Be Patient
A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested
in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and
to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your
fantasies.
Be Humble
You may think you are the best submissive in the world and
the most sought, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have
ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the
"real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for
failure by developing expectations that you know you and your top can never
reach.
Be Open
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from
everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are,
or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art, and an
"I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM
lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
Communicate
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and
in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you,
such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But -unless
it's an emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't expect your dominant to be
a mind-reader and instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your
cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
Be Honest
Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your
dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs
is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to
problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing
problems, it can be dangerous.
Be Vulnerable
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical
realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to
certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your top
ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy
play you've written in your head - don't try to top from the bottom. It's far
better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to
places you're never been before. When you trust your top completely, let her or
him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
Be Realistic
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops
have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you
perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world
you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a large
dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment...Your top's equipment is expensive -
respect it and don't abuse it.
Be Really Submissive
This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over
completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange
information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts
be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you
should try being a top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay
within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if
you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be
concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and
dependable and enjoy your role.
Be Healthy
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its
participants - both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional
health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake,
and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your
dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter
how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you
aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve
your dominant and yourself by staying healthy.
Have fun.
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