Rope History and Bondage 101 Guide

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Has the internet been good for #BDSM?

What do you think??

"The Internet provides a central platform for networking amongindividuals who are interested in BDSM. There are countless private andcommercial choices and an increasing number of local networks and supportgroups emerging, which offer comprehensive background and health relatedinformation for people as well as contact lists with information on psychologists,physicians and lawyers who are familiar with BDSM related topics."

http://www.thedailyflogger.com/dungeon-voices/

Psychological safety in BDSM play, part 1 & part 2

Enjoy reading.......Come visit me at: www.sinfulandwicked.co.uk

Psychological safety in BDSM play, part 1 – Introduction

Playing with pain and power is risky. There is no getting around it. It’s why, as a community, we spend time reading, practicing and attending workshops to make sure we can give our partner the experience they want, in the safest way possible.

In kink we play with the mind just as much as we play with the body. And just like the body, there are certain things that we need to be aware of to make our play as safe as possible.

Mental illness and psychological trauma are an invisible epidemic in Western society. A worldwide survey of women recently revealed that one in three women worldwide has been the victim of sexual assault. And if you look at the combined experience of physical and sexual assault in Australia, the number of women who have experienced some kind of trauma is one in two.

How to Interview a Dom/Master Prospect

Your prince is out there, seeking you, hungering for you, wondering where you are. But crouching between you and him are dozens of frogs and trolls. A few of these are even handsome and wellspoken. And you must wade through them, trying not to get slimed or bitten, before reaching your eventual partner.

Just how are you to discern a poser from a dependable, balanced dominant gentleman? A man with the qualities described in What to Look For ...? You can't see into the past, or read minds, so you have one method of discrimination before you take the risk of investing trust in a prospect: inquisition—you ask him a ton of questions.

It's one of the hardest chores for many submissive women. After encountering a gent she feels intrigued by, she must—although her sub side may already desire his direction—play detective.

Many single subs overlook this phase, and expose themselves to unsavory characters claiming BDSM expertise after a brief online correspondence or phone conversation. Single sub friends of mine have had bad experiences that they might have avoided had they vetted dom candidates more carefully. One was physically mistreated on a first date, another was stalked and had her car ransacked. Thankfully I don't hear such stories that often.

Here then are some tips on the art of investigation...

Be sweet but skeptical. There are relatively few quality, single, monogamous doms in the world. An awful lot of the socalled doms you're likely to turn up (especially on kink sites) are insincere and/or unsafe. Don't give a stranger the benefit of the doubt! Don't grant him more trust than he's earned.

Present your questions as expressions of interest. Your objective is information, but let him see that you're intrigued by him and want to know all about him. And proceed at a relaxed pace, making space for him to query you about things.

Start with instant messaging, from an anonymous webmail account. I like Gmail, as it keeps chat logs. IM is interactive, and you can tell something about the guy from the speed and clarity of his answers. However, plain email may work better than IM via phone, since typing on a tiny screen is slow and error prone.

Make phone calls without callerID. When ready to continue the discussion by phone, make a talk appointment, and place the call yourself, so you can hide your number. From the United States, dial *67 (*mp, think "my privacy") and then his number. Or use Google Talk, Skype, etc.

Re ask important questions a few times, over time. Many people feel comfortable lying to strangers. Liars frequently don't remember exactly how they answered questions previously, so you'll hear inconsistent responses.

Watch out for B.S. Politely disengage if the guy says any of:

• Address me as sir/master/daddy/etc. [that comes later]
• You ask too many questions to be a genuine sub.
• I'm the Dom; I'll decide what to reveal and when.
• That question has no bearing on my relationship with you.
• Well I really don't blah blah blah... [evasiveness]

Ask about relationships. The most important material you can unearth is his relationship history. Does he say good things about the girls, or does he blame them for things? Some of the topics:

What have been your most significant relationships?

For each one:

• How did you meet?
• When did it end?
• How long did it last?
• Why did it end?
• Are you still friendly, if not why?
• What did you love about that relationship?
• What about it didn't work for you?
•  What are the three most valuable things you learned from it?
• What were the three hardest moments during it?
• What were the three best moments?
• How did you wish she was different?
• How did she wish you were different?
• What were your biggest mistakes of that relationship?
• Have you ever met another girl without your partner knowing?
• What are your expectations of a partner?
• What behaviour by a partner most pleases or thrills you?
• What behaviour by a partner most upsets or frustrates you?
• What are your biggest issues/vulnerabilities in life?
• How have those surfaced in recent relationships?

Ask about kinks. You need to know if you have kinkcompatibility. Topics:

• What are your most important kinks?
• How often do you need them?
• Do you enjoy vanilla sex?
• What are the five most intense kinky things you've done?
• How did you do aftercare in those cases?
• When have you pushed a partner too far?
• How did you deal with those times?
• What are your thoughts on safewords?
• What are your hard limits?
• Have you seen a partner subdrop?
•  how did you deal with it?
• Have you made rules for a sub?
• What are some examples?
• How have you punished a sub for breaking rules?
• Have you read howto books or taken classes on BDSM?

Ask about deal breakers. Most people have relationship needs they're unwilling to compromise on. Find out what his are. And discover whether he's compatible with yours! Also don't entertain the fantasy that either of you can change the other to solve deal breaker issues.

Ask about friends and family. His relationships with people other than ex partners may be telling.

• Who are your closest friends?
• How often do you see them?
• How do you spend time with them?
• If you have siblings, are you close with them?
• How do you spend time with them?
• Do you have nieces or nephews?
• Are you close with your parents?
• What do you like/dislike about them?

Reconfirm the basics. You may think you already know the answers to these, but verify what you know.

• How old are you?
• What are your height & weight?
• Are you married/separated/divorced/single?
• Are you seeing anyone?
• Are you polyamorous?
• Do you have any children?
• Are you employed, and in what field?
• Do you live alone?
• Do you have pets?
• How often and how much do you drink?
• Do you smoke or do any drugs?
• Do you have any history with the law/courts?
• Do you own any firearms?

Make up your own questions. There's zillions of other things you'll want to know about a prospective partner, for your own reasons. Ask away!

Be patient. Take the time and care necessary to get to know someone, on many facets of his personality, before you put your wellbeing in his hands. Avoid being sucked in by D/s Gravity. Don't be afraid to back up or walk away if it doesn't feel right to you. And be persistent; don't let the frogs get you down.

http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/howtointerviewdommasterprospect.html

Power play, obedience and the sense of self for the submissive

In society, we are dependent on the systems which are in place and which sustain our lives - systems which give order to our lives. we are conditioned  and taught from an early age to be obedient to authority, be it a teacher, police officer or judge.

When we are faced with authority we have a tendency to yield easier due to conditioning. we accept we are part of a hierarchy and obedience is present within our social structures.

QUESTION: Which parts of the human body are safe to kick?

Q: Which parts of the human body are safe to kick? A play partner has requested to be kicked while he's down, but I'm afraid of causing damage.

ANSWERS:   Feel free to add you own in comments

Peter Tupper, Writer and Historian

Like other forms of impact play, kicking should be confined to areas of the body where there is a lot of muscle and/or fat between the skin and the bone: thighs, buttocks and upper back, avoiding the spine, neck and tailbone.

QUESTION: How has Fifty Shades of Grey been received in the BDSM community?

ANSWERS: feel free to add yours in commentrs

Alice Tsymbarevich, Linguist-turned-artist-turned-mechanic

All forums and comments I've seen about the book could be summed up by "boring vanilla". I find this too judgemental and I am trying to be objective. There is strong side and weak side to the book. The strong side is the Dominant protagonist: he introduces the kink to a vanilla virgin in a moderate, intelligent way, even if hasty, which is understandable because he's mistaken her for a natural sub (big mistake). And the kink and the Dom side are real, I totally empathize with those. The weak side is that the author quickly makes several major slips that totally ruin the Dominant for me. Well into the book he becomes pliable, prone to forget his words, inconsistent, and these are not Dom qualities. And the girl's character is simply disgusting, but it's got nothing to do with BDSM, she's just stupid.

tl;dr - this book can actually introduce a vanilla person to some basic notions about BDSM, but as far as actual D/s relationship go, this is very far from reality.

 

Molly Moore, collared submissive, mum, slut, blogger, lover of life and all that it brings. Owned by @Domsigns Creator of #sinfulsunday