How to Enjoy Your BDSM Relationship, for Life
In a way, Ageing BDSM relationships are no different at all
from any human relationships. In fact, the mere fact that your BDSM
relationship IS ageing is such a positive thing! It means your are ageing with a
chosen lover. The thing that IS different is that in BDSM Relationships, our
sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used,
injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM
Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to
call them, different abilities. That rock music you loved to crank up high
enough to vibrate windows may damage hearing. Eyesight may diminish, or cease.
Strokes, medications and a myriad of other common conditions of ageing can pop
into your relationship. So, what are some things you can do in your BDSM
relationship to minimise their effect? Diminishing physical status in an ageing
BDSM Relationship can be handled to enhance your long term BDSM Relationship.
How can you stay happily kinky as you age?
- Hearing Loss-
When your partner is tied to a St. Andrews cross, facing
away from you, waiting expectantly for the caress of the flogger is NOT the
time to pretend you can hear just fine, and possibly miss her cues and signals
that all is not well. Communicate! Talk with her before the scene begins, to
set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end
the session, or that she needs to run to the Little Submissive's Room. For some
people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky
players make for difficult conversation anyway, is the perfect place to practise
non-verbal communication. One trick that works for me is that I hold a small
cat toy in my hand. If I wish to stop the scene for any reason, or just to get
my Top's attention to ask for something different, I simply toss the brightly
-coloured, lightweight ball over my shoulder - at his head! Not really, that
would be a bit much, but dropping the brightly coloured ball does the trick.
- Eyesight Issues-
Ageing lovers often experience diminished eyesight, and this
could be a significant challenge during a BDSM play scene, but there are many
possible aids to consider using, although, again, communication is key. You
probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip at your
very tender and naked back, if he can't see his nose in front of his face, but
there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A
suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that
is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand
or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This
precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could
cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Ageing in a BDSM Relationship can
help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your
partner.
- Joint Pain, Muscles and Flexibility Issues-
Ok, so everyone knows that submissives spend their entire
life on their knees, right? I mean, heck, all the books say that! Well, those
are fiction! Yep, fiction. All submissives don't spend their lives chained to
the foot of the bed naked either, but let's try not to wreck the fantasy, ok?
The truth is, many of us are happily ageing in our BDSM relationships, with our
ageing partners, and as happily ageing women (or men, I don't want to leave the
male submissives out in the cold!) we have aches and pains, and, most of us
can't bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore.
Oh, well. We adapt. Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees.
Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful,
uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being
with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills
are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, "Uh, this is so not
working for me!" and work together to find what DOES work. Instead of a
St. Andrew's cross, position yourself across a nice, plush, upholstered chair.
Rather than cleaning the bathroom floor on your hands and knees with his
toothbrush (oops, did I say that?), use a long handled mop! That is why mops
were invented!
- Menopause-
Thank heaven for lubricants. Not all women will need
additional lubricants after menopause, and you can do some easy things to
alleviate vaginal dryness even without lubricants. Stay well hydrated. Take
your time arousing and exciting your ageing and oh, so sexy BDSM partner. Take
MORE than your time, take the time to make her feel loved and appreciated, sexy
and sultry. And, for heaven's sake, there is no shame in needing bottled
lubricant. You can even make lube application erotic, if you relax and enjoy
each other!
-Erectile Dysfunction-
Medications are one cause of erectile dysfunction, but
normally ageing bodies change response as well. Again, taking the time to arouse
and excite your male partner is great, and sometimes, it isn't enough. But it
IS enough. Men can feel aroused and excited and sexually stimulated without an
erection. And, isn't that why there are adult toy stores? You can buy a
flesh tone vibrator or dildo (whatever the heck flesh tone is, I mean really, WHO'S
flesh is really that awful colour?) for a few bucks at just about any adult
store. Make it fun. Men are not their penis. They have hearts and minds (and
fingers, tongues, toes, elbows, etc.) Your ageing partner can use their intimate
and long term knowledge to please you and tease you in delicious ways well into
the autumn of your BDSM Relationship.
Medical conditions and disabilities can certainly interfere
in your preferred BDSM relationship style, and often simply ageing creates its
very own challenges in a BDSM relationship. I believe that the best way to deal
with changes is to face them head on, together. Being able to adapt is a great
source of comfort for everyone, and can actually lead you into whole new worlds
of fun and adventure. BDSM Relationships and Ageing don't have to be
incompatible. Everybody ages, just be sure you choose to live until you die,
and celebrate your ageing BDSM relationship, for life.
When Robert Browning wrote, "Grow old with me, the best
is yet to be", he knew what he was talking about!
