2014 Resolutions for a Top.

I am sure we all know these simple points, but I always try to re-read them at the start of a new year. 

Be Patient

Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

Be Humble

No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.

Be Open

Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours.

Communicate

Find out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian Roulette. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.

Be Honest

If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern.

Be Sensitive

There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.

Be Realistic

End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys. Be clear about what fantasy really is and that it has little to do with what works in practice.

Be Really Dominant

Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don¹t shirk your responsibility. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role - now take it!

Be Healthy

Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don¹t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene.

Have Fun

After all, it's all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play!