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WHERE IN THE WORLD

Comment: Heads must roll for the porn trial

Wednesday, 8 August 2012 1:56 PM

By Ian Dunt - Courtesy of www.politics.co.uk


In the end, Simon Walsh was found unanimously not guilty on six counts of possessing extreme pornography. But before a jury acquitted him, the legal process had demolished his professional and personal life. He lived under the shadow of the charges for months.

The prospect of three years imprisonment and inclusion on the sex offenders register will do wonders for your career and social life.

His crime had been to have a few photos in his email server of fisting, an unusual and not altogether pleasant sex act. If you are one of the readers who made Fifty Shades of Grey the most successful British book of all time, you will recognise it. In fact, it is perfectly legal to perform, but possibly not, under the insane and draconian legislation of the last Labour government, to own pictures of.

"My Arthritis Flared Up Reading About the Sexual Gymnastics."

Old Man Reviews Fifty Shades of Grey

Courtesy Of Gawker

In light of the "hullabaloo" surrounding BDSM novel Fifty Shades of Grey, elderly Smithtown, New York resident David Shobin gave the lusty lady book a read. Afterwards, he penned a powerfully ambivalent Amazon book review that has since been quoted in The Los Angeles Times and Vanity Fair. (Both publications quoted Shobin as a nameless "Amazon reviewer.")

Here is David Shobin's famous review:

[3 out of 5 stars]

An older man on truckling, March 7, 2012

By david shobin/thatch pond corp

Fifty Shades of Grey (Paperback)

First, a disclaimer. I am a male senior citizen, a semi-retired gynecologist whose customary literary fare is spy novels and military techno-thrillers. I have never read a romance before, except perhaps for junior high's "A Tale of Two Cities" (or was that a classic?) But after the recent hullabaloo over James' "Fifty Shades," I opted to give the genre a glance.

The book's protagonist is college student Anastasia, who has never had sex or even "touched herself." I had to suspend disbelief at the social and sexual naivete of this twenty-one year-old, but I guess this implied vulnerability makes her more attractive as a romantic heroine. Yet it doesn't take her long to rectify this situation, and soon she is having orgasm after orgasm at the behest of her "dominant" partner, Mr. Grey. At my age, my arthritis flared up just reading about Ana's sexual gymnastics. And for some reason, I kept thinking about her contracting genital warts. Soon, however, Ana's endless pyrotechnic climaxes resembled repetitively watching porn: after a while, it leaves me bored and yawning. That said, there was a definite infectiousness to the plot; and taking Viagra to stiffen my resolve, I persevered.

James' strong suit is her ability to elicit sympathy in the protagonist. I wanted to find out what happened to Anastasia, and that lent the story a compelling, page-turning quality. James is a polished novelist. Her dialogue is crisp, her prose poised, and her paragraphs well-parsed. The author's considerable skills notwithstanding, would I pick up an erotic romance like this again? Probably not.

But that's just me.

At press time 3,083 out of 3,228 people had found David Shobin's Fifty Shades of Grey review helpful, making it the "most helpful customer review" of that book. He's the Marilyn Hagerty of literature.

TOUR

Big Brother Is Watching You (You, Specifically)

In Great Britain, everyone is a film star. That's because, while Brits are only around 1 percent of the global population, they're being watched by 20 percent of the global CCTV cameras. That's more camera surveillance than even communist China. But it's not enough to just have one camera for every 14 people at the London Olympics. So LOCOG is not just installing more surveillance equipment, they're also making it smarter.

There'd better be the disembodied brain of a wounded cop controlling that thing.

The city of London is being wired up with a new range of scanners, biometric ID cards, number-plate and facial-recognition CCTV systems, disease tracking capabilities, new police control centers and checkpoints. All of which will now be under a central control, and yes, that is exactly as sinister as it sounds. This means the cameras are capable of tracking beyond one location -- no more frantically checking every screen, trying to pick up somebody who's walked out of frame. Because the computer does that for you. It can now track individual human beings from camera to camera and plot their progress, location and habits on a live, constantly updating map of Your Business.

"That's expired salsa. Twenty quid says she poops within the next half hour."

And don't think you can get away in a lucky fog or sudden drizzle. CCTV isn't nearly as effective on days when it rains (which you'll remember from our hilarious accidental missile explosion joke earlier is every single day in London), so new thermal imaging technology is being introduced to the CCTV cameras. And not just to watch for suspicious terrorist behavior, like excessive hand wringing and sinister mustache twirling -- they'll also be used to prosecute people selling counterfeit Olympics goods.

That's right: They're arming Big Brother with Predator vision just to stop people from hawking unauthorized Wenlock shirts.

"Hi kids, I'm Wenlock! YOUR WORLD WILL END IN FIRE."

Because there's such an insane demand for merchandise of that adorable angry amorphous robot with the all-seeing eye. Kids just can't get enough of him; he's like Dora the Explorer ... if she were furious, a robot and always watching you.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19932_5-creepy-things-london-did-to-prepare-olympics_p2.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Sports&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=trending_now

"If Wonder Woman is about feminism, The Mighty Thor is all about how wonderful it is to have a penis."

The 6 Most Ridiculous Superhero Weaknesses | Cracked.com

"If Wonder Woman is about feminism, The Mighty Thor is all about how wonderful it is to have a penis."

For whatever reason, comic book writers ran out of weaknesses that make any kind of sense at all right around the time that Green Lantern became weak against yellow.

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