A Little Laughter: Top 10 Signs you are Too Old for BDSM

Top 10 Signs you are Too Old for BDSM

by: Author Unknown

10. Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries. 9. Your nipple clamps have training wheels. 8. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker. 7. When you tell your sub to get the cane, she has to specify "walking" or"beating". 6. You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots. 5. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play. 4. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygenhose. 3. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift bra. 2. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me....back into thepaddle ....HARD!" And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM: 1. Age play really is 24/7.

The Art Of Punishment

The Art Of Punishment

by: David Franklin

PHYSICAL PUNISHMENTS

Most D/s articles on the Internet talk about punishment in terms of spanking. "If you do not obey, I will spank you." But how does this work if the submissive or slave actually likes to be spanked? Kind of like"please don?t throw me in the briar patch." Here we will catalogue punishments you can actually use in the real time training of a slave/submissive.

First, Let?s start with some basic punishment principles. It is always important to gear the punishment to the infraction. Let the punishment fit the crime. When a minor infraction gets a major punishment, you are sending the wrong signal. Try to administer punishment as closely as possible to the time of the infraction. In this way the sub/slave will not only be properly and predictably disciplined, but will also respect his/her Dominant. Never let a punishment cause injury. Never, ever use a hard limit as a punishment. And, finally, always start the punishment with a lecture/explanation.

There is a debate as to whether punishment sessions should have safe words. Some Masters/Doms/Dommes allow them, others do not. It is a matter of preference, style, how well the Dominant knows the submissive and, of course, how experienced the Dominant is. Those Dominants who do not allow safe words should always err on the side of safety. My feeling is that in the beginning of a D/s relationship, use safe words all the time - in play and in punishment. As should all novice Dominants. As the Dominant?s knowledge of the submissive - and as the submissive?s trust in the Dominant grows - safe words can be done away with. Carefully.

There is also the question as to whether punishment is necessary in the training of a sub/slave at all. There is no rule that says there must be punishment in a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship. I can envision a slave so instinctual she needs no punishment to serve flawlessly. (Where is she?) And surely some subs/slaves can respond perfectly to praise alone. Different (flogger) strokes for different folks. But as The Punishment Manual is intended only for those Doms who use punishment as an integral part of their sub/slave training, the point is moot.

There are two sides to the discipline coin - physical punishment and mental punishment. (Of course, there is a mental component to physical punishment; so when I refer to "mental punishment" I mean that which does not include any physical contact.) Physical punishment is the most obvious weapon in the Dominant?s training arsenal. But the Dom?s disapproval is also a powerful weapon -- as is any number of mental punishments. "The pen is mightier than the sword" has its analogue in D/s - "the word is as mighty as the lash." I have found that a balanced combination of both physical and mental punishment, along with praise, to be the most effective way to train a submissive or slave.

PHYSICAL PUNISHMENTS

1. Find the "butt-beating" implement that your submissive dislikes. If he/she hates the paddle, the cane or a particular flogger in your collection, use it. Look no further, you have found the perfect tool of discipline. When your submissive or slave commits an infraction that requires punishment, bring out the paddle or cane (or whatever implement is on the sub?s "un-wish" list) and administer punishment.

But keep out wary eye out for signs that the submissive is actually enjoying the "punishment." Make sure you do not let the submissive get into subspace. If you see the submissive hitting "space," stop. And tell the submissive why you are stopping.

Clever "bratty" subs have been known to misbehave in order to get a good beating. This might be fine for role-play, but is counter-productive if you are seriously trying to train a submissive or slave. If this is the case, switch to another form of punishment.

2. For very serious infractions, severe punishment might be in order. This, of course, is not to be attempted by beginners or those with new D/s relationships where the dynamics are not yet established. The cane is perfect for this kind of disciplining.

A ball gag is also effective when severe punishment is called for.

3. Hair pulling is a great way to get your point across. Especially when verbal disapproval accompanies this action. A good hair pulling session with a "what did you do wrong" question and response routine is awfully effective. In the following pictures, the hair pulling is accompanied by a swat with the hairbrush! This is a lesson not soon forgotten!

4. A very popular punishment for a mouthy submissive is the age-old one of washing the mouth out with soap. This has worked for the last hundred years and will probably work for a hundred more!

5. Although I will cover humiliation as a mental punishment in Part Two, there are some physical punishments that can be humiliating. Being forced to wear a baby pacifier in public can be a reinforcing experience. The picture I have chosen here is one of a submissive wearing a butt plug with a ponytail. Being made to display this toy in public at a BDSM play party setting can be humiliating, depending on the situation.

6. "Sensory Deprivation" is perhaps the single most "unforgettable" punishment a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme can mete out. Being tied and left alone - especially when ballgagged and even blindfolded -- for a period of time is another punishment the submissive will not soon forget!

7. "Corporal Punishment" is a combination punishment - it encompasses both the physical and mental side. I have already written about it in the BDSM U article "Pain" . This corporal punishment "script" can be altered in many ways - but the major point is the question and response during the punishment. For example -- "Does sub/slave know why he/she is being punished?" "Yes, Sir/Ma?am. I have shamed Master/Mistress by (reciting offense)." You can incorporate this Q and A technique to just about any physical punishment.

Here the submissive is chained to a spanking bench, which is ideal for administering corporal punishment.

8. A variation on the sensory deprivation theme is being kept in a cage. Depending on the submissive?s fears (if it is a hard limit, avoid this as a punishment), this can be the one thing the submissive fears most. In this series of cage pictures, notice the bowl in the cage. Requiring the submissive to eat out of the bowl is another aspect of this punishment that can be quite humiliating. Again, the objective is to know and understand your submissive or slave. To repeat - if caging, eating out of a bowl or humiliation in general is a hard limit, this is not a punishment you should ever use.

9. There is really no limit on what you can use as punishment. Sometimes play that is enjoyable can be used as punishment when done in a disapproving manner or on another area of the body. For example, wax play on the buttocks might be one of your submissive?s favorite activities. But when applied to the breasts, she might hate it. In this case, use it!    

These are just a few examples of the types of physical punishments that can be used when training a submissive or a slave. In Part Two, I will outline mental punishments that will give you great ideas how to put the "D" in D/s!

MENTAL PUNISHMENTS

The true aim of all punishment is to imprint your displeasure on the sub?s mind so that he/she will not repeat the offense. So ultimately all punishment has at its core a mental aspect to it.

In this second part of the Punishment Manual, I will present mainly mental punishments. I have used some myself and others have been designed by other Doms. You should not confine yourself to those listed here. The only limit is your imagination and your understanding of your sub?s psyche. For example, I once made my submissive watch her least favorite movie of all time - the incredibly boring "Room With A View", at one sitting with no breaks. Though its effects on her behavior proved to be of shorter duration than a session with the old cane! This adds fuel to the debate as to which is more effective - physical or mental punishment.

The most important part of any punishment is the mental part. All physical punishments should be preceded by a lecture explaining what the submissive did to displease the Dom, Domme or Master. Explain what the submissive is being punished for. This is essential. I would also give the submissive a chance (if he/she so desires) to explain why he/she thinks the punishment is unwarranted. Most likely, this will turn into a brief excuse session. But keep an open mind. If you, as the Dominant, are mistaken or you misinterpreted the infraction, be big enough to admit it. You will grow in stature in the submissive?s eyes. The lecture is indispensable to the proper discipline of a submissive. It is as important as the penalty itself. These lectures or explanations should precede all punishments -- whether physical or mental.

There are some Doms who use the lecture as a punishment in and of itself. Some submissives respond strongly to disapproval. Since the object is to train the submissive, the Dominant should not need to use physical punishment -- or more severe mental punishment -- unless necessary. My father had an expression he used whenever he severely punished me (as a child...no jokes, my friends.) "This hurts me more than it hurts you." This should apply in D/s as well. Use the least painful punishment (mental or physical) that will accomplish the task. If a lecture works -- and that is all that is needed -- by all means use that as your primary tool of discipline.

The parent/child model holds true in that many punishments mimic those used in grade school. Requiring your submissive to hand write a given phrase - such as "I will not disrespect Master in public" -- a hundred times (or more) works wonders. I know a Dominant who required his submissive to write, "I will not answer Master?s business phone with a ŒHello?" five hundred times. Since he did not specify "hand written," she used the copy button on her computer. So make sure you specify "hand written." (A clever

sub was she!)

Another old school punishment is the classic "dunce cap" routine. There are innumerable variations on it. Standing in the corner for a given period of time - an hour or two, for example - is one version. Making the submissive literally wear a homemade "dunce cap" (make the sub make it) is not only humiliating, it borders on the totally devious. Use this latter one with care since humiliation is not to be used for every submissive?s discipline. If humiliation is a hard limit, don?t go there. Even for discipline.

Speaking of humiliation, punishment based on humiliation (if applicable) can be awesome. Making the submissive wear a baby pacifier in public is a humbling experience. If the submissive has been mouthy, an entire evening without being allowed to speak will do the trick. A very extreme humiliation - use with care - require the submissive to wear a sign stating her offense at a BDSM play party. Or just make the slave watch and not participate (if he/she likes to play publicly) at such a BDSM party. Yet another one - make the sub or slave eat out of a bowl on all fours like a dog. (But make sure the sub or slave does not like this; if he/she does, use another punishment.)

Isolation is another mental punishment. Making the submissive stay in a small room or closet with no link to the outside world for a couple of hours can be maddening. And one a submissive might not ever wish to repeat. But make sure the submissive cannot sleep through it. Standing up can make sleep all but impossible.

A less severe form of isolation - especially in the information age - is suspending the slave's computer, email, telephone or television privileges. This is one form of isolation that is quite effective as a punishment.

Complete sensory deprivation for a period of time is yet another variation on this isolation theme. Ball gagged, blindfolded in a dark room - add sleep deprivation (wake the sub/slave from time to time) and you have a totally diabolical punishment. Use with care.

If your slave is trained for housework, then punishments such as re-folding towels that were done sloppily or being made to eat off dirty dishes that were improperly cleaned are widely used. The "let the punishment fit the crime" imperative is a wise one to follow.

Then there are those unique punishments you devise yourself. These are the most fun. And the most bonding - because they are unique to your relationship. I tied my submissive up in a room and played The Weather Channel LOUD for an hour. She hates the weather channel. I doubt if she lives to a hundred she will ever forget that one. We still talk about it.(She hated that more than watching "Room With A View"!)

Just keep in mind that even mental punishments can have their dangers. To repeat, never use a hard limit as a punishment. But if you use your imagination and maintain a sense of what is fair, the use of mental punishment to train a submissive or slave can be as effective as physical ones. And when used in combination with physical ones...WOW!

Finally, no matter what punishments you have used, do not forget aftercare. A punishment session can be exhausting for the submissive, both physically and emotionally. Thus the same procedures for post-scene aftercare apply for mental punishment sessions as well.

Instructions to Sissy Slut

Emailed to me by my delightful sissy, Slaveash - A little story

I had mailed mistress requesting an audience with her. When I did not hear from her for more than a week, I tried calling and leaving messages. But all I got was the voice mail message in mistress’ sexy voice. I began to wonder what I had done to annoy her in our last meeting. I would check my mail box daily to see if there any word from her. I have been wearing girlie panties, a bra and stockings with a garter belt under my clothes every day since our last meeting. Then one Friday evening I received an e-mail from her.

Eagerly, I opened the mail to read my mistress’ words, ready to follow all of her instructions. It went as follows:

Sissy Slut,

Patience is a virtue, something you don’t seem to have learnt yet slave. However, this is easily rectifiable. If you follow all of my instructions, I am willing to grant you an audience. However, you will be disciplined for clogging my voice-mail and inbox with your pathetic pleas.

Tasks have to be completed with evidence as proof of your compliance sent to me. You will be disciplined for any instruction you do not follow completely to the letter.

1. Right now I want you cum into your hand and drink up it all up. Lick up any drops which fall on the floor. I want you to mail me the pics.

1. You will milk your cum for and collect it for me in a condom from now till Sunday. You will bring it along with you when we meet.

1. After Sunday, you will not cum till the day I grace you with my presence.

1. Your body belongs to me now. I expect you to be clean and neat, all your body hair removed and you clean shaved before we meet. Failure will have its consequences

1. You will continue wearing your sissy underwear under your daily boring men’s clothes.

1. You will procure a butt plug for yourself. This is to be worn during the day. I have some plans for this orifice and would like to find it well stretched, so choose the size well.

1. You add at least one pair of high heels to your existing wardrobe. The higher the better. You will contact me to setup a date only once you have mastered walking them like a catwalk model

1. You will mail me you daily progress of the tasks

You will wait for further instructions.
Sinful and wickedly
Mistress

I immediately started jacking off in my hand to comply with her first command. Within the next week I had complied with most of mistress’ commands. I would mail my had picked a pair of 5” black colour heels and practiced my walk on the road in the middle of the night so as to keep this a secret. I did not want to disappoint mistress by putting on a bad show. By the middle of the second week, I was pretty confident that I had mastered walking in the heels. I informed her that I was ready and waited for the instructions to follow. I received it the same evening

Sissy Slut,

You have taken 15 days to complete your tasks. You have kept your mistress waiting. This has earned you a punishment of 30 strikes of the cane. Also, you should have practised walking in heels earlier in the evening, when there are more chances of meeting people. Your embarrassment and humiliation would have made for better reading and amusement to me your mistress. That will be rectified, my closet sissy.

However, I am pleased with your efforts, so I am willing to grant you an audience tomorrow. Follow these instructions before you come to my dungeon.

• Clean all your orifices. They are mine to use and abuse

• Tie your cock and balls with wet rope the way I have trained you.

• Wear the butt plug.

• Travel to my dungeon wearing your butt plug and new high heels in public transport

You will continue your old tasks.

Sinful and wickedly

Mistress

Reading this mail sent shivers down my spine. Mistress wanted me to wear the high heel shoes while travelling to her dungeon in the bus. There would be scores of people who would be able to see me. One part of me wanted to back out of doing it and run away. However, another part of me wanted to please mistress.

The next day, I got out of my house on the way to the dungeon, wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans. Underneath it I was wearing a matching pair of pink bra and lace panties, pink garter belt, stockings and a pair of high heeled shoes. My heart was felting like it was thudding in my chest. Would anyone notice the heels? Would they pass any comments? Would I be recognised????...

2012 The year vanilla turned grey

A SUBMISSIVE'S

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ttvkd2kcamjk6r6/Wants-and-Needs.pdf

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Andrew Robertson

University of Phoenix

Dr. Lori Travis

April 3, 2008

Abstract

There is a long, dark history of the psychiatric community's bias against the BDSM community and their practices. Starting with the DSM-II, Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were classified as paraphilias, most likely due to the historical writings of authors such as Freud and Krafft-Ebing. Oddly enough, for a practice that is so based in research and the scientific method, there is no research to date that proves these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state, or that they are indicative of pathology. Therapist's bias can be very harmful to the mental health of their patients; at best a therapist's negative bias can make clients distrust the therapist and the psychiatric community. In some cases, it can damage their self esteem, and can cause other issues as well. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware.

This article aims to add to that positive information to assist in education to prevent continuing this harmful trend of negative therapist bias towards people who engage in BDSM activities.

Therapy and BDSM Lifestyles

Imagine, if you will, that your therapist might look at you badly because of the way you choose to have sex; especially the foreplay that leads up to it. Suppose they said you would need to stop participating in that kind of sexual activity as a condition of further therapy. Suppose that no matter what the reason was that you decided to go to therapy, your therapist decides to focus on your sexual activities and treat that aspect of your life simply because they believe that the types of sexual activities you participate in is wrong. How would this make you feel?

It is surprising and disturbing just how much a therapist's bias can interfere with their ability to provide effective service to their clients; in some cases this bias can hurt the client. In just the last few decades, homosexuality has been removed as a paraphilia and more often therapists are providing objective and effective therapy for this group, thanks to the efforts of the Division 44 Committee on Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns Joint Task Force, who established the Guidelines for Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients (APA, 2000). Sadly, there is another group of people who practice sexual activities that are also not considered normal by societies standards, and therapists tend to have the same bias towards this group that they used to have for the gay and lesbian communities not too long ago: practitioners of  Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism, also known as BDSM.

Through the course of this paper, we shall strive to educate on what BDSM is and the practices of its participants, the general views on the psychiatric community, the damage that can be done by a therapist's bias and what can be done to help prevent this from being an ongoing problem.

Kinky sexual activity falls under many varied terms and acronyms, including, but not limited to, Sadism and Masochism (SM), Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (D/s) and Master or Mistress and Slave (M/s). There are many other terms used to describe the kinky acts that people in this community engage in, however, for the purpose of this paper, we will use the term BDSM as an umbrella term.

In his landmark book SM101, Jay Wiseman defined BDSM as the “knowing use of psychological dominance and submission, and/or physical bondage, and/or pain, and/or related practices in a safe, legal, consensual manner in order for the participants to experience erotic arousal and/or personal growth” ( p. 10, 1996). This is an intentionally broad description of what BDSM is to those who participate in kinky sexual or sexually oriented activities. The reason for engaging in these activities varies from person to person, but can include spiritual growth, enhanced sexual arousal and even to bring one closer to one's chosen partner or partners. It is generally agreed upon that most people who engage in BDSM activities do not do so for the pain specifically; rather, they choose to use pain to increase their awareness, their spiritual growth or their sexual arousal, or even just to feel the sensation. These are the same reasons that people considered normal by the standards of society engage in what is generally considered to be normal sexual behaviour, or, as BDSM participants call it, vanilla sex.

Some individuals prefer to engage in what they call scenes, where the BDSM activities are limited to the duration of the scene only. These scenes can be very physically and emotionally gratifying to a large number of people, and normally one individual takes on a dominant role and one or more individual take on a submissive role. These scenes are considered Erotic Power Exchange, or EPE, where one individual has more power over the other for the duration of the exchange. There are, however, a number of individuals interested in long-term scenarios called 24/7, meaning 24 hours a day, seven days a week, where they choose to live their entire life in such a relationship dynamic. These individuals so closely identify with the dynamic of power imbalance that they feel more gratification from a relationship structured entirely around this dynamic. This 24/7 relationship is called Total Power Exchange, or TPE, and one person has more power over the other ongoing, and is not limited to any particular time frame (Dancer, 2006).

Therapist's bias has often caused therapists to treat patients improperly and for problems that the patient truly does not have. Nichols writes, “Unfortunately, the prevailing psychiatric view of BDSM remains a negative one: These sexual practices are usually considered paraphilia, i.e., de facto  evidence “of pathology”(Nichols, p. 281, 2006). Further, Nichols writes that:

“Certain “paraphilic” preferences are statistically abnormal but pathologically “neutral”; i.e., no more inherently healthy or unhealthy than mainstream sexual practices. Psychiatry has a rather shameful history of collusion with institutions of political power to marginalize certain subgroups of the population, particularly women and sexual minorities. Most psychological theories are unconsciously biased towards the preservation of prevalent social mores. Therefore, it is particularly critical, when evaluating behaviour that has controversial social meaning, to base judgments of pathology strictly on factual evidence. At this time, the data do [SIC] not exist to support the idea that BDSM activities are, by themselves, evidence of psychopathology, nor that their practitioners are more likely to be psychologically disturbed than the rest of the population” (Nichols, p. 282, 2006)

Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism were first listed in the American Psychological Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Revision Two, or DSM-II, as sexually deviant behaviours and were classified as paraphilias in 1968. This listing may have been due to historical psychological literature of authors Freud and Krafft-Ebing. In the DSM-II, these paraphilias were given provisional categories of Sadistic Personality Disorder and Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder. Although the definitions of these have changed throughout the revisions of the DSM, which is currently in Revision Four, this historical negative outlook has seriously biased much of the psychiatric community of past and present (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006). In the DSM-IV, these have been declassified as paraphilias unless the practice thereof interferes with one's ability to function in normal society. Unfortunately, the damage has been done, and BDSM practitioners have been persecuted in much the same ways that homosexuals used to be, and to some extent still are. Until the majority of the psychiatric community accepts BDSM as a non-paraphilia, this will continue.

As with most issues in our society, there is no easy solution to changing prevailing negative views in the psychiatric community about people who engage in BDSM activities. Education is going to be an important factor in changing these views, and is essential in creating a large network safe psychological environments where BDSM practitioners will not feel embarrassed to discuss their sexuality or lifestyle with their therapist. There has been a surge of positive and supportive research in the last several years that has demystified and even supported BDSM as a non-pathological sexuality by psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who identify as kink-friendly or kink-aware.

Consequently, there is a long road ahead of BDSM practitioners before they will be accepted as a sexual minority rather than as sexual deviants with psychological issues. A therapist's bias against BDSM can damage their client's outlook on their self esteem as well as their willingness to acquire further psychiatric care from that or any other therapist. BDSM is used by participants for mutual gratification and often for spiritual growth using emotionally and sexually charged themes and activities to do so, and there is no research to prove that these activities are harmful to the participant's mental state. Alas, it all boils down to knowledge and tolerance; therapists need to educate themselves on what occurs in a BDSM setting and relationship and practice tolerance of other peoples sexual tendencies regardless of their own personal beliefs. Fortunately, the number of kink-aware and kink-friendly psychologists and psychiatrists is growing, and they are slowly expanding on education to the psychiatric community at large.

References

American Psychological Association (2000). Guidelines for psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. American Psychologist. 55(12) 1440-1451. Retrieved April 7, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=pdh&AN=amp-55-12- 1440&site=ehost-live

Dancer, P., Kleinplatz, P., & Moser, C. (2006). 24/7 SM Slavery. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 81-101. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx? direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269114&site=ehost-live Kolmes, K., Stock, W., & Moser, C. (2006). 

Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 301-324. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269624&site= ehost-live

Nichols, M. (2006). Psychotherapeutic Issues with Kinky Clients: Clinical Problems, Yours and

Theirs. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 281-300. Retrieved April 2, 2008, from http:// search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=21269620&site=ehost-live

Wiseman, J. (1996). SM 101. San Francisco: Greenery Press.

10 Questions & Answers about BDSM

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