The Transgendered Scene

 
The following notes attempt a brief working definition of the different categories of cross-dressing and gender dysphoric behaviour.
They have been prepared as part of an extensive range of services and facilities by TransLiving International, the UK-based support network for transvestites, transsexuals and others with gender dysphoria.
Gender Confusion
If you find the distinctions somewhat confusing between she-males, transgenderists, transsexuals, gender transients, drag queens, cross-dressers and transvestites, then you are not alone! There are differences that can sometimes be readily apparent, but the confusion is not helped by the fact that many people with some form of gender dysphoria (the medic-speak term used to denote those who feel there is a mismatch between the gender role they choose to adopt some or all of the time, and that which is apparently denoted by their sexual characteristics) will describe themselves in terms that are, at the very least, highly misleading.
Gender Dysphoria
Gender Dysphoria is a condition in which there is a mismatch between the preferred gender role and that which is apparently denoted by sexual characteristics. Or to put it rather more clearly --- it is a condition in which the patient believes that his/her brain sex is at variance with his/her physical sex. This does not necessarily mean the gender dysphoric person is transsexual.
She-males, transgenderists and gender transients, along with TVs for whom transvestism has become a major fixation, may all be considered as exhibiting some degree of gender dysphoric symptoms. The transsexual certainly has the condition.
The treatment regime of choice will be determined by the psychiatrist following a detailed interview with the patient. It should be noted that in its extreme form, transsexuality, this is a condition that is largely self-diagnosed.
It is important to understand that gender dysphoria requires specialist attention. Few GPs and general psychiatrists have much experience of dealing with these gender anomalies and only too frequently people who are deeply disturbed by their psycho-sexual problems are told ‘you’ll grow out of it’, ‘it’s just a passing phase’, ‘go and get yourself laid’ or given similar unhelpful advice.
The fact is that it is a big step for the gender dysphoric person to take to even acknowledge having a psycho-sexual problem. It is hard for someone who has been socialised as a male to have to admit that he believes himself to be fundamentally female or to have a need to express his female persona.
Gender dysphoria causes people to act in a way contrary to their upbringing and socialisation, a way at variance with their apparent sex, a way that may well lead them to their being socially ostracised and significantly disadvantaged in terms of housing, career etc. It deserves to be treated seriously.
The condition is psycho-sexual. This does not mean to say that gender dysphorics are mentally ill, they merely have a condition that affects their understanding of their gender.
In the case of the transsexual particularly, the condition can cause embarrassment to others, particularly at the early stages of her transition. After all, what people see is a person who looks quite mannish, who was brought up and treated as a male, who developed male habits and manners, who has a masculine physique and who says she is female, dresses as a woman and wants to be treated as a woman. And she expects to be taken seriously.
It’s all very difficult for her --- and quite a problem for everyone else. She is likely to be hyper-sensitive and, because she has a great deal to learn, will probably be terribly gauche and unfeminine. This is the time she is at her most vulnerable and most difficult. Fortunately it is a passing phase and with practice, the help of hormones and a growing feeling of confidence, she will gradually settle into her new life and become increasingly acceptable in it.
So let’s attempt a set of brief working definitions of the gender dysphoric sub-groups based on practical experience (and risk the wrath of all those who disagree).
Cross-dressers
The generic term cross-dresser is fairly used for any person who chooses to don the apparel appropriate to the other gender. In reality this is a behaviour almost exclusively restricted to males.
Cross dressing may be an occasional activity. It frequently manifests itself with greater frequency when the man is under stress and would thus seem to serve the useful function of alleviating some of that stress.
Some men indulge in cross-dressing in certain garments only (knicker fetishists could be an example). A good many become highly aroused by it, quickly changing back into their normal clothes beset by self-disgust and guilt following masturbatory ejaculation. Others simply derive a feeling of calm from their pseudo female persona, whilst others gain extreme sexual arousal.
Transvestites
Transvestites, she-males, gender transients, drag queens, gay queens and transgenderists can all be legitimately described as cross-dressers. It would be inappropriate to apply the term to a TS (even if she looks totally unconvincing).
Transvestites (TVs) are people who derive pleasure from wearing clothes appropriate to the other gender. The generic term Cross-dresser is equally valid.
In fact, transvestism is a virtually exclusive male behavioural trait. TVs differ widely in their choice of dress and their socio-economic backgrounds. The incidence of transvestism is virtually impossible to determine on account of the veil of secrecy surrounding it and the refusal of many men who routinely wear women's underwear to consider themselves TV.
They are generally secretive about their transvestism and, until they have ‘come out’, tend to feel very guilty about it. Their motives for cross-dressing are diverse too. Some clearly do it as a sexual turn-on, an aid to masturbation. Others appear to derive calm and solace from permitting a gentler, female side to their natures to be given a periodic airing.
There are some whose transvestism is allied to other sexual behaviours:- the adult babies, the sub-dom fetishists etc.
The majority of TVs claim to be strictly heterosexual. Many TV organisations will imply that over 90% are hetero. This figure must be regarded as suspect since many of these strictly hetero males thoroughly enjoy adopting a quasi-female sexual role when cross-dressed and thus there must be a significant number more accurately described as bi-sexual.
The TV may go to great lengths, and spend considerable sums, to create his female persona. Some would have no difficulty in going about their daily business masquerading as women. The majority need to use artifice to disguise or hide such things as heavy male features, beard growth, body hair, large muscular frames, male pattern baldness, coarse skin and tattoos. They can alter their perceived body shape by the use of breast-forms, hip and bum pads. They can use special make-up to conceal any unwanted six-o-clock shadow and wigs do wonders for the overall effect.
The TV is a male and generally happy to be so. Many have successful marriages. Some, are of course gay. Whilst enjoying ‘dressing’ and appearing ‘en femme’, they have no wish to lose their male sex organs and sex drive. Admittedly, many TVs fantasise about growing breasts and being ‘real women’, but in truth, the ‘real women’ they envisage are mere figments of their male imaginations and most would be horrified at the prospect of loss of libido and the even more daunting loss of their priceless possessions — prized penis and testicles.
The Lily Savage or Edna Everage image is far removed from the typical TV, even though the general public will tend to equate them. This is not to say that every TV dresses modestly and makes an effort to appear as a normal woman. On the contrary, some dress in a way they would condemn as alarmingly tarty in a real woman.
Why the apparent appeal of the tarty? Why the significant interest in dressing as schoolgirls, nurses or ‘French maids’? It is somewhat difficult to answer this question other than to surmise that each of these styles symbolises some aspect of the femininity that the TVs concerned particularly espouse:- provocative, innocent, caring or submissive.
Crucial issues affecting the TV include how (and whether) to tell a partner/children/relatives/friends. How to handle himself if he gets ‘read’ (i.e. spotted as a cross-dressed male) when venturing out and how to deal with the attention of males when cross-dressed. Another factor, which few realise, is that their transvestism can become an unhealthy fixation to the extent that they cross-dress at every opportunity and become morose and surly if prevented. These TVs need to understand that their ‘harmless little hobby’ has become a psycho-sexual problem needing expert attention. Gender psychiatrists understand the condition:- few GPs do and few general psychiatrists. Consultation with a gender psychiatrist can be arranged through a GP’s referral to a Gender Identity Clinic, by contacting a private clinic (e.g. The Albany Clinic or the Portland Clinic in Manchester), by referral via a GP or through introduction from a recognised group to one of the few psychiatrists specialising in this subject. TransLiving is able to effect introductions to one of the leading specialist psychiatrists.
Fortunately, the majority of TVs manage to balance their cross-dressing needs with the normal requirements of family life, maintaining it as a discreet activity that does not offend anyone.
The frequency of cross dressing can vary from occasional to full time and the primary motivations range from deriving a feeling of calm and comfort by expressing a pseudo female persona, through to extreme sexual arousal.
TVs are almost exclusively male, the majority traditionally being believed to be heterosexual. Typically they feel an affinity for things feminine and value what they perceive to be essentially female behavioural patterns. Few of them are effeminate in manner when dressed as males and the majority will go to great lengths to mask their transvestism, many feeling isolated and guilty.
One of the most frequently asked questions by wives is “Why does he do it?”. There is no simple answer. There are many reasons why men cross dress and any individual is liable to be affected by more than one behavioural influence.
However, there are some who will welcome attention from males when they are cross-dressed and their transvestism may thus serve to mask a repressed bi-sexuality or possibly homosexuality. Indeed, it is not uncommon amongst this group to find TVs explaining that when in the female persona they are attracted to men, but not when presenting as male.
The TV retains his male sex drive and is perfectly satisfied to be male, provided he is permitted the opportunity to indulge his need to cross-dress from time to time. This can obviously cause problems if he expects to cross-dress whenever possible. A TV may well be a gentle, caring guy who will enjoy shopping with his wife, helping in the house etc. That’s the positive side. He may also be selfish in his demands for clothing and make-up, unfair in his expectations that the only places the couple visit are TV venues and unreasonable in his demands to make love when cross dressed.
The female partner has every right to expect her man to stick to agreed guidelines when it comes to cross-dressing. She is under no obligation to accept this behaviour, but perhaps should remember that modern psychiatry considers it within the bounds of normality, provided it is kept within sensible control. A gay male partner may well find it difficult to accept a TVs cross-dressing need.
The TV has a need to cross dress. His transvestism is a compulsion and it is necessary for him to work out a coping mechanism that makes room for it whilst not risking damage to his marital, familial, social and working relationships.
She-male
A She-male is a man who presents as a woman thanks to having secured breast development (hormonally induced and/or through silicone implant). He retains his male sex-drive and may indulge in sexual activity with both males and females. The descriptor ‘she-male’ implies a sexually motivated positioning and is often applicable to those earning their living from prostitution:- whether gay sex with other males, a sort of simulated lesbian sex with women or conventional penetrative sex with women.
The she-male retains a complete working set of male genitalia and has no intention of losing the pleasurable sensations obtained. She needs to be careful not to overdo the feminising hormones (in order to avoid becoming impotent), but will readily take any other measures necessary to enhance her feminine image.
They are quite prominent on the gay, drag and fetishist circuits, some of them achieving stunning looks. A number of them have clearly been able to derive an income from pornography and some from prostitution. It seems that exhibitionism is quite characteristic. Unlike the transsexual, transgenderist and transvestite, the she-male in common with the drag queen may be indifferent as to whether she is accepted as female by the public. It is fair to add that such indifference is shown at one end of the spectrum, whilst at the other, the she-male may very well pass her days being accepted as, and treated as a woman, whilst all the time proudly preserving her fully functional male ‘hanging bits’.
Those who live and present as female simply as a matter of gender preference, without seemingly being sexually motivated, may perhaps better be described as transgenderists.
Transgenderists
Transgenderists are people who choose to live full time in the gender role opposed to their physical sex. They retain their original genitalia, frequently have electrolysis to facilitate their passing properly in their chosen role and may have speech therapy too. A few add hormone treatment but with no intention of seeking gender reassignment. Such cases are difficult to distinguish from the She-males:- perhaps the only difference being with regard to their far less overt sexual display.
Many transgenderists will describe themselves as transsexual and, in so far as they may succeed in being socially accepted as women, they can be difficult to distinguish from TSs. Nevertheless, there are major distinctions:- the TS will take steps to ensure that her body is altered to fit her conception of her own sexual and gender identity. The transgenderist will acknowledge that he can never be a woman. The post-op TS knows that she is female and feels complete and whole, whilst the pre-op TS knows that she is a female awaiting some remedial surgery.
Transsexuals
Transsexuals are people who feel a profound awareness of a mismatch between their physical sex and their brain sex. Many try determinedly to fulfil what seemed to be their allotted role and that to which they had been socialised from infancy. However, the only way their problem can be resolved is through the combined medical and surgical procedures associated with complete gender reassignment (the so-called sex-change).
Male to female transsexuals outnumber female to male and certainly have a somewhat easier time in terms of the amount and severity of surgery involved. On the other hand, the female to male TS generally finds the effects of hormone therapy produce a dramatic change of such significance that their effective transition to the point where they are readily accepted in their new gender role is likely to occur far sooner. Their voices break, they grow facial hair and develop masculine musculature.
However, the F-M seeking full reassignment must face a series of operations:- hysterectomy and bilateral mastectomy being daunting enough to start with. Surgical construction of a form of penis is not widely regarded as a particularly satisfactory procedure as yet:- it is not autonomously erectile and may not even offer the ‘hosepipe’ function of the extended male urethra. Nevertheless, whatever the functional limitations, the cosmetic effect can be excellent and many F-M TSs are deservedly proud of their well-hung tackle.
The benefit of medical and surgical intervention is quite simply that it enables the TS (whichever the way of transition) to physically conform to his/her own felt gender identity.
The transsexual (M-F) is more than likely to have passed through a transvestic phase before realising that her problem was less a desire to dress as a woman than to be a woman. Her malaise with her apparent masculinity is likely to have affected her from quite a young age. Typically she would try hard to suppress those feelings and, particularly amongst the older TSs, may have shown a great determination to prove overt masculinity.
Once she has overcome the first major hurdle of accepting that she has a problem needing expert psychiatric help, she finds herself embarking on a journey beset by a series of horrors.
She will need to be referred to a specialist gender psychiatrist, either private or at a NHS Gender Identity Clinic. An ordinary psychiatrist is unlikely to have an understanding of gender dysphoria and thus may not be qualified to be of assistance. To get this far, she will need to see her GP to secure a referral. Admittedly, a responsible group such as TransLiving is able to introduce TSs to various private gender psychiatrists and, if appropriate, counsellors.
Whilst some TSs benefit from counselling, it is often far more important for their families:- for these are the innocent third parties who will feel the impact of the transsexual’s change without sharing the compulsion that has driven her.
She must convince the gender psychiatrist that she is a genuine transsexual. He will question her closely and is not going to encourage her to go for gender reassignment. Indeed, some psychiatrists may well seem to be being obstructive and unsympathetic, preferring to fuel any doubts as early as possible and before the TS has to go public with her news.
The way treatment is handled depends on the modus operandi of the psychiatrist concerned. Some insist that those wishing to undergo gender reassignment must live and function in role for a couple of years before they will prescribe hormones. Others tend to adopt the view that any patient presenting as a TS and asking for feminising hormones should be so treated as it will remove discontent. The action of the hormones (depression of libido) may prove to be a self-correcting therapy if the patient suddenly discovers that the cost of developing a little bust is the loss of valued male sex drive.
It is our view that the difficulties of a genuine TS are compounded if she is required to live in role without the development of the helpful secondary sexual characteristics that are attributable to hormone therapy. We support the view that pre-op TSs must be required to live in role for a period of at least a year in order to prove to themselves (and the real world) that they can function as, and be accepted as, women.
The TS needs to be aware that she is liable to face rejection by family and friends. Her job may well be placed in jeopardy (despite recent legislation) and she will, in all probability, encounter attitudes including outright unreasoning hostility, extreme bigotry and overt rudeness. Her social standing will probably take a severe nose-dive and she may find herself a sort of social outcast with no home, few prospects and being treated as a source of considerable embarrassment.
She will find this very confusing (“after all, I’m the same person --- just changing my gender”) and she may well pass through a highly over-sensitive phase. In the initial phases of her living ‘full-time’ she is liable to be acutely self-conscious and ill at ease with her new role. She is anxious to lose all traces of her past, yet not yet comfortable with the new self that she is discovering. In short, this period is difficult and she is at her most vulnerable and her most exposed to misunderstanding and ridicule.
Over the ensuing months she will hope to gradually settle into her female way of life despite having an intense focus on the change and all that goes with it:- voice therapy, electrolysis, grooming etc.
Sadly, not all TSs are blessed with the physical attributes that make the change credible. If you are six foot six tall, built like a main battle tank, are as hairy as the average ape, have tattoos all over, massive feet and a guttural voice of the sort that would make Lee Marvin sound feminine, then the chances of a successful transition would seem somewhat slight. Unfortunately, it is necessary to consider practicalities, for it is a sure recipe for disaster if a somewhat unsatisfactory life as a man is exchanged for an unbearable one as a woman.
Many people will comment that it takes a great deal of courage to do what a TS does. In truth, it is not a matter of courage, for she has scant option but to bite the bullet and give herself the chance of fulfilment. It takes much courage for a TS to recognise if she cannot hope to transition successfully and then to readjust her life. It also takes courage (and wisdom) for anyone who has started down the TS route only to realise that it was a mistake, to acknowledge the mistake and revert to the male role.
Being a TS should not be the ambition of a TV. Transsexuals are not TVs who have ‘graduated’ --- they are people who have had to cope with severe gender dysphoria; people upon whom Nature has played a cruel trick; people privileged to be able to understand their problem and to secure the help to resolve it.
Finally, the operation. Modern surgical techniques permit the construction of a vagina complete with labia and a clitoris constructed from the glans. The appearance, after healing, is for all practical purposes indistinguishable from that of a born female. If sufficient penile and scrotal tissue is available, the constructed vagina will offer ample depth to permit penetrative intercourse with a male. However, the vagina is not self-lubricating and the TS will need to take appropriate measures in order to avoid painful penetration.
For those with insufficient scrotal and penile tissue, a procedure can be adopted that involves using a section of the colon to provide additional depth to the vagina. A more complex procedure, it would normally only be adopted if really necessary.
TSs need a great deal of information on health and hygiene issues, legal matters and on changing their documentation and records. For these and a whole range of practical advice and support measures, they should seriously consider joining a self-help group such as TransLiving. Indeed, this group is unusual in that not only does it offer extensive support, but also the opportunity for TSs to socialise and to compare notes.
Drag queens
Drag queens are generally gay males who parody females. They do not identify with women and have no wish to be women. Over the top, outrageous and flamboyant, they are often believed by the general public to be TVs. If you go into a bar and see one very over the top guy dressed as a woman, and another cross-dressed male sitting quietly in the corner, you can bet your bottom dollar that the quiet one is the TV, the OTT one may be a drag queen. Many view themselves as entertainers, earning their living through drag performances for hen nights, gay clubs and pubs.
It is perhaps a little unfortunate for TVs that so many of the public automatically picture the drag queen when imagining anyone who is cross-dressed.
Indeed, many TSs too resent the erroneous but widely held impression that they are much the same as the drag queens.
Exhibitionist, aggressively effeminate and presenting a caricature of femininity, many of them contrive to be strikingly beautiful, wickedly witty and wonderfully amusing company.
It is also fair to point out that it was their devil may care open flouting of convention at a time (immediately pre - and post-War) when the word gay had a different connotation, when effeminacy was firmly frowned upon, when homophobia was widespread and when a man dare not admit to liking feminine clothes, manners etc., that has paved the way to today’s relatively tolerant attitudes towards transvestism and other expressions of different forms of sexuality.
Drag queens are performing artistes who take pride in their skill as entertainers. They should not be confused with gay queens who vie for the attention of men and may well be involved in gay prostitution. The gay queens are cross-dressed homosexual males actively seeking sexual liaisons with other males. Of course, there are some drag queens who need to supplement their incomes by being gay queens too.
Gender transients
Gender transients are people who will happily live in a betwixt and between world, living much of the time as women, some as men. They happily change role at will, selecting that which seems appropriate for the occasion.
A gender transient may be married or in an established relationship with a female partner.
The transient may well perceive him/herself as a third gender, refusing to acknowledge the normally accepted male/female divide. This differs from the TV who is well aware that he is male, but who simply owns up to ‘a slightly unusual little hobby.’ As far as the Transsexual is concerned, she cannot wait to leave the betwixt and between world of being neither the one nor the other. The whole idea of perpetuating that phase is horrific for her and she is impatient to achieve her sought after harmony between mind and body.
Female to male Transsexual
All patients who wish to have gender reassignment should first have a complete and thorough psychiatric evaluation
They must have a stable personality and have lived in the chosen gender for a least one year and ideally have been fully employed during this period. It is also the duty of the psychiatrist to determine whether the patient will be accepted in society in his new gender role. It is also important that the patient has reasonable expectations of the outcome of reassignment surgery to avoid any future disappointment.
Hormonal treatment with testosterone is initially given to deepen the voice, to increase muscle bulk and to increase body and facial hair growth. Patients have classically been administered Susann in subcutaneous injections but other preparations including patches and oral medication and six monthly depot preparations are also available for testosterone replacement therapy.

Analysis: Trans suicide and the way the media reports the trans community - PinkNews.co.uk

Analysis: Trans suicide and the way the media reports the trans community - PinkNews.co.uk:

'via Blog this'

Lucy Meadows death 'could set transgender community free'

Lucy Meadows death 'could set transgender community free':

'via Blog this'

The tragic death of Lucy Meadows could be a "watershed moment" for Britain's transgender community, her MP has claimed.

Graham Jones, the Labour backbencher for Hyndburn, is seeking a debate in parliament on the circumstances leading to Meadows' death. She had endured public humiliation after the media focused on her gender transition.

Jones attacked the "oppressive" nature of Britain's printed press as a petition calling for the Daily Mail to sack columnist Richard Littlejohn, who had singled Meadows out for criticism in a column headlined 'he's not only in the wrong body... he's in the wrong job', approached 200,000 signatures.

"This is a dark moment for the transgender community and the Lucy Meadows case is a deplorable tragedy," Jones told politics.co.uk.

"It also raises the issue about the way the transgender community are treated and I think that they've had an unfair press.

"I think that a debate around the issues of transgender and other minorities will perhaps highlight the oppressive nature of some of the journalistic articles that have appeared over time targeting transgender people. So I think this may be a watershed moment in which transgender people finally get a fair hearing."

The coroner has yet to deliver a final report on the cause of Meadows' death. Police have said no suspicious circumstances are suspected, but the Sum Of Us petition states she "committed suicide" and attacks Littlejohn's "vile article" for having "led to a witchhunt targeting Meadows".

"Everyone has the right to say what they think, but mainstream publications like the Daily Mail shouldn't support and promote this sort of hate," the petition, which by 17:00 GMT on Tuesday had attracted nearly 183,000 signatures, added.

"The Daily Mail needs to ensure that this never happens again - by not only yanking Littlejohn's column and apologizing for the paper's decision to run the hateful opinion piece, but also instituting an editorial review policy that prevents discriminatory writing from ending up in its paper again."

The columnist's article repeatedly referred to Meadows as "he" and criticised her for persisting in her job as a primary school teacher following her gender transition.

Parents and staff were informed Nathan Upton would return as Lucy Meadows in the new year last December.

"Lucy complained of her inability to leave the house by the front door, of movement curtailed, of parents offered money for pictures of her, of pictures lifted without permission from her family's Facebook," trans activist Jane Fae wrote in an article for politics.co.uk published last Friday,

Meadows' MP is now demanding that the regulatory system used to control Britain's broadcast media be applied to the printed press - despite the recent political consensus achieved on the introduction of an independent watchdog.

"My view on this is I'm much less concerned about freedom of the press and far more concerned about the freedom of the British public, the reader," Jones added.

"That freedom is being denied. We do live in an oppressive country as far as the press are concerned. They omit so much of the truth that the reader is unable to make a balanced and fair judgement on the story that's being reported on."

Jones blamed the "press barons" controlling the editorial agenda of national newspapers for the problem.

"They selectively edit their articles denying my constituents and the great British public the opportunity to make a fair and reasonable decision," he added.

Up to 300 transgender activists holding 'I am not afraid' placards gathered outside the offices of the Mail on Monday night in a silent vigil.

The backbench business committee is expected to grant a debate on the issue in April which will take place after the coroner's report is published.

Lies about transgender people (and how to spot a rubbish journalist)

By Paris Lees

Ever been kicked in the face? I have. Violence is common towards children who display gender difference. Poofter, they used to call me. AIDS victim, they’d whisper. Walk like a man, boy, or get a clip ’round the earhole. That last one came from my father. Still, as one matures, so does the nature of the bullying. Instead of gossip and ciggies behind bike-sheds, badmouthing is done by respectable journalists in national newspapers. Take the Telegraph’s Ed West, for example, who seems perfectly comfortable belittling the existence of “transphobia” (hatred towards transgender people). His quotation marks, not mine. Guess he’s never had a kick in the head. In fact, I doubt he has any subjective experience of being trans, and nor will many of his readers. That’s the trouble.

I question everything, now. I recall articles from years back, on various subjects; “facts” stuck in my head; fears I was given; health advice. Were all those items poorly researched too? I see so much rot written about trans people that I just don’t know anymore. Does anyone – from legal correspondents to sports editors – really know what they’re writing about? And, if not, why read their work? News is produced on increasingly small budgets and research is becoming a luxury. Press standards are under scrutiny. Would cynics be better off reading blogs by real experts?

Check out this opinion piece by Ross Clarke, published by the Daily Mail last week: “Beware of the sex-change zealots: Why IS the state so obsessed with whether we’re transgender?” Poor Clarke is outraged because a form asked him if he is transgender. I sympathise. I broke an eyelash once, so I know how upsetting traumas like this can be. Meanwhile, research commissioned by the Equalities Review shows that 73 per cent of trans people have experienced harassment and 47 per cent avoid public facilities for fear of discrimination. But sure, begrudge us a box that acknowledges we exist.

So, how can you tell if what you’re reading is rubbish? I have no idea how much of my daily news is true, but a visit to Islamophobia-Watch.com suggests that trans people are not the only minority group newspapers lie about. Still, there are 6 giveaways for poorly written trans features:

1.   Sex Change. This is seldom used by trans people and has zero medical currency. Authors who use this have nothing valuable to share on trans issues.

2.   Children having “sex changes”. Always false. In the UK, trans surgery is only performed on those aged 18 and above. Children prescribed reversible puberty blockers will have been monitored for years following careful guidelines.

3.   Hermaphrodite. Widely offensive and biologically inaccurate. Humans with biological sex differences are described as intersex. Or people.

4.   Taxpayers/NHS waste of money/cosmetic surgery. Don’t trust anyone who mentions tax during a polemic against trans people. Trans people also pay taxes, and we are more likely to do so when provided with proper healthcare and freedom from discrimination. Nevertheless, “wasteful” trans treatment costs are frequently exaggerated.

5.   “Gender” – in quotation marks. Everyone has a gender identity. Clothing, language, toilets and many other arbitrary social cogs are gendered. Pretending that trans people have imagined their gender is, well, delusional.

6.   Regret. Studies show that an astonishing 98 per cent of people who undergo genital surgery express no regret. Regret usually focuses on surgical results. Any journalist who mentions transition regret, without acknowledging this, has made a terrible mistake.

As Julia Serano notes in the eminently sensible Whipping Girl, traditional media have set stories to tell. It’s true. I was due to appear on morning TV last month but was dropped after I declined to share “before” photos. Must I be reduced to shock, surgery and before-and-after shots? Trans people won various legal rights in 2004, including the right to marry, but, unlike the gay marriage debate, this received scant press. That same year the tabloids were saturated with “jokes” about Big Brother contestant Nadia Almada. There is public appetite for stories about trans people after all: point-and-stare ones.

That said, trans man Luke Anderson received largely positive coverage following his recent Big Brother victory. Are things improving? Or could this be explained by traditional sexism, and the fact that male identities are less open to attack? Or perhaps editors have finally noticed that trans contestants are incredibly popular? The public certainly seem to adore trans people, given the chance to get to know one.

It’s a shame, then, that we are missing out on so many stellar stories; compelling, moving, shocking and funny stories; stories that everyone could identify with, or learn something from, given the opportunity. These narratives are drowned out by the bullies, bigots and dullards; those who spread misinformation on subjects about which they know nothing. For those of us in the know, it’s a real kick in the teeth.

FIVE THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING A DOMINATRIX IN THE SUMMER.

By Troy Orleans 08.23.05

"Normally, I love my job. I've been a journalist, an editor, a marketing associate, even a radio DJ, but I've never been more intellectually, emotionally and physically stimulated by a job as I have since becoming a professional Dominatrix.

While I could easily rattle off my favourite things about Domming, the heat's got me -- and most Dommes -- pretty cranky. Every day I get an IM from a Mistress friend bitching about how it's too hot to play. How their leather whips are moldering in the humidity. How even if they wanted to play, business is so slow they've had to resort to playing power games with the unwitting guy at the bodega.

Myself, I keep hearing the line from that Siouxsie and the Banshees song, "At 92 degrees, people just get irritable!" Though the Dominatrix stereotype is a screaming shrew with a whip, most of us don't play that game. I'm a sadist, but I'm not a bitch. Since I've got a rep to protect, though, rather than take my frustrations out on my clients, here's a little vent about the five things I hate the most about being a Domme in the summertime.

#1. Whose schedule am I on?

Dommes are glorified freelancers. We may be control freaks, but we're still, when it comes right down to it, in the service industry. So when summer rolls around, we're at the mercy, more so than usual, of our clients' summer schedules. In the battle between golf games, vacations, weekend getaways, traffic jams, half-day Fridays, company outings, kids' summer camp and interleague softball, and the Dominatrix, sad to say, but life usually wins. Your average dungeon is like a ghost town on Saturdays in August.

So what's a Domme to do? Go somewhere she won't be taken for granted. We look for the under served cities that don't get a lot of Domme traffic. You wanna hear kinky? My summer travel plans have included such glamorous vacation hot spots as Cleveland, Detroit, Houston, Las Vegas and New Orleans. New-freakin'-Orleans. In AUGUST! How perverted is THAT?

#2. Even masochists take a break.

Just before Memorial Day, it starts. "Mistress, I'm going to the beach next weekend, so I can't take any marks." By July, even my hardcore maso clients are so prissy about the possibility of getting a mark, I'm "torturing" them with ice cubes. In the last couple of months, I've gotten some really great corporal gear -- a rubber cane, a couple of cool whips -- but I've yet to have a good workout with any of them.

On the bright side, the "no marks" rule does inspire some creative torments. Wrapping him in head to toe with medical bandages, like a mummy … then turning off the A/C. Finding unusual, discreet places to insert needles and other sharp objects. Using a bigger dildo. Forcing him to masturbate with Icy Hot. And my personal favourite: Figging (shoving a large knuckle of peeled ginger where the sun don't shine). Ouch!

#3. Skunky sweat.

While I have, on occasion, treated a good boy to a smothering under my stinky armpit or sweaty ass, it is an entirely different torture when a client comes in bathed in eau de funk. I don't know what it is about male pervs, but almost all of them seem to sweat WAY more than is normal. I'm this close to telling one of my favourite clients to stay away from me until the temperature goes under 70 because he sweats so profusely, I can't stand to touch him.

Even worse are the genuinely smelly ones. It's odd how certain seemingly deep-pocketed clients apparently can't afford to buy soap or deodorant. Or maybe he just thinks that since he's paying me, it shouldn't matter what he smells like. Fortunately, we Mistresses have recourse. A little iced latte-and-asparagus piss shower makes a rather declarative statement -- without leaving any visible marks! And, no, you may not shower afterwards, smelly pants piss-slut.

#4. Wearing any kind of fetish gear is out of the question.

When the thermostat's set to "Hell," there is no fucking way I'm putting on any latex. Or leather. Or even my super sexy, custom fitted PVC catsuit (which arrived in May and is STILL unworn). Normally I get all bent out of shape when a new client asks me to wear lingerie in session. "If you want scantily clad domination, why don't you go see a stripper?" is my usual retort. "She can tease you, give you blue balls and take all your money."

But when it's Africa-hot like it has been for the last few weeks, I have no problem playing in my bra and panties as long as my skin stays away from yours. Except when I'm kicking you in the balls.

#5. The sweat fetishists.

The sweaty clients are pretty gross. Even worse are the clients who get off on sweaty Dommes. Summertime brings out the sweat fetishists, pervy callers who ask if they can lick the sweat off my body. I can barely stand to be touched when I'm hot. So the LEAST erotic thing in the world is having someone run their hot, pasty tongue all over my skin. I don't care how devourably sexy he is.

And if a guy can take his hand off his dick long enough to think about it, would you really want to lick a Mistress who caters to sweat fetishists? Me, I'm just thinking about how many tongues might have booked before me. Gross!"

http://www.blacktable.com/orleans050823.htm

Sub Drop

Here is an article I found, written by David Williams - enjoy

Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a scene, both physical changes in the submissive's body and mental and emotional results of the scene on the submissives mind. While the physical effects usually occur shortly after the scene, the mental and emotional drop may take days to manifest and thus are often not thought of as a result of the scene.

It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad scene or lack of enjoyment. Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind.

Aftercare and attention to small signs can help identify sub drop quickly. Simply noticing different behaviour patterns or actions can make dealing with it much easier when caught in earlier stages. This is another reason why knowing your play partner is important.

Physical Sub Drop

Physical sub drop comes from two sources, sometimes mixed together, in some people they suffer one but not the other. Both are the result of the strenuous ordeal of a scene on the submissives body. While it may seem they just stand there and take it, in fact there is much going on and much energy being spent during a scene on the submissives part.

The first form of physical sub drop is a lowering of body temperature in the extremities, stiffness, numbness, and an over all tingling sensation. This is caused by a centralization of the bodies blood supply. The body sees the scene as a form of trauma and one of the first defence mechanisms for this in the human anatomy is to suck the blood supply into the main torso to protect the vital organs and brain.

The result of this action by the body is decreased blood flow to the arms and legs. This often results in very cold limbs after a scene and lack of sensations. When a submissives limbs are inordinately cold after a scene or when they complain of tingling, numbness, lack of sensation, stiffness, aches, or muscle cramps, these are often from lack of blood flow. A vigorous rubbing of the limbs will help to restore blood flow quickly.

Often this will leave a submissive wobbly after a scene and unsure of their grasp on items. If a submissive feels this way after a scene then it is best to have them sit down, legs extended and arms at their side while you rub the limbs to restore control. Crossing the legs or folding the arms can impede the return of blood flow and should be avoided. Laying down flat is a better way for this but is hard to do at play parties and such.

When rubbing the arms and legs, apply gentle pressure and release as you rub, this helps open the passages up to allow a greater blood flow. Cramps can be dealt with by applying a point of pressure to the direct area cramping, pushing in very gently and then releasing. This causes a fast flow of blood to sweep away the built up acids causing the cramp.

Understand that these physical manifestations are completely natural and not a weakness on the submissives part. Stretching out before a scene or after can also help lessen these effects somewhat but don't push too hard, a submissive can actually damage themselves by doing too much when their limbs lack full sensation. The basics work best, better to do small repetitive stretches rather then one big one.

Important Note: If the submissive is not in shape and used to stretching, do not expect her/him to suddenly be doing intense stretching before or after a scene. Stretching can tear muscles and stress tendons very easily.

The second form physical drop can take is the result of substances and chemicals in your body; namely, sugar, adrenaline, and endorphins. These naturally occurring substances interplay with one another to bring a gambit of results much akin to the after effects of a strenuous workout.

Eating a light high protein, low carbohydrate meal an hour or so before the scene can help alleviate a lot of symptoms, just make sure to have enough digestive time before you play and make sure not to over eat and be stuffed Lots of vegetables will also add nutrients that can help the submissive recover from a strenuous scene and of course, plenty of water before and after the scene will help as well.

When a submissive is scened often their body uses a great amount of energy. After the scene is over they will feel an intense craving for sweets. This is not bad, this is their body craving sugar to replace the energy lost during the scene. Sometimes this craving is accompanied by a shaky feeling. Sugar crashes can also bring about mood swings, grumpiness, irritability, and sadness in some cases.

The best rule of thumb to follow with this is: The simpler the sugar, the faster the results. Fructose, sugar found naturally in fruits, is easy for the body to metabolize and use fast. Apple juice, grape juice, any sort of natural fruit juice will help to restore the blood sugar level fast. Soda and processed sugar take longer to produce the same results but will eventually get the job done.

Adrenaline is often released during moments of pain and stress. It creates a feeling of energy and strength, often allowing a submissive to take more in a scene or to play longer then normal. When the adrenaline rush is over though, often it will bring about a feeling of weakness, shakes, and irritability.

Adrenaline is sort of like an octane booster in our bodies. It boosts the octane there already and causes the body to burn through the sugar in the system faster. Usually adrenaline crashes and sugar crashes occur together, once the body is no longer in overdrive, it has burned up a lot of energy and needs to replace it, fast.

Endorphins are released during periods of heavy muscular exertion or pain. Not surprisingly, they are often released during a good scene and tend to bring a very euphoric feeling to the submissive. When the effect passes though, the feeling of euphoria can crash into a feeling of melancholy. Imagine feeling no pain and just as blissful as can be and suddenly that is gone. You don't feel bad, but you don't feel as good any more either. By itself this crash will not often affect the submissive much but, in conjunction with the sugar and adrenaline crashes, it can enhance their results.

It should also be noted that replacing lost hydration (drinking a lot of water), replacing salts (drinking Gatorade) can also help with these things as well. Muscular cramps can be caused also by a loss of potassium in the system during play, eating a banana or drinking Gatorade will help restore this quickly. Think of the physical aftercare like that of an athlete after a tough competition. The submissives body will often crave the same care and refuelling as an athlete's would after a great exertion of effort.

After a scene and aftercare, it is common for submissives to feel hungry. Eating nothing but junk food can cause a very tired and weighty feeling. Remember, the body has used a lot of nutrients in the scene and needs those replaced. Proteins (meats, cheeses, nuts) will help the body recover but may be too heavy for immediately after a scene.

There is nothing wrong with craving sugary treats after a scene as long as you balance it out with a good meal as well later on. The results of eating only junk food can be a very bloated feeling later that night or the next day which can trigger aspects of mental sub drop (feeling unattractive, bloated, depressed). Eating a good light meal of proteins and lots of veggies will replenish the body of the nutrients lost during a scene. It is

advisable to do this when the submissive has recovered sufficiently from the scene later that same day.

If the submissive does eat treats directly after, balance that with intake of water to help flush the system as well to avoid a tired feeling. Fresh fruit is always a good thing to have on hand after a scene as it can satisfy the sweet craving, provide simple sugars, and will not leave the system bogged down with junk food.

Mental Sub Drop

This form of Sub Drop is much harder to typify. It varies in such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt, anxiety, melancholy, depression, and or agitation. While this may happen immediately or within a few hours accompanying physical sub drop, it may also take several days to occur. It is not unheard of for it to happen a week or so after a hard scene.

Several factors may affect mental sub drop and should be discussed before play begins. Things such as mood altering medications, mental conditions, ongoing therapy, or recent events in the submissives life. It is the responsibility of both parties to share this information before a scene to avoid surprise results. That is not saying that sub drop is caused by mental instability...mental sub drop happens with or without these factors, they just may contribute and thus should be known beforehand.

While there are mental aspects which coincide with the physical sub drop, the term Mental Sub Drop is most often used with a period after a scene when the submissive is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, isolation, and/or depression. This can happen days afterwards and can happen with a new play partner or someone you have played with a dozen or more times. It is not indicative of a bad scene and should not be taken as regret. It is quite simply the last effect of the intensity of a scene . . . the final burn out on the emotions.

Submissives often will have a carefree feeling after a good scene, a lessening of stress and worries. When this feeling fades it can be replaced by other, less then desirable emotions. The gambit of negative emotions is so wide as to be nearly impossible to list here but the root cause is the same. It is coming down off an emotional high. It's that simple.

Imagine riding a roller coaster, all the dips and spins and drops and climbing higher and higher. It's a very exciting ride. Now imagine going from that directly into a 12 hour wait in a doctors office, with no magazines or TV. Imagine going from that much stimulation to nothing so quick and then imagine the effect of that on your mind. This is a very crude example but it can help you understand where some of the mental sub drop comes from.

Sub drop can also be brought about by a feeling of disconnection. During the scene a feeling of intense intimacy can be created for the submissive (and dominant too BTW) and if that contact is not maintained in some way, a feeling of loss can set in. A feeling of isolation and disconnection is created in the void left behind. During a scene a submissive looks to the dominant for a feeling of safety, allowing themselves to feel vulnerable and exposed. That feeling of vulnerability can lead to a feeling of desertion if

there is no continued contact with the submissive. They can feel used and left behind or cast aside.

Guilt and shame are also very common feelings experienced during sub drop. Sometimes these feelings are brought about by social stigmas given to BDSM play and sexual activity, sometimes they are from social stigmas about gender roles (this is especially prevalent with male submissives), sometimes they are the result of the feelings of loneliness and isolation, but most often they are a combination of all of these factors.

Many times, especially for new submissives, social perceptions of sexual roles and acceptable practices can cause confusion in the days following a scene. Society tends to look upon "kink" in a very unfavourable light and drums that into people's heads through the media, religion, and social arch types we are encouraged to look up to. It can be traumatic when you first venture outside what is considered the normal sexual activities and left alone, some people will have a deep seated feeling of guilt or shame set in based upon these social ideals.

Mental sub drop can have long lasting effects as well. A very bad occurrence with no care given can damage or destroy a relationship, the bond of trust being severed between the two. As with all emotional things, sub drop can influence future reactions to scenes as well. It is important that every effort is made to make sure that a scening experience ends as a positive thing and not a bad experience.

The best way to deal with mental sub drop is simple, ACE:

A after care directly after the scene. C contact in the days following the scene E expression of positive reinforcement to the submissive

Aftercare should be more then just making sure the submissive is OK physically. It should also be a period of positive reinforcement, reassurance, and connection. The submissive is especially vulnerable in the period directly after a scene before they have regained their wits, they need to feel safe, valued, and cared for during this period so that the whole scene experience is a positive one.

Contact is essential to making sure the experience remains positive for the submissive. Not just casual contact either, be prepared to really listen and allow the submissive to express what they are feeling. Many times deep emotions come up during this period and providing a receptive outlet for them, you can help the submissive explore all the things conjured up by the scene.

Positive reinforcement is one of the most crucial aspects of aftercare. With a few kind words you can allow the submissive to feel pride in themselves. Don't butter them up or blow sunshine up their ass . . . express honest thoughts and emotions to them. Compliment them on how they did and what they did well. This single aspect of after care will have the greatest affect on avoiding severe mental sub drop. Making it a positive experience can help dispel any guilt or shame felt later.

Male Submission – The Worm

Male Submission – The Worm

By ted_subby on February 26, 2013

As the first in a series of articles focusing on male submission, this article presents thoughts about one of the archetypes of male submission, the “worm.”

Men and women are different, of course, and in some cases that goes beyond the obvious physical characteristics. Almost all of the articles on The Submissive Guide are valid regardless of gender, but there are sometimes subtle differences in application of advice even in the emotional and mental aspects of submission.

One common archetype of submissive men is the worm, a man who wants to be humiliated, degraded, and tormented as much as possible by most any and every dominant woman he encounters. Depending upon the male sub’s orientation, he may want to be treated this way by only dominant women, only dominant men, or regardless of gender. There are submissive women who fit the worm mindset but I believe that it is a much more common desire with submissive men. It is such a common mindset for some sub men that it is a stereotype within the BDSM community that almost all sub men are worms, which is not at all true. Also, the worm type of sub men is sometimes not respected by others even within the BDSM community, which is unfortunate because we should all be allowed to be who we want to be, as long as it is Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC).

Not all submissive men are worms. In fact, I believe that only a small percentage of submissive men are worms. It is not at all reasonable to believe that just because a man is submissive, that makes him a worm. Every individual is unique and has his own needs and desires, which often have nothing to do with being a worm.

What is a worm?

Even that varies by individual and many who enjoy this type of submission may not even classify themselves with the term “worm.” The term “worm” is offensive to some sub men who do not identify as a worm.

In general, a worm enjoys when a dominant, who fits his gender orientation or desire, treats him as a lowly sub-human who must never stand, must never use furniture, must never eat human food, must never make eye contact, must serve as a human toilet, must never be temporarily free from suffering of some sort, and so on. Often, worms enjoy being dominated by a group, though this is not always the case.

Many subs who are not worms enjoy many of these mindsets and even when some of these mindsets are in place 24/7 that does not necessarily make a specific submissive a worm. A worm is mainly the overall mindset of being treated as a sub-human to most every dominant as often as possible. In some cases being a worm is a fantasy where the reality is being a worm part of the time or being only partially a worm, or even being a worm only in the imagination. Note that the term “worm” does not refer to acting like an earthworm, it is a slang term.

There are subs who might be offended that I list an activity they enjoy, such as not being allowed to use the furniture, and categorize that as being a worm. For clarification, the term worm is subjective and it is not the specific activities which classify a worm. For example, if a sub is openly loved and cherished by a dominant and part of that love is manifested in the dominant’s requirement that the sub do not use the furniture, then that is likely not a worm dynamic. By contrast, if the dominant and other dominants think of the sub with disdain (whether real or in role-play) and sometimes kick the sub who is on the floor, then that may be a worm they are kicking.

As with most every sub, a worm has limits. For clarification, breaking an arm is a limit for all BDSM subs, but it’s a limit nonetheless. Many worms would not consent to particular activities, even ones which are commonly associated with worms. For example, a sub man may be a worm but not consent to being involved in anything in the bathroom. Also, many worms only want to be a worm some of the time or to only be treated as a worm by one dominant or by a select few. All worms are unique.

Many worms want to be treated online as a worm by everyone who contacts them, even from the first message. The idea of a dominant sending a message such as “Hi, I saw your profile and you seem interesting” may break the fantasy of some worms who might prefer a message such as “You are a disgusting pig and I demand that you send me a reverential e-mail in return!”

However, and this is very important, it is inappropriate to send someone an initial message containing non-consensual domination such as in my “disgusting pig” example. If a user’s profile explicitly indicates permission to send a domination type message, then that constitutes consent but otherwise there is no consent until the sub provides consent. Unless domination consent is given, an initial message should be polite and neutral, without any domination in it.

Similarly, it is inappropriate for a sub to send an initial message of submission, unless the dominant’s profile specifically provides consent for that. Many dominant women on FetLife receive frequent messages out of the blue from sub men such as “Mistress, I worship you and want to submit to you spitting on me and anything else you want!” This is completely inappropriate as an unsolicited initial message unless the woman’s profile specifically indicates something like “You must always address me as Mistress and grovel at my feet so do not send me a message unless you are worshipping me.” Otherwise, if you are a sub male sending an initial message to a dominant woman, please be polite such as commenting on something non-sexual you like in their profile or on a group message board comment they posted, and if she wants you to submit to her then that can happen later once she gives you consent, not in the initial unsolicited message.

Why would a submissive man want to be a worm?

The worm dynamic may seem very undesirable to many subs. The answer to why is unique to the individual. Why do any of us want to be the type of subs we are? As long as it is safe, sane, and consensual, then a worm should be free to explore his identity and desires. We should all recognize that there are many different submissive mindsets within BDSM and just because we may not like specific mindsets, that does not make those mindsets any less valid to others.

Is it safe and sane to submit to sub-human treatment by every dominant? That depends upon the situation. For example, if attending a BDSM party by a trusted host in which it is known that attending worms will be free to be worms, and if there is some sort of screening process such as only invited guests are attending, then yes it can be safe and sane. Just as with any sub, a worm should judge the situation for safety.

Difficulties of  Worms

There are difficulties which are somewhat unique to worms. From what I have read on FetLife and other web sites, dominant women generally do not want a worm as a long term partner and instead often want a strong man who submits. If the worm is a strong man, there may still be great compatibility if the dominant woman enjoys treating the sub as a worm a certain amount of the time. However, I have seen comments from many dominant women that they do not enjoy the worm dynamic at all, so as with everything else it is up to the individual. Finding a long term compatible partner is difficult for most everyone, not just worms.

Another difficulty for worms is that it seems to me that there are a whole lot more submissive men who are worms of some sort than there are dominant women who enjoy the male worm dynamic. I have seen comments and profiles of dominant women who do enjoy the worm dynamic, but I have also noticed that many of those dominant women who enjoy the worm dynamic are also Pro Dommes and/or Financial Dominants. Consequently, many submissive men who are worms often feel the need or, in cases of an enjoyment of Financial Domination, the desire to pay money to be treated as the worm they enjoy being. In some cases paying money fits the worm dynamic, but there are also many worms who do not want to be financially dominated.

Is it too much to ask to find a long term partner who is a dominant woman but does not need money to change hands early in the relationship? It is not too much to ask, but as with any compatibility it is not easy finding the right match.

How does a man know when a dominant woman requires money? If a dominant requires money, then usually there is a reference to money in the her profile such as “I enjoy Financial Domination,” “I love being spoiled,” being a member of Financial Dominant groups, or being a Pro Dominant. References such as those do not necessarily mean that they require money but it is often an indicator that they do. As usual, it is recommended to read the entire profile. This is actually a common issue with sub men who are looking for a dominant woman, especially sub men who are worms, in trying to ascertain whether a particular dominant woman who enjoys the worm dynamic would require money to change hands.

Doesn’t being treated as a worm mean that the man just does not want a loving relationship at all? As with everything, that depends upon the individual. Many worms do want a loving relationship with the display of love sometimes, though generally not always, being through the worm dynamic, despite how contradictory that seems. I know one FetLife user whose loving dominant wife treats him as a very low worm literally crawling in the mud of their backyard and being intermittently chained and beaten in his own muck for an entire weekend, and as a much less worm-type BDSM slave the rest of the time.

In fact, even for submissive men who are not worms, many of them enjoy when their partner is “mean” to them in some of the worm-like ways or in different ways. And there should not really be any quotes around the word “mean,” many subs desire or need truly mean treatment from their dominants. It is a paradox: “I want you to do to me things I don’t want you to do.” There are informational web sites for dominant women on how to be mean to their man, and many Femdom fictional stories are about a woman being intentionally mean to the man they love. Being loving and mean at the same time is a talent. And the usual caveat applies, not all sub men enjoy when their dominant is mean to them, it is completely up to individual preferences and it is not reasonable to assume that a man being a sub implies that he enjoys anyone being mean to him.

Personally, I enjoy the worm dynamic from a fantasy standpoint but the reality of more than just a taste of it from my dominant wife, even in a safe environment, would be difficult for me at best. Fantasy versus reality will be the subject of my next article on male submission.

So if you meet a worm, then please treat him with respect because everyone deserves the right to be who they want to be. Or … if you and he both consent, then feel free to treat him with the lack of respect he deserves.

Related

Male Submission – Fantasy vs Reality

Male Submission - Selfishness

Submissive Guide