FINANCIAL SLAVES ARE NOT SUGAR DADDIES - OR ARE THEY??

"I WENT TO A CLASS TO LEARN HOW TO FINANCIALLY DOMINATE MEN" By Alison Stevenson Nov 8 2013

Last week, I went to a financial domination class in downtown Los Angeles, hoping to learn valuable lessons on how to empower myself. After years of getting screwed over by the Man, I was ready to screw the Man myself. The class was at a place called the Den of Inequity, which is a BDSM club that also puts together workshops.

The hidden language if Kinksters

The Hidden Language of Kinksters | VICE United Kingdom

BDSM, Personality and Mental Health

By Scott A. Mcgreal, www.psychologytoday.com View Original July 25th, 2013

A recent study on the psychological profile of BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadism-masochism) practitioners has attracted a great deal of media attention, with headlines proclaiming that “S&M practitioners are healthier and less neurotic than those with a tamer sex life.” Although BDSM has often in the past been thought to be associated with psychopathology, the authors of the study argued that practitioners are generally psychologically healthy, if not more so in some respects, compared to the general population. However, it should be noted that most of the apparent psychological benefits of being a practitioner applied to those in the dominant rather than the submissive role. Additionally, the study findings need to be treated with some caution because it is not clear that the comparison group is a good representation of the general population.

It takes a rare woman to be a dominatrix

6 Slightly Tongue in Cheek Rules for the Dating Game

I’m trying to post something on here once a week and Friday seems a good day to do so. But this Friday I’m stuck in business meetings all day so instead I’ll have to throw something together quickly and do it now for you my liebchens.

Men! Yes you over there; stop slouching and pay attention.

Do you have trouble dating the fairer sex? Do they look through you, over you and even past you whenever you try to engage them in conversation? Fear not my friend, help is at hand.

Now I’m no oil painting. I’m going more for the rugged good looks here, if rugged means like a piece of weathered concrete sitting in the weeds having decayed and fallen from a ruined building. I have no secret talents and no, well not the last time I checked anyway, spectacular parts of my anatomy guaranteed to make all women swoon at my feet. But I have lots of fantastically beautiful women as close friends. How? I shall swiftly pull aside the curtain of closely guarded secrets in the attraction game and reveal 6 startling nuggets of information to you.

1. Be confident in who you are. If you’re a grey-faced civil servant from the home counties then be sure in your heart and mind you’re the best darn civil servant there ever was.
2. Don’t boast, be self-deprecating. No one likes a boaster. Instead make fun of yourself a little.
3. Don’t be afraid. You’d be amazed to know the beautiful and sexy lady across the room just wants someone to talk to but all the men think, “She’ll never want to talk to me.” She probably will and what have you got to lose?
4. Have a sense of humour! Women are human too; they love to have a good laugh as much as anyone else. This is especially true if you can combine it with #2 above.
5. Be clean. No, not by telling politically correct anecdotes and jokes. I mean get a bath or a shower, and a shave too (those of us with beards are excused a complete shave as long as you tidy that fuzz to something neat instead of the abandoned bird’s nest you sport now). The ladies don't like a smelly guy and why should they? Would you like a smelly girl? (Don't answer that.)
6. Be yourself. We think we’re good at pretending to be someone else, someone interesting and exciting, but the girls will see right through that in a second. We’re all unique so celebrate that fact.

There’s a lot more I could tell you but I’d risk being thrown out of the cool guys club and we don’t want that to happen. But, if you book a session with the wonderfully sexy and beautiful Mistress Leyla let me know and I’ll reveal more… ;-)

© TawnyTrickster (All posts are original work unless stated otherwise)

Seven Deadly (to Men) Sins

You’d think in Biblical times it was a very male orientated world where us men were the masters of all we surveyed and the poor ladies were but chattels for our use and abuse. How wrong you are. The 7 sins here will amply demonstrate to even the most diehard feminist that life in the good old days was no fun for us men at all.

  

1. Eating cheeseburgers is a sin!

Surely cheeseburgers weren’t around in the days of the Old Testament? But here it is, written in black and white: Exodus 23:19, “The first of the fruits of thy land thou shalt bring into the house of the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.”

So no putting cheese on top of, inside of or even underneath, the meat you sinner.

2. Hot dogs are out too!

Leviticus 11:8, on the subject of pigs, "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."

What? No Walls bangers? The banning of the British sausage (or any other country’s porcine produce) is a sin in itself. I’m a self-confessed sossie lover in case you hadn’t guessed.

 3. An all-time top-ten male fantasy is verboten!

Come on guys, we’ve all seen a mother and her daughter and thought to ourselves, “Mmmmm…. Nice…  The two together… if only…” 

Don’t. It’s a terrible sin as told to us in Leviticus 11:8, “Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.”

4. Leave the slaves alone!

Oh dear, another male fantasy bites the Biblical dust; yes my friends, no hanky-panky with a female slave. Our old friend Leviticus forbids it. 19:20, “If a man sleeps with a female slave who is promised to another man but who has not been ransomed or given her freedom, there must be due punishment. Yet they are not to be put to death, because she had not been freed.”

Darn it, my imaginary sex life feels very deflated right now. Think I’ll go get a haircut  to cheer me up. But wait…

5. Neat beards and pudding-bowl hairstyles are not allowed!

Surely you can’t be serious – and don’t call me Shirley. Tis true I’m afraid. You can guess who made this one up can’t you? Leviticus 19:27, "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."

Ah, hirsuteness in the head department is required then. I’ll be throwing out my clippers and going for the Catweasel look from now on. At least it won’t cover any tattoos.

6. Tattoos now a no-no! And knife play is a sin too!

This is starting to get ridiculous. Where on earth does the Bible ban tattoos? I’ll give you one guess: Leviticus 19:28, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

What’s a guy to do? I shall put my vast intellect to use in reasoning out the answer but in the meantime there is still one male fantasy left isn’t there?

7. Definitely no lesbian action!

We’ve moved on to the New Testament but life doesn’t get any better. Romans 1:27, “And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.” Which means, in modern English, no rumpy-pumpy or any other sexual girl-on-girl shenanigans allowed.

Something for the weekend?

Four films I guarantee will have you performing a lobotomy on yourself

I’ve seen some terrible movies over the years, so bad you’d want to beat your own brains out with an empty carton of Kia-Ora if only it’d make it stop. So as we’ve a bank holiday weekend (for those of us in the good ol’ UK) you might want to curl up with a loved one or two on the sofa and watch something incredible, something moving, something fun. You plan to? Then avoid these films like a plague of pustules…

Eegah (1962)

Notable only for the presence of Richard Kiel – the metal-toothed baddy from James Bond last seen floating off into space with a pig-tailed putzy – who plays a giant cave man without any discernible dialogue or acting direction.

One night after shopping, Roxy Miller is driving to a party through the California desert when she nearly runs her car into Eegah (Richard Kiel). She tells her boyfriend Tom Nelson, and her father Robert Miller about the giant. Her father, a writer of adventure books, decides to go into the desert to look for the creature and possibly take a photograph of it. When his helicopter ride fails to show up at his designated pickup time, Tom and Roxy go looking for him.

Roxy is soon kidnapped by Eegah and taken back to his cave while Tom searches for her. In Eegah's cave, Roxy is reunited with her father, who tells her that he has begun to communicate with the caveman and has developed a theory as to the creature's astounding longevity. When a frisky Eegah expresses what seems to be romantic interest in Roxy, her father, fearful that the creature may kill them both if he is rebuffed, suggests she put up with as much of it as she can bear. Eegah never tries anything too explicit, though, and Roxy even ends up giving him a shave (behold the infamous “shaving foam licking” scene!) before Tom arrives and helps the Millers escape. Crushed, Eegah follows them back to civilization, and a final confrontation ensues.

Directed, produced, starring and filmed partly in the home of Arch Hall Sr., the film was meant to launch his son, Arch Hall Jr., into movie stardom. It failed dismally. But treat it as the epitome of ‘60s home movies and you’ll appreciate it loads.

The Fifth Element (1997)

In 1914, aliens arrive at an ancient Egyptian temple to collect the only weapon capable of defeating a Great Evil, which appears every 5,000 years. The weapon consists of four stones, representing the four classical elements, and a sarcophagus that contains a Fifth Element in the form of a human, which combines the power of the other four elements into a "Divine Light" that can defeat the evil. The aliens promise their contact, a priest, that they will return with the Elements in time to stop the Great Evil, which will occur in three centuries.

350-odd years later, the Great Evil appears in space in the form of a giant ball of black fire and destroys an attacking Earth battleship. The current alien contact, priest Vito Cornelius, informs President Lindberg of the history of the Great Evil and the weapon that can stop it. As the aliens return to Earth, they are ambushed by another alien race hired by the industrialist Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, who was instructed by the Great Evil to acquire the stones.

Somewhere Bruce Willis appears as a futuristic taxi driver who used to be some kind of special forces all-action hero. Allegedly.

Having suffered through the film several times, re-reading the above still sounds new to me. Maybe I was too bemused at the time by the weird character names (Korbern, Leeloo, Ruby Rhod to name a few); I’m guessing the writer had his tongue so far into his cheek it was in danger of poking out of his ear.

How can anyone cast the sexy Milla Jovovich into a sci-fi battle of good versus evil extravaganza and come out with “Panto Dames in Space”?

Jack and Jill (2011)

Why oh why did they subject Al Pacino to this drivel? Throughout the entire film you can see the inner war between his acting ability and a script which I can only assume a 3 year old scribbled all over in green crayon before puking up on every page.

If you can stand that then surely the screechy hysterically tinged voice of “Jill”, played by Adam Sandler deliberately badly as a cross-dresser who gives others of that ilk a bad name, will have you burying your head in the cushions and wailing, “My ears, oh my ears!”

The film opens with homemade videos of fraternal twins Jack and Jill growing up. As the videos progress, it seems that Jack is the more gifted twin, with Jill constantly trying to get his attention by hitting him, hurting girls around him, etc. The story shifts to the present, where an adult Jack is a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife, Erin, and two kids, Sofie and Gary, while Jill never left the working-class neighbourhood they grew up in and continued to live with their mother until she passed away about a year before the events of the film (and can you blame her?).

Jack's agency client, meanwhile, wants him to somehow get actor Al Pacino to appear in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Jack isn't sure how he's supposed to make that happen. Jill tries online dating, but doesn't get much of a response until Jack poses as Jill (oh how funny. Not.) and alters her profile, leading to more than 100 responses. When her date, "Funbucket", meets her, however, he hides in the restaurant bathroom.

Feeling guilty, Jack takes her to a Lakers game where Pacino is supposed to be. Pacino pays little attention to Jack, but, amazingly, develops a crush on Jill. Jack is hoping Jill would leave by New Year's Eve, since the family is going on a cruise. Friends throw him a birthday party and extend it to Jill as well, having never known that he even had a sister (can you blame him for keeping mum?). Pacino invites Jill to his home but she resists his advances and abruptly leaves.

A proposition is made by Pacino that he will do the commercial if Jack gets him a date with Jill. Jack disguises himself as Jill and goes on the date in her place. Jill starts to suspect that the only reason Jack invited her on the cruise is to persuade Pacino to do the Dunkin' Donuts commercial. When she phones Jack he answers as Jill, and then she hears Pacino, confirming her suspicions… I’m sorry, I can’t continue with the synopsis as a non-entertainment induced coma has been induced.

In the Golden Raspberry Awards “Jack and Jill” was nominated for every single category, and twice for Supporting Actor and Supporting Actress, winning all 10 awards.

Sharknado (2013)

What do you get when you mix sharks with a tornado? Some of the worst made for TV movie-making in history.

A freak hurricane hits Los Angeles causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in water spouts and flooding the city with shark-infested seawater. Surfer and bar-owner Fin sets out with his friends, Baz and Nova , to rescue his estranged wife, April, and teenage daughter, Claudia (from what I remember it was obvious Fin had no idea where the fuck they were). While the gang is in Finn's jeep, the Emergency Alert System appears, announcing a tornado warning. He succeeds but in finding them but April's boyfriend is eaten by the sharks. The group meets up with Matt, the adult son of Fin and April (are you with me so far?), who is in flying school. They decide to try to stop the threat of the incoming "sharknadoes" by tossing bombs into them from a helicopter!

As Nova prepares to throw one of the bombs, she falls out of the helicopter and directly into a shark's mouth. Matt is heartbroken. Baz is also lost in the storm. After Matt lands on the ground, a flying shark plummets toward the remaining members of the group. Fin jumps into its mouth with a chainsaw and cuts his way out. He emerges carrying an unconscious but miraculously unharmed Nova. Matt is reunited with Nova and Fin gets back together with April…. Awwww.

Rubber sharks “eating” their way through metal, the same stock footage of real sharks repeated again and again, sharks which in one scene are 5 feet long are 20 in the next… If that’s your idea of a good film then download it now or, even better, wait for the sequel “Sharknado 2: The Second One” (catchy title huh?) set to premiere later this year.

Thanks to Wikipedia for allowing me to steal the movie synopsises (synopsii?) and insert sarcastic comments into them.