Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Andrew Robertson, University of Phoenix

Dr. Lori Travis

April 3, 2008

Abstract

There is a long, dark history of the psychiatric community's bias against the BDSM community and their practices. Starting with the DSM-II, Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were classified as paraphilia's, most likely due to the historical writings of authors such as Freud and Krafft-Ebing. Oddly enough, for a practice that is so based in research and the scientific method, there is no research to date that proves these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state, or that they are indicative of pathology. Therapist's bias can be very harmful to the mental health of their patients; at best a therapist's negative bias can make clients distrust the therapist and the psychiatric community. In some cases, it can damage their self esteem, and can cause other issues as well. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware. This article aims to add to that positive information to assist in education to prevent continuing this harmful trend of negative therapist bias towards people who engage in BDSM activities.

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Imagine, if you will, that your therapist might look at you badly because of the way you choose to have sex; especially the foreplay that leads up to it. Suppose they said you would need to stop articipating in that kind of sexual activity as a condition of further therapy. Suppose that no matter what the reason was that you decided to go to therapy, your therapist decides to focus on your sexual activities and treat that aspect of your life simply because they believe that the types of sexual activities you participate in is wrong. How would this make you feel?

It is surprising and disturbing just how much a therapist's bias can interfere with their ability to provide effective service to their clients; in some cases this bias can hurt the client. In just the last few decades, homosexuality has been removed as a paraphilia and more often therapists are providing objective and effective therapy for this group, thanks to the efforts of the Division 44 Committee on Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns Joint Task Force, who established the Guidelines for Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients (APA, 2000). Sadly, there is another group of people who practice sexual activities that are also not considered normal by societies standards, and therapists tend to have the same bias towards this group that they used to have for the gay and lesbian communities not too long ago: practitioners of Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism, also known as BDSM. Through the course of this paper, we shall strive to educate on what BDSM is and the practices of it's participants, the general views on the psychiatric community, the damage that can be done by a therapist's bias and what can be done to help prevent this from being an on-going problem.

Kinky sexual activity falls under many varied terms and acronyms, including, but not limited to, Sadism and Masochism (SM), Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (D/s) and Master or Mistress and Slave (M/s). There are many other terms used to describe the kinky acts that people in this community engage in, however, for the purpose of this paper, we will use the term BDSM as an umbrella term.

In his landmark book SM101, Jay Wiseman defined BDSM as the “knowing use of psychological dominance and submission, and/or physical bondage, and/or pain, and/or related practices in a safe, legal, consensual manner in order for the participants to experience erotic arousal and/or personal growth” ( p. 10, 1996). This is an intentionally broad description of what BDSM is to those who participate in kinky sexual or sexually oriented activities. The reason for engaging in these activities varies from person to person, but can include spiritual growth, enhanced sexual arousal and even to bring one closer to one's chosen partner or partners. It is generally agreed upon that most people who engage in BDSM activities do not do so for the pain specifically; rather, they choose to use pain to increase their awareness, their spiritual growth or their sexual arousal, or even just to feel the sensation. These are the same reasons that people considered normal by the standards of society engage in what is generally considered to be normal sexual behaviour, or, as BDSM participants call it, vanilla sex.

Some individuals prefer to engage in what they call scenes, where the BDSM activities are limited to the duration of the scene only. These scenes can be very physically and emotionally gratifying to a large number of people, and normally one individual takes on a dominant role and one or more individual take on a submissive role. These scenes are considered Erotic Power Exchange, or EPE, where one individual has more power over the other for the duration of the exchange. There are, however, a number of individuals interested in long-term scenarios called 24/7, meaning 24 hours a day, seven days a week, where they choose to live their entire life in such a relationship dynamic. These individuals so closely identify with the dynamic of power imbalance that they feel more gratification from a relationship structured entirely around this dynamic. This 24/7 relationship is called Total Power Exchange, or TPE, and one person has more power over the other on-going, and is not limited to any particular time frame (Dancer, 2006).

Therapist's bias has often caused therapists to treat patients improperly and for problems that the patient truly does not have. Nichols writes,

“Unfortunately, the prevailing psychiatric view of BDSM remains a negative one: These sexual practices are usually considered paraphilia, i.e., de facto evidence “of pathology”(Nichols, p. 281, 2006). Further, Nichols writes that:

“Certain “paraphilic” preferences are statistically abnormal but pathologically “neutral”; i.e., no more inherently healthy or unhealthy than mainstream sexual practices. Psychiatry has a rather shameful history of collusion with institutions of political power to marginalize certain subgroups of the population, particularly women and sexual minorities. Most psychological theories are unconsciously biased towards the preservation of prevalent social mores. Therefore, it is particularly critical, when evaluating behaviour that has controversial social meaning, to base judgments of pathology strictly on factual evidence. At this time, the data do [SIC] not exist to support the idea that BDSM activities are, by themselves, evidence of psychopathology, nor that their practitioners are more likely to be psychologically disturbed than the rest of the population” (Nichols, p. 282, 2006)

Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were first listed in the American Psychological Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Revision Two, or DSM-II, as sexually deviant behaviours and were classified as paraphilias in 1968. This listing may have been due to historical psychological literature of authors Freud and Krafft-Ebing. In the DSM-II, these paraphilias were given provisional categories of Sadistic Personality Disorder and Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder. Although the definitions of these have changed throughout the revisions of the DSM, which is currently in Revision Four, this historical negative outlook has seriously biased much of the psychiatric community of past and present (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006). In the DSM-IV, these have been declassified as paraphilias unless the practice thereof interferes with one's ability to function in normal society. Unfortunately, the damage has been done, and BDSM practitioners have been persecuted in much the same ways that homosexuals used to be, and to some extent still are. Until the majority of the psychiatric community accepts BDSM as a non-paraphilia, this will continue.

As with most issues in our society, there is no easy solution to changing prevailing negative views in the psychiatric community about people who engage in BDSM activities. Education is going to be an important factor in changing these views, and is essential in creating a large network safe psychological environments where BDSM practitioners will not feel embarrassed to discuss their sexuality or lifestyle with their therapist. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware.

Consequently, there is a long road ahead of BDSM practitioners before they will be accepted as a sexual minority rather than as sexual deviants with psychological issues. A therapist's bias against BDSM can damage their client's outlook on their self esteem as well as their willingness to acquire further psychiatric care from that or any other therapist. BDSM is used by participants for mutual gratification and often for spiritual growth using emotionally and sexually charged themes and activities to do so, and there is no research to prove that these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state. Alas, it all boils down to knowledge and tolerance; therapists need to educate themselves on what occurs in a BDSM setting and relationship and practice tolerance of other peoples sexual tendencies regardless of their own personal beliefs. Fortunately, the number of kink-aware and kink-friendly psychologists and psychiatrists is growing, and they are slowly expanding on education to the psychiatric community at large.

References

American Psychological Association (2000). Guidelines for psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. American Psychologist. 55(12) 1440-1451. Retrieved April 7, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=pdh&AN=amp-55-12- 1440&site=ehost-live

Dancer, P., Kleinplatz, P., & Moser, C. (2006). 24/7 SM Slavery. Journal of Homosexuality,

50(2/3), 81-101. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269114&site=ehost-live

Kolmes, K., Stock, W., & Moser, C. (2006). Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 301-324. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269624&site= ehost-live

Nichols, M. (2006). Psychotherapeutic Issues with Kinky Clients: Clinical Problems, Yours and Theirs. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 281-300. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http:// search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269620&site=ehost-live Wiseman, J. (1996). SM 101. San Francisco: Greenery Press.

Interview With A Domme - #YouTube

I am collecting questions for a YouTube interview (DATE TO BE CONFIRMED) so ask away.

QUESTIONS ASKED SO FAR:

* Why interested you to become a domme?

* What is the best thing that happened to you as a dome. An incident that you remember as being the best?

* What is the worst thing of being a domme?

* Do you think what you do is normal?

* Do you receive as much pleasure as you give?

* Has the main stream '50 Shades of Grey' influenced the scene at all?

* Not that they are all like this but with all of the greedy and rude subs, obsessed single-minded fetishists, flakes and no shows, and other boorish behavior you see, how do you (or do you?) maintain a positive view of men?

* It is understandable that a man (or woman) may seek out a ProDom now and then to try or experience something their partner will or cannot provide. How do you deal, though, with someone who wants to have a frequent, ongoing relationship when you know that the result is that the client is depriving their partner of focus, attention, money, and the honesty needed to pursue their own happiness, essentially making you 'the other woman'?

* Many Pro (and amateur) Doms stress or emphasize that they WILL constantly or always push the subs boundaries. Given how difficult it is for many to admit their alternative feelings or desires, express them to someone else, and try to find a compatible partner, do you feel this is important? Can't we just let people be happy and revel in what they like and have finally been able to enjoy?

* What is your favourite Professional play activity?

* Which do You enjoy more; professional play or personal BDSM play?  What is your favorite personal play activity?

* Does inflicting pain pleasures You, Divine Goddess Leyla, or is it the fact that the sub endures more and more that is satisfactory to Your Highness?

* How do You, Magnificent Mistress Leyla, cope with the fact that outside the bdsm scene,ordering people around is not particularly easy to do ? Alternative: is getting Your Breathtaking Beautiful Feet licked by a slave a pleasure,an obligation to fulfill slave's fantasies,or tickling :) ?

* Where would you see yourself, if you were not a pro-domme?

* A session may be enjoyable for you, but still can be very tiring. What do you do to relax and take your mind away from the daily drudgery?

* A true domme nature vs nurture debate!!! How much do you think is your lifestyle/professional choice a product of you past life experiences and how much due to your own nature?

Squealing Little #Slut Jesmeena.

Jesmeena knelt down in the position for Mistress Lady Leyla.

Mistress:  Hello Jesmeena, are you well?

Jesmeena:  Yes thank you Mistress

Mistress: And have you fucked your wife recently?

Jesmeena: No Mistress

Mistress: How long?

Jesmeena: I don't remember Mistress.

Mistress: Roughly! Yesterday, last week, within the last month?

Jesmeena: Longer.

Mistress: Last 3 months, 6 months, a year?

Jesmeena: Between 3 and 6 months Mistress.

Mistress: So, your cock is a little redundant these days then? Tell me, when you did fuck your wife did she squeal when she came?

Jesmeena: No Mistress.

Mistress: I saw your wife the other night. Where was she on Wednesday evening?

Jesmeena: Out with some of her mumsie friends Mistress.

Mistress: Yes I was in the same pub with two friends Miguel and Louise. Now Miguel has a fetish for white plump English girls - I would say your wife fell into that description?

Jesmeena: Yes Mistress.

Mistress: So, Miguel saw this group of women and said 'I bet you a drink I could fuck the one with the fattest arse?'

Mistress: Which, of course, I accepted. He then approached your wife and this is what I saw.

Miguel walks over to the group of mumsies with a bottle of wine in hand. Pours a drink for one and starts to chat her up. After 10 minutes he tops up her drink and gives her ample arse a playful squeeze. Your wife finishes her second drink and follows Miguel out of the pub. Miguel pinches her bum so that all the other mumsies can see and takes hold of her hand as they leave.
 The mumsies giggle as YOUR wife and Miguel leave, they then return to their  conversations. After 20 minutes out the back, your wife and Miguel return. Your wife has mud on her knees  and is no longer wearing any panties as they have been discarded by the river.
 Miguel returns and says that I owe him a drink. I smile and pull out my purse. I ask how he got on and he shows me a phone number which says 'call during the daytime.'

Mistress: So Jesmeena, in about 40 minutes Miguel chatted up your wife, took her outside and came for his reward. He also said that she gave a little squeal when she came.

Jesmeena: Ok Mistress

Mistress: Do you think that your wife is a slut Jesmeena?

Jesmeena:  I don't know Mistress.

Mistress: Well I think that she is. Also is seems that Miguel may be visiting her some more when you are at work?

Jesmeena: Ok Mistress.

Mistress: I think that your wife is a slut. Do you think she knows that you are a slut too?

Jesmeena: No Mistress.

Mistress: Well let's find out if you are as big a slut as your wife.

Mistress walks in  front with her strap-on cock at mouth level with Jesmeena.

Mistress: Lets rein act Miguel and your wife and see if you squeal!

Session with Mistress

THANKS SLAVE ASH

It was quite bright when I got out of my house and looked around. There are not many people on the street. It had stopped snowing a few weeks before; you could still feel the nip in the air. My hands were shaking while locking the door. This had less to do with the cold and more out of apprehension of being seen. I was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. I was wearing a long overcoat over a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. I had put on my blue 6” stilettoes.  Under my clothes I was wearing matching black bra, black lace panties and black lace garter belt holding up my fishnet stockings on my newly shaved legs. I had a medium size anal plug up my rear. I was now ready to meet my Mistress.

I walked to the bus stop and to wait in queue for the bus, with full my concentration on walking properly in these heels. This was a part of my obedience training. I was to take public transport to mistress’s dungeon. Mistress had given me an option of wearing a knee length pleated skirt or 20 stokes of the cane. I decided on the latter. I was not gaining any extra credits today.

It was still early in the day and there was only a lady ahead of me. She smiled at me and we made small conversation on the weather and the transportation network. Her eyes suddenly spotted my shoes, and she gave me an all knowing smile. I continued speaking on the bus network, blushing with embarrassment. I thought I was saved when the bus arrived, but my anxiety only grew when I saw a group of 4 teenage girls in the bus. I quickly found a seat in the front of the bus and sat down. Only then I realised how high the jeans hike up when I sat. I heard one of the girls exclaim loudly. I could see the 4 of them looking in my direction, whispering in each ones ear and giggling. I looked towards them and tried to smile, which made them burst out in laughter. I must have turned a deeper shade of red. My destination bus stop could not have come any sooner. I rushed out of the bus and started walking towards my mistress’s dungeon. What would usually take me around 10 minutes to cover the distance, took me twice as much today while walking in heels with a butt plug up my ass.

I slowly made my way up the stone stairs to the dungeon doors. Away from prying eyes, the second part of the instructions was on a sheet of paper nailed to the door. As instructed, I wore a leather collar with steel rings kept on the floor. This was a sign of my submission. I was instructed to wear nothing except leather collar, my sissy underwear and my heels. I was then to search the garden area in the back for tools to clean the dungeon floor. I looked around the garden area for the broomstick for my cleaning task. The cold and the excitement made me shiver. But all I could find was a small pail of water with a piece of cloth no bigger than a handkerchief, under a sign that said “Use Me”. It took me a good part of 2 hours to finish my chores. I prepared a jar of iced tea for mistress. Then I knelt in front of the dungeon in submission posture, face on ground, back arched and plugged ass in the air, as instructed waiting for my mistress to grace me with her presence.

I heard my mistress arriving. The sound of her heels on the ground was intoxicating. Each step she took made my heart beat faster. I heard her opening the door and sitting on the chair in front of me. She commanded me, “Footstool, slave. I want to rest my legs”. I quickly went on all fours towards her. I knelt before her on my hands and knees and head facing the floor as she had taught me. I resisted looking up to her as she had ordered before. She rested her left foot over my back and her right on my head. I stayed in that position as mistress chatted over the phone with someone. I waited patiently for her to finish. But it was not so. A couple of long calls later she removed her foot from my head and brought it to my face. Her only words were, “I want it clean… not a spec of dirt on it”, before starting on another call. It was a black peep-toe high heel stiletto covering mistress’s beautiful foot. I immediately got down to licking it clean, both the top and the bottom of the shoe. When I finished the first, I was given the privilege to cleaning the other shoe too.

After she was satisfied that I had done a good job, she placed her feet on me again and sipped on the ice-tea. She gave me an inflatable gag for me to put on, which I put on immediately. She attached a leash on my neck and motioned me to crawl behind her. She took me crawling around the whole house. When we entered the dungeon, she clapped her hands and ordered, “Inspection position, slave. I hope you have followed all of my instructions.” I sprang to my feet. I stood with my feet wide apart, hands spread parallel to the ground and eyes lowered to the floor. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw mistress slowly walking around me. I could feel her cane moving across my back and inner thighs.

She stood in front of me and said, “Good slave… you have followed my instructions on the wardrobe. I am a bit disappointed that you picked the colour black. I would have been pleased if you had picked pink or red. That will be rectified next time. I must complement on your choice of shoes. Tell me, did you ask for help from the sales lady when you bought clothes? Did you do a trial; like I asked you? Or did my sissy slave chicken out and just go to the counter? I want an honest answer.” She removed the gaga to allow me to speak.

I got very nervous when I heard these questions. Should I tell mistress about my aborted attempt at buying from the store? I decided to stick with the truth.  “I am sorry mistress, but I was too embarrassed to be seen buying these clothes from a shop. They were all bought online. Please forgive me.” Mistress sounded very angry when she replied, “I am disappointed with you slave. Buying your own bra and panties from a shop is one of the first things a sissy has to do. Not to mention that you have disobeyed one of my instructions to you. You will be suitably punished for this.” She secured me over the whipping bench and said, “You have already earned 20 strokes of the cane for not wearing the skirt when you came here. What should be your punishment for disobeying my instructions? Don’t tell me to increase the number of strokes. Come up with something new. Something which you will not forget without me having to waste too much energy. Think about it while I administer your 20 strokes. And don’t forget your manners.”

Now mistress had put me in a real spot. I was to thank mistress after each stroke of the cane for disciplining me as well as think of punishment. I didn't get too much time to ponder. The first stroke of the cane landed on my left ass cheek and I screamed, “One. Thank- you mistress for correcting me.” Mistress alternated between the left and right ass cheek. The strokes increased in intensity till the 18^th, by which time I was screaming my lungs out. The last 2 were comparatively lighter. My ass had turned a very dark shade of red with visible stripes where the cane had struck.

Mistress gave me a few minutes to collect my thoughts as she freed me from the whipping bench. “Now slave, tell me your ideas for the punishment. I do hope you have some good ones.”

The BDSM Collar

Police break into homes and arrest 20 trans women in Istanbul

Police break into homes and arrest 20 trans women in Istanbul

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing*

Posted on April 22, 2013 by jemima101

The blogverse and twittersphere tend to get very excited about something called “call out culture” which those of us of a certain age might call telling someone they are being a dick, or if the someone was well-intentioned explaining why certain things are not a good idea.

It’s that simple really, either people are allowed to go round hurting others with their language or attitudes or those who feel strong enough challenge them. At this point I get to quote the most famous call out culture piece of writing, which predates the interweb, but every decent politics blog should at some point use. That is all this call out culture is, I am not black, but if I see someone being racist, I care, I am not gay, but if I see someone being homophobic I care. Not because I am some angel or politically correct superhero but because a world without homophobia or racism or transphobia or any other short-sighted festering form of bigotry will be a better place. Who wouldn't want to live in that world? Seriously I am struggling here to understand the problem?

There are two objections I hear most commonly on twitter  about calling out, one is easily dealt with because I agree. The dreaded pile on. Mobs are not nice, they rarely take the time to think about things, and minds are changed 0.0000000000001% of the time. I have in the past been part of them, not meaning too, simply seeing something that was wrong, or harmful (Like Moores transphobia) and responded, without thinking hang on, lots of people have already said this, do I need to say it too? Of course it’s normal to be angry about stuff and want to express that, but avoiding the mob is also a thing we need to all do more often. If someone won’t listen to a few people reasonably pointing something out then oddly enough one hundred people baying for blood are not going to be more effective.

Which brings us to the other far more problematic objection to call out culture. The unity idea, otherwise known as “there are more important things than X”

Shall we look at the wonderful words of Pastor Niemoller again, just for those who don’t do links?

There will always be things that matter more to me than they do to you, and things you care about that barely touch me. That’s normal and inevitable. However once anyone starts deciding that unity matters more than speaking out, that there is a greater good then they become that person not speaking out about the trades unionist, because they were not a trade unionist.

The biggest example of this I know has been in the very bitter wars about radfem13 (now cancelled) and the transphobia of many of the main speakers. People have tried to say that being against the whole conference or being pleased it was cancelled was wrong, because not everyone attending was transphobic. Of course they were not, but they were staying silent, it was other people being made to wear the yellow star, and because it was not them, they decided that it was OK.

This is not just theory, or online for me. I am as regular readers know a Christian. The Equal Marriage bill has caused many storms in many churches, one of the biggest was when Steve Chalke stood up and said stop, I will have no part of this prejudice. Not in my name. You need to know more of the evangelical and charismatic churches to perhaps really understand what this meant. Perhaps the equivalent would have been Julie Bindel turning up at SWOU and giving us all  an apology, then writing a series of Guardian articles about how decriminalization is the answer.

It was that big a statement, earth shattering for many people, Chalke understood that if he remained silent, then he was allowing those opposed to equal marriage to assume he agreed. He, and others such as Symon Hill, also knew the outside world assumed all Christians were homophobic. Only by speaking up could this idea be challenged. Only then could some of the harm done by homophobia be addressed. Even in my own small way I made clear my feelings, along with other Christians I openly prayed for the Bill, spoke up in meetings, refused to let the voices of the most reactionary represent me.

That’s all calling out is, old fashioned phrases like standing up and being counted, or the title of this piece. That’s all that needed to happen for radfem13 to go ahead as well. For people not to think this doesn’t affect me because I am not trans* or black or gay or a socialist or a Jew, but instead to realise that every time a bigot gets a platform a piece of humanity is hurt. Calling out is actually a sign of love, love for all humanity, not just the rich and powerful part of it. If sometimes things go wrong that should always be remembered. If you choose to stay silent because you think unity matters more,, then you need to consider why a theory matters more than loving your fellow human beings. If I didn’t believe people could be better, I would not call them out. If I did not believe that when one of my sisters or brothers are hurt, I am hurt too, I would sit back and let the battle rage.

* I know Burke didn’t say it, still a wonderful quote

Here is My personal take on this:

First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for those on welfare,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't on welfare.

Then they came for the public sector workers,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a public sector worker.

Then they came for the pensioners,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a pensioner.

Then they came for the asylum seekers,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an asylum seeker.

Then they came for the foreign passport holders,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a foreign passport holder.

Then they came for those not British born,

and I didn't speak out because I was British.

Then they came for me,

and there was no one left to speak for me.