Today’s task is to practice kneeling!

Get down on the floor and rest up on your knees. Try laying your feet flat so that the tops of your feet are on the floor and rest back on your calves. Kneel with your knees together and then with your knees spread apart. 

Practice resting your hands on your thighs, crossing them in front of your chest, or behind your back, or behind your head. How long can you hold each of these different positions. How can you make it look graceful, composed and sensual? Try to hold the following positions for 10 minutes. Do this in front of a mirror if you can.

• Kneel up so that your body is perpendicular to the floor, the most weight will be directly on your knees. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.

• Kneel down rested on your calves. Rest your feet with the tops on the floor and then bending your toes under for support. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.

• Kneel to the side. Start by kneeling and then slide you body to the left or right(your preference) to sit on your bottom. Place a hand out for support but keep your legs tucked. Try different placements of your one available hand; the one not supporting your weight.

• Sit cross legged on the floor. First try it with your feet as far under as possible, then move them so that they are more in line with your knees, perhaps even on top of one another.

Which of these, if any felt the most comfortable.

Which ones did you like? 

Write down your favourites on a sheet of paper. 

Turkish actor: ‘Gender reassignment was my choice and now I’m free’

by Joseph Patrick McCormick

25 February 2013, 3:35pm

Rüzgar Erkoçlar said he felt 'free' and that he had been 'born again' through gender reassignment (Image: Twitter)

A Turkish trans man actor has come out, discussing his decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery and his experiences prior, saying that he now feels “free” and like he has been “born again”.

Rüzgar Erkoçlar, 26 and formerly known as Nil, is relatively well-known in Turkey, and reflected in interviews on that he never identified as a woman, reports Hurriyet Daily News.

Mr Erkoçlar said that from the age of six he never felt that he could identify with his body. He said: “I was not like other girls. I didn’t play with Barbie dolls, but hung out with boys.” He went on to say that he was a boy “only physically.”

He said that he never wanted to wear dresses when he was younger, but kept that a secret, saying: “When I entered into adolescence everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I liked girls, but I had a women’s body. This was really hard for me.”

He said that he felt no connection to the way he looked before he transitioned: “I never wanted to be like that, [with a woman’s body]. I wanted to change my body and become free again.”

“I was acting the way society wanted me to all the time. I had short hair and people told me, ‘you are an actress; you should let your hair grow.’ I put in artificial hair extensions. I really wanted to do my job well, but I was always acting in controversial ways,” he continued, saying that he eventually decided to have gender reassignment surgery.

“I felt as if I was born again after the operation. Nil was dead and Rüzgar was born instead.”

Discussing hormone therapy, he said: “You feel angry [when you take hormones], and you gradually observe some changes in your mind. I feel better now.

“[The process] was very hard to endure, but I put up with all these things to get rid of the burden I had been carrying for 26 years.”

He said that he had never had a relationship with a man, but always with women, however he had to keep that a secret. He said: “I have never loved, nor had a relationship with a man. I always had affairs with women, but I had to conceal this all the time.”

“I risked everything by going through this, and I don’t expect everyone to accept me as I am. They are free to accept or refuse me. But I am a man and that is my own reality. Only my body was different. Now I have found myself.”

He concluded the interview by saying: “This is my choice, my life, my sexuality. So it doesn’t concern anyone. That’s what I think,”

A poem: I find pleasure, joy, and fulfilment from being submissive

I find pleasure, joy, and fulfilment from being submissive

to my Mistress in a loving relationship.

I am not weak or stupid. I am a strong woman,

with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life.

I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

I will look to my loving Mistress for guidance and protection, for never

will I be more complete than when She is with me.

I know that She will protect my body, my mind, and my soul

with Her strength and wisdom.

She is everything to me, as I am everything to Her.

Her touch awakens me and Her thoughts free me.

Only in serving Her do I find complete freedom and joy…

Her punishments may be harsh, but I accept them thankfully,

knowing that She has my best interests always foremost in Her mind.

If She desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to Her

and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought Her happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.

The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,

those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is Her, and if She says I am beautiful, then I am.

No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in Her eyes,

and because of that I hold my head high.

If She says I am Her precious jewel,

then I am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If She says that I am Her pet, Her slut, Her whore, then I am that..

as wanton and dirty as She wants me to be.

My mind is Her, to expand, to explore, to know only as She can.

I have no secrets from Her… for secrets are a thing that would

keep me from being more perfectly Her.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Mistress and myself…

and I do not want walls.

Her lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own,

but they are lessons She has decided that I need, and so I learn from Her.

My soul is Her, as bare to Her touch as ever my skin could be

when I kneel naked at Her feet.

Never a moment goes by when I do not feel Her presence,

be She miles away or standing over me.

If I were to ever displease Her, Her displeasure would be a blow to my soul,

worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint Her

is harder to bear than any physical anguish I feel.

I am grateful that She cares enough about me to spend

Her time and energy so freely on me.

I have the easier job, to feel, to experience,

to let myself go and abandon everything to Her.

I am Her pleasure and Her responsibility, and She takes both seriously .

I am a submissive woman.

I am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that I do not give lightly,

and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Mistress who has that strength, will I give myself fully,

because I am strong and proud.

I am a submissive man.

~Author Unknown

Therapists Argue To Replace “LGBT” With More Inclusive “GSD”

London’s Pink Therapy finds “LGBT” to be an ineffective label and suggested “GSD” — Gender and Sexual Diversities — as a more inclusive term.

Pink Therapy director Dominic Davies and fellow therapist Pamela Gawler-Wright posted a video (see below) Wednesday on their Facebook page, in which they discussed their decision to move away from the LGBT label.

“LGBT became LGBTIQQA — adding Intersex, Queer, Questioning and their Allies — which was still very limiting,” Davies says in the video. “It still excluded a lot of groups. People who might be asexual, members of the BDSM/kink commnity, people who were in  non-traditional relationships that might be polyamorous or swingers. A whole batch of people who didn’t feel able to go to mainstream counseling organizations and also wouldn’t necessarily be welcome at LGBT counseling organizations.”

Gawler-Wright notes that “this listing has a kind of innate hierarchy to it,” before concluding: “A lot of people say to me ‘why this attention to labels, do they matter? Are they useful or are they in some way confining?’ We need to name ourselves in order to say that we exist, but then once that label has taken hold that kind of puts a static container over our identity and who we are. So I think language will constantly evolve around this.’”

“I think the labels do matter,” Davis adds, “but it would be nice if one day we could all be accepting of ourselves and each other with all those differences being celebrated.”

Pink Therapy’s Facebook page further elucidates on the matter:

The point we’re trying to make is not that our community shouldn’t be called LGBT, it’s that actually our community is SO much BIGGER than simply LGBT, that there many other identities, lifestyles, orientations, and relationship models which are between consenting adults and outside the heterosexual norm of monogamy for life, sex in the missionary position once or twice per week and church on Sunday!

Our recent research shows many of these other groups/identities have very poor experiences of approaching generalist counselling agencies especially those who are publicly funded in the public sector either as charities or funded by grants from the State.

You can check out the video of Davis and Gawler-Wright’s discusson below:

COURTESY OF PINK NEWS

Characteristics of a Successful Dominant

Acceptance: 

Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants needs and desires are.. Acceptance of your limitations and those of your submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings and especially to accept your own. Accepting what being a dominant is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within,  but happy in ones mind set. 

Communication: 

 This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute necessity within a D/s one. A dominant should have the skills to communicate their needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the dominant. Once communication is open it should remain that way, and will do so provided the dominant does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (by not telling the submissive your experience and other necessities) and emotionally.

Compassion: 

 The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of their abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your submissive, support him/her during times of stress shows that you are truly a well rounded dominant. One who realizes that a dominant and a submissive are people too. Without compassion you are not a dominant only a sadist.

Courtesy: 

 This one is fairly self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. It is the ability to show proper manners, pleases and thank yous. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A dominant should show courtesy to his/her submissive and other submissives around them. Just because you are a dominant does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your peers. 

 

Grace: 

 Elegance in the manner a dominant presents themselves is an important and desirable personality trait that many submissives say they prefer. The way a dominant carries themselves, their style of play, no matter how graphic should still flow with style and grace. Their actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, the dominant should be willing to learn and grow in this area.

Dominance: 

 This is the most important trait in a dominant. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well being.

Honesty: 

 Personally I feel this shouldn't need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and truthful about what you say. Don't hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don't tell the submissive what you think he/she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And without the trust, there is no true relationship. A successful dominant is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he/she speaks. Most important is to be honest about your level of experience, to lie is to endanger the very life of a submissive.

Humility: 

 This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a dominant. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. (possibly to settle a disagreement, set limits or things of that nature) A successful dominant knows they will make mistakes, that they are no perfect. Sure they have pride in their abilities but they also know that everyone grows constantly and they are secure enough within themselves not to need to be the centre of attention at all times. This allows the dominant to be open to learning new things and not have a know it all attitude. This brings into play bullying. Bullying is using your status as a dominant to push around submissives without any thought for their well being at all. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A dominant who consistently bullies will turn submissives away from them and lose the respect of their peers. It shows a lack of humility and can also mask a poor sense of self esteem or a possible abusive person using the lifestyle to hide their abusive nature.

Intelligence: 

 By intelligence I don't mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful dominant intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys inherent in the lifestyle before using them on a person. The willingness and ability to research and learn about the lifestyle itself. The ability to make informed decisions about what their needs are and how to attain them and just how far their domination goes. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn him/her as the person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases their submissive and remember those things. The dominant should not only take the time and intelligence to know the physical tools, but also the psychological tools of dominance. Along with some basic psychological aspects of their submissive. (Knowledge should grow as people change constantly) There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill

Loyalty: 

 This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honour and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the agreement be one of monogamy or whatever. Fickleness is very unattractive in a dominant and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissives who serve you.

Patience: 

 A good dominant has patience. The ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating and not being dominant. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the intricacies of serving you and have the patience to teach the submissive what you prefer.

Pride: 

 This is the ability to know your capacities and realize you are not only a good person but a good dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas. Nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing, arrogance or false pride are deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive.

Respect: 

 A successful dominant will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive  proves he/she is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful dominant does not earn the respect of his/her peers or the submissives around them. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.

Responsibility

 A good dominant should have a sense of responsibility and be aware that they are the ones who are in control of a scene. They should take this responsibility seriously and act in such a manner that will keep themselves and their submissive as safe as possible. A good dominant should take responsibility for his/her own actions, even so far as admitting a mistake when one is made and not push the blame onto someone else. A good dominant should use this sense of responsibility to learn before acting. 

Self Control

 A good dominant must be in control of themselves first before they can even hope to control another safely. A good dominant is not one who is prone to fits of out of control behaviour  raging fits and other actions which show a lack of self control. A dominant should be able to keep his physical needs in check in order to maintain a scene safely for the submissive. A good dom should also have the self control needed to stick to his/her guns when they are faced with a begging sub for something new that they know is dangerous and that they know they have no experience in. 

Self Respect: 

  A good dominant values themselves, and respects their own limits. A bully does not thrill a submissive. A solid sense of self worth is a necessity for a dominant or they can cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. This does not mean act like you are the universe's gift to domination.

Service: 

 This is applicable to dominants but not in the same way as a submissive. A dominant serves their submissive by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. The dominant will therefore cherish that gift, and do their best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an exchange of power relationship. 

COURTESY OF: Raven Shadowborne © 1997  

  

Queen of the Everlasting Beauty

A delightful role-play scenario inspired by Game of Thrones and this kind of medfan atmosphere, submitted by @feetmadness.

You are Queen of the Everlasting Beauty Queendom, the most powerful and renown Queendom of the Empire. under Your ruling, regions have prospered, through a simple rule : men work, Ladies command.

One of Your provinces, the county of the south, has misbehaved. men have launched an armed rebellion against their Ladies' rulers, managing to overpower the local Female Guardians of the Queendom.

Gathering troops and supply, they have continued the offensive moves but, men's ego being as it is, they've decided not to pause and assemble a sufficient army to march on to the capital, but immediately launch the final blow.

Your Highness has carefully watched every move made by the opponent and You have laid all defensive tricks You could think of to welcome them. the attack is a total failure and all male forces are destroyed.

The leader of the attack is brought before you alive. Your Highness seats on Her Throne, wearing Her Precious Commanding Boots, Leather Combat Suit, Cape, Crown.

You give the man a simple choice: be killed right now or endure pain for all the pains he has cost Your adoring people and maybe survive them.

of course in any case he has to show You respect, worshiping respect in fact, by cleaning the floor under Your Soles, cleaning Your Boots and all other treatments You would see fit.

Most probably, facing such Commanding Beauty as Yours, he will be delighted to chose the painful way to possible redemption.

You then place him in front of a map of Your Queendom and recalls him of all the battles and nasty civilian slaughters he has committed while pursuing his devil mission of taking power in Your peaceful and Beautiful Queendom. For each casualties caused, an appropriate punishment can be thought of:

- caning/whipping/flogging for all persons killed at a specific battle.

- breath control/face sitting for as many seconds as persons killed.

- for having caused pain to animals, he has to be treated like one, including animal food and punishment.

- for having caused so many painful wounds, cbt is in order.

- for having considered human life a simple instrument of his own ambition, he has to be treated as an object.

- for having unfairly ruled the villages he took, he has to be trampled on heavily, like the fields and crops he stole from legitimate (female) owners.

All other possibilities can of course be included. As a finale, the male slave will be granted the honour of survival, but be given a specific task. As he has been mad enough to defend the stupid idea of men ruling over women, he has to be treated accordingly and made understand that he is a lower being and should be treated as such.

Hence, his only use in the Queendom would be the lowest of the lowest to touch clearly what male nature is about. He will then become a human toilet in the Queen's castle, to be used by all Ladies whenever they please. In Your Queendom of Everlasting Beauty, males are not allowed to use toilets, of course :)

ARTICLE: 10 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Started My Transition

Exactly two years ago, I sat apprehensively in the reception area of the public health clinic in San Francisco's Castro neighbourhood, waiting for my name to be called. If all went according to plan, I would leave that evening with my first prescriptions for estradiol and spironolactone -- day 1 on hormones. I had just come from work, and because only a handful of my colleagues knew about my transition, I was still presenting as a boy (albeit an androgynous one wearing gold eye shadow). I remember looking around the room at the other trans girls sitting nearby. I couldn't wait to be just like them -- to have people see me as my true gender and to finally start feeling comfortable in my body.

It was hard to believe that I had been closeted only two months earlier, and yet here I was, about to embrace the part of myself that I had been ashamed of for nearly all my life. I was ready. Since coming out, I had pored through several radical gender books, watched transition videos on YouTube and researched the hormones I was about to take. I knew what to expect in the weeks and months ahead.

Day 1 on hormones

Two years and 4,860 pills later, I now realize how little I actually understood back then. There were so many aspects of transitioning and being treated like a woman in society that I was totally unprepared for. And today I'd like to share 10 lessons that I wish I had known in February 2011.

(Note: This advice is based on my own personal experience as a queer, femme, white, upper-middle-class trans girl with "passing privilege," so some of it might not be applicable to you.)

1. Brace yourself for beauty culture.

This is especially true for my fellow femme girls, and there's a reason it's #1 on my list. Before I started presenting as female, I had no idea just how toxic beauty culture is in this country. Women are constantly inundated with airbrushed images and messages aiming to tear down our self-esteem and make us feel inadequate. Fashion magazines and the beauty industry make billions every year by exploiting these insecurities with the promise that if we only try harder to be prettier, we too can be happy.

As a trans girl, beauty culture can be especially difficult to navigate, because most of us have haven't been exposed to it very long. Our cis partners and friends have been dealing with it since middle school (if not earlier), and many have had years to develop effective coping strategies, so we DMAB ("designated male at birth") ladies have to make up for lost time, and on top of that, cissexist standards of beauty add another way for us to feel insecure.

It helps to maintain a sense of perspective. Many trans girls, including me, have a habit of romanticizing the cisgender experience. A month or two into my transition, I told my girlfriend that I couldn't wait until I could look in the mirror and see a pretty girl staring back at me. "You realize that's never going to happen, right?" was her response. "You're going to look at your reflection and feel unsatisfied -- just like every other woman." And it's true: Even the most gorgeous of my friends can list a dozen things she'd change about her appearance. So the next time you're feeling unattractive, don't blame yourself; blame capitalism and a beauty culture designed to make you feel that way.

2. Say goodbye to male privilege.

If, like me, you presented as a normative guy before transitioning, you probably didn't realize just how many privileges you were about to give up. I took so many little things for granted, like being able to walk outside or go to a bar without random men feeling the need to comment on my appearance. Sexual harassment is such a routine thing now that I can't even remember what life was like without it.

You'll probably also notice that people take you less seriously at work because of your gender and presentation. You'll have to be twice as assertive as you were before in order to get people to pay attention to your contributions, and you'll possibly be labelled a "bitch" for doing so.

3. People will surprise you.

Coming out as trans* is a great way to find out who your true friends are, and it's not always the people you'd first suspect. In my experience, if someone is a fundamentally good person, they will almost always be accepting, despite any religious or political misinformation about trans* people they may have learned. It's a lot harder to otherize being trans* when you know a trans* person personally. So try to give people the benefit of the doubt when coming out to them; you'll probably be pleasantly surprised.

4. Prepare for (micro)aggressions.

I grew up in a mostly white, conservative suburb where my family was considered "middle-class" because we didn't have a house on the water or a yacht. In other words, I lived in such a privileged bubble that I had never even heard of micro aggressions until I started experiencing them after coming out. If, like me, you were presenting as a heternormative white boy before transitioning, these can seem a little jarring at first, but it's something that nearly everyone but straight, white cis men have to deal with on a regular basis. So what are micro aggressions, exactly? In my case, it's every time a well-intentioned friend posts an article about a trans* person on my wall or remarks on my physical changes since the last time they saw me, or every time someone asks if my girlfriend and I are sisters (even if we're holding hands). It's the little interactions that happen every day that remind you that you are "different" in some way.

(Unfortunately, many trans* people, especially trans women of colour, face more than just micro aggressions. They are often subjected to discrimination, violence and institutional hostility. I realize that I am incredibly privileged, and in no way am I trying to diminish the struggles of others, but micro aggressions are still unpleasant and something that I was not prepared for.)

 

"Oh, are you two sisters?"

5. Go to therapy.

Seriously, you should go to therapy. I don't think it should be required to "prove" your gender before starting hormones, but it's something that I'd recommend for every person going through transition. It's an incredibly emotional time, full of triumphs and setbacks and too many feelings to process all by yourself, so take care of your mental health by discussing them with a therapist. I didn't start seeing one until more than seven months into my transition, and in hindsight I think that waiting as long as I did was a mistake.

6. Pursue other interests.

Transitioning is such a monumental undertaking that it's easy to let it consume all the other aspects of your life if you're not careful. That's why it's important to maintain other hobbies and interests during this time. Make time to read books that have nothing to do with gender, listen to music, learn a new language, go for a walk, you name it. The important thing is to take a break from thinking about being trans*, even for an hour or two. You'll start to drive yourself crazy after a while if you don't.

7. Take a deep breath and be patient.

Hormones are incredible, but they take time to work their magic. You're not going to notice results overnight. When I first started HRT, I couldn't wait for the weeks and months to go by. I looked forward to each new dose, because it meant that I was one step closer to feeling comfortable in my own body. I fantasized about ways to fast-forward the next couple of years so that I could finally start enjoying life as my true self. But in constantly looking to the future, I often neglected all the amazing and wonderful things happening around me. I found it hard to simply be in the moment.

My girlfriend and I have recently started practicing mindfulness meditation, and it's been a really useful tool to help me stay present. I'd recommend it to anyone looking to slow time down and experience life in the moment. A little anticipation can be a good thing, but our life will pass us by if we're only focused on what lies ahead.

8. Save money.

Transitioning is really expensive. Currently only a handful of insurance companies offer trans*-inclusive health care benefits, which means that many people have to pay for medications, lab tests and doctor's visits out of pocket. Laser hair removal and electrolysis are also quite pricey and are never covered by insurance, because they are considered "cosmetic" procedures. Changing your legal name and gender in California will set you back at least another $500. And buying an entirely new wardrobe isn't cheap, either. Bottom line: Start saving now. Your future self will thank you for it.

9. Don't expect transitioning to solve all your problems.

When I was still closeted, I often blamed every unpleasant experience or emotion on the fact that I had to pretend to be a boy. "One day," I would tell myself, "I'll be able to finally be myself, and I'll be pretty and carefree and never have to deal with this again." And it's true that transitioning has made a lot of things better. I connect on a much deeper level with my girlfriend and other people. I'm a kinder and more empathetic person. Little things like painting my nails and getting to express myself through fashion make my days more colourful and enjoyable. I'm so much happier now that I'm no longer hiding who I really am.

But transitioning is not a panacea; it won't solve all your problems. If you were prone to anxiety before coming out, you'll probably still have to deal with it afterwards. I still sometimes get in stupid arguments with my girlfriend for no good reason, just like I did two years ago. I'm still addicted to caffeine, and I sometimes forget to turn the lights off when I leave my apartment in the morning. At some point in my transition, I came to terms with the fact that living as my true gender wouldn't magically fix everything. And it felt really good to let go of that impossible expectation.

10. You do you.

Most trans* people spend years pretending to be someone we aren't in order to please others: our parents, our friends, our classmates or society in general. And most of us make ourselves miserable because of it. With each passing day, it gets harder for me to remember what it was like to interact with a world that perceived me as a boy, but I'll never forget how exhausting it felt to be cast as the wrong character in a seemingly never-ending play.

Before coming out as trans*, I never allowed myself to fully relax. I constantly policed my gender presentation and mannerisms to make sure that I wouldn't raise suspicion. I was terrified that someone would learn the truth about my gender. But one thing that transitioning has taught me is that life is too short to worry about what others think of you. There are more than 7 billion people on this planet, and some of them are inevitably going to disapprove of you and your life choices. For me, the decision is simple: I'd rather face the possibility of rejection then spend another minute in the closet.

Most people don't ever get the chance to spontaneously and completely reinvent themselves, but trans* people do. Take advantage of this opportunity by being the most authentic you that you can be, and don't worry about trying to conform to society's expectations of how someone like you is "supposed to" look or act. If you're a trans girl who enjoys rugby and hates dresses, don't let anyone try to deny the validity of your gender. If you're a trans guy who loves sparkles and makeup, own it. And if you're trans* but don't feel comfortable in either binary category of "male" or "female," resist the pressure to pick one. Be proud of who you are, and don't be afraid to show it. You deserve to live an authentic life.

ALSO.........49 Transgender Pioneers

Lana Wachowski

Award-winning filmmaker Lana Wachowski, who's best known for co-writing and -directing the "Matrix" trilogy with her brother, Andy Wachowski, is the first major Hollywood director to come out as transgender in July 2012.

The Chicago native recently released "Cloud Atlas" and received the Human Rights Campaign's Visibility Award in October 2012, where she delivered a revealing and heartfelt speech (VIDEO).

COURTESY OF: Huffingtonpost

A young transsexual speaks out

There is a new generation of transsexuals out there. Many of them are young lesbian or bisexual transwomen, exactly the kind of transwomen Ray Blanchard called "autogynephiles".

Unfortunately for Blanchard the new generation does not live up to any of the sexist stereotypes of his theory.

They report early childhood memories of gender dysphoria. They transition young. And for those of you who find this important: They also look feminine.

All of this confirms what I have said for a long time: The reason gynephilic transwomen used to transition later than androphilic transwomen, was that they could not use the gay and lesbian culture for support and as a door opener.

Instead they have desperately clung to the identity of their birth sex, as this has seem to be the only way to find someone to love in particular and respect in general.

 

Thanks to the Internet this is changing. They now find the support of others facing the same challenges as themselves online.  There are also developing their own language and their own narratives to make sense of themselves.

This development goes hand in hand with a trend towards more tolerance in general, as reflected in the increasing number of countries and states accepting gay marriage and ending the pathologization of trans people.

Below find a video made by one of the many new transbloggers, namely Kristin, who blogs as casey4441 at YouTube, and who writes under the name of Krista444 over at Crossdream Life.

Notice how she has liberated herself from the traditional narratives of what it means to be trans. She stands firmly on her own two feet. God bless her!

SOURCE: crossdreamers

Facebook Against BDSM

Original Article

A UK BDSM club called Collared has taken on Facebook over its total ban on all kink and BDSM pages and groups, and has won a review of the policy. Last week Facebook wrote to Collared to confirm that it was actively enforcing a total ban on all fetish and BDSM content and that all fetish related groups and pages on its site will be subject to deletion without exception.

Collared had sought clarification of the policy followed the removal of the Facebook Collared Events page on February 4th. The Collared page was deleted by Facebook following a complaint from a site user.

However following extensive communication with senior staff of the company Collared has successfully lobbied the Internet giant to review the ban. Facebook is currently engaged in a wide ranging “internal dialogue” to clarify the prohibition and to determine whether a total ban is justified. Collared will be consulted throughout this process.

Facebook has reiterated that the review process will not necessarily result in a reversal of the ban. Instead it may focus on creating greater consistency, clarity and transparency in the enforcement of the prohibition.

The deletion angered and mystified many Collared members and supporters. As a community non-profit organization with a well-known and proven focus on safety and socialization the Facebook page was used merely as a means of communication between members. There was no explicit imagery or sexual content of any kind and the page was “secret”. The Page strictly followed the Facebook Terms at and especially condition (3.7);

“You will not post content that: is hateful, threatening, or pornographic; incites violence; or contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence.”

One of Collared’s representatives immediately contacted Richard Allan, Facebook’s Head of Policy for Europe and asked for an explanation for the action, and that the deletion decision be reviewed. To its credit, Facebook responded swiftly, but the company’s explanation was, at best unsettling and at worst institutionally discriminatory and ignorant. Richard Allan contacted the Review Team responsible for the decision and was told “Any content that is primarily related to sexual activities is deemed to be in breach whether or not the there are any overtly explicit photos on the Facebook page”. This applies whether the content is a closed or open group and whatever the nature of the sexual activity.

In other words, Facebook deleted the page on the basis of its perception of the group’s intent and motivation even though there was no sexual discussion or imagery on the page. The position is radically more severe than the Facebook terms specify, i.e. “pornographic” and “nudity”. That is, where the Facebook terms lay down guidance based on published content, the company has arbitrarily extended this prohibition to include motivation and intent.

This apparent policy shift should concern the entire fetish and BDSM community as it signals a discriminatory and inconsistent application of an unethical policy.

Facebook subsequently wrote to us arguing that: “When it comes to fetish content this is generally regarded as always sexual rather than social in nature and removed from the site.”

This position is grossly unfair. It is also deeply offensive as it assumes that anyone interested in fetish has not only no interest in socializing, but has no right to socialize through Facebook. This is an attitude we might have expected from homophobes in the 1950s. This same position was adopted by the US military in its discredited “Don’t ask, don’t tell” practice. People interested in fetish are clearly seen as soft targets for persecution.

In a subsequent email to Richard Allan of 15th February we pointed out:

“I can’t tell you that fetish has no sexual dimension because to do so would be a lie. What I can tell you is that the purpose of the Collared page was to support and communicate to people with a fetish interest in a non-sexual way – much the same as countless other groups – which is more than can be said about the countless drool pages on FB dedicated to hottest guys and hottest women. Does the Review Team concern itself over whether people masturbate over these postings and images? Or does the Review Team believe people exercise a purely academic interest over Jodie Foster’s thighs?”

We are not interested in the Collared Facebook page being reinstated under these dangerous and unfair conditions. We will instead work with Facebook to ensure that the policy is amended to guarantee that enforcement action is based on measurable content rather than a twisted moralistic perception.

You can find more info on Collared official website.

Keep In Good Standing – A Tip For Those Who Can’t Kneel

There is a sense of rightness to the act of kneeling before ones Master, a serene feeling of belonging and worship that is unique and special to each dynamic but what’s a girl to do when she can’t kneel? How else can you get that same sense of peace and connection? As someone with 2 bad knees, who requires assistance to get back up when she finally manages to get on her knees, I’ve been dealing with this issue for quite some time and have come up with a few alternatives to share with you.

The Cushion

Most submissives already have a “slave mat” or other form of cushioning for sitting on the floor, if they are lucky enough to be allowed one. For myself, Master purchased me a large doggie bed from the local pet store that is very soft. However, these things often lose their fluffiness after some time or you may just want a better support from your cushion to begin with. Here’s what you do:

Go to Google search (Google being my most favourite search engine) and type in “Twin Memory Foam Topper”

In the top left of your screen you will see additional links titled Images, Videos, Maps, News, SHOPPING etc etc, click on Shopping

Search through the listed sites for the best deal from the place your most comfortable with. For me its Sam’s Club, Amazon, Wal-Mart or other familiar names, use your best discretion when ordering online.

Once you’ve selected and purchased your topper (twin being the smallest size they carry, I usually go with a 2″ thick one) you can measure your cushion and cut out a template on construction paper

When your topper arrives, use your template to cut out sections of the topper (you can use more than one layer for extra thickness!)

REMEMBER! your topper needs to fit INSIDE your cushion so you should leave off 1/2 an inch for every layer you add.

Pick out the stitches on one side of your cushion and insert the layer(s) of memory foam, then simply re-stitch it all together!

If your extra handy with a needle you can even add a zipper so if you need to change the memory foam at some point you have an easier time.

You can also use any extra fabric you have around the house such as old comfy t-shirts, sheets or blankets if you don’t want to buy a cushion as well. Memory foam toppers can run from 30-50$ depending on thickness, just be sure to search for twin size ones as you won’t need more than that!

Assume The Position

So now that we have a cushion to properly pad our body from the hard, cruel floors, what if that’s not enough to ease painful knees into a kneeling position? Sometimes it's just a matter of extra pressure/weight on the knees that causes the pain, in which case I suggest either sitting back on your heels to take the pressure off or going into a deeper position, like a bow. With knees shoulder width apart, bum in the air and your forehead on the floor with your hands either in front of you or in the small of your back, depending on preference.

Kneeling this way is made easier with proper cushioning because let's face it, knee pads are just not sexy no matter how you dress them up! Which is also why I like for my cushions to be a bit bigger, large enough to accommodate at least half the length of my entire body. Again, the preference is up to you and your dominant.

Sit, Stand, Pray

I find it extremely painful to even get down to a kneeling position let alone maintain one for more than a few excruciating minutes, though I have done so at Master’s discretion and He is always kind enough to offer me a hand back up. If you find yourself in this same situation there are plenty of alternatives and you can get quite imaginative with them too!

For meditation I often use the Indian Style position and this can be added to if you wish to create a sense of discipline to it by simple using stress positions for the arms. Namely, place both hands flat on the back of your head with your elbows straight out to the sides and your chin up. Proper posture is important for this stress position to have optimal affect and its one that I can attest to! The most I ever manage is 30 minutes before my arms begin to twitch and spasm.

Another favourite of mine (and Masters!) is lying face down on the floor, much like the Goren position Bara, with your arms behind your back either folded or simply resting your hands in the small of your back, and your legs straight out – ankles crossed or open, depending on preference. Often this position is utilized as a disciplinary position and enforced by having my head under Master’s chair or my body positioned so He might rest His bare feet on me if He so chooses while I fervently pray that the gritty feeling will fade, even though it never does.

Positional Ingenuity

In the end it all boils down to your preferences, imagination and ingenuity. What positions do you use? What are your favourites? Do you have any suggestions that you would like to share?

COURTESY OF Sephani Paige on May 24, 2011

Turkey: Stop Violence Against Transgender People

Multiple Murders Highlight Inadequate State Protection

For Immediate Release

Contacts:

In Ankara, Kemal Ördek, (Turkish, English), Pembe Hayat LGBTT Solidarity Association, Telephone: +90 554 465 57 29 In Brussels, Juris Lavrikovs (English, Russian), the European Region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association, Telephone: +32 2 609 54 16 In New York, Juliana Cano Nieto (English, Spanish), Human Rights Watch, Telephone: +1 212 216 1233

In New York, Hossein Alizadeh (English, Persian), International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, Telephone: +1 212 430 6016

(Ankara, February 22, 2010)—The recent murders of two transgender women in Turkey highlight an ongoing pattern of violence and the urgent need for stronger protection measures by the government, four Turkish and international human rights organizations said today in a letter to Turkish authorities.

The groups called on Turkey to remedy the conditions that place transgender people at risk from acts of violence by enacting anti-discrimination protections, instituting programs to combat prejudice and hatred, and repealing laws that provide an opportunity for police to harass stigmatized groups. The letter was sent by Pembe Hayat "Pink Life," Human Rights Watch, the European Region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA-Europe), and the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC).

"Protecting people and preventing violence means more than investigating after the fact," said Juliana Cano Nieto, researcher in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights program of Human Rights Watch. "Without meaningful government action to affirm their rights and ensure their safety, transgender people in Turkey will continue to live in fear."

Since November 2008, at least eight transgender people have been murdered in Istanbul and Ankara. The most recent killing was of a transgender woman called Aycan Yener on Feburary 16, 2010, in the Fatih area of Istanbul. Yener, whose legal given name was Fevzi, was killed in her apartment. Her throat was slit, and she was stabbed 17 times. Assailants also stabbed her roommate, Seyhan Özmemiş, 32, who survived. According to Turkish media, witnesses reportedly observed three people fleeing the scene, but no one has been arrested.

On February 8, Derya Y., a 35-year old transgender woman, was killed in her home in the Altındağ district of Antalya. Police found Derya Y. in her bedroom with her throat cut and multiple knife stab wounds to her face and body.

The targeted killings of transgender women are part of a broader pattern of violence against LGBT people in Turkey. According to Turkish media, the police found 56-year old Şinasi Halimoğlu, who had arranged a date with another man, dead on his bed on January 28 with multiple knife wounds to his back and neck.

In the wake of the killings, the police have made efforts to investigate and resolve these crimes. In two of the earlier cases, suspects were caught and prosecuted and sentenced to life in prison and in two other cases suspects are in pre-trial detention. The remaining murders are being investigated. However little has been done to protect LGBT people in Turkey, especially transgender people, from future acts of violence, the groups said.

In the letter, the organizations recommended:

Enacting anti-discrimination legislation that includes sexual orientation and gender identity as a legal protection;

Disaggregate statistics on violence figures that show violence against LGBT people; and

Instituting consistent communication between the police and LGBT rights groups.

"All citizens of Turkey, including transgender citizens, are entitled to live without fear of murder or persecution," said Hossein Alizadeh, Coordinator of IGLHRC’s Middle East and North Africa program. "The homophobic killings need to stop, and for this we need the Turkish government to take concrete action to protect transgender people."

European bodies have called on Turkey, a member of the Council of Europe, and on other states to protect LGBT people from violence. The European Union, to which Turkey is seeking admission, adopted a progress report this month, reminding the Turkish government of the need to safeguard all minorities, including LGBT people. Similarly, in 2009, the commissioner for human rights in the Council of Europe, Thomas Hammarberg, urged all member States to enact legislation that would protect transgender people from attacks and violence.

"The Turkish government should stop ignoring demands by Pembe Hayat and other LGBT’s in Turkey to take measures to stop ongoing transgender killings," said Kemal Ördek member of Pink Life. "The Constitution and the Penal Code need to guarantee equality and non-discrimination. The Government in turn needs to stop hate murders against transgender people and violence based on sexual orientation and gender identity."

Human rights groups like Pembe Hayat have documented a long history of police abuse in Turkey, as well as violence based on sexual orientation and gender identity by state and private actors. In 2008, Human Rights Watch issued reports on violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, and on police violence, including harassment and abuse against transgender people in Istanbul.

ILGA-Europe will visit Turkey in April to assess Turkey’s compliance with its European and international human rights obligations toward LGBT people and to document the violence, discrimination and other obstacles they face in Turkey. The organization has asked the authorities to discuss proposed measures to address the human rights concerns of the Turkish LGBT population.

"Turkey is witnessing ongoing violence and hate against LGBT people," said Silvan Agius, ILGA-Europe’s senior policy officer responsible for transgender equality. "The Turkish government’s response needs to address the problems at their roots by tackling the severe stigma against LGBT people, social exclusion and poverty on the one hand, and the culture of gender stereotypes that is driving the violence and hate on the other."

For more information please contact:

In Ankara, Kemal Ördek, (Turkish, English), Pembe Hayat LGBTT Solidarity Association, Telephone: +90 554 465 57 29 In Brussels, Juris Lavrikovs (English, Russian), the European Region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association, Telephone: +32 2 609 54 16 In New York, Juliana Cano Nieto (English, Spanish), Human Rights Watch, Telephone: +1 212 216 1233 In New York, Hossein Alizadeh (English, Persian), International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, Telephone: +1 212 430 6016

LINK TO: Letter written to Turkish Prime Minister 

Being Turkish And Being Gay

A Turkish man spills his guts and sheds some tears discussing his attempt to gain acceptance from his father.

We need new approach to solve problems with economy

The possible demise of fashion chain Republic, which puts 2,500 jobs at risk after it was put into administration (Metro, Thu), adds to fears the economic crisis is here for the foreseeable future. Indeed, it will last as long as we continue to impoverish the majority of our population.

For the past 30 years, we have followed economic policies that suck national income and wealth towards those who need it least, the affluent. According to some estimates wages are now so low the majority of British households have been forced into the position of needing benefits just to get by. Such misery impoverishes the government through reduced taxes and the high street via diminished spending.

The root cause of the crisis is the huge increase of inequality from which our nation suffers. There is now too little wealth at the foundations of our society to support our way of life. To get out of this depression, we need a new approach. Kevin Albertson, economist, Manchester Metropolitan University

I hope all the Tory supporters were listening to the comments from Sir Mervyn King, the outgoing governor of the Bank of England, on high rates of inflation and the state of the economy (Metro.co.uk, Wed). He was essentially telling chancellor George Osborne that focusing on growth rather than austerity is actually the way to improve our economy.

Since 2003, hourly rates of pay have decreased, along with the projected level of income. And it looks like inflation will stay high until 2016. This could lead to higher levels of unemployment, yet the government doesn’t appear to have any solutions.

So how can Tory supporters possibly believe Mr Osborne has a clue about what to do with Britain’s economy? ST Vaughan, Birmingham

Tragic event

I was sad to see four-year-old Morgan Phelan died of meningitis after a hospital said she had a ‘bad cold’ (Metro, Wed).

Meningitis and septicaemia are notoriously difficult to diagnose and can kill in hours but she had a rash, which is often a clear indicator of septicaemia, the blood poisoning form of the disease.

On behalf of Meningitis UK, which represents families who have experienced the devastation caused by meningitis and associated diseases, I pass on our sympathies to Morgan’s family. Steve Dayman, founder, Meningitis UK