peoples sexual tendencies regardless of their own personal beliefs. Fortunately, the number of kink-aware and kink-friendly psychologists and psychiatrists is growing, and they are slowly expanding on education to the psychiatric community at large.

References

American Psychological Association (2000). Guidelines for psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. American Psychologist. 55(12) 1440-1451. Retrieved April 7, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=pdh&AN=amp-55-12- 1440&site=ehost-live

Dancer, P., Kleinplatz, P., & Moser, C. (2006). 24/7 SM Slavery. Journal of Homosexuality,

50(2/3), 81-101. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269114&site=ehost-live

Kolmes, K., Stock, W., & Moser, C. (2006). Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 301-324. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269624&site= ehost-live

Nichols, M. (2006). Psychotherapeutic Issues with Kinky Clients: Clinical Problems, Yours and Theirs. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 281-300. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http:// search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269620&site=ehost-live Wiseman, J. (1996). SM 101. San Francisco: Greenery Press.

Interview With A Domme - #YouTube

I am collecting questions for a YouTube interview (DATE TO BE CONFIRMED) so ask away.

QUESTIONS ASKED SO FAR:

* Why interested you to become a domme?

* What is the best thing that happened to you as a dome. An incident that you remember as being the best?

* What is the worst thing of being a domme?

* Do you think what you do is normal?

* Do you receive as much pleasure as you give?

* Has the main stream '50 Shades of Grey' influenced the scene at all?

* Not that they are all like this but with all of the greedy and rude subs, obsessed single-minded fetishists, flakes and no shows, and other boorish behavior you see, how do you (or do you?) maintain a positive view of men?

* It is understandable that a man (or woman) may seek out a ProDom now and then to try or experience something their partner will or cannot provide. How do you deal, though, with someone who wants to have a frequent, ongoing relationship when you know that the result is that the client is depriving their partner of focus, attention, money, and the honesty needed to pursue their own happiness, essentially making you 'the other woman'?

* Many Pro (and amateur) Doms stress or emphasize that they WILL constantly or always push the subs boundaries. Given how difficult it is for many to admit their alternative feelings or desires, express them to someone else, and try to find a compatible partner, do you feel this is important? Can't we just let people be happy and revel in what they like and have finally been able to enjoy?

* What is your favourite Professional play activity?

* Which do You enjoy more; professional play or personal BDSM play?  What is your favorite personal play activity?

* Does inflicting pain pleasures You, Divine Goddess Leyla, or is it the fact that the sub endures more and more that is satisfactory to Your Highness?

* How do You, Magnificent Mistress Leyla, cope with the fact that outside the bdsm scene,ordering people around is not particularly easy to do ? Alternative: is getting Your Breathtaking Beautiful Feet licked by a slave a pleasure,an obligation to fulfill slave's fantasies,or tickling :) ?

* Where would you see yourself, if you were not a pro-domme?

* A session may be enjoyable for you, but still can be very tiring. What do you do to relax and take your mind away from the daily drudgery?

* A true domme nature vs nurture debate!!! How much do you think is your lifestyle/professional choice a product of you past life experiences and how much due to your own nature?

Squealing Little #Slut Jesmeena.

Jesmeena knelt down in the position for Mistress Lady Leyla.

Mistress:  Hello Jesmeena, are you well?

Jesmeena:  Yes thank you Mistress

Mistress: And have you fucked your wife recently?

Jesmeena: No Mistress

Mistress: How long?

Jesmeena: I don't remember Mistress.

Mistress: Roughly! Yesterday, last week, within the last month?

Jesmeena: Longer.

Mistress: Last 3 months, 6 months, a year?

Jesmeena: Between 3 and 6 months Mistress.

Mistress: So, your cock is a little redundant these days then? Tell me, when you did fuck your wife did she squeal when she came?

Jesmeena: No Mistress.

Mistress: I saw your wife the other night. Where was she on Wednesday evening?

Jesmeena: Out with some of her mumsie friends Mistress.

Mistress: Yes I was in the same pub with two friends Miguel and Louise. Now Miguel has a fetish for white plump English girls - I would say your wife fell into that description?

Jesmeena: Yes Mistress.

Mistress: So, Miguel saw this group of women and said 'I bet you a drink I could fuck the one with the fattest arse?'

Mistress: Which, of course, I accepted. He then approached your wife and this is what I saw.

Miguel walks over to the group of mumsies with a bottle of wine in hand. Pours a drink for one and starts to chat her up. After 10 minutes he tops up her drink and gives her ample arse a playful squeeze. Your wife finishes her second drink and follows Miguel out of the pub. Miguel pinches her bum so that all the other mumsies can see and takes hold of her hand as they leave.
 The mumsies giggle as YOUR wife and Miguel leave, they then return to their  conversations. After 20 minutes out the back, your wife and Miguel return. Your wife has mud on her knees  and is no longer wearing any panties as they have been discarded by the river.
 Miguel returns and says that I owe him a drink. I smile and pull out my purse. I ask how he got on and he shows me a phone number which says 'call during the daytime.'

Mistress: So Jesmeena, in about 40 minutes Miguel chatted up your wife, took her outside and came for his reward. He also said that she gave a little squeal when she came.

Jesmeena: Ok Mistress

Mistress: Do you think that your wife is a slut Jesmeena?

Jesmeena:  I don't know Mistress.

Mistress: Well I think that she is. Also is seems that Miguel may be visiting her some more when you are at work?

Jesmeena: Ok Mistress.

Mistress: I think that your wife is a slut. Do you think she knows that you are a slut too?

Jesmeena: No Mistress.

Mistress: Well let's find out if you are as big a slut as your wife.

Mistress walks in  front with her strap-on cock at mouth level with Jesmeena.

Mistress: Lets rein act Miguel and your wife and see if you squeal!

Session with Mistress

THANKS SLAVE ASH

It was quite bright when I got out of my house and looked around. There are not many people on the street. It had stopped snowing a few weeks before; you could still feel the nip in the air. My hands were shaking while locking the door. This had less to do with the cold and more out of apprehension of being seen. I was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. I was wearing a long overcoat over a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. I had put on my blue 6” stilettoes.  Under my clothes I was wearing matching black bra, black lace panties and black lace garter belt holding up my fishnet stockings on my newly shaved legs. I had a medium size anal plug up my rear. I was now ready to meet my Mistress.

I walked to the bus stop and to wait in queue for the bus, with full my concentration on walking properly in these heels. This was a part of my obedience training. I was to take public transport to mistress’s dungeon. Mistress had given me an option of wearing a knee length pleated skirt or 20 stokes of the cane. I decided on the latter. I was not gaining any extra credits today.

It was still early in the day and there was only a lady ahead of me. She smiled at me and we made small conversation on the weather and the transportation network. Her eyes suddenly spotted my shoes, and she gave me an all knowing smile. I continued speaking on the bus network, blushing with embarrassment. I thought I was saved when the bus arrived, but my anxiety only grew when I saw a group of 4 teenage girls in the bus. I quickly found a seat in the front of the bus and sat down. Only then I realised how high the jeans hike up when I sat. I heard one of the girls exclaim loudly. I could see the 4 of them looking in my direction, whispering in each ones ear and giggling. I looked towards them and tried to smile, which made them burst out in laughter. I must have turned a deeper shade of red. My destination bus stop could not have come any sooner. I rushed out of the bus and started walking towards my mistress’s dungeon. What would usually take me around 10 minutes to cover the distance, took me twice as much today while walking in heels with a butt plug up my ass.

I slowly made my way up the stone stairs to the dungeon doors. Away from prying eyes, the second part of the instructions was on a sheet of paper nailed to the door. As instructed, I wore a leather collar with steel rings kept on the floor. This was a sign of my submission. I was instructed to wear nothing except leather collar, my sissy underwear and my heels. I was then to search the garden area in the back for tools to clean the dungeon floor. I looked around the garden area for the broomstick for my cleaning task. The cold and the excitement made me shiver. But all I could find was a small pail of water with a piece of cloth no bigger than a handkerchief, under a sign that said “Use Me”. It took me a good part of 2 hours to finish my chores. I prepared a jar of iced tea for mistress. Then I knelt in front of the dungeon in submission posture, face on ground, back arched and plugged ass in the air, as instructed waiting for my mistress to grace me with her presence.

I heard my mistress arriving. The sound of her heels on the ground was intoxicating. Each step she took made my heart beat faster. I heard her opening the door and sitting on the chair in front of me. She commanded me, “Footstool, slave. I want to rest my legs”. I quickly went on all fours towards her. I knelt before her on my hands and knees and head facing the floor as she had taught me. I resisted looking up to her as she had ordered before. She rested her left foot over my back and her right on my head. I stayed in that position as mistress chatted over the phone with someone. I waited patiently for her to finish. But it was not so. A couple of long calls later she removed her foot from my head and brought it to my face. Her only words were, “I want it clean… not a spec of dirt on it”, before starting on another call. It was a black peep-toe high heel stiletto covering mistress’s beautiful foot. I immediately got down to licking it clean, both the top and the bottom of the shoe. When I finished the first, I was given the privilege to cleaning the other shoe too.

After she was satisfied that I had done a good job, she placed her feet on me again and sipped on the ice-tea. She gave me an inflatable gag for me to put on, which I put on immediately. She attached a leash on my neck and motioned me to crawl behind her. She took me crawling around the whole house. When we entered the dungeon, she clapped her hands and ordered, “Inspection position, slave. I hope you have followed all of my instructions.” I sprang to my feet. I stood with my feet wide apart, hands spread parallel to the ground and eyes lowered to the floor. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw mistress slowly walking around me. I could feel her cane moving across my back and inner thighs.

She stood in front of me and said, “Good slave… you have followed my instructions on the wardrobe. I am a bit disappointed that you picked the colour black. I would have been pleased if you had picked pink or red. That will be rectified next time. I must complement on your choice of shoes. Tell me, did you ask for help from the sales lady when you bought clothes? Did you do a trial; like I asked you? Or did my sissy slave chicken out and just go to the counter? I want an honest answer.” She removed the gaga to allow me to speak.

I got very nervous when I heard these questions. Should I tell mistress about my aborted attempt at buying from the store? I decided to stick with the truth.  “I am sorry mistress, but I was too embarrassed to be seen buying these clothes from a shop. They were all bought online. Please forgive me.” Mistress sounded very angry when she replied, “I am disappointed with you slave. Buying your own bra and panties from a shop is one of the first things a sissy has to do. Not to mention that you have disobeyed one of my instructions to you. You will be suitably punished for this.” She secured me over the whipping bench and said, “You have already earned 20 strokes of the cane for not wearing the skirt when you came here. What should be your punishment for disobeying my instructions? Don’t tell me to increase the number of strokes. Come up with something new. Something which you will not forget without me having to waste too much energy. Think about it while I administer your 20 strokes. And don’t forget your manners.”

Now mistress had put me in a real spot. I was to thank mistress after each stroke of the cane for disciplining me as well as think of punishment. I didn't get too much time to ponder. The first stroke of the cane landed on my left ass cheek and I screamed, “One. Thank- you mistress for correcting me.” Mistress alternated between the left and right ass cheek. The strokes increased in intensity till the 18^th, by which time I was screaming my lungs out. The last 2 were comparatively lighter. My ass had turned a very dark shade of red with visible stripes where the cane had struck.

Mistress gave me a few minutes to collect my thoughts as she freed me from the whipping bench. “Now slave, tell me your ideas for the punishment. I do hope you have some good ones.”