Psychological safety in BDSM play, part 1 & part 2

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Psychological safety in BDSM play, part 1 – Introduction

Playing with pain and power is risky. There is no getting around it. It’s why, as a community, we spend time reading, practicing and attending workshops to make sure we can give our partner the experience they want, in the safest way possible.

In kink we play with the mind just as much as we play with the body. And just like the body, there are certain things that we need to be aware of to make our play as safe as possible.

Mental illness and psychological trauma are an invisible epidemic in Western society. A worldwide survey of women recently revealed that one in three women worldwide has been the victim of sexual assault. And if you look at the combined experience of physical and sexual assault in Australia, the number of women who have experienced some kind of trauma is one in two.

Female spree-killing, sex, and celebrity: The case of Joanna Dennehy

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AUTHOR: Author & academic; critical thinker; curmudgeon.

Posted on February 24, 2014

Knowing that my latest book is about murder and gender – or, more specifically, about a particular narrative of modern identity and individuality that has made possible the figure of the Western “recreational murderer” – lots of people have drawn my attention to the recent case of Joanna Dennehy.

Dennehy is a 32-year-old British woman who enlisted her apparently enthralled male lovers, Gary Stretch and Leslie Layton, to be her accomplices in the murders of three men, Lukasz Slaboszewski, Kevin Lee, and John Chapman. (See here.) Dennehy’s documented taste for sadomasochistic sexual practices (see here) has added to the frenzied media interest in the case, and has led to the production of some dubious psychiatric diagnoses, which I plan to write about elsewhere. Dennehy is both statistically unusual and discursively rare in being described as a female recreational killer whose apparent motives for committing her crimes were sexual sadism and thrill-seeking.

Trapped in a man's body with a woman's mind

I belong to a small community of people all born with the same unusual syndrome. It has the unfortunate name of transsexualism and is one of those rare conditions - like hermaphroditism - where the individual is born as a mixture of the sexes. There are thousands of us in the UK, and as soon as our condition is confirmed, we lose many of our civil liberties. We have no substantive employment rights, it is illegal for us to marry and we are not allowed to adopt children.

But of course we are people - lawyers, doctors, academics, nurses, business people, rich and poor, from shop assistants to peers of the realm, whose life-experience, curious to others, is normal to us. We do not believe that we are less worthy of human rights than anyone else: only less powerful.

It is almost impossible to communicate how it feels to be born and to grow up in this way. Knowing nothing else, it is normal for us to find nature and nurture at odds, to know ourselves one thing while being brought up as another. Typically, then, from the age of four or five, the child knows that there is something wrong and, typically, they believe it will change naturally. Of course, it doesn't and by the age of eight or nine their distress is so great that they may simply hope to die.

Transsexual differences caught on brain scan

Medics are keen to find concrete physical evidence to help those children who feel they are trapped in the body of the opposite sex. One key brain region involved is the BSTc, an area of grey matter. But the region is too small to scan in a living person so differences have only been picked up at post-mortem.

Antonio Guillamon's team at the National University of Distance Education in Madrid, Spain, think they have found a better way to spot a transsexual brain. In a study due to be published next month, the team ran MRI scans on the brains of 18 female-to-male transsexual people who'd had no treatment and compared them with those of 24 males and 19 females.

The T - word

by Devon

I am not a transsexual. I am transsexual. See the difference? Although it may seem subtle, there is a vast difference, with complex philosophical and social implications. Understanding this difference is essential to understanding ourselves and how we fit into society.

In the first instance, "transsexual" is used as a noun; in the second, as an adjective. One significant problem with use of the noun form is that it replaces gender completely. Instead of being referred to as men and women, or even transsexual men and women, we are called simply transsexuals -- in effect, invalidating our gender. The following exchange between two male characters in a television program I watched recently illustrates this point:

"Who's that woman over there?"

"That's a transsexual."

Gary, who is really Grace.

Grace only ever emerges when she is alone with me. She is beautiful and charismatic. But Grace has to live her life as Gary. Everyday she has to wake up as Gary, go to work as Gary and has to be Gary around family and friends.  Gary is the name she was assigned as a baby. On all her documents the name is Gary. Gary looks like a man. Lives life as a man. But inside, Gary is really Grace, and Grace is tortured, unhappy and depressed. Gary/Grace is transsexual. 

The joy I see in Grace's eyes when she is wearing what she feels comfortable in, feeling relaxed, happy and empowered.  But I also know that as soon as Grace is put away physically, she will be again, unhappy at having to live a lie - live as Gary. The sparkle in Grace's eyes disappear and sadness returns.

Grace is not alone - not by far. There are thousands of transsexuals in the UK. I feel that there are many many more who are hidden, like Grace. 

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Sarah's Story: 

“My name is Sarah Szabo, and I’m a twenty-two year old transsexual,” goes a sentence that, not five years ago, I never thought I’d ever say. Five years ago, I was a high school graduate on way to being a college freshman. Also, a boy. My name was Josh, I had a beard, and I had a secret. I was lugging around a weight that any closet-familiar queer kid likely knows a thing or two about, that kind of smirking, “if-you-only-knew” knowledge of the self, held close and very personal behind a cloudy facade. I’m a woman and I know it, I’d think to myself. I wonder if I’m ever gonna tell anybody.

What would you say if someone invited you to a Naturist Spa?

What would you say if someone invited you to a spa? I'm sure you would jump at the chance as it would give you the opportunity to relax, switch off and unwind after the stresses of a busy week. I'm sure you would love to enjoy the spa, chat with friends and simply take time away from daily life where you indulged in a little "me time"

What would you say however if you went to a spa and it was a full naturist spa? Would you be curious? Would you jump at the chance, remove your clothes and have a fantastic day or would your inhibitions be too much?

I was very recently told about a Naturist Spa, and I genuinely was curious. How would I react once the underwear came off? Would I become all shy and reserved or would I be happy to flaunt my body and not have a care in the world.