READERS

30 Jun 2014

How to Interview a Dom/Master Prospect

Your prince is out there, seeking you, hungering for you, wondering where you are. But crouching between you and him are dozens of frogs and trolls. A few of these are even handsome and wellspoken. And you must wade through them, trying not to get slimed or bitten, before reaching your eventual partner.

Just how are you to discern a poser from a dependable, balanced dominant gentleman? A man with the qualities described in What to Look For ...? You can't see into the past, or read minds, so you have one method of discrimination before you take the risk of investing trust in a prospect: inquisition—you ask him a ton of questions.

It's one of the hardest chores for many submissive women. After encountering a gent she feels intrigued by, she must—although her sub side may already desire his direction—play detective.

Many single subs overlook this phase, and expose themselves to unsavory characters claiming BDSM expertise after a brief online correspondence or phone conversation. Single sub friends of mine have had bad experiences that they might have avoided had they vetted dom candidates more carefully. One was physically mistreated on a first date, another was stalked and had her car ransacked. Thankfully I don't hear such stories that often.

Here then are some tips on the art of investigation...

Be sweet but skeptical. There are relatively few quality, single, monogamous doms in the world. An awful lot of the socalled doms you're likely to turn up (especially on kink sites) are insincere and/or unsafe. Don't give a stranger the benefit of the doubt! Don't grant him more trust than he's earned.

Present your questions as expressions of interest. Your objective is information, but let him see that you're intrigued by him and want to know all about him. And proceed at a relaxed pace, making space for him to query you about things.

Start with instant messaging, from an anonymous webmail account. I like Gmail, as it keeps chat logs. IM is interactive, and you can tell something about the guy from the speed and clarity of his answers. However, plain email may work better than IM via phone, since typing on a tiny screen is slow and error prone.

Make phone calls without callerID. When ready to continue the discussion by phone, make a talk appointment, and place the call yourself, so you can hide your number. From the United States, dial *67 (*mp, think "my privacy") and then his number. Or use Google Talk, Skype, etc.

Re ask important questions a few times, over time. Many people feel comfortable lying to strangers. Liars frequently don't remember exactly how they answered questions previously, so you'll hear inconsistent responses.

Watch out for B.S. Politely disengage if the guy says any of:

  • Address me as sir/master/daddy/etc. [that comes later]
  • You ask too many questions to be a genuine sub.
  • I'm the Dom; I'll decide what to reveal and when.
  • That question has no bearing on my relationship with you.
  • Well I really don't blah blah blah... [evasiveness]


Ask about relationships. The most important material you can unearth is his relationship history. Does he say good things about the girls, or does he blame them for things? Some of the topics:

What have been your most significant relationships?
For each one:
  • How did you meet?
  • When did it end?
  • How long did it last?
  • Why did it end?
  • Are you still friendly, if not why?
  • What did you love about that relationship?
  • What about it didn't work for you?
  •  What are the three most valuable things you learned from it?
  • What were the three hardest moments during it?
  • What were the three best moments?
  • How did you wish she was different?
  • How did she wish you were different?
  • What were your biggest mistakes of that relationship?
  • Have you ever met another girl without your partner knowing?
  • What are your expectations of a partner?
  • What behaviour by a partner most pleases or thrills you?
  • What behaviour by a partner most upsets or frustrates you?
  • What are your biggest issues/vulnerabilities in life?
  • How have those surfaced in recent relationships?


Ask about kinks. You need to know if you have kinkcompatibility. Topics:
  • What are your most important kinks?
  • How often do you need them?
  • Do you enjoy vanilla sex?
  • What are the five most intense kinky things you've done?
  • How did you do aftercare in those cases?
  • When have you pushed a partner too far?
  • How did you deal with those times?
  • What are your thoughts on safewords?
  • What are your hard limits?
  • Have you seen a partner subdrop?
  •  how did you deal with it?
  • Have you made rules for a sub?
  • What are some examples?
  • How have you punished a sub for breaking rules?
  • Have you read howto books or taken classes on BDSM?


Ask about deal breakers. Most people have relationship needs they're unwilling to compromise on. Find out what his are. And discover whether he's compatible with yours! Also don't entertain the fantasy that either of you can change the other to solve deal breaker issues.

Ask about friends and family. His relationships with people other than ex partners may be telling.
  • Who are your closest friends?
  • How often do you see them?
  • How do you spend time with them?
  • If you have siblings, are you close with them?
  • How do you spend time with them?
  • Do you have nieces or nephews?
  • Are you close with your parents?
  • What do you like/dislike about them?


Reconfirm the basics. You may think you already know the answers to these, but verify what you know.

  • How old are you?
  • What are your height & weight?
  • Are you married/separated/divorced/single?
  • Are you seeing anyone?
  • Are you polyamorous?
  • Do you have any children?
  • Are you employed, and in what field?
  • Do you live alone?
  • Do you have pets?
  • How often and how much do you drink?
  • Do you smoke or do any drugs?
  • Do you have any history with the law/courts?
  • Do you own any firearms?


Make up your own questions. There's zillions of other things you'll want to know about a prospective partner, for your own reasons. Ask away!

Be patient. Take the time and care necessary to get to know someone, on many facets of his personality, before you put your wellbeing in his hands. Avoid being sucked in by D/s Gravity. Don't be afraid to back up or walk away if it doesn't feel right to you. And be persistent; don't let the frogs get you down.


http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/howtointerviewdommasterprospect.html

Donate your hard earned cash to a worthy cause!

I am perfectly aware that there are submissives out there whose wallets stay firmly shut and hidden away. Voyeurs, fakes, timewasters, the ones who think it is owed them, those who cannot afford even a £10 tribute. I have written a few articles on the 'Poor me' type subs before HERE and HERE.

So, since there are many unworthy subs out there who do not wish to tribute a Dominatrix, I am asking those subs who do not feel they should have to contribute to DONATE THEIR HARD EARNED CASH to a worthy cause. And, if those subs feel that even a worthy donation is beyond them....FUCK OFF and never ever return HERE!

Of course, to those WORTHY subs and slaves, who always try to please and help, then a donation to today's charity of choice from me, would be appreciated.


THE RSPCA

This is a unique animal welfare charity and the oldest welfare charity around.

The RSPCA were the first to introduce a law to protect animals and works hard to ensure that all animals can live a life free from pain and suffering. Through their campaigns they raise standards of care and awareness of issues for the animals who have no voice, push for laws to be changed, improving the welfare of animals on farms, in research labs, in the wild, in paddocks or in our homes and stand up to those who deliberately harm animals to send out a clear message - we will not tolerate animal abuse.



So, if you do nothing today, BE COUNTED by donating to a worthy cause. For those cheap subs and slaves out there, £2.00 is better than £0.00.


Donate to charity online - Online charity donation - RSPCA Donations - rspca.org.uk

Some Notes On Safety For Meeting Online and Off

Some Notes On Safety For Meeting Online and Off
Version 2.22
Author: Ambrosio ©

Why Be Concerned About Safety?: The example of John Edward Robinson Sr. a.k.a. "Slavemaster"
    
    - HELEN KENNEDY and CORKY SIEMASZKO
    "Harrowing Tale Of S&M Escape: Woman's call led cops to slay suspect"
    New York Daily News, June 6, 2000

The Texas woman who went on a kinky sex date with a suspected Kansas serial killer set up elaborate safety precautions that may have forced him to spare her life and ended his alleged 16-year murder spree, the Daily News has learned.

29 Jun 2014

How A Country Dies - Is the world we know dying?




Originally posted at Economic Noise blog,

A country dies slowly.

Those living during the decline of Rome were likely unaware that anything was happening. The decline happened over a couple of hundred years. Anyone living during the decline only saw a small part of what was happening and likely never noticed it as anything other than ordinary.

Countries don’t have genetically determined life spans. Nor do they die quickly, unless the cataclysm of some great war does them in. Even in such extreme cases, there are usually warning signs, which are more obvious in hindsight than at the time.

24 Jun 2014

50 Shades Of Grey (Matter): How Science Is Defying BDSM Stereotypes

BDSM FETISH 50 SHADES OF GREY

It seems that no one is immune to E L James' controversial novel, 50 Shades of Grey. Television shows, magazines, popular blogs, even side conversations outside the school pick-up line are filled with talk about how hot it is -- and how it may be solely responsible for jump-starting the sex drives of bored housewives across the country. While I agree that some of the sex scenes are quite titillating, I find myself annoyed at the overt (BDSM) Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism stereotypes advanced by the book. Especially since the latest scientific studies concerning sexual behavior do not back them up.

21 Jun 2014

Power play, obedience and the sense of self for the submissive

In society, we are dependent on the systems which are in place and which sustain our lives - systems which give order to our lives. we are conditioned  and taught from an early age to be obedient to authority, be it a teacher, police officer or judge.

When we are faced with authority we have a tendency to yield easier due to conditioning. we accept we are part of a hierarchy and obedience is present within our social structures.

17 Jun 2014

Master and Sissy Maxine

The house was dark when Sissy Maxine arrived home. Good, he thought, my sissy clitty has been tucked all day and needs release. So upon arrival Maxine darted upstairs to see if the latest email from Master arrived with her approved masturbation schedule. Before she could sit down to login, her Master appeared in the doorway and said he had a surprise for his special girl.

Maxine both startled and surprised tucked his pathetic excuse for manhood back in place and pulled his panties up and clipped his stockings back onto his garter belt and smoothed out the kick-pleated skirt. Before Maxine could slip on his favourite black pumps, Master said, no put something sexy on and meet me in the basement.

13 Jun 2014

Consensual Sadistic Sex Practices are Comparable to Meditation Experiences


Sadomasochism is defined as sexual behavior that involves getting pleasure from causing or feeling pain. Previously thought to be a pathological practice, current research has found no evidence of harmful effects as a result of sadomasochism.

Scientists have found sadomasochism may actually lead to a meditative experience and that such practices are not entirely about sex. Two studies, one conducted by James Ambler of Northern Illinois University and the other by Brad Sagarin of Northern Illinois University, have found that these painful, sexual practices actually contribute to an altered state of consciousness.

Practice makes perfect

Resulting form the lack of effectiveness in work while wearing shackles, I did promise Mistress to practice more at home when I have time an...