BDSM is not all about sex!

This is a public information announcement:

BDSM is not all about sex!

Did that get your attention? If it did then my job here is half done; if you agree entirely and know where I’m coming from then you’re excused the rest of the class and can sneak off round the back of the bike-sheds now.

If you think I have no idea what I’m talking about, then, if you’re sitting comfortably, read on…

Many definitions of BDSM include the words “erotic”, “sexual”, “sensual”, etc. While sex can be a big part of a BDSM relationship it does not have to be and, to my mind, limits and detracts from the entire scene.

There are many types of dominance in many different scenarios; likewise the submissive role can appear in a vast range of circumstances. Administering or receiving restrictions and actions can be played out in virtually any situation outside the bedroom – or dungeon.

A recent post by Lady Leyla asked “What is the evolutionary basis for some humans liking bondage/S&M?” Any student of Darwin will have to admit there is an evolutionary basis and it must be a successful activity as otherwise the likelihood is it would’ve disappeared in the distant past. But that post linked it to a reproductive strategy only. I believe it’s more a life strategy. Granted the imperative in all living creatures is to reproduce, but does that mean BDSM has no other goal? Or does a BDSM lifestyle achieve other desired results? Even the parts that do involve sex aren’t necessarily going to produce baby Doms and subs!

Does BDSM appeal only to the more primitive aspects of our genetic makeup? Or is it addressing more cerebral needs and intellectual desires as well? I don’t have an answer but I’d like to think the truth is at least somewhere in the middle. Back to the beginning of this post: I still believe BDSM is not all about sex, if it was it would be a very boring and lacklustre existence for us all.