In
an apartment in a middle-class neighbourhood in the Indian capital, Delhi, a
group of men and women have met to talk openly about their love for BDSM
activities.
Talking
about bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism is an
absolute taboo in India, a country well known for its conservative attitudes to
sex.
But
here, the conversation is candid.
The
participants are members of the The Kinky Collective, a small group of
heterosexual and transgender people, trying to connect to other Indians active
and open about their BDSM preferences on various online communities and social
networking websites.
'Shock'
Transgender
activist Sara, a member of the group, says it has a "dual purpose".
"We
want to spread awareness among people who carry preconceived notions on BDSM,
but we also want to educate people joining this lifestyle about its own rules
and principles. For example, consent is critical and the dominant [partner] has
to always be very responsible for the submissive and take care of his/her
safety."
Calcutta-based
Joy Willingly says most members of the collective were slow in opening up about
their BDSM lifestyle, but as they came in contact with other people, they
realised that some support, organised initiative and conversations were needed
urgently.
"We
found out that there was a lot of hostility, once these people came out, even
their friends wouldn't understand and distanced themselves, so we are now
trying to give a sense of community, that there are others who feel this way,
and that it's fine."
Almost
a year into their work, the group, which has grown now to 15 members, has
presented papers and held discussions with students of mental health, women and
gay activists and participated in human rights and law conferences.
I
had first met Sara at a transgender performance night organised at a popular
arts centre in Delhi a few months back. Sara and her partner had enacted a very
intimate BDSM sequence to an audience of about 100 people.
Simulating
rough sex and the use of a belt and whip surprised and shocked many in the
audience.
Many
described the performance as brave while others questioned it.
Sara
had to speak to many people individually but claims that such interactions
were, in fact, the opportunities they needed to educate people.
Another
member, Jaya, 40, says that BDSM is mostly misunderstood to be violent in
India.
"It
is, in fact, a very intense play of power and pain, I have been a feminist for
20 years, but I choose to be a submissive in my relationship. I chose to give
my consent and don't see this as violence, but an experience that is edgy,
erotic and even spiritual."
'Problematic'
Psychologists
say that those who embark on BDSM "play" usually come to an agreement
about the roles they will play: dominant, or submissive.
India's
well-known sexologist, Dr Narayana Reddy, disagrees.
He
says in the last 20 years, at least 1% of his patients came with complaints
about their partner's demand for a BDSM lifestyle.
They
were between 30 and 50 years old and were middle class, Mr Reddy says.
They
spoke about acts ranging from being burnt by cigarette butts and severely
bitten by their partners. They were also pricked with needles, tied up in
chains and put on a dog's leash and "humiliated" in front of others.
"If
this kind of bondage, domination and sadomasochism is the only means by which a
person gets aroused, then I would term it as sexually problematic
behaviour," says Dr Reddy.
"Initially,
someone might try it for its novelty, but with time that can run off and it can
leave deep scars, both physically and emotionally."
Many
in India were surprised that Fifty Shades of Grey - a trilogy about a steamy
romance between a businessman and a student which contains scenes of
sadomasochism - sold so well in the country.
Sandhya
Mulchandani, who has researched many historical Indian texts on erotica like
Kamasutra and written books exploring Indian writings on sexuality, says:
"Unlike modern times, our historical texts were not judgmental. I don't
find any specific writing on BDSM, but the spirit was to acknowledge the many
shades of human behaviour and ask them to be accepted for what they are."
Despite
this legacy, Indians are still prudish.
So
then, will a controversial lifestyle like BDSM become culturally "acceptable"
anytime soon?
The
Kinky Collective surely hopes so.
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