Is there such a thing as temporary branding?

It seems there is... and it's called Cell Popping.

Cell popping? Have you heard of it? Most people have not and I stumbled upon it quite by accident. Basically, it is a form of temporary branding. Did I get it done on me? No, absolutely not, I am a chicken when it comes to pain, but I do cell-popping on others. You could call me an amateur cell popping artist. Let me tell you a bit more about cell popping.

Recently I have developed a curiosity for what we call edge play, less run of the mill activities that a smaller portion of players may practice. As I was reading various topics on a website dedicated to BDSM I fell on a group called Cell Popping. I had no idea what it was so I started to read the articles of this group.

I soon discovered it was a term coined by ArtisticDomme, a Mistress who had reawakened an art once referred to as Devil’s Fire. So what is exactly, getting your cells popped? This body mod is considered a temporary branding that lasts anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months (or longer) depending on each person’s healing cycle. Basically, it is heating a small metal poker under a flame until it is glowing red and gently applying the poker to the skin for like 1 second. It is a small surface burn.

Of course, you want to make it pretty or aesthetic looking. The best way to achieve this is by choosing a pattern and draw it on a piece of paper. But here is the tricky part: you must be able to cut out a negative of the design. This will become your template. A good easy first attempt is a simple tribal design. Intricate designs will not really work unless you are really good at freehand designs. Keep in mind you will be burning an outline of the design.

The Surprising Psychology of BDSM

Who does it, what do they do, and how does it affect them?

Contributed by francic fredrickson

 “A pervert is anybody kinkier than you are.” (Wiseman, 1996, p. 23).

The novel Fifty Shades of Grey introduced BDSM into polite public discourse. Since its publication, hallowed papers such as the New York Times have published articles on bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Harvard University now hosts a student group for undergraduates interested in consensual S&M. And Cosmo’s sex tips have taken a distinctly kinky turn.

With the Fifty Shades movie now coming to theatres, it seems like a good time to take stock of what we know, scientifically, about BDSM: Who does this stuff? What do they do? And what effects do these activities have on the people who do them?

1. How many people are into S&M?

According to researchers, the number likely falls somewhere between 2 percent and 62 percent. That’s right: Somewhere between 2 percent and 62 percent. A pollster who published numbers like that would be looking for a new job. But when you’re asking people about their sex habits, the wording of the question makes all the difference.

On the low end, Juliet Richters and colleagues (2008) asked a large sample of Australians whether they had “been involved in B&D or S&M” in the past 12 months. Only 1.3 percent of women and 2.2 percent of men said yes.

The Beginners Guide to Fetish Clubs in London

No one comes out of the womb latex clad and armed with a whip; no matter how well versed in the art of fetish some may be, they all had to start somewhere!

Whether you’re merely curious to catch a glimpse of what goes on inside these infamous kinky nightclubs, or you’re actually interested in dabbling in the fetish scene, entering a fetish club for the first time can be a little intimidating.

But never fear – all you need is a great outfit, an open mind and some basic knowledge to take your first steps into the cult of fetish clubs with ease. The first two are simple enough to achieve, and for the third we’ve got your back; here’s our what, where and how guide to get you from curious to club…

What can I expect from the UK fetish scene?

You may already have preconceptions about the fetish scene, BDSM and bondage; the media coupled with recent book and film releases (i.e. Fifty Shades of Grey) has provided a glimpse into this world, however this ‘glimpse’ probably isn’t all that accurate.

The best way to learn about fetish is to actually go and experience it for yourself; and where better to do so than in one of the many fun, relaxed clubs where drinks flow freely and sexual freedom without judgement is encouraged?!

The Nine Degrees Of Submission

This was posted to collarncuffs.com and is meant as food for thought, as an insight to where you see your own submission. Could also be used to described your submission in Femdom to others

I have added a survey below the article to see which of the 9 degrees of submissive prevails. please take the survey, it is anonymous but will provide excellent insight!

The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms for the masochist's own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one's own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being “used” to gratify one's partner's sadism).

Pseudo-submissive non-slave

Not into even playing “slave”, but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave

Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being “used” to gratify one's partner's sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave's” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

True submissive non-slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).

True submissive PLAY slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant - but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)

Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave

Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one's Mistress/Master, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when he or she will serve.

Part-time consensual but REAL slave

Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress'/Master's “property” at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life - practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one's time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave's free time.

Full-time live-in consensual slave

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress'/Master's use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren't socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

Consensual total slave with no limits

A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

Article: Missbitch CollarNuffs.com

Which of the Nine Degrees are you?

The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist

Pseudo-submissive non-slave

Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave

True submissive non-slave

True submissive PLAY slave

Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave

Part-time consensual but REAL slave

Full-time live-in consensual slave

Consensual total slave with no limits

None of the above/ don't know

Created with PollMaker

Karl Marx is still relevant today - and we need him more now than ever before.

Is Marx Still Relevant?, by Peter Singer

On the 200th anniversary of Karl Marx's birth on May 5, 1818, it isn't far-fetched to suggest that his predictions have been falsified, his theories discredited, and his ideas rendered obsolete. So why should we care about his legacy in the twenty-first century?

In my opinion... We need Marx more than ever. Capitalism in its current form within the UK causes great inequality and an utter demoralisation of the population. Society has become so accustomed and familiar with the disparity and injustice caused by our current capitalist path, that they no longer acknowledge the reality of the situation. Instead, many have become so indoctrinated by media and political propaganda; they believe poverty is the result of idle, incompetent citizens who did it to themselves.

We have created a civilization of people who absorbed government misinformation that the poor were to blame for their failure to embrace globalisation and capitalism. If one follows the unwritten rules of the social order, all will prosper. As long as Mr Jones works hard, earns an income, pays tax on this income - then more tax when he spends and fritters his earnings to accrue merchandise of fancy to boost the economy, invests in insurance in case of death, unemployment or ill health, buys a house, a car….and he is strict in following the guidelines set out… He will become a perfect citizen, prosperous, free and blinkered to the reality which surrounds him.

THE LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF BDSM ACTS

THE LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF BDSM ACTS

Gary McLachlan LLB, LLM
Ph.D Student, Exeter University

Abstract

In this paper I use the political theories of Hannah Arendt, as well as critical legal theory which argues against assumptions based in liberal theory^[1] to re-evaluate sexual offences (BDSM)^[2] and touch on the principles which regulate speech, outside of the dialogue on 'freedom of expression' as a human right.

Firstly I set out a series of legal tests which arise from consideration of the cases and theories, and test them against fact, theory and case law to determine the concepts of ethics, motive, consent and capacity within the criminal justice system, as well as examining the existence of consequences. Consequences are included since that allows the determination of answers that would fit within the framework of restorative justice.^[3]

The argument is driven from an Arendtian perspective, but with the inclusion of elements of dignity discourse in equality law so that the focus of the law includes values of self-worth and self-respect both for the victim and the perpetrator. Since the offences are constructed from the actions of those taking part in BDSM sexual encounters, the victim here is normally also taken as a perpetrator. Since it is an Arendtian perspective I have assumed that no legal solution is possible until a political solution is created; that law and politics exist to serve different ends.

I would like to thank Chris Ashford^[4] and Matthew Burton^[5] for their thoughts and comments on an earlier draft of this work; any errors that remain are entirely my own responsibility.

A list of online resources for transgender people, their family and friends. -update

A list of online resources for transgender people and their family and friends

Culture and community

TransUnite

www.transunite.co.uk

The site is run by volunteers and a not for profit organisation We are the most up to date resource for the UK and online based support groups; users can find a local group and even message them directly from our site using the "Contact Group" button. We don't store any details and the site is secured by SSL.

We're verifying and adding groups on an ongoing basis with our next focus being online groups with Discord Servers, Telegram and Facebook groups becoming increasingly popular to compliment those that meet up in person.

The Angels

angelsforum.co.uk

Forum 'supporting the TG community'.

Club Wotever

woteverworld.com

A London bar space for trans, queer, LGBT people and their friends, with an emphasis on queer/trans performance.

Deep Stealth Productions

deepstealth.com

Founded by Calpernia Addams and Andrea James, Deep Stealth strives for positive media representation of trans people.

Gendered Intelligence

genderedintelligence.co.uk

Creative workshops, arts programmes, conferences and youth group sessions.

Meta

pocketmags.com

'A unique digital magazine which brings you the very best of trans and genderqueer news, advice and entertainment'.

Sparkle

sparkle.org.uk

The 'national transgender celebration' which takes place in Manchester every year.

Trans Media Watch

transmediawatch.org

Aims to combat prejudiced or sensationalist media reporting of trans issues, and offer advice to people or organisations.

Transfabulous

transfabulous.co.uk

Former London-based organisation devoted to transgender performance art, with an interesting archive.

Transfriendly

transfriendly.co.uk

Online forum for the trans community.

Female-to-male (FtM)

FTM International

ftmi.org

A comprehensive website for the female-to-male community, offering information about healthcare, law, events and family support.

FTM Network

ftm.org.uk

A British-based site acting as a friendship/support group for FtM transgender and transsexual people.

FTM Resource Guide

ftmguide.org

For trans men and friends, with tips on hormones, grooming, clothing, surgery and more.

FtM UK

ftmuk.net

UK-based FtM lifestyle forum.

Original Plumbing

originalplumbing.com

US magazine 'dedicated to the sexuality and culture of FtM trans guys'.

TransGuys

transguys.com

'The internet's magazine for transgender men'.

History and politics

The Empire Strikes Back

actlab.utexas.edu

Trans woman Sandy Stone's spirited rebuttal of Janice Raymond's book The Transsexual Empire (1979). This essay is one of the key texts of the 90s trans rights movement.

Genderqueer Revolution

genderqueerrevolution.org

For people beyond gender binaries.

Gender Variance Who's Who

zagria.blogspot.co.uk

'Essays on trans, intersex, cis and other persons and topics from a trans perspective'. Includes plenty of further reading, with a list of international trans resources.

Intersex UK

intersexuk.org

Committed to human rights for intersex people.

Just Plain Sense – The Trans Tapes

blog.plain-sense.co.uk

Interviews by Christine Burns with a variety of trans people.

Press For Change

pfc.org.uk

Political lobbying and educational organisation campaigning for equality and human rights for British trans people through legislation and social change. The original website is archived here.

Sylvia Rivera Law Project

srlp.org

US-based organisation seeking to raise the voices of marginalised trans people.

Trans London

translondon.org.uk

London discussion group.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

gender.org

Observed every 20 November to commemorate victims of transphobic violence.

Women Born Transsexual

womenborntranssexual.com

'For people who recognise transsexualism as an innate condition rather than a gender identity disorder'.

Medical services and healthcare

Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic online support group uk.groups.yahoo.com

A discussion group for those who have used the Gender Identity Clinic at Charing Cross.

Mind OUT

lgbtmind.com

Service for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people with mental health concerns.

National archives – Gender Identity

webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Department of Health documents relating to gender identity.

NHS Choices

nhs.uk

The NHS page on gender dysphoria, covering terminology, symptoms and treatment.

Trans Health

trans-health.com

Magazine covering health and fitness issues.

Transhealth UK

transhealth.co.uk

The London Gender Clinic, the UK's largest private service.

World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH)

wpath.org

Professional organisation devoted to 'the understanding and treatment of gender identity disorders'. Originally named after pioneering physician Harry Benjamin, WPATH produces the ethical guidelines and standards of care for professionals working with patients with gender identity issues.

Support groups and information

The Beaumont Society

beaumontsociety.org.uk

National self-help body run by and for those who cross-dress or are transsexual, and for their partners.

Clare Project

clareproject.org.uk

Brighton-based support group 'open to anyone wishing to explore issues around gender identity'.

Depend

depend.org.uk

Support group for families and friends of transsexual people in the UK.

Gender Identity Research and Education Society (GIRES)

gires.org.uk

Information for trans people, their families and medical professionals.

Gender Trust

gendertrust.wordpress.com

Organisation which supports adults whose lives are affected by gender identity issues, as well as families and employers of transsexual or transgender people.

Mermaids

mermaidsuk.org.uk

Family and individual support for teenagers and children with gender identity issues.

Scottish Transgender Alliance

scottishtrans.org

Support for trans people, equality organisations, policymakers and employers in Scotland.

Susan's Place

susans.org

A comprehensive collection of online transgender resources, allowing people to add links/information themselves.

Trans Resource & Empowerment Centre

transcentre.org.uk

Based in Manchester, with monthly meetings, talks and workshops.

Transgender Zone

transgenderzone.com

Comprehensive website including medical information, a guide to venues and opinion about transgender representation in the media for both MtFs and FtMs.

Transsexual Road Map

tsroadmap.com

An excellent free guide to process of transitioning, and the social issues around it.

Courtesy of Juliet Jacques guardian.co.uk, Thursday 29 November 2012

Mistresses, Madams and Super-Heroes

(Long Article)

La cérémonie

“Mistresses, Madams and Super-Heroes: The Rising Affection for the Dominatrix” 

In a previous publication, with the audience studies on-line research journal Participations, I listed a short range of stereotypes found in popular culture of practitioners in the BDSM ‘scene’ – BDSM referring to Bondage, Domination and Sadomasochism, a range of practices and lifestyles which are part of the playing out of narratives or scenarios of power exchange, both sexual and non-sexual, for the pleasure of all involved. These stereotypes I labelled: the Mature Dominatrix and her typical partner, the Young Male Sub; also the Vamp Dominatrix and the Public Authority Male Sub. The Mature Dominatrix is a sexually rapacious yet motherly figure, often from a working-class background, epitomised – or perhaps established in our imagination by – the great British madam, Cynthia Payne. Typically, this stereotype will be seen with her binary opposite, the naïve, weedy Young Male Sub who is humiliated by her admonishments and punishments. The Vamp Dominatrix is a more enchanting, sensational stereotype, she is younger and more attractive and is more likely to appear to be middle or upper class, or perhaps an exotic Other from France or Japan. She is far more dangerous in her practices than the Mature Dominatrix, and so is easily able to take in hand the Public Authority Male Sub in his more hard-core punishments. He requires, and can afford, relief from his important role in society as judge, politician, senior police officer, and so forth. The Mature Dominatrix typically appears as part of a satirical comic episode or advertisement, and whilst the Vamp Dominatrix also appears in such an episode, the laugh is more on the Male Sub than on the dangerous female herself. It is not too hard to see that part of the popular consumption of these stereotypes, one of the things that allows them to be popular, is the satirising of the normative behaviour of the masculine male by causing him to submit to a dominant female. The submissive female does not conform to our sensibilities: the woman who wishes to submit to a dominant male, despite being in a role-played SM scenario may be regarded as setting back feminism about fifty years.

Today, I would like to move on from these stereotypes to explore representations of the Dominatrix in the context of representations of women, apply some key critical frameworks and highlight some other roles and environments in which she operates, sometimes under a very different guise. Very little is written about the Dominatrix as represented in the media, and what can be found is within relatively recent work that is principally concerned with the increase of ‘tough’ or ‘dominant’ roles for women in the movies from the 1980s onwards, and it is to some of these sources that I would like to turn before I propose a number of things.

No Pain, No Gain?

(Longer Article)

No Pain, No Gain? Therapeutic and Relational Benefits of Subspace in BDSM Contexts

Journal of Positive Sexuality, Vol. 3, November 2017 © 2017 Center for Positive Sexuality

Dulcinea Widener University

Abstract

The experiencing of subspace (i.e., an altered psychological, emotional, and/or physiological state) is somewhat common among individuals who identify as masochists and submissives within the Bondage and Domination/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism (or Sadomasochism) (BDSM; Connolly, 2006) community. Because the BDSM community has been historically vilified due to stereotypes reinforced by negative media exposure and inadequate education (Langdridge, 2006), relatively little is known about the phenomenon of subspace outside of the BDSM community. The occurrence of subspace tends to be a highly sought-after experience in BDSM interactions (known colloquially as “scenes”), therefore it stands to reason that an exploration of the concept could provide clarity regarding the motivations of BDSM practitioners and the benefits they might receive through BDSM interactions. To this end, this article includes a review of social science literature on BDSM interactions with three goals in mind: 1) to discuss the overarching commonalities that exist within the widely varying realm of BDSM interactions and activities; 2) to gain an understanding of the psychological and cognitive shifts (i.e., subspace) that some submissive BDSM practitioners experience during BDSM interactions; and 3) to explore the potential benefits of subspace that may be derived during consensual BDSM interactions. From an analysis of the literature, I conclude that achieving subspace during consensual BDSM interactions might result in a reduction of physical and emotional stress in the submissive partner, as well as heightened intimacy between participants.

Literature on the subject of the alternative sexual practices of bondage, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism (referred to in this text as BDSM; for a broader explanation of these terms see Connolly, 2006) has historically pathologized BDSM practitioners by focusing on nonconsensual interactions that incorporate elements of sexual sadism or masochism as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders [(DSM); American Psychiatric Association (APA), 2013; Richters et al., 2008]. However, over the past two decades, researchers have increasingly considered BDSM desire and expression as an atypical but healthy variation that over 10% of the general population incorporates into their sexual repertoire (Langdridge & Barker, 2007; Masters et al., 1995; Richters et al., 2008), and that 30 to 60% fantasize about (Joyal, 2015; Joyal, Cossette, & Lapierre, 2015). BDSM practitioners are now understood as a cross-section of society with representation across race, age, education attainment, and socioeconomic status, as well as gender- and sexuality-related identifications (, 2013).

While many find it stressful and stigmatizing to identify sexually with a marginalized community (Weinberg, 2006), many BDSM practitioners experience benefits to embracing their sexual orientation or preferences (Williams, 2006). The current shift in clinical attitudes toward BDSM desire and expression may be seen as analogous to the historical classification of homosexuality as a mental illness, and the evolving perspective that same-sex desire represents a healthy form of self-expression (Drescher, 2010; Landridge & Barker, 2007). Recent studies in the realm of BDSM encourage us to shift our thinking about BDSM as a “recreational leisure” activity (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013, p. 2). Research has explored aspects of the practice, such as motivations (Barker, 2007), demographics (Richters et al., 2008), and variations of experience (Weinberg, 2006), though little attention to date has been paid to specific therapeutic benefits of BDSM interactions. Researchers have suggested that BDSM interactions are motivated by a desire to explore and expand sexual experience (Newmahr, 2008), to release feelings of pressure or guilt (Weinberg, 2006), or to achieve the highly sought-after transcendental state of subspace (Rinella, 2013). Though entering subspace is an aspect of BDSM expression that is regarded as desirable by many BDSM practitioners, it has received little attention in the literature (Newmahr, 2008; Rinella, 2013; Williams, 2006). Through an interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA ) of the literature, I will offer a definition of the phenomenon of subspace, and I will explore the varying means of achieving subspace, as well as the associated benefits of this type of altered state of consciousness.

Subspace Defined

BDSM and the Right to Autonomy

Hot for Kink, Bothered by the Law: BDSM and the Right to Autonomy - Canadian Bar Association

"The things that seem beautiful, inspiring, and life-arming to me seem ugly, hateful and ludicrous to most other people. This may be the most painful part of being a sadomasochist: this experience of radical difference, separation at the root of perception. Our culture insists on sexual uniformity and does not acknowledge any neutral differences — only crimes, sins, diseases, and mistakes.”

Written almost thirty years ago, Pat Calia’s diagnosis of society’s sexual chauvinism still applies in Canada to the more hardcore forms of BDSM (Bondage-Discipline-Sado-Masochism, referred to broadly as “kink”), in practice and in pornography. While there are no laws that explicitly target BDSM activities or representation, Canadian courts have concluded that sex deemed too risky or rough can be criminalized under assault-related provisions, and sexual representation that is deemed “violent”, “degrading” or “dehumanizing” can be criminalized under obscenity provisions. In both cases, consent to the activities does not immunize the practice or the porn from criminalization. The ostensible explanation for this interference with our sexual autonomy is harm reduction. And yet our culture tolerates a wide variety of risky and injurious non-sexual activities, from mixed martial arts to elective cosmetic surgery, while circulating a wide variety of brutal imagery and violent stories, from extreme horror films to depictions of genuine torture and killing.

What might account for this hypocrisy?

Full article below: 

Mistress Leyla

Welcome to My blog. I try to promote, write and publish content relevant to BDSM and issues relating to the scene. I wanted this blog to be more than just a place to write kink related stories, but to touch on issues relevant and offer a go-to place for advice, articles and sometimes controversial issues.

A little about myself. I have been a practicing Professional Domme for over 10 years. I am active in many communities and have a wide interest in the essence of BDSM - mind, body and soul. And I firmly believe the qualities in a good Mistress are many and varied. These qualities are attributed to the person. There are many in the scene who do not understand the difference between being dominant and being domineering. A domineering person is overbearing, aggressive, loud and tyrannical. They control through oppression and enforce their will without consequence. This is not who I am.

I am always looking for people who would like to contribute to this blog, so, if you have an article you'd like to post, please do get in touch.

As a slave you are....

Sissy Maxine and the Master

I arrive at the hotel after answering the Craig’s List ad for sissies desiring a Master to teach and train them in the ways of sissiness… 

I knock and hear muffled voices as I enter. 

"Hi, I am Bob and these are my assistants Bunny and Laura. They will lead you into the bathroom to remove your clothing and help me with your first lesson." I enter the bathroom and undress, standing completely naked before Bunny and Laura, who are incredibly sexy, and as they take off their lingerie, I focus on their voluptuous breasts, and then out pops their cocks. As I begin to protest, Bunny grabs my balls and squeezes as Laura covers my mouth with a cloth filled with ether or chloroform. Everything gets hazy and I blackout.

Power and Agency in the Dungeon: Exploring Feminist Understandings of BDSM

Rachel E. Perry

 16 May 2014

Power and Agency in the Dungeon: Exploring Feminist Understandings of BDSM

Introduction

Though BDSM is often regarded as a controversial, taboo practice, it nonetheless has increasingly made its way into mainstream media over the past several decades. Indeed, marketing campaigns have used sadomasochistic-themed advertisements to sell everything from cigarettes to clothing, and E.L. James’s Fifty Shades trilogy has achieved international fame. Because it touches on questions of consent, agency, and power, BDSM has continued to be a site of contention within feminism, and it is for this reason that a more comprehensive exploration of its nuanced nature is appropriate. 

I use BDSM as the shortened acronym for bondage/domination, domination/submission, and sadism/masochism. The latter, S/M (sexual pleasure through giving or receiving physical pain), tends to be the more controversial practice of the above definition, so I often employ this term to emphasize the pain aspect of BDSM. Finally, kink refers more generally to sexual preferences of a non-normative nature. Some practitioners are casual players, while others consider themselves much more serious enthusiasts, investing in large collections of toys, attending conventions, and networking with other players. In all, the BDSM community is incredibly diverse, a feature which must be kept in mind when making generalizations about the sexual subculture.

While not wanting to oversimplify this complex debate, I begin by outlining and evaluating the two principal, conflicting perspectives regarding BDSM, which can be structured very basically as “radical” versus “pro-sex.” A postcolonial theoretical framework elucidates how neither of these views sufficiently acknowledges the multifaceted, often contradictory, nature of BDSM. After assessing the dominant voices within this debate, I shift to a more focused case study of commercial BDSM to examine feminist questions of agency and power, ultimately drawing from Butler’s notion of parody to show that BDSM has the potential to resist the oppressive, gendered ways that power operates by revealing the very constructedness of those normative gender relations.

Framing the Theoretical Debate: “Radical” and “Pro-Sex” Feminists

Often referred to as “radical” feminists, this group has been especially vocal in their questioning of and opposition to commercial sex. Andrea Dworkin, for instance, claims that pornography is systematic harm to all women, asserting that it “crushes a whole class of people through violence and subjugation” by creating “a sexual dynamic in which the putting-down of women, the suppression of women, and ultimately the brutalization of women, is what sex is taken to be.”¹ Taking advantage of their highly taboo nature, she utilizes vivid images of SM/fetish porn in an attempt to prove her point about the dehumanizing violence that is pornography. Indeed, if vanilla pornography is systematically hurtful to women, then BDSM porn, by extension, is even more blatantly damaging. Because it exaggerates power relations and sexualizes the infliction of pain, S/M, in this conceptualization, is dangerous because it creates the impression that all sex is brutal and oppressive toward women.

Similarly, Kathleen Barry denounces the structural violence that she believes is inherent in prostitution. She argues that “[w]hen the human being is reduced to a body, objectified to sexually service another, whether or not there is consent, violation of the human being has taken place.”² Depicting the ways in which women are reduced to their bodies, while men are not, Barry is clearly concerned with the negative effect that prostitution supposedly has on the frequency with which rapes are committed. Expanding on this line of thinking, sex work that specializes in SM/kink is especially exploitative because it reproduces and commercializes oppressive gender relations. Even professional dominatrices, who take the dominant role in BDSM interactions with submissive men³, are nevertheless involved in a troubling practice because it ultimately reinforces violence and gender hierarchies. Though seemingly paradoxical, the argument follows that women who sell sadomasochistic services, even when they play the role of the ‘pro-domme,’⁴ are reinforcing patriarchal domination because the ostensibly submissive men are still in control of the transaction. In this view, then, pornography and prostitution, especially when sadomasochism is involved, are inherently abusive because of the structural, systematic harm they levy against all women.

Humiliation? Degradation? Or embarrassment?

An experienced Dominant once defined the difference in this way:  Embarrassment is something you do to yourself.   Humiliation is something that someone else does to you.   I’m still thinking about that one, but it’s an interesting way to compare the two.

Verbal Humiliation attacks a person’s humanity; that trait that we call pride.   Whether done in a hurtful manner or in a consensual format, it pokes fun at our dignity.   Telling a humiliating story about something a person has done or using words to cause a person embarrassment about something demonstrates that the Dominant has the power to make the submissive tolerate the situation.   The Dominant usually enjoys the display of power and the submissive enjoys the relinquishment of that power.

Physical Humiliation is about the same power exchange, but in a more obvious way.   A Dominant might demonstrate his power over her by making her wear something that she is not comfortable wearing, forcing her to display her body in a way that she is uncomfortable with, or do something that illustrates his ability to control her.   When giving a submissive an order to do something humiliating, be patient.   There is a period of time that is required for this to sink in.   She will likely take a few seconds to believe that you actually said what she thought you said, a few more seconds to convince herself that she must obey this order, and more time to summon up the courage to actually act on it.   

Many Dominants make the mistake of taking this inaction to mean that they have gone too far, and will often retract or soften the order in some way.   This robs the submissive of the opportunity to demonstrate her submission.   Be patient!   In the negotiation process, discuss how much resistance she is likely to have to acceptable humiliation and how to handle that resistance.   Make sure there is a safeword or safe statement that she can make to indicate that this is beyond her ability at the present time.

It is not necessary that anyone else actually witness the humiliation.   Sometimes, simply performing in front of the Dominant is humiliating enough.   Another option is to have the submissive perform a humiliating feat in private, while threatening to repeat it at some future point in public.   Just be careful not to threaten too often without actually following through on the threat.   Your credibility must be maintained.   Her anticipation of this future event will probably be as powerful as the actual event.   Good examples of public humiliation in the vanilla world might be having the submissive wear some clip, clamp, plug or bondage under her clothing while having dinner.   Although completely unseen, the presence of observers will probably cause fantasies of discovery.   A common ploy is to tell a submissive to leave the restaurant table, go to the ladies room and remove her panties.   

DELVING INTO DISCOURSE: DEVELOPING KNOWLEDGE OF BDSM

An article to read & Review

BDSM Is Not an Answer, So Embrace the Uncertainty

"In art, one must throw one’s life away in order to gain it."

Gustav Janosch – Conversations with Kafka (https://www.amazon.com/Conversations-Kafka-Second-Directions-Paperbook/dp/081121950X/)

I think there are many different motivations for seeking out BDSM play or a BDSM relationship dynamic:

• a drive to satisfy kinks or fetishes

• novelty

• escape from societal constraints

• sense of purpose

• a sense of completion from someone with complementary traits and I’m sure there are many other reasons.

I’m personally not self-aware enough to know what drives me to seek out M/s, SM and the variety of kinks I explore. It would be nice to understand it, but it is probably a complex mix of all of the above.

What I am aware enough to do is accept the attraction and harness it for personal growth.

EMBRACING FEAR AND UNCERTAINTY

American Tibetan Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön writes in When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times: (https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438/)

"Fear is a universal experience. Even the smallest insect feels it. We wade in the tidal pools and put our finger near the soft, open bodies of sea anemones and they close up. Everything spontaneously does that. It’s not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. We react against the possibility of loneliness, of death, of not having anything to hold on to. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth."

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare.

At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or the power exchange in a direction they want”.

The distinction might be clear to you, and I do think that each of us can make that distinction in our own encounters, but laying down firm boundaries between the two is difficult, and communicating to our partner where that boundary is is even more difficult.

In a scene, if a bottom were to say “I think that would feel more intense in bent over position than upright” is that feedback? In many people’s dynamic it is. Or is it an attempt to top? In many people’s dynamic it is.

IS THERE A CONSENSUAL AGREEMENT?

Drawing a boundary between feedback and topping from the bottom rests on an assumption that there is a mutual understanding of what communication we, personally, consider good or bad. Effectively, we are saying that topping from the bottom is communication that violates that agreement.

BDSM 101 QUIZ

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: "an attempt by the bottom to steer play or the power exchange in a direction they want".

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

BDSM: Mental Health and the Issue of Consent

Consent is the important red line that exists between BDSM and abuse, and it is important that we see that such a line matters. It’s the basis for negotiating the distance and intimacies we allow when we let others approach our body, and our mind.

YOU OWN YOUR LINES OF CONSENT

There is a misconception that there is only one red line of consent, a kind of universal experience, but in the real world each individual will have their own red lines and ways of negotiating these. Some people see being hugged as a breach of consent, others hug strangers without giving it a second thought.

When you interact with others, you need to see your own red lines as well as your partner’s. You need to monitor both those lines and keep adjusting your actions accordingly, and that monitoring is continuous. What might be off limits at one time is not necessarily off limits at another time, what is no-go with one person might be OK with another, and any mind-altering substance (such as alcohol or drugs) can give a dangerous false sense of where the lines are and need to be carefully accounted for.

MENTAL HEALTH AND CONSENT

The interplay between mental health issues and consent affects who is responsible and how to form better negotiations.

Can BDSM be a form of therapy?

Can BDSM be a form of therapy? Is it therapeutic? What do we actually mean when we use the words “therapy” and “therapeutic”?

Therapy means different things to different people. For individuals dealing with mental illness, therapy can be akin to physiotherapy, except happening in the mind. We need to stretch the mind in a correct and suitable manner so our mind can function normally in daily life.

Therapeutic can also mean different things to different people, but many people use the word to refer to some kind of de-stressing process. Something that can leave us feeling energised, satisfied, relaxed and healing.

BDSM activities often involve power, violence, and behaviours that are outside of everyday normal activities. It provides a space for individual to engage in transgression that can unlock and free up repressed areas. Having access to a space of personal (emotional and physical) freedom can be therapeutic for some people.

Sadomasochistic practices, in particular, have been discussed as a kind of self-help, in the sense that they hold the potential to transform an individual by providing a window into his or her identity. Andrea Beckmann addresses these ‘transformative potentials’ (Beckmann, 2001: 80) of sadomasochistic activities in her study of practitioners of consensual SM in London; she makes the point that, for some individuals, SM provides a space that ‘allows for a more ‘‘authentic’’ (as founded on experience) relation to ‘‘self’’ and others.

(Beckmann, 2009: 91).” – (Lindemann, 2011) from Sage Journal

In BDSM as Therapy, Lindemann’s article in Sage Journal (linked to at the end of this article), the author outline four overlapping types of “therapeutic” experiences that may be discovered in the process of engaging with BDSM activities:

• as healthful alternatives to sexual repression
• as atonement rituals
• as mechanisms for gaining control over prior trauma
• and (in the case of ‘humiliation sessions’) as processes through which clients experience psychological revitalization through shame