QUESTION: What are the effects of mainstreaming BDSM?

ANSWERS: 

(Add yours too)


If BDSM is introduced to mainstream culture in a realistic way that portrays it as healthy sex between consenting adults as opposed to degenerate sexual deviancy, it could be a great thing. There are a lot of kinky people out there who are still ashamed of their sexual fantasies, especially in a BDSM context, and if it was to be shown as just another side of sex then it might lead to fewer unnecessary feelings of guilt in people who have those desires. The problem is, a lot of mainstream media shows all BDSM as an exclusively dark, edgy thing. Look at every procedural crime drama that's ever had an episode revolving around a dominatrix or a BDSM club - the people who partake in those activities are always shown as twisted, creepy deviants, when this is by and large not the case at all. The real kink community is, generally speaking, full of open, positive people. But media doesn't focus on that part of it - they don't show the loving husband and wife who beat the daylights out of each other and then snuggle and kiss afterwards, they'd rather focus on the scandalous and often untrue side of things. It could be very interesting to see healthy portrayals of it become common in mainstream media, but I'm afraid I'm not holding out much hope for that.

Arden Fraser, Hopeful Narrative Designer

Assuming it were gradually accepted as part of the spectrum of human sexual activity, it would probably lead to a much more sophisticated, mature and fact based attitude and understanding of sexuality in society. Whether it is mainstreamed or not does not change the fact that it occurs more than most people think it does and amongst people most wouldn't suspect. So, either we can continue to live in ignorance and with blinders on or we can bring things out into the light, acknowledge their existence and understand them for what they are. Bringing things into the mainstream does not mean we have to accept them. But it does make it much more difficult to take advantage of societal ignorance.

Crossdreamers: What does transgender really mean? On Wikipedia's misleading article.

Crossdreamers: What does transgender really mean? On Wikipedia's misleading article.

Setting A BDSM Scene

Source: http://wheresthehardcore.com/resources/pdf/Setting-A-BDSM-Scene.pdf

A BDSM scene can be compared to:

• A Short Story
• A Play
• A Ritual

And just as these three formats have various elements in common, so does the BDSM scene.

All four are a form of creative expression. They are vehicles for the psyche to express itself through the imagination.

In a short story the author is moved by something within her or him to tell a meaningful tale.

In a play, the play write is inspired to formulate a script that will convey the message of his heart through the living medium of actors and actresses on a stage.

In a religious or magical ritual the priest or priestess, utilizes words, symbols and movement to enact a specific intention or desire, as part of the creative process that will cause that intention or desire to manifest in the material world.

In a BDSM scene the participants of the scene, work together to formulate a story, write the script and choose the symbols and movement that will tell the meaningful tale that they wish to tell, enact the message of their hearts and manifest an imaginary fantasy of their psyches into the material world.

So what is the first necessary component of all four of these formats of expression?

• The Reason
• The tale
• The message-the intention or desire
• The fantasy
•  

Therefore to perform a BDSM scene, the participants must first decide, what is the reason for doing the scene?

What is tale, the message, the desire and the fantasy we wish to explore?

Is our intention to push limits and boundaries or do we wish to have a little fun within the limitations and boundaries that we have already established?

Once the nature of the scene has been agreed upon and established the next step is to create its pathway.

The Pathway is the second component necessary in creating a scene.

Pathway is a term used when creating magical ritual and it works well when creating a BDSM scene, as it simply is a way of identifying or mapping out the various segments or stages that the scene is going to pass through, on its way to completion.

Much like a short story, a scene has a beginning, a middle and an end. This is its pathway.

• The beginning is the introduction. (opening)
• The middle is the body. (action)
• The end is the conclusion. (closing)

The beginning sets the mood and atmosphere. It is the opportunity to switch over out of real time into fantasy time and put on the character of the scene.

The middle is the actual scene itself in which the previously agreed upon fantasy is played out and brought to its climax. The end is a cool down period in which the participants have an opportunity to slowly ease their way out of fantasy time, back into real time and assess how the scene went and how each participant experienced it.

Depending on how elaborate the participants wish their scene to be, this pathway can either simply be discussed or it can be written down, much like the script of a play, with each participant having a copy to study prior to the scene.

Having created your pathway, the third component to be addressed in the setting of a BDSM scene is that of the practical element of location. When thinking in terms of a play, this would equate to the theatre that the play was going to be presented in and the stage that it is going to be enacted on.

Where is your scene going to be staged?

Will all of it take place in one location?

Will you begin your scene in a public location and then end it in private?

Will the scene be done in a fetish club?

Is there anything you need to know about the location to ensure your safety and privacy?

The fourth component necessary to manifest a good scene is of course costume.

Depending on the scene and the nature of the characters being enacted in the scene, the attire worn will be different.

To heighten the excitement of the scene and the ability of the participants to enter into fantasy time and character, it is good to try as best as possible, to have the attire of each participant reflect their character in the most authentic way possible.

The BDSM scene is about becoming a part of the psyche that is seeking to express itself through the creative imagination. So it is good to honour this by going to the greatest extent possible to give it a costume persona that it can wear, that is arousing

and stimulating to its characteristics. The fifth component of the BDSM scene, are the tools necessary to perform the scene.

The tools are like props in a play or the magical instruments in a ritual.

What sorts of tools will be necessary for you to successfully enact your scene?

Do you already have everything necessary or are there things that may need to be purchased?

How much can be improvised without compromising the integrity or authenticity of the scene? Be careful here. Too much improvisation can make the scene seem cheesy and bring the participants out of fantasy time. After putting a lot of effort into co-ordinating a scene, no one wants to be brought out of fantasy time by a pair of cheap plastic hand cuffs that snap, in an interrogation scene where good authentic cuffs could have been acquired and used.

So in review the 5 elements of a BDSM scene are:

• The Reason
• The Pathway
• The Location
• The Costuming
• The Tools

Once you have established these particulars, all that remains is to pick your day and time and let the scene unfold.

After doing a scene, it is good to have some relaxing social time. This could include a meal or snack and conversation. Some couples enjoy making love as the scene is a precursor or foreplay to a sexual encounter. Whatever it may be, enjoy an activity that is relaxing and is grounding back into real time.

Take as much time as is necessary to process the scene and the feelings around it. Things may come up for days after. If the scene goes extremely well there is always an extreme sense of accomplishment and usually the participants are brought closer together by the shared mutual experience. Even if there are glitches, the act of participating in a scene will always yield the fruit of learning and growing for all of the participants and ideas of what can be improved upon in the next scene will be gained.

Simply put...a BDSM scene is big people playing make believe, only with more elaborate costumes and tools and with fewer limitations and boundaries, than the little ones.

Links to bdsm scenarios: http://mistressladyleyla.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/ROLE%20PLAY%20SCENES#.UdiTqPmmjUA

The politician helping Britain out of the gay dark ages

The politician helping Britain out of the gay 'dark ages'

We speak to Kate Green, Britain’s Shadow Equalities Minister about gay marriage, trans rights and what’s next in the LGBT struggle

BY TRIS REID-SMITH

 ‘Disgusting, distasteful, cruel and wrong.’ That’s how British Member of Parliament (MP) and Shadow Equalities Minister Kate Green describes some of the debate in parliament over gay marriage.

But Green and the many pro-equality politicians are winning. And she is already thinking about what they should be focusing on as the next step for LGBT equality.

We caught up with her after the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill for England and Wales had cleared the elected House of Commons and just passed an initial vote in Britain’s upper chamber of parliament, the House of Lords. But everything is still to fight for until the final vote in the Lords, likely to be on 15 July.

As the opposition Labour party’s lead on equality, Green has been at the forefront of the debate. Meanwhile, she has also been involved in bringing transgender issues to the center of British politics for the first time.

Green knows marriage is not the final hurdle in the LGBT struggle – bullying in schools, a glass ceiling at work and cuts to gay and trans services are all on her mind. But the fact the marriage bill is now almost certain to pass is giving pro-gay politicians hope and confidence.

We started by talking about the bill and how it will change Britain.

Were you surprised by the result in the House of Lords?

I was surprised by the size of the majority. We have to be a little cautious as peers don’t traditionally want to vote down a bill at second reading. They are revising chamber and want the debate in full so they can revise it. Nonetheless it was a much bigger majority than I thought we would see – it was two to one nearly.

We have always been confident there is a majority in the House of Lords for the legislation and nothing we have seen this week has shaken that confidence. My impression was some of the speeches were really the last howls of protest of a dying breed.

Even in the House of Commons we saw some of the arguments about polygamy…

Well they are just disgusting, distasteful, and cruel and wrong and ill-informed and nasty.

I thought there were also some very beautiful speeches in the House of Commons, particularly from some Conservative MPs because it has been harder – or perceived to be harder – in that party to come out. And they were talking about how this enabled them to be completely open and relaxed about their sexuality and talk about it publicly.

This is why you have to pass this legislation. For how long have we prevented people from being themselves? How cruel is that?

I said in my second reading speech, you are a teenager and you are trying to make sense of who you are and your own sexuality, not to endorse a particular form of sexual orientation by not allowing people to marry tells young people ‘there’s something a bit wrong with you, you are a bit screwed up’. That’s outrageous – what are we doing to young people? All we do then is store up unhappiness for years to come.

Politicians lead and respond to public opinion. Do you think politicians’ views on trans issues and gay issues may have given the wrong message to society?

For gay and lesbian issues undoubtedly, even we heard again in the House of Lords some really quite bizarre and offensive and hurtful things [in the debate over gay marriage].

It seems to me for gay and lesbian people this is the last hurrah of the old guard. They are so plainly now out of step with where the country is and the polling that Stonewall [leading British gay campaign organization] did was pretty clear on all that.

Political leaders still feel it is acceptable to use this language that is obviously utterly wrong but for lesbian and gay issues it is becoming more and more something society will not tolerate.

For transgender issues, I don’t think we are there yet. You don’t see many politicians speaking about it at all, and I think it is considered much more socially acceptable to use language that is inappropriate and actually very offensive and hurtful. Some of the implications transgender people are not safe to be around children – what possible evidence have they got for that kind of assertion? Most politicians are still keeping their head down on the issue.

Do you expect the bill to lead to a kind of wider benefit?

I do. I think it will be part of the process of absolutely mainstreaming attitudes to same-sex couples.

Politicians are now thinking what are the next frontiers for LGBT issues? Media portrayal is a huge one. I think health – mental and physical health. We know there are much higher levels of depression, higher levels of suicide among some lesbian and gay people.

Mental health is significantly impacted if people can’t acknowledge their sexuality or suffer bullying or mistreatment as a result of it. So there is a clear new policy frontier to be following there.

There is a lot of work to be done in schools. Stonewall are doing a great project as are Schools Out [LGBT groups working in schools] around getting schools to take on homophobic bullying, to think of the way sex and relationships education can create acceptance and understanding of same-sex relationships. But the fact is this government will not make sex and relationships education a compulsory part of the curriculum so it is up to us in the Labour Party to push that.

The other thing I am very worried about is public spending cuts, particularly in local authorities, which will impact on specialist support services for the LGBT community – so advice services, specialist mental health services, advocacy, even just the community and social activities which have enjoyed a degree of public funding.

Gay marriage has helped make the Conservative government appear more gay friendly. Are you worried that will cost Labour some traditional LGBT votes?

I think people will probably notice Labour is still very much the party setting the agenda on this. The government wouldn’t have got this legislation through if it hadn’t been for Labour votes.

Most people’s view is by the time of the election this legislation is not going to be an election issue. That’s a good thing. It may have been an electoral advantage for us if there had been an election this year, but it is probably more important it is not an issue at all.

At the moment some transgender people are still concerned about the equal marriage bill because it says the wife or husband of a transgender person can stop them getting a gender recognition certificate so they can veto their marriage going from being a ‘straight’ to a ‘gay’ one.

It is important to have the debate about this because you are balancing the sensitivities of two members of the couple.

On the one hand you have the person who wishes to undergo gender reassignment feeling it is a very personal decision for them. At the moment the other spouse can take the decision, under the legislation as it is currently drafted, for the marriage to continue uninterrupted.

But on the other hand you have to recognize there will be some partners who will feel I am absolutely not able to contemplate being married to someone of the same sex and although I can take action to end that marriage I don’t see why I should be put in that position.

And the legislation says a person who has already transitioned still has to declare their original birth-certificate gender to their future spouse. But if they had a criminal conviction or were a rapist they wouldn’t have to declare it.

Or even a history of child abuse…

So what does a partner have a right to know before marrying someone?

You are talking about a relationship which really has to be based on trust and openness but I guess in many marriages people keep secrets. To what degree the state has a role in that is quite a hard question.

I know it seems unimaginably unlikely that people wouldn’t disclose but there may be cases where it is long in someone’s past. It is a really interesting question and it exemplifies a wider issue.

We have seen the death of trans teacher Lucy Meadows who was harassed by the press and the publishing of the Leveson Report into standards in the British media which criticized reporting on trans issues. Your party wants to implement Leveson’s recommendations in full to help trans people...

Yes, and there are many other advantages to Leveson being implemented in full as well.

But how much faith do you have that the post Leveson world is going to be better?

That’s a very hard question. I think certain sections of the media, certain publications, were cavalier, callous, cruel, irresponsible and unthinking.

It was very interesting reading some of the transcripts of the evidence given to Leveson and seeing them almost being brought up short by some of the questioning and saying things like ‘that wasn’t our finest hour’.

It was as if it was the first time some elements of the media had been confronted with what they were doing – and that human beings were involved and they were damaging and destroying their lives.

Whether that has resulted in any immediate change of behavior, I think there is not much sign it has, there have still been some pretty egregious examples. On the other hand it seems to me that it is important we use Leveson and the terrible death of Lucy Meadows and the climate of discussion to keep banging this message home.

In the end the media are not just leaders of public opinion, they are massively, massively responsive to it. I have been quite struck by how much the debate has moved in the last seven months and I think it is hugely down to the courage of some transgender people speaking out now and saying ‘this is how we are being treated’.

There have been several big meetings in parliament over the last few months about trans issues. Do you think this is a flash in the pan or the start of something interesting?

No I think it is the start of something interesting. Because the campaigners, the advocates, on trans issues are organizing. They are operating in a sustained, determined, systematic way and as a result they have now got some momentum going.

And I have done some events in the last few weeks. One was organized by Trans Media Watch when they invited MPs to come along and sign up to their pledge on the portrayal of transgender people in the media. And MPs did come, by parliament standards it was a high turn out – and across party and I think there were peers there.

That campaign is beginning now to get political purchase and they will sustain it, I think they are very determined to. Once politicians work out there are 60 people on their doorstep talking about something, they start to poke their noses in, so bringing the debate right into parliament has been very good.

And the [equal marriage] bill has been helpful, because there has been a reason to talk about it in terms of what does it mean in terms of how public policy impacts on people’s lives.

Actually Britain’s legislation is already ahead of a lot of Europe on transgender issues...

I had a woman politician from Poland come to see me – the only trans MP and she was describing with relation to both same-sex relationships and transgender issues just how much more difficult it is for her to get these issues taken seriously. She is a lone voice as far as I can tell in the Polish legislature. There is much more of a block in the policy system on taking them forward.

In some countries, and Poland is one, the Catholic Church has a very strong hold on public opinion and is deeply opposed. You have got some countries that are much more socially conservative and it is much more difficult to even talk about these issues, let along make progress on them.

So what role can politicians play in influencing the debate beyond making legislation?

You are right they are the sharp edge of public opinion. If you look at where public opinion has moved, particularly on lesbian and gay relationships, civil partnerships, over a period of only 10 years it is politicians who have led the way.

I know from the correspondence I get and the stuff I see on Twitter, I get a lot of response, including from constituents, saying ‘we are glad you are talking about it, it has enabled us to talk about it’. Politicians as public figures can mainstream the discussion and that is very important.

And for politicians who are fearful, who think they are going to lose votes, this is not a vote-loser. In five, 10 years from now, certainly 25, 30 years from now, people will look at the fact we did not let people of the same-sex marry and think ‘what on earth was that about?’ People will look at this aghast – it will be the dark ages.

In the debate there was a lot of reference to straight people having families and little recognition that LGBT people also had children. Should we promote gay families more?

What an interesting and good idea. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest children fare worse in families where they have two parents of the same sex. They will often be very wanted children. We want to make sure we celebrate those successful families.

It is really important for the children we celebrate and promote really positive stories about same-sex parents because those children otherwise are going to be stigmatized.

We should be building the acceptability of those families in the public’s mind and I think we can do that really well. We can have really positive stories.

And can we be tougher on schools failing to tackle anti-LGBT bullying?

One of the difficulties we are having is a lot of schools are becoming academies and free schools and it is becoming a lot harder to have a grip on the policies they adopt.

But we want to use the inspections regime, use local authority intervention where they are maintained schools, really to be very clear about the standards we expect.

It is about teacher training, it is about leadership, it is about the whole ethos of the school, it’s about respect for children. I would like to see a child rights-and-respect model becoming the norm for schools

In workplace diversity, the big hurdle for women and gay people and other minorities is getting to the top of organizations. Will we ever break through this glass ceiling?

It is not just the top. A lot of the block in companies is middle managers who are sometimes quite prejudiced in some of their assumptions and attitudes. People think ‘I wouldn’t like to be managed by a woman or by a gay person’. Well tough.

I think we need to do pay audits and they are a proxy for getting people in to senior positions. We regret the government hasn’t decided to go ahead with that.

But public procurement is a big tool for driving corporate behavior and we should make much more use of it.

- See more at: 

The Transgendered Scene

 
The following notes attempt a brief working definition of the different categories of cross-dressing and gender dysphoric behaviour.
They have been prepared as part of an extensive range of services and facilities by TransLiving International, the UK-based support network for transvestites, transsexuals and others with gender dysphoria.
Gender Confusion
If you find the distinctions somewhat confusing between she-males, transgenderists, transsexuals, gender transients, drag queens, cross-dressers and transvestites, then you are not alone! There are differences that can sometimes be readily apparent, but the confusion is not helped by the fact that many people with some form of gender dysphoria (the medic-speak term used to denote those who feel there is a mismatch between the gender role they choose to adopt some or all of the time, and that which is apparently denoted by their sexual characteristics) will describe themselves in terms that are, at the very least, highly misleading.
Gender Dysphoria
Gender Dysphoria is a condition in which there is a mismatch between the preferred gender role and that which is apparently denoted by sexual characteristics. Or to put it rather more clearly --- it is a condition in which the patient believes that his/her brain sex is at variance with his/her physical sex. This does not necessarily mean the gender dysphoric person is transsexual.
She-males, transgenderists and gender transients, along with TVs for whom transvestism has become a major fixation, may all be considered as exhibiting some degree of gender dysphoric symptoms. The transsexual certainly has the condition.
The treatment regime of choice will be determined by the psychiatrist following a detailed interview with the patient. It should be noted that in its extreme form, transsexuality, this is a condition that is largely self-diagnosed.
It is important to understand that gender dysphoria requires specialist attention. Few GPs and general psychiatrists have much experience of dealing with these gender anomalies and only too frequently people who are deeply disturbed by their psycho-sexual problems are told ‘you’ll grow out of it’, ‘it’s just a passing phase’, ‘go and get yourself laid’ or given similar unhelpful advice.
The fact is that it is a big step for the gender dysphoric person to take to even acknowledge having a psycho-sexual problem. It is hard for someone who has been socialised as a male to have to admit that he believes himself to be fundamentally female or to have a need to express his female persona.
Gender dysphoria causes people to act in a way contrary to their upbringing and socialisation, a way at variance with their apparent sex, a way that may well lead them to their being socially ostracised and significantly disadvantaged in terms of housing, career etc. It deserves to be treated seriously.
The condition is psycho-sexual. This does not mean to say that gender dysphorics are mentally ill, they merely have a condition that affects their understanding of their gender.
In the case of the transsexual particularly, the condition can cause embarrassment to others, particularly at the early stages of her transition. After all, what people see is a person who looks quite mannish, who was brought up and treated as a male, who developed male habits and manners, who has a masculine physique and who says she is female, dresses as a woman and wants to be treated as a woman. And she expects to be taken seriously.
It’s all very difficult for her --- and quite a problem for everyone else. She is likely to be hyper-sensitive and, because she has a great deal to learn, will probably be terribly gauche and unfeminine. This is the time she is at her most vulnerable and most difficult. Fortunately it is a passing phase and with practice, the help of hormones and a growing feeling of confidence, she will gradually settle into her new life and become increasingly acceptable in it.
So let’s attempt a set of brief working definitions of the gender dysphoric sub-groups based on practical experience (and risk the wrath of all those who disagree).
Cross-dressers
The generic term cross-dresser is fairly used for any person who chooses to don the apparel appropriate to the other gender. In reality this is a behaviour almost exclusively restricted to males.
Cross dressing may be an occasional activity. It frequently manifests itself with greater frequency when the man is under stress and would thus seem to serve the useful function of alleviating some of that stress.
Some men indulge in cross-dressing in certain garments only (knicker fetishists could be an example). A good many become highly aroused by it, quickly changing back into their normal clothes beset by self-disgust and guilt following masturbatory ejaculation. Others simply derive a feeling of calm from their pseudo female persona, whilst others gain extreme sexual arousal.
Transvestites
Transvestites, she-males, gender transients, drag queens, gay queens and transgenderists can all be legitimately described as cross-dressers. It would be inappropriate to apply the term to a TS (even if she looks totally unconvincing).
Transvestites (TVs) are people who derive pleasure from wearing clothes appropriate to the other gender. The generic term Cross-dresser is equally valid.
In fact, transvestism is a virtually exclusive male behavioural trait. TVs differ widely in their choice of dress and their socio-economic backgrounds. The incidence of transvestism is virtually impossible to determine on account of the veil of secrecy surrounding it and the refusal of many men who routinely wear women's underwear to consider themselves TV.
They are generally secretive about their transvestism and, until they have ‘come out’, tend to feel very guilty about it. Their motives for cross-dressing are diverse too. Some clearly do it as a sexual turn-on, an aid to masturbation. Others appear to derive calm and solace from permitting a gentler, female side to their natures to be given a periodic airing.
There are some whose transvestism is allied to other sexual behaviours:- the adult babies, the sub-dom fetishists etc.
The majority of TVs claim to be strictly heterosexual. Many TV organisations will imply that over 90% are hetero. This figure must be regarded as suspect since many of these strictly hetero males thoroughly enjoy adopting a quasi-female sexual role when cross-dressed and thus there must be a significant number more accurately described as bi-sexual.
The TV may go to great lengths, and spend considerable sums, to create his female persona. Some would have no difficulty in going about their daily business masquerading as women. The majority need to use artifice to disguise or hide such things as heavy male features, beard growth, body hair, large muscular frames, male pattern baldness, coarse skin and tattoos. They can alter their perceived body shape by the use of breast-forms, hip and bum pads. They can use special make-up to conceal any unwanted six-o-clock shadow and wigs do wonders for the overall effect.
The TV is a male and generally happy to be so. Many have successful marriages. Some, are of course gay. Whilst enjoying ‘dressing’ and appearing ‘en femme’, they have no wish to lose their male sex organs and sex drive. Admittedly, many TVs fantasise about growing breasts and being ‘real women’, but in truth, the ‘real women’ they envisage are mere figments of their male imaginations and most would be horrified at the prospect of loss of libido and the even more daunting loss of their priceless possessions — prized penis and testicles.
The Lily Savage or Edna Everage image is far removed from the typical TV, even though the general public will tend to equate them. This is not to say that every TV dresses modestly and makes an effort to appear as a normal woman. On the contrary, some dress in a way they would condemn as alarmingly tarty in a real woman.
Why the apparent appeal of the tarty? Why the significant interest in dressing as schoolgirls, nurses or ‘French maids’? It is somewhat difficult to answer this question other than to surmise that each of these styles symbolises some aspect of the femininity that the TVs concerned particularly espouse:- provocative, innocent, caring or submissive.
Crucial issues affecting the TV include how (and whether) to tell a partner/children/relatives/friends. How to handle himself if he gets ‘read’ (i.e. spotted as a cross-dressed male) when venturing out and how to deal with the attention of males when cross-dressed. Another factor, which few realise, is that their transvestism can become an unhealthy fixation to the extent that they cross-dress at every opportunity and become morose and surly if prevented. These TVs need to understand that their ‘harmless little hobby’ has become a psycho-sexual problem needing expert attention. Gender psychiatrists understand the condition:- few GPs do and few general psychiatrists. Consultation with a gender psychiatrist can be arranged through a GP’s referral to a Gender Identity Clinic, by contacting a private clinic (e.g. The Albany Clinic or the Portland Clinic in Manchester), by referral via a GP or through introduction from a recognised group to one of the few psychiatrists specialising in this subject. TransLiving is able to effect introductions to one of the leading specialist psychiatrists.
Fortunately, the majority of TVs manage to balance their cross-dressing needs with the normal requirements of family life, maintaining it as a discreet activity that does not offend anyone.
The frequency of cross dressing can vary from occasional to full time and the primary motivations range from deriving a feeling of calm and comfort by expressing a pseudo female persona, through to extreme sexual arousal.
TVs are almost exclusively male, the majority traditionally being believed to be heterosexual. Typically they feel an affinity for things feminine and value what they perceive to be essentially female behavioural patterns. Few of them are effeminate in manner when dressed as males and the majority will go to great lengths to mask their transvestism, many feeling isolated and guilty.
One of the most frequently asked questions by wives is “Why does he do it?”. There is no simple answer. There are many reasons why men cross dress and any individual is liable to be affected by more than one behavioural influence.
However, there are some who will welcome attention from males when they are cross-dressed and their transvestism may thus serve to mask a repressed bi-sexuality or possibly homosexuality. Indeed, it is not uncommon amongst this group to find TVs explaining that when in the female persona they are attracted to men, but not when presenting as male.
The TV retains his male sex drive and is perfectly satisfied to be male, provided he is permitted the opportunity to indulge his need to cross-dress from time to time. This can obviously cause problems if he expects to cross-dress whenever possible. A TV may well be a gentle, caring guy who will enjoy shopping with his wife, helping in the house etc. That’s the positive side. He may also be selfish in his demands for clothing and make-up, unfair in his expectations that the only places the couple visit are TV venues and unreasonable in his demands to make love when cross dressed.
The female partner has every right to expect her man to stick to agreed guidelines when it comes to cross-dressing. She is under no obligation to accept this behaviour, but perhaps should remember that modern psychiatry considers it within the bounds of normality, provided it is kept within sensible control. A gay male partner may well find it difficult to accept a TVs cross-dressing need.
The TV has a need to cross dress. His transvestism is a compulsion and it is necessary for him to work out a coping mechanism that makes room for it whilst not risking damage to his marital, familial, social and working relationships.
She-male
A She-male is a man who presents as a woman thanks to having secured breast development (hormonally induced and/or through silicone implant). He retains his male sex-drive and may indulge in sexual activity with both males and females. The descriptor ‘she-male’ implies a sexually motivated positioning and is often applicable to those earning their living from prostitution:- whether gay sex with other males, a sort of simulated lesbian sex with women or conventional penetrative sex with women.
The she-male retains a complete working set of male genitalia and has no intention of losing the pleasurable sensations obtained. She needs to be careful not to overdo the feminising hormones (in order to avoid becoming impotent), but will readily take any other measures necessary to enhance her feminine image.
They are quite prominent on the gay, drag and fetishist circuits, some of them achieving stunning looks. A number of them have clearly been able to derive an income from pornography and some from prostitution. It seems that exhibitionism is quite characteristic. Unlike the transsexual, transgenderist and transvestite, the she-male in common with the drag queen may be indifferent as to whether she is accepted as female by the public. It is fair to add that such indifference is shown at one end of the spectrum, whilst at the other, the she-male may very well pass her days being accepted as, and treated as a woman, whilst all the time proudly preserving her fully functional male ‘hanging bits’.
Those who live and present as female simply as a matter of gender preference, without seemingly being sexually motivated, may perhaps better be described as transgenderists.
Transgenderists
Transgenderists are people who choose to live full time in the gender role opposed to their physical sex. They retain their original genitalia, frequently have electrolysis to facilitate their passing properly in their chosen role and may have speech therapy too. A few add hormone treatment but with no intention of seeking gender reassignment. Such cases are difficult to distinguish from the She-males:- perhaps the only difference being with regard to their far less overt sexual display.
Many transgenderists will describe themselves as transsexual and, in so far as they may succeed in being socially accepted as women, they can be difficult to distinguish from TSs. Nevertheless, there are major distinctions:- the TS will take steps to ensure that her body is altered to fit her conception of her own sexual and gender identity. The transgenderist will acknowledge that he can never be a woman. The post-op TS knows that she is female and feels complete and whole, whilst the pre-op TS knows that she is a female awaiting some remedial surgery.
Transsexuals
Transsexuals are people who feel a profound awareness of a mismatch between their physical sex and their brain sex. Many try determinedly to fulfil what seemed to be their allotted role and that to which they had been socialised from infancy. However, the only way their problem can be resolved is through the combined medical and surgical procedures associated with complete gender reassignment (the so-called sex-change).
Male to female transsexuals outnumber female to male and certainly have a somewhat easier time in terms of the amount and severity of surgery involved. On the other hand, the female to male TS generally finds the effects of hormone therapy produce a dramatic change of such significance that their effective transition to the point where they are readily accepted in their new gender role is likely to occur far sooner. Their voices break, they grow facial hair and develop masculine musculature.
However, the F-M seeking full reassignment must face a series of operations:- hysterectomy and bilateral mastectomy being daunting enough to start with. Surgical construction of a form of penis is not widely regarded as a particularly satisfactory procedure as yet:- it is not autonomously erectile and may not even offer the ‘hosepipe’ function of the extended male urethra. Nevertheless, whatever the functional limitations, the cosmetic effect can be excellent and many F-M TSs are deservedly proud of their well-hung tackle.
The benefit of medical and surgical intervention is quite simply that it enables the TS (whichever the way of transition) to physically conform to his/her own felt gender identity.
The transsexual (M-F) is more than likely to have passed through a transvestic phase before realising that her problem was less a desire to dress as a woman than to be a woman. Her malaise with her apparent masculinity is likely to have affected her from quite a young age. Typically she would try hard to suppress those feelings and, particularly amongst the older TSs, may have shown a great determination to prove overt masculinity.
Once she has overcome the first major hurdle of accepting that she has a problem needing expert psychiatric help, she finds herself embarking on a journey beset by a series of horrors.
She will need to be referred to a specialist gender psychiatrist, either private or at a NHS Gender Identity Clinic. An ordinary psychiatrist is unlikely to have an understanding of gender dysphoria and thus may not be qualified to be of assistance. To get this far, she will need to see her GP to secure a referral. Admittedly, a responsible group such as TransLiving is able to introduce TSs to various private gender psychiatrists and, if appropriate, counsellors.
Whilst some TSs benefit from counselling, it is often far more important for their families:- for these are the innocent third parties who will feel the impact of the transsexual’s change without sharing the compulsion that has driven her.
She must convince the gender psychiatrist that she is a genuine transsexual. He will question her closely and is not going to encourage her to go for gender reassignment. Indeed, some psychiatrists may well seem to be being obstructive and unsympathetic, preferring to fuel any doubts as early as possible and before the TS has to go public with her news.
The way treatment is handled depends on the modus operandi of the psychiatrist concerned. Some insist that those wishing to undergo gender reassignment must live and function in role for a couple of years before they will prescribe hormones. Others tend to adopt the view that any patient presenting as a TS and asking for feminising hormones should be so treated as it will remove discontent. The action of the hormones (depression of libido) may prove to be a self-correcting therapy if the patient suddenly discovers that the cost of developing a little bust is the loss of valued male sex drive.
It is our view that the difficulties of a genuine TS are compounded if she is required to live in role without the development of the helpful secondary sexual characteristics that are attributable to hormone therapy. We support the view that pre-op TSs must be required to live in role for a period of at least a year in order to prove to themselves (and the real world) that they can function as, and be accepted as, women.
The TS needs to be aware that she is liable to face rejection by family and friends. Her job may well be placed in jeopardy (despite recent legislation) and she will, in all probability, encounter attitudes including outright unreasoning hostility, extreme bigotry and overt rudeness. Her social standing will probably take a severe nose-dive and she may find herself a sort of social outcast with no home, few prospects and being treated as a source of considerable embarrassment.
She will find this very confusing (“after all, I’m the same person --- just changing my gender”) and she may well pass through a highly over-sensitive phase. In the initial phases of her living ‘full-time’ she is liable to be acutely self-conscious and ill at ease with her new role. She is anxious to lose all traces of her past, yet not yet comfortable with the new self that she is discovering. In short, this period is difficult and she is at her most vulnerable and her most exposed to misunderstanding and ridicule.
Over the ensuing months she will hope to gradually settle into her female way of life despite having an intense focus on the change and all that goes with it:- voice therapy, electrolysis, grooming etc.
Sadly, not all TSs are blessed with the physical attributes that make the change credible. If you are six foot six tall, built like a main battle tank, are as hairy as the average ape, have tattoos all over, massive feet and a guttural voice of the sort that would make Lee Marvin sound feminine, then the chances of a successful transition would seem somewhat slight. Unfortunately, it is necessary to consider practicalities, for it is a sure recipe for disaster if a somewhat unsatisfactory life as a man is exchanged for an unbearable one as a woman.
Many people will comment that it takes a great deal of courage to do what a TS does. In truth, it is not a matter of courage, for she has scant option but to bite the bullet and give herself the chance of fulfilment. It takes much courage for a TS to recognise if she cannot hope to transition successfully and then to readjust her life. It also takes courage (and wisdom) for anyone who has started down the TS route only to realise that it was a mistake, to acknowledge the mistake and revert to the male role.
Being a TS should not be the ambition of a TV. Transsexuals are not TVs who have ‘graduated’ --- they are people who have had to cope with severe gender dysphoria; people upon whom Nature has played a cruel trick; people privileged to be able to understand their problem and to secure the help to resolve it.
Finally, the operation. Modern surgical techniques permit the construction of a vagina complete with labia and a clitoris constructed from the glans. The appearance, after healing, is for all practical purposes indistinguishable from that of a born female. If sufficient penile and scrotal tissue is available, the constructed vagina will offer ample depth to permit penetrative intercourse with a male. However, the vagina is not self-lubricating and the TS will need to take appropriate measures in order to avoid painful penetration.
For those with insufficient scrotal and penile tissue, a procedure can be adopted that involves using a section of the colon to provide additional depth to the vagina. A more complex procedure, it would normally only be adopted if really necessary.
TSs need a great deal of information on health and hygiene issues, legal matters and on changing their documentation and records. For these and a whole range of practical advice and support measures, they should seriously consider joining a self-help group such as TransLiving. Indeed, this group is unusual in that not only does it offer extensive support, but also the opportunity for TSs to socialise and to compare notes.
Drag queens
Drag queens are generally gay males who parody females. They do not identify with women and have no wish to be women. Over the top, outrageous and flamboyant, they are often believed by the general public to be TVs. If you go into a bar and see one very over the top guy dressed as a woman, and another cross-dressed male sitting quietly in the corner, you can bet your bottom dollar that the quiet one is the TV, the OTT one may be a drag queen. Many view themselves as entertainers, earning their living through drag performances for hen nights, gay clubs and pubs.
It is perhaps a little unfortunate for TVs that so many of the public automatically picture the drag queen when imagining anyone who is cross-dressed.
Indeed, many TSs too resent the erroneous but widely held impression that they are much the same as the drag queens.
Exhibitionist, aggressively effeminate and presenting a caricature of femininity, many of them contrive to be strikingly beautiful, wickedly witty and wonderfully amusing company.
It is also fair to point out that it was their devil may care open flouting of convention at a time (immediately pre - and post-War) when the word gay had a different connotation, when effeminacy was firmly frowned upon, when homophobia was widespread and when a man dare not admit to liking feminine clothes, manners etc., that has paved the way to today’s relatively tolerant attitudes towards transvestism and other expressions of different forms of sexuality.
Drag queens are performing artistes who take pride in their skill as entertainers. They should not be confused with gay queens who vie for the attention of men and may well be involved in gay prostitution. The gay queens are cross-dressed homosexual males actively seeking sexual liaisons with other males. Of course, there are some drag queens who need to supplement their incomes by being gay queens too.
Gender transients
Gender transients are people who will happily live in a betwixt and between world, living much of the time as women, some as men. They happily change role at will, selecting that which seems appropriate for the occasion.
A gender transient may be married or in an established relationship with a female partner.
The transient may well perceive him/herself as a third gender, refusing to acknowledge the normally accepted male/female divide. This differs from the TV who is well aware that he is male, but who simply owns up to ‘a slightly unusual little hobby.’ As far as the Transsexual is concerned, she cannot wait to leave the betwixt and between world of being neither the one nor the other. The whole idea of perpetuating that phase is horrific for her and she is impatient to achieve her sought after harmony between mind and body.
Female to male Transsexual
All patients who wish to have gender reassignment should first have a complete and thorough psychiatric evaluation
They must have a stable personality and have lived in the chosen gender for a least one year and ideally have been fully employed during this period. It is also the duty of the psychiatrist to determine whether the patient will be accepted in society in his new gender role. It is also important that the patient has reasonable expectations of the outcome of reassignment surgery to avoid any future disappointment.
Hormonal treatment with testosterone is initially given to deepen the voice, to increase muscle bulk and to increase body and facial hair growth. Patients have classically been administered Susann in subcutaneous injections but other preparations including patches and oral medication and six monthly depot preparations are also available for testosterone replacement therapy.

Sub Drop

Here is an article I found, written by David Williams - enjoy

Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a scene, both physical changes in the submissive's body and mental and emotional results of the scene on the submissives mind. While the physical effects usually occur shortly after the scene, the mental and emotional drop may take days to manifest and thus are often not thought of as a result of the scene.

It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad scene or lack of enjoyment. Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind.

Aftercare and attention to small signs can help identify sub drop quickly. Simply noticing different behaviour patterns or actions can make dealing with it much easier when caught in earlier stages. This is another reason why knowing your play partner is important.

Physical Sub Drop

Physical sub drop comes from two sources, sometimes mixed together, in some people they suffer one but not the other. Both are the result of the strenuous ordeal of a scene on the submissives body. While it may seem they just stand there and take it, in fact there is much going on and much energy being spent during a scene on the submissives part.

The first form of physical sub drop is a lowering of body temperature in the extremities, stiffness, numbness, and an over all tingling sensation. This is caused by a centralization of the bodies blood supply. The body sees the scene as a form of trauma and one of the first defence mechanisms for this in the human anatomy is to suck the blood supply into the main torso to protect the vital organs and brain.

The result of this action by the body is decreased blood flow to the arms and legs. This often results in very cold limbs after a scene and lack of sensations. When a submissives limbs are inordinately cold after a scene or when they complain of tingling, numbness, lack of sensation, stiffness, aches, or muscle cramps, these are often from lack of blood flow. A vigorous rubbing of the limbs will help to restore blood flow quickly.

Often this will leave a submissive wobbly after a scene and unsure of their grasp on items. If a submissive feels this way after a scene then it is best to have them sit down, legs extended and arms at their side while you rub the limbs to restore control. Crossing the legs or folding the arms can impede the return of blood flow and should be avoided. Laying down flat is a better way for this but is hard to do at play parties and such.

When rubbing the arms and legs, apply gentle pressure and release as you rub, this helps open the passages up to allow a greater blood flow. Cramps can be dealt with by applying a point of pressure to the direct area cramping, pushing in very gently and then releasing. This causes a fast flow of blood to sweep away the built up acids causing the cramp.

Understand that these physical manifestations are completely natural and not a weakness on the submissives part. Stretching out before a scene or after can also help lessen these effects somewhat but don't push too hard, a submissive can actually damage themselves by doing too much when their limbs lack full sensation. The basics work best, better to do small repetitive stretches rather then one big one.

Important Note: If the submissive is not in shape and used to stretching, do not expect her/him to suddenly be doing intense stretching before or after a scene. Stretching can tear muscles and stress tendons very easily.

The second form physical drop can take is the result of substances and chemicals in your body; namely, sugar, adrenaline, and endorphins. These naturally occurring substances interplay with one another to bring a gambit of results much akin to the after effects of a strenuous workout.

Eating a light high protein, low carbohydrate meal an hour or so before the scene can help alleviate a lot of symptoms, just make sure to have enough digestive time before you play and make sure not to over eat and be stuffed Lots of vegetables will also add nutrients that can help the submissive recover from a strenuous scene and of course, plenty of water before and after the scene will help as well.

When a submissive is scened often their body uses a great amount of energy. After the scene is over they will feel an intense craving for sweets. This is not bad, this is their body craving sugar to replace the energy lost during the scene. Sometimes this craving is accompanied by a shaky feeling. Sugar crashes can also bring about mood swings, grumpiness, irritability, and sadness in some cases.

The best rule of thumb to follow with this is: The simpler the sugar, the faster the results. Fructose, sugar found naturally in fruits, is easy for the body to metabolize and use fast. Apple juice, grape juice, any sort of natural fruit juice will help to restore the blood sugar level fast. Soda and processed sugar take longer to produce the same results but will eventually get the job done.

Adrenaline is often released during moments of pain and stress. It creates a feeling of energy and strength, often allowing a submissive to take more in a scene or to play longer then normal. When the adrenaline rush is over though, often it will bring about a feeling of weakness, shakes, and irritability.

Adrenaline is sort of like an octane booster in our bodies. It boosts the octane there already and causes the body to burn through the sugar in the system faster. Usually adrenaline crashes and sugar crashes occur together, once the body is no longer in overdrive, it has burned up a lot of energy and needs to replace it, fast.

Endorphins are released during periods of heavy muscular exertion or pain. Not surprisingly, they are often released during a good scene and tend to bring a very euphoric feeling to the submissive. When the effect passes though, the feeling of euphoria can crash into a feeling of melancholy. Imagine feeling no pain and just as blissful as can be and suddenly that is gone. You don't feel bad, but you don't feel as good any more either. By itself this crash will not often affect the submissive much but, in conjunction with the sugar and adrenaline crashes, it can enhance their results.

It should also be noted that replacing lost hydration (drinking a lot of water), replacing salts (drinking Gatorade) can also help with these things as well. Muscular cramps can be caused also by a loss of potassium in the system during play, eating a banana or drinking Gatorade will help restore this quickly. Think of the physical aftercare like that of an athlete after a tough competition. The submissives body will often crave the same care and refuelling as an athlete's would after a great exertion of effort.

After a scene and aftercare, it is common for submissives to feel hungry. Eating nothing but junk food can cause a very tired and weighty feeling. Remember, the body has used a lot of nutrients in the scene and needs those replaced. Proteins (meats, cheeses, nuts) will help the body recover but may be too heavy for immediately after a scene.

There is nothing wrong with craving sugary treats after a scene as long as you balance it out with a good meal as well later on. The results of eating only junk food can be a very bloated feeling later that night or the next day which can trigger aspects of mental sub drop (feeling unattractive, bloated, depressed). Eating a good light meal of proteins and lots of veggies will replenish the body of the nutrients lost during a scene. It is

advisable to do this when the submissive has recovered sufficiently from the scene later that same day.

If the submissive does eat treats directly after, balance that with intake of water to help flush the system as well to avoid a tired feeling. Fresh fruit is always a good thing to have on hand after a scene as it can satisfy the sweet craving, provide simple sugars, and will not leave the system bogged down with junk food.

Mental Sub Drop

This form of Sub Drop is much harder to typify. It varies in such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt, anxiety, melancholy, depression, and or agitation. While this may happen immediately or within a few hours accompanying physical sub drop, it may also take several days to occur. It is not unheard of for it to happen a week or so after a hard scene.

Several factors may affect mental sub drop and should be discussed before play begins. Things such as mood altering medications, mental conditions, ongoing therapy, or recent events in the submissives life. It is the responsibility of both parties to share this information before a scene to avoid surprise results. That is not saying that sub drop is caused by mental instability...mental sub drop happens with or without these factors, they just may contribute and thus should be known beforehand.

While there are mental aspects which coincide with the physical sub drop, the term Mental Sub Drop is most often used with a period after a scene when the submissive is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, isolation, and/or depression. This can happen days afterwards and can happen with a new play partner or someone you have played with a dozen or more times. It is not indicative of a bad scene and should not be taken as regret. It is quite simply the last effect of the intensity of a scene . . . the final burn out on the emotions.

Submissives often will have a carefree feeling after a good scene, a lessening of stress and worries. When this feeling fades it can be replaced by other, less then desirable emotions. The gambit of negative emotions is so wide as to be nearly impossible to list here but the root cause is the same. It is coming down off an emotional high. It's that simple.

Imagine riding a roller coaster, all the dips and spins and drops and climbing higher and higher. It's a very exciting ride. Now imagine going from that directly into a 12 hour wait in a doctors office, with no magazines or TV. Imagine going from that much stimulation to nothing so quick and then imagine the effect of that on your mind. This is a very crude example but it can help you understand where some of the mental sub drop comes from.

Sub drop can also be brought about by a feeling of disconnection. During the scene a feeling of intense intimacy can be created for the submissive (and dominant too BTW) and if that contact is not maintained in some way, a feeling of loss can set in. A feeling of isolation and disconnection is created in the void left behind. During a scene a submissive looks to the dominant for a feeling of safety, allowing themselves to feel vulnerable and exposed. That feeling of vulnerability can lead to a feeling of desertion if

there is no continued contact with the submissive. They can feel used and left behind or cast aside.

Guilt and shame are also very common feelings experienced during sub drop. Sometimes these feelings are brought about by social stigmas given to BDSM play and sexual activity, sometimes they are from social stigmas about gender roles (this is especially prevalent with male submissives), sometimes they are the result of the feelings of loneliness and isolation, but most often they are a combination of all of these factors.

Many times, especially for new submissives, social perceptions of sexual roles and acceptable practices can cause confusion in the days following a scene. Society tends to look upon "kink" in a very unfavourable light and drums that into people's heads through the media, religion, and social arch types we are encouraged to look up to. It can be traumatic when you first venture outside what is considered the normal sexual activities and left alone, some people will have a deep seated feeling of guilt or shame set in based upon these social ideals.

Mental sub drop can have long lasting effects as well. A very bad occurrence with no care given can damage or destroy a relationship, the bond of trust being severed between the two. As with all emotional things, sub drop can influence future reactions to scenes as well. It is important that every effort is made to make sure that a scening experience ends as a positive thing and not a bad experience.

The best way to deal with mental sub drop is simple, ACE:

A after care directly after the scene. C contact in the days following the scene E expression of positive reinforcement to the submissive

Aftercare should be more then just making sure the submissive is OK physically. It should also be a period of positive reinforcement, reassurance, and connection. The submissive is especially vulnerable in the period directly after a scene before they have regained their wits, they need to feel safe, valued, and cared for during this period so that the whole scene experience is a positive one.

Contact is essential to making sure the experience remains positive for the submissive. Not just casual contact either, be prepared to really listen and allow the submissive to express what they are feeling. Many times deep emotions come up during this period and providing a receptive outlet for them, you can help the submissive explore all the things conjured up by the scene.

Positive reinforcement is one of the most crucial aspects of aftercare. With a few kind words you can allow the submissive to feel pride in themselves. Don't butter them up or blow sunshine up their ass . . . express honest thoughts and emotions to them. Compliment them on how they did and what they did well. This single aspect of after care will have the greatest affect on avoiding severe mental sub drop. Making it a positive experience can help dispel any guilt or shame felt later.