paul's BDSM session: A Review

Dearest Mistress,

Thank you for our session together. I have visited a few Mistresses in the past but found there was no connection between us in terms of understanding, patience and intellect . With you, I fell I have finally found a Mistress who understands my needs and is willing to be patient. I arrived at your premises today half in excitement and half in anticipation as to whether this meeting would again be like my previous meetings with a Mistress, where I would leave feeling empty rather than complete. As I left your dungeon, I felt only satisfaction at both having made you happy and also at feeling fulfilled. Thank you. I will hope to get some time off in October and spend more time on my knees before your glorious feet. Again, thank you.

~ Paul

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Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions

Lately I have received a few emails from people who are finding it difficult to find the correct definitions used by the LGBT community. I found this one quite useful. Courtesy of: 

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/

Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions

*This list is neither comprehensive nor inviolable, but it’s a work in progress toward those goals. With identity terms, trust the person who is using the term and their definition of it above any dictionary. These definitions are the creation of a cultural commons: emails, online discussions, and in-person chats, with the initial curation being mine, then growing into a collaboration between Meg Bolger and me at TheSafeZoneProject.com. - See more HERE 

We are constantly honing and adjusting language to — our humble goal — have the definitions resonate with at least 51 out of 100 people who use the words. Identity terms are tricky, and trying to write a description that works perfectly for everyone using that label simply isn’t possible.

Some definitions here may include words you aren’t familiar with, or have been taught a flawed or incomplete definition for; I’ve likely defined those words somewhere else in the list, but if I also missed many. This is an ever-evolving project that I do my best to check back in on every three or four months. All that said, let’s get started… alphabetically:

Advocate – (noun) (1) a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group. (verb) (2) to actively support/plea in favour of a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.

Ally – (noun) a (typically straight- or cis-identified) person who supports, and respects for members of the LGBTQ community.  While the word doesn’t necessitate action, we consider people to be active allies who take action upon this support and respect, this also indicates to others that you are an ally.

Androgyny/ous – (adj; pronounced “an-jrah-jun-ee”) (1) a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; (2) occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy

Androsexual/Androphilic – (adj) attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity

Transgression, Transcendence, and The Edge within #BDSM

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There are people using #BDSM as a way to abuse.

"Within this lifestyle there are unfortunately many dangers, there are people out there using the BDSM lifestyle as a way to abuse or use individuals under an umbrella of acceptance. Within each situation there are warning signs that we see, unfortunately sometimes we do not see these warning signs until it is too late. There are many people that say they are a Dominant are not, instead they are users, abusers, predators, wannabees, bullies, and manipulators. This article is designed to help people understand what a warning sign or red flag is, and hopefully prevent someone from getting hurt.

Some people think that just because they have read all the books and watched all the movies that they are instant Dominants; Instant Dominant…Just Add Water, and Shake Well. Just because he or she has a few floggers doesn't mean they know how to use them or that they are a Dominant of any form. Just because someone orders you around or attempts to control your life doesn't mean they are a Dominant. Being a Dominant is a menagerie of infinite strengths and weaknesses combined together with all the normal human mediocrities. It takes a lifetime of learning and growing to be a Dominant, and those that believe otherwise may not have a true grasp of the concept. Even as one is able to claim the title of Dominant, Master, Mistress, Lord, or Lady, God or Goddess, one is still learning, the learning is a never ending road that allows us to travel into the exciting and new dimensions of this adventure called BDSM.

As a Dominant myself I have come to understand that every Dominant does things in a different manner, and that just because what they do is different from what I do, it doesn't make what they do wrong, it just makes it different. However there is a difference between just being different and being dangerous.

If someone submits to you because they fear you, then you are a bully not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you give him or her expensive presents then you are a pimp not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you threaten to leave or abandon him or her if they refuse then you are a manipulator, not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you wont leave him or her alone if they don\'t then you are a predator not a Dominant.

 If someone submits to you because you will beat him or her if they don\'t then you are an abuser not a Dominant.

There are far too many individuals out there in today\'s society that manipulate, abuse, use, and lie to others in an effort to gain their service and respect."

Courtesy of: The Iron Gate

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The Spiritual Dimension Of S/M

"A knight should be bold, fair, courteous and well-mannered, generous and loyal, not foolish or rash, and should speak fairly without discourtesy. A knight should be all this, and also proud and fierce to his enemies, and kind to his friends." -Durmart

The Spiritual Dimension Of S/M

COURTESY OF: ChrisM of SubBondage.net

Let's begin our discussion of SM spirituality on something of a tangent: the people you have surely met at community functions who claim to have been "trained" in some sort of "ancient order." Some say they are "old guard" which actually means something. Others claim to be "the old school" or in "Classic style" which means nothing, or, more accurately, means whatever you want it to mean. Some describe Roissy-like training academies in Europe, Japan, or other exotic locales, and often stress secrecy and exclusivity in their lengthy, impromptu descriptions.

So far as I know, none of these ancient domination training academies really exist. No historical literature, no websites, no consistency in the stories told by "graduates" are ever provided. No pictorials in "Shiny" or "Skin Two" whose lifeblood is publicizing all things fetish. None of my gay brothers, who have a longer continuous heritage than us hets, has evidence of ancient SM academies (though some do find it a hot fantasy). Its true that in recent years, SM training academies like Butchmans in Las Vegas, have opened their doors to students. And For the past ten years, GMSMA has been teaching a fifteen session tops school for its members. The training of couples have long been part of the dominitrix's trade. And there have always been, clusters and communities where sex and sado-erotic activities were shared. Pompeii has frescoes testifying to this. Even our venerable Ben Franklin was a member of London's infamous hellfire club, an exclusive SM brothel, catering to the well heeled and exotic of taste. But if Knightly Orders of SM do exist, they do a good job of pretending they do not. Still I meet two or three people a year who give varying claims of having been through them. These purported students often speak in a hodgepodge of martial arts lingo, Gor Novels, and Jedi-knighthood which itself was a 1970's hodgepodge of Tolkein, King Arthur, and John Wayne Westerns. This sense of pomp carries over into the moody elevator music like "Enigma" so ubiquitous at SM functions, and use of prenominals like "Sir" which, in times past, signified knighthood. You see it in their solemn, deportment and in the Halloween-like outfits worn without a shred of humor or irony.