Our culture is full of myths, misconceptions, and confusion
about kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We’re going to address 10 of them here; 5 in
this article and another coming soon. For each of the misconceptions there will
be two answers: one from Benny and one from Cheyenne. That way you can get two
different perspectives, but it is also worth saying that like any other
identity we can’t speak for everyone who identifies as kinky. The kink world is
incredibly diverse!
Also, this post may contain too much sexual content for some
readers. If that bothers you, don’t read it.
1) Kink is inherently incompatible with feminism/reifies
patriarchy.
Benny – One of the most important tenets of feminism is that
people have the right to decide for themselves what the structures of their
relationships look like, and what kind of sex they want to have, or not have.
Patriarchy tells us there are limited roles people can take in relationships,
and that the kinds of sex we can have and the situations in which we have it
are limited. A feminist
perspective can open up those options, saying that women,
and indeed people of all genders, have the right to make those decisions
without consulting a patriarchal society. We have the right to make sexual
decisions for ourselves, and we even have the right to define pleasure for
ourselves.
When we see a man beating a woman in a BDSM scene, it can
look a lot like abuse. It makes sense to question the act of hitting a woman
when we live in a society full of non-consensual violence. Without knowing the
context of the scene, no wonder people assume it is not okay! However, if that
woman ASKED for that scene, specifically requested it, negotiated with the man
hitting her, and set limits around what that scene would include, the situation
is quite different from the kind of violence that feminism fights against.
