Consent and Consciousness: Policy Versus Practice in Sadomasochism

INGRID OLSON:

The study of sexuality is the study of power, nowhere is this truer than with sadomasochism (S/m), the negotiated, consensual exchange of power. Sexuality is defined through policy and practice, the public and the private, the permissible and the forbidden. The 1990 ‘Spanner Case’ in Manchester, England, determined S/m is impermissible because judicial policy states persons cannot consent to S/m activities as they have the potential to cause bodily harm. The 2004 ‘Sweet Productions’ case in Vancouver, Canada, determined that the practice of S/m is permissible because it is a normal form of sexuality that some members of society enjoy. The adherence to policy in the ‘Spanner Case’ and the recognition of practice in the ‘Sweet Productions’ decision distinguish the power of policy and practice in defining sadomasochism.

Fifty Shades of Grey: what BDSM enthusiasts think.

How well does EL James know the BDSM world? Is Christian Grey a psychopath? Would a real-life Anastasia submit so quickly? Our trio of experts give their verdict on Fifty Shades of Grey?

‘Real sex has spit and sweat’

Emily Sarah.Photograph: Felix Clay

Emily Sarah, 26, is a fetish model and performer who runs BDSM Healing, a business that combines techniques like reiki with sensory deprivation, bondage and spankings to deal with “the cathartic aspects of BDSM”. She discovered the fetish scene while at university in London.

I was shocked by how awful the film was. Ridiculous, really. The sex scenes were so vanilla. It didn’t look particularly kinky to me. There was a lot of beautiful equipment, but not much going on in terms of actual BDSM: it was just about Christian tying Anastasia up. In real BDSM relationships, there’s a lot more connection, a lot more talking, a lot more ritual. The play he did with her wasn’t hard play; it was sensation stuff. I switch between dominant and submissive, so I can see how she’d enjoy the scenes in the Red Room – but it didn’t show an authentic side to BDSM. It was more him stroking her for a bit with a whip, then lots of sex. That was it.

BDSM Roleplay: A traditional caning with a difference.

Lady Leyla acts as the deputy headmistress responsible for administering all corporal punishment in the school. The essence of this scenario is in building up the fear and anticipation of the punishment, and there is no additional humiliation beyond what is required of the culprit in presenting his/her backside to receive the cane.

#BDSM Scenario: Something special, which will intrigue you.

Your Ladyship has instructed me to attend at a particular time, with the promise of "something special, which You are sure will intrigue me". When I ring Your doorbell, I am immediately amazed by Your Astounding Beauty, as you stand at the door dressed in a wonderful filmy dress, very shear stockings and extremely high-heeled boots.

When your BDSM lifestyle conflicts with your Vanilla lifestyle.

Mistress Lady Leyla

In all the time I have been a Domme, there is one issue I find I cannot easily help My submissive's with - conflict between their Vanilla & BDSM lives. Many a time I have been confided in by my submissive's  about the conflict they feel, live and anguish over. Most of my submissive's live an ordinary Vanilla lifestyle outside of sessions with Me. They are usually male, happily married and love their wife and family. But they have a secret - as 90% of my submissive's have - and that is their enjoyment of BDSM.

8 Levels of Dominance

The non-Dominant "kinky" lover:

This person is not into power exchange and being in control. They only enjoy the heightened sexuality the D/s scene brings to them.  They feel "safe" in the scene if both the parties involved are having fun.  The normally won't try new things without first being told by the submissive specific things they would enjoy.  Their pleasure is from the sexual activity and not from spanking the submissive or being in control.

The role playing Dominant but not a Master:

People With Fetishes Are Ashamed

It's no wonder. Our society labels anything sexually different as deviant or perverted. These labels hurt deeply to those whose sexual makeup is out of the norm. Fetishists feel weird, ashamed and guilty for their desires. While the fetish provides pleasure and relief, all these people have feelings of shame about being sexually different.

Fetishists are afraid of sharing their secret with a lover. They fear rejection, ridicule or abandonment. Unfortunately, their fears are not unfounded. Oftentimes, people who disclose to their wives or husbands wish they hadn't. Their partners react with shock or embarrassment promoting even more feels of shame and regret.